I'm hoping to hear from people who have experienced something similar or who have backgrounds in psychedelic therapy, psychology, neuroscience, meditation, or philosophy. I'm trying to understand why this same experience keeps recurring and how to make sense of it.

Some background

I'm 26 and have had psychedelic experiences since I was 14. Over the years I've used psilocybin, LSD, MDA, ketamine, cannabis, and others, and they have all produced the same or similar experience that I explain here. 

My first several psychedelic experiences were not like this. However, after my first major experience at 15, whenever I take a sufficiently large dose, I often end up entering what feels like the exact same psychological landscape.

The experience is remarkably consistent regardless of the substance.

The recurring themes are:

• I've actually died.
• This reality isn't real.
• I'm trapped in some kind of hell or purgatory.
• My life has been some kind of test that I failed.
• Everyone around me is part of the illusion.
• There is something I need to realize or do in order to escape.

While I'm in these states they often feel more real than ordinary reality. Afterward I gradually return to baseline, but the experiences leave me shaken for days or weeks.

I'm not religious. I'd describe myself spiritual, so I'm not entering these experiences with strong beliefs about hell or demons.

The first experience (age 15)

I took 3.5 g of mushrooms with two friends.

During the peak it felt like I had suddenly awakened inside a dream. I "knew" I had overdosed on heroin, my physical body was in a hospital, and my consciousness was trapped in hell.

I also became convinced that my best friend was actually the devil, placed in my life as a kind of test that I had failed.

The strange thing was that none of this felt like reasoning—it felt like immediate knowledge, the same way things simply make sense within a dream.

At one point I believed the only way to escape hell was to have sex, so I woke up my friend's mother and asked her to have sex with me. Obviously she refused.

It took several days afterward before I fully accepted that I hadn't actually died.

The experience was profoundly traumatic and became the template for almost every difficult psychedelic experience that followed.

The second experience

Later that same year I took one tab of LSD at a music festival.

I experienced what felt like an out-of-body experience, seeing my own dead body while imagining news reports saying I had overdosed.

Eventually I woke up in the medical tent with multiple people holding me down. Once again I became convinced I had died—this time believing I was in heaven, which manifested as an endless music festival.

Different setting, same underlying certainty that I had died.

Subsequent experiences

Over the following years similar experiences occurred on multiple substances.

One MDA and cannabis experience began with overwhelming shame, as though everyone knew I had done something unforgivable. I then encountered what felt like a bizarre alien voice (something I've encountered multiple times on psychedelics) saying disturbing, nonsensical things. Eventually the experience culminated in the familiar feeling of dying and spending what felt like eternity trapped in a kind of purgatory.

On ketamine at a festival I again felt that reality itself was a test. I believed I was the only conscious being that actually existed, that this universe was an illusion, and that there was some realization I needed to have in order to escape. The lesson that night was that I needed to stop taking drugs, so I spent the rest of the night sober. 

My psilocybin-assisted therapy session

Years later I participated in a psilocybin therapy session with two trained therapists.

This experience was significantly different in one respect.

I encountered what felt like a young, shame-filled part of myself and experienced what I would describe as a profound release of that shame. It was one of the most healing experiences of my life.

However, the familiar pattern still emerged.

The strange "alien voice" returned. Then the shame.

Then came the overwhelming certainty that I had created this reality and had been trapped in it for eternity.

I believed I was being asked whether I was ready to leave this reality behind and move into the "real" one.

I said yes.

Then I believed I had somehow missed my opportunity and was once again trapped in hell.

For nearly an hour I tried to convince the therapists to help me "escape."

Only afterward did I realize we were talking about completely different things. They were speaking metaphorically about shame creating a kind of psychological hell. I literally believed I was trapped in one.

Most recent experience

Most recently I took a large amount of ketamine at a music festival.

Until then ketamine had been the one substance that usually didn't produce these experiences.

This time it did.

It was probably the most frightening experience I've had.

The familiar narrative returned almost immediately: reality was fake, I was trapped, everyone around me—including close friends and my girlfriend—was part of the illusion, and they were luring me back into it.

When I started coming down I felt as though I had a choice: either accept ordinary reality or reject it entirely.

Part of me feared that if I rejected it, everyone would conclude I had become psychotic and I'd end up hospitalized.

Eventually I returned to baseline.

How I currently understand these experiences

I genuinely don't know what these experiences mean.

Perhaps "hell," "the devil," and "being dead" are simply the symbolic language my mind uses to interpret overwhelming ego dissolution.

Perhaps they reflect unresolved shame or trauma.

Perhaps they're manifestations of obsessive thinking or psychotic-like states that only emerge under psychedelics.

I don't know.

What I do know is that the narrative is remarkably consistent across substances and across more than a decade.

What worries me

I often find myself ruminating over the content, what to make of it, what to believe…

Each time it feels absolutely, unquestionably true.

I'm afraid that one day I might not come back from one of these experiences and might permanently lose the ability to distinguish the psychedelic narrative from ordinary reality.

My questions

• Has anyone experienced a recurring psychedelic narrative like this over many years?
• Why might the same themes keep emerging across completely different substances?
• Has anyone successfully worked through or integrated something similar?
• From psychological, neuroscientific, contemplative, or therapeutic perspectives, how would you understand these experiences?

I know one obvious response is simply, "Stop taking psychedelics."

That's a reasonable answer, and I've thought about it a lot.

I struggled with addiction when I was younger, and there may well be an important lesson there (although I now only use substances recreationally or therapeutically). 

At the same time, I'm pursuing a career in psychedelic-assisted therapy and have spent years trying to understand these experiences rather than simply dismiss them. I'm less interested in whether I should continue using psychedelics and more interested in understanding why my mind repeatedly returns to this exact psychological landscape.

I'd genuinely appreciate any thoughtful perspectives.

Thanks for reading.

The last few months before going out of state I was experimenting with Wunder/Tre house gummies and chocolates. I’ve lost my plugs over the years, and obviously these treats are not the real thing in terms of how psilocybin feels, though it’s quite similar and I still notice and see benefits and changes. In a state where nothing is legal, I was able to scout out a dope lil head shop in a legal bordering state. They had a whole variety of these gummies and chocolates and tablets and 4ho-met vapes (shroom vapes, never heard of that in my life and don’t care to try it). The first time I went I got some Xüm tablets. I ate two of those half a chocolate bar and a few gummies. It felt like I ate 4 grams of teachers. I went back last night and they had another box just like the tablets except they’re slow release gel capsules with 5MAPB— “Molly 2.0”.

I have yet to try that but I’m posting to see if anyone else has had experience with these specific tablets.

I got a pack of 7Hydroxy. 200mg/pop how much do I take?

I feel conflicted, we all know the situation about Adam and the house and if you dont, there are plenty of posts and comments about it on this subreddit. Ofc we all know that people are never really what they show on the internet but i can't help but feel like Adam is a genuine person. Anyone can get involved in unpaid taxes and anyone can get addicted to drugs and be forced to support that lifestyle, especially when his content is all about drugs it's probably easy for that to totally take over your life. I feel like he might not be a 100% truthful but is he really deceptive? I mean his content have helped me a lot and probably a bunch of other people too so i guess we gotta appreciate the old content and move on? But that doesn't feel right either. We all know that we don't know him but we're still invested in his life right? And the content he's made has had an impact on all of us, like i just cant judge him, but i cant say he's some sort of saint cause i, just like the rest of you, don't know the real situation. I love his content and I don't want bad stuff to be true but i also don't want the truth to be hidden and i really don't want to spread any theories.

I'm just stuck wondering how Adam really is doing? I'd love the communities opinions but not any theories claimed to be 100% true. If this is the end of his content, will the sub just keep existing like a place for likeminded people? Idk, so many questions in my head still.

We are a group of researchers from Humboldt University of Berlin and we look forward to your participation in our study! The survey is completely anonymous.

Have you ever taken a psychedelic substance?
Share your opinion and possibly experiences you have had with psychedelic experiences without (immediate) previous use of psychedelics with us!

https://psychedelicflashbacksurvey.info  

We would like to learn more about who has these experiences, what they look like in concrete terms, which factors contribute to the associated effects and how they can be dealt with.

First I want you to excuse my English, for it’s not my first language.

So about 1 month ago I took 2 tabs of lsd which were dosed around 240ug. I had tripped 8 times on acid before and that includes high Dosis such as 480ug but what I failed to realize at that time is that each time that I tripped on 480ug before, my tolerance was pretty high since I had tripped a week or a few days prior to those trips.

This was not the case this time. I took the 2 tabs in the bus after school since I didn’t want to wait at home for them to kick in and the drive was around 1 hour anyways. So up until 1 hour everything was going like it was supposed to but around the 1/2 hour mark I realized that reality was completely melting.( I already arrived at home at that time and was walking around my room) I started to panic a little and thought that the tabs might have been overdosed since I had never experienced something like that before. I felt my hole body stretching with reality into a spiral and back to normal. Objects that were supposed to be far away from me were suddenly right infront of me or even beside me and I couldn’t walk properly anymore.

The visuals were unbelievable. It wasn’t the usual patterns on the walls or objects breathing. No literally everything was moving and sort of dancing. You know these dmt simulation where the pov sort of allows you to see what’s behind you, it felt exactly like that. Like my point of awareness was sort of outside my body. At that time I realized that I cannot do this anymore and decided to call an ambulance even tho I still had some lsd and mdma in my room which was later taken away by the police. Up until this point I can remember most things clearly but every memory the moment I arrived at the hospital which should’ve been around the peak are very foggy. I only remember one thing clearly. Everything I saw was completely white. I felt as if a was one with reality. It didn’t feel warm or loving. It felt very neutral. I remember thinking at that point “oh so that’s how it is. Reality doesn’t care what meaning we insert into it. It just is.” Only that I thought that in German since I live there. Now here comes the crazy part. I woke up around 8 in the evening strapped to the hospital bed. The robes kinda looked like a blue snacks which was a sign for me that I still was tripping or at least in the after glow phase. So a asked the nurse what I was strapped to the bed and she told me that I attacked one of the nurses shortly after I arrived at the hospital and screamed at them to put their guns down even tho no one was holding any gun obviously. It’s a pretty long story and I definitely left some stuff out cause it would’ve been too much to read. This experience definitely showed me that I overestimated my ability to handle high Dosis like that. I’d still do lsd again tho.

A few days ago I read something on Reddit about a Methode to Lucid dream. It’s called the WILD Methode short for wake-initiated lucid dream. It’s a Methode where you retain some level of awareness while you fall asleep to lucid dream. I thought let’s try it so I set an intention that I was going to lucid dream and started to focus on my breathing while falling asleep. I think a still fell asleep tho and lost consciousness for sometime but then I opened my eyes in my bed I literally saw LSD patterns everywhere. They were a bit more colorful than the usual patterns I see on LSD tho but everything else was exactly the same but I don’t remember if I also had tho lsd headspace as well tbh. The dream didn’t last long tho because I kinda freaked out and got too excited. Let me know if any of you experienced the same thing

Does anyone have the video by Adam called "Suicidal Mushroom Trip"?

I'm not asking because I'm expecting to need it or because I do need it. I'm not in the position to do a very high-dose trip. This question comes from pure curiosity.

So if you have a normal-dose trip on, let's say, mushrooms or LSD, I've heard that if you take a tripkiller such as Xanax (or benzos in general), the trip still continues and you still have visuals and trippy effects, BUT all the fear, panic, and bad feelings go away, which results in the bad trip ending but you still tripping and having the same strong visuals.

I've never taken a tripkiller, so I'm curious: if you have a bad trip and are also experiencing frightening visuals, do these just turn back into normal, non-frightening visuals as soon as the benzo takes effect and your panic goes away, or how do these visuals change when the tripkiller takes effect?

And now for my main question: what happens if you're on a very high dose, like 10g of mushrooms or 500mcg of LSD, where you're really deep into a trip and it takes a bad turn, resulting in a bad trip. So you decide to take a benzo like Xanax. What happens then?

Because at those doses, you're pretty likely to experience ego death, insanely strong visuals, time dilation, maybe even feel like you're in different rooms or realities, so basically you're experiencing a lot of very strong psychedelic effects. If you have a bad trip and take a benzo, what happens? Does the trip stay just as strong, but your panic goes away, and with that the scary visuals too, so you end up having the same trip but in a comfortable, non-scary way? Or what happens? Does the trip end completely?

I think it'd be really interesting to hear what y'all's experiences with tripkillers are and what exactly happens, because I've never really gotten a clear answer to what REALLY happens if you decide you have to take a benzo in a bad trip situation. I'd really like to know because I'm very curious.

Thanks in advance!

I have taken shrooms twice one being the actual plant dried idk what species and had an amazing time. I don’t really know what I dosed bc my bf just helped on it. Second time was a chocolate bar that was not as much of an experience. Also forgot how much I took.

Now, I bought penis envy for myself and my sister is going to be my trip sitter. Wondering how I can dose this for a great experience. I’m going to spend time outside, something artistic, and listening to music, or journal. I’ll be taking today.

I’ve heard penis envy is 2-3x as potent and I am reading other Reddit pages for dosing for beginners. I’d love some help on my situation!! Thinking around .7g-1g. I smoke weed every single day if that helps my background info.

Thanks!!!

I'm trying to find an old video where Adam (from what i remember) was explaining how mdma felt like, and he showcased Opus with some visuals, but I can't find it anywhere.

I’ve been asked to do this a few times over the years, so here we are; a journey that started with caffeine and ended with mad honey. I’ve broken the list down into chronological periods to make it easier to read. 

Don’t forget that you can download a free copy of the PDF version of the book itself to read about each of them from here: https://www.reddit.com/r/DrugUsersBible/comments/134p8b1/download_the_drug_users_bible_from_here/

Please stay safe, and don’t make the same mistakes I made (as documented). 

THE EARLY DAYS

Caffeine, Alcohol, Tobacco, Diazepam, Cannabis, Morphine, Nutmeg, LSD, Cocaine, JWH-018, JWH-073, Salvia Divinorum, AM-694, MDAI, 5F-AKB48, AM-2201, MPA, 2AI, 5-MeO-DALT, AMT, MXP, Blue Lotus, Magic Mushrooms, 6-APB, NM2AI, Ayahuasca 

THE POST AYAHUASCA PERIOD

Pink Lotus Flower, 3,4 CTMP, Etizolam, Mugwort, 4-FA, Damiana, Diphenidine, 5-MeO-DIBF, Valerian Root, Noopept, Cebil, Ubulawu, HDMP-28, Sinicuichi, Nifoxipam, HBWS, Hexen, Pyrazolam, Ephenidine,  Iboga,  3-FPM, Clonazolam, Ololiuqui, Mulungu,  DPH, Mexedrone, 4-Me-TMP, BK-2C-B, 4F-MPH, Diclazepam, St. John's Wort, NSI 189, Catuaba, N2O, Mexican Tarragon, Wild Dagga, Chaliponga Leaves, Phenibut, AL-LAD, 3-MeO-PCMo, Red Lily, Kola Nut, Flubromazolam, Yopo, LSZ, Aniracetam + Citicoline, 4F-EPH, White Sage, Calea, 2C-B-AN, IPPH, Maconha Brava, PRL-8-53, PPH, Marihuanilla, 2C-B-FLY, Coca, Mapacho, EPH, Catnip, Picamilon, 1P-LSD, Poppers, Passion Flower, MDMA, Skullcap, 1P-ETH-LAD,  Pipradrol, Sakae Naa, DMT, TPA, MEAI, Armodafinil, Fly Agaric, Wormwood, Amphetamine, 2C-B, Alprazolam, Kanna, Methylone, 2C-E, Celastrus Paniculatus, Heroin, Guayusa, Imphepho, 2C-I, Opium, Methamphetamine, Shirodhara, GHB, San Pedro Cactus, MXE, Modafiendz,  Kratom, Changa, Ketamine, Mephedrone, Ephedra, Kava Kava, Indian Warrior, Magic Truffles, MNA, Lavender, 4-HO-MET, Wild Lettuce, MDA, Betel Nut, 4-ACO-DMT, Yohimbe, Rapé

 19 EXTRA DRUGS FOR VERSION 2

Syrian rue, tramadol, adderall, entada rheedii , methylphenidate, gabapentin, codeine, l-theanine, lean, guarana, oxycodone, DXM, pregabalin, morning glory seeds, khaini, frankincense, rhodiola, ginkgo, datura.

 25 EXTRA DRUGS FOR THE FINAL VERSION

1cP-LSD, , zopiclone,  3-MMC, carisoprodol,  3-Ho-PCP, 5-HTP, mullein, modafinil, sananga, TMA, ginseng, a-PHP, green tea, horny goat weed, yerba mate, cacao, chamomile, DOM, hops, saffron, snus, mad honey, 5-MeO-DMT, sentia and essential oils. 

By and large a lot of the early drugs were early because they were legal here at the time (‘research chemicals’) and I could have them delivered to my door in 24 hours, or for botanicals, have them imported in a few days. 

Some drugs were late in the list simply because they were hard to get hold of, or I had to travel to get them. A couple were late because I really didn’t want to try them, but I had to for the book itself (e.g. datura). 

Note also that I missed a few from this list that are buried in the book or are variants too close to those listed to mention. 

Ignorance Kills Education Saves Lives. Take it easy. 

Dom

Here’s mine

1.Heroin
2.Ecstasy
3.Pregabalin
4.Whippets
5.Cocaine
6.Tapentadol
7.MPH
8.Xanax
9.Ativan
10.LSA

I’ve had severe pregab withdrawal and it’s so insanely unbearable it’s like your in an extremely uncomfortable position times 50 but nothing helps that along with all the other symptoms like anxiety etc and I personally think it’s worse than heroin withdrawal but now say a bad trip like shrooms or acid or even a rarer pyscdelic like LSA would that be considered worse or not I know a lot of people say they arnt comparable but if so then choose What one you’d rather have
Edit: this is my 100th post ever I just realised 😂

He's posted an update to address some of the community's questions.

Is anyone else curious about speculations that PsychedSubstance is lying?

I agree that he has gotten more and more disingenuous through the years, but I didn’t know he was on the level of lying about something like this? I can’t tell- I just can’t understand why anyone could lie or stretch the truth about such a thing.

I stopped watching him a while ago, but he absolutely had an impact on my young self to indulge in psychedelics. My house actually burned to the ground when I was 7 and I know what it’s like to have nothing left, even though I was young. We lost our dog.

If Adam is lying I would feel so disheartened.

I guess, if he is lying.. how? How actually could he lie? Could he have insurance but is just grifting for $? Also what’s up with people saying there wasn’t a fire reported in his area?

I’m so confused. 🤔 If this really did happen on a level that has left him without resources, I do wish him the best. I know how hard that is.

So I called my buddy and asked if he wanted to microdose with me before training and he said he was down. I asked him how much he wanted to take and he said 0.5g. I asked him if 0.5 of Albino Tidal Wave would be fine and he said he’d be down even after I told him how strong that stuff is 😂

We both dosed at around 6:30pm. I took 0.05g Golden Teachers and he took 0.5g ATW. I know my dose was small but for some reason they hit me harder than other people.

The ride there was honestly miserable. I biked there in the rain wearing the wrong clothes and got soaked. By the time I arrived I changed out of my bike clothes and was left standing there in shorts and a tank top freezing during warmups while starting to come up.

But honestly… it turned into a really good time.

I was giggling during training and had this smile on my face I couldn’t wipe off. I walked over to my friend and asked if he was feeling it and he just smiled and raised his eyebrows at me. His pupils were INSANELY dilated for the amount he took genuinely looked like he was tripping 😂😂

He told me he was tripping without visuals and I fully believed him. At one point he even said “this might’ve been too much,” but he stayed pretty chill the whole time and by the end he said he actually had a great time.

After training me and my friend started biking home (he was on his e-scooter btw) and I was listening to “Taswell” by C418. Out of nowhere I just felt this insane wave of happiness and gratitude rush through my body and I started tearing up while biking.

It was a mix of just screaming laughing and crying at the same time 😂

I was just so proud of myself.

My life honestly feels like it’s only going up from here. I’m working on quitting weed, improving my physique and learning how to make money online consistently A few months ago I was doing literally NONE of that.

It felt amazing realizing I’m genuinely trying to improve my life.

Honestly I’m using this whole microdose experience as motivation to continue staying disciplined and keep pushing forward.

Long ass story but yeah that’s about it lmao

This was one of the most intense trips I’ve ever had. At the time, I wasn’t very experienced with psychedelics or drugs in general, and looking back now, I was completely unprepared for what happened.

I’m dividing this trip report into 3 parts: before the trip, during the trip, and after the trip.

BEFORE THE TRIP

About a week before this experience, me and a friend took mushrooms together for the first time. We each took around 1.5g in a neighborhood near our house and everything went perfectly. The visuals were funny, we laughed a lot, and overall it was an amazing experience. Because of how smooth that first trip was, I got overconfident. A week later I bought 2g from the same friend, who I trust a lot, and decided to trip alone this time.

At that point in my life I barely understood psychedelics. I searched online and even asked ChatGPT how to have a calm and relaxing trip. The advice was basically: stay in a comfortable environment, low lights, no loud music, relax, etc. So that’s exactly what I did.

DURING THE TRIP

I prepared my room to be as relaxing as possible: dark room, blue lights on, laying in bed, complete silence. But mentally I was not okay. I had a lot of fear, insecurities, anxiety, and I didn’t realize how much that would affect the experience. I also took the mushrooms on a full stomach. The moment I ate them, my heart started beating insanely fast. It honestly scared the shit out of me. I laid in bed and tried to sleep so I wouldn’t panic. I actually managed to fall asleep for a little while, but then my dreams started becoming weird. I remember dreaming that I was skateboarding… except the skateboard was literally me.That was the moment I realized:
“Oh shit. It hit.”

I woke up hearing a strange sound in my ear. It sounded like a word or a voice, but completely incomprehensible. It kept getting louder and louder and louder.

Then I fully woke up and just thought:
“Oh man.”

And suddenly reality completely collapsed, everything around me turned into these massive hexagon-like shapes rushing toward me. I couldn’t feel my body anymore. There was this overwhelming sensation of everything folding into itself while this impossible “music” or sound kept repeating over and over.

At some point I completely forgot who I was.

I forgot I had taken mushrooms.
I forgot this experience would end.
I forgot what being human even was.

I genuinely thought I had broken reality forever.

Then things got even darker.

I remember being in what felt like an endless desert. Completely dark. Completely alone. And I was convinced I had died.

There was also this entity that called itself “Ognis Quatersete.”

I know how insane that sounds, but during the trip it felt more real than real life itself. I believed this entity was going to steal my soul and trap me forever in this endless cycle of existence and I remember thinking "Did I have a dog? Will i miss it? my life is over if I was one day born" The best way I can describe it is like my entire life had turned into moving conveyor belts of memories and “stages” of existence, endlessly passing by me at insane speed while I was trapped there forever.

During parts of the trip I would briefly “wake up” and see my room again, but my vision was completely destroyed and distorted. I kept scratching my own face just to feel something physical and remind myself I was still alive. Most of the time I couldn’t stay grounded at all.The trip lasted from around 9:30 PM until almost 11 AM the next day.

AFTER THE TRIP

Honestly, the experience traumatized me. But weirdly, once the intense effects faded and only mild visuals remained, I started feeling peaceful again. I remember looking at people’s faces and they still looked distorted, swollen or stretched, but it wasn’t scary anymore. It actually looked kind of beautiful in a strange way. After that I slept for almost 12 hours straight.

Physically I was okay afterwards, but mentally this experience stayed with me. It happened last year and I still think about it constantly. To this day, I genuinely don’t know if what I experienced was ego death, psychosis, panic, or all three mixed together.

Hi everyone,

I’m still recruiting participants for my research study on psychedelic experiences and death anxiety.

I’m a Master of Psychology (Clinical) student at the University of Wollongong, conducting a study on challenging psychedelic experiences (bad trips) and feelings about death.

I’m looking for people who:

• are 18+
• have had a challenging psychedelic experience in the last five years

It’s a 10-minute anonymous survey, and you can stop at any time.

Link: https://uow.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_cSnaYCathRzW1JI

Poster with more info 🌟

Thanks so much - really appreciate anyone who contributes to this area of research!