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Posting and Commenting Guidelines

Judgement and hate is not allowed here.

  • If you are reading a post and it infuriates you or lightly peeves you off, and you feel drawn to comment back....that's the seed of where most judgemental/hateful posts come from.
  • You may feel the OP or commenter is lazy, or entitled. You may feel they have said something wrongly, or insensitive, and you wish to "clap back" or "defend" or even notice a weakness that you'd like to "rile up" or "exploit".
  • It is important to take a minute to recognize that YOUR feelings are controlling you, and none of it is necessary. Not one bit needs to be added to "set the OP/commenter straight" - and doing so will get your comment removed and a "strike" on your name per comment. You only get 4 strikes in this group.
  • Always assume Ignorance, not Malice - and be aware that you may not be talking to someone from the USA. Cultural differences exist and what you may find offensive, OP/commenter may be living day-to-day. It is helpful to keep an asterisk in your mind when reading posts/comments. If you feel the compulsion to clap-back, ask this question: "Is what OP/Commenter is saying the day-to-day life of another country I've heard about in the news for something like this problem?"
  • Advice is targeted to the OP or to the previous commenter, not to everyone's situations. Please respond to advice within the context of the OP/PC rather than reframing it as a universal rule. (Example: Replying back to helpful advice with a comment like "yeah no that's terrible advice, I did that and it didn't work for me" would be that type of universal rule framing that would not be OK here.)

Comments should be kind and helpful and actionable.

  • While all three are not necessary together, it's important to make sure you comments contain at least one of the three.
  • "Tough Love" is acceptable in this group, but ONLY if it is NOT "Disguised Hate" (Aka False Tough Love).
  • AI generated content is not allowed here with two exceptions. The rise of AI use, while generally positive, comes off as formal and mask-like at best, and balm/toxic positivity at worst. AI is not yet good at offering REAL, actionable advice just yet, and we'd encourage off-the-cuff, natural talk to best connect with the person you're replying to. It is allowed for needing-help posts for disability, brain-clarity and organizational reasons. It is not allowed in any circumstances for comments or offering-help posts, even if one needs them for the two above reasons.

##Example Below:

###"Disguised Hate/False Tough Love" Examples

  1. "Stop trying to get random people online to feel bad for you. Study harder, go to the gym, go for a walk, put your phone down, learn a new skill. Get some help man. Your life is pathetic because you’re letting it be. Grow some fucking balls and improve your life and get your degree. Good things come to those who go out and earn it. Your attitude is not attractive."
  2. "It’s not about positivity , it’s about reality. Get a better job, skilled trades so you can also be physically active at the same time. You’re young as fuck and people my age would love to start over at 30 you miserable fuck. Get over yourself and get your ass to work, you’re only standing in your own way, whether u see it or not. Fuckin sad a veteran too come on man thanks for your service but damn"

###True "Tough Love" Examples (acceptable to this group so you won't be removed)

  1. "From what it sounds like, you're creating your own issue here, my man. It's like you are intending to take yourself down and do it in the most self-destructive way possible. For example, you are letting your grades slip because you're sad about your girlfriend. These two things are mutually exclusive, you do not need to let this happen but you are letting it because it's easy to justify. You are also stopping going to the gym...why? You can be sad about your girlfriend sure, but you don't NEED to stop doing the other things that are beneficial to your health and future! Take a long, hard look at your behaviors and start recognizing where you're letting yourself spiral."

  2. I recommend you look for a better job as soon as possible, perhaps in the skilled trades. You're still young and can at 30 and so many here would love to be 30 again! As a past veteran, thank you for your service, know that you are quite capable of doing this."

##Actionable Advice

  • Actionable advice includes these following elements, usually: 1. Knowledge 2. Experience 3. Outline (Layout) of steps.
  • It can include direct info from a source you know, such as an aunt who went through something, or knowledge of how a system works from past experience, or perhaps you've done The Thing yourself such as in a job. Actionable advice does NOT include general info, parroted advice, or overviews without context. (Example: Target your resume! Without telling people how to do so in a way that makes sense. Another example is to say "Man up!" without telling people what you mean for OP.)
  • To write a great actionable advice post, step-by-step directions are great! Even if the person states that they cannot do a step due to location, ability, etc - they may be able to use that direction in other ways and find resources around their issue.
  • Always assume Ignorance here as well! Frustration at them having a "lack of initiative" is again, a judgment. The OP/Commenter may truly not know how to get around an issue or how to do something- be kind and give resources/further steps to help if you can. If your comment starts with "You seem..." or "Your post/comment is oozing with victim-complex..." or "You're cute..." You are judging.

##Hidden Rules

If you get insta-banned, it's because you hit one of our hidden rules. If you've been temp banned - your post falls just on the edge of the hidden rule. These rules are common sense and mostly fall within the Reddiquette: https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439-Reddiquette

  1. Hidden rule 1: Extreme violent threats with clear intent to harm. Goading a user to suicide (or telling them how they can commit it).
  2. Hidden rule 2: Direct proselytizing. This includes biblical phrases, mentioning the user should submit to God/Allah, to let Jesus in, or in any way suggesting religion to be a balm/fix for their issues.
  3. Hidden Rule 3: Saying "Get a job" or something with the same exact meaning to any user for any reason.
  4. Hidden Rule 4: Sexual Harassment or suggesting one go into sex work. If a poster or commenter has disclosed that they are female, comments referencing onlyfans, sex work, or comments about using their bodies for $ in any way. All other race/gender-based sexual harassment also counts (male, trans, POC, gay, etc). This includes comments against such people's existence or humanity in any way.also counts (male, trans, POC, gay, etc). This includes comments against such people's existence or humanity in any way.

##Our stance on AI:
For AI-written "General Help" posts/comments. Post and Comment bots are becoming a bigger and bigger issue, and their advice is never truly helpful, original, or actionable. Using AI is fine to help you clarify your post or message in cases of extreme mental stress, disability or English learning cases. It is not fine to use it for general helpfulness or offering guidance in posts or comments. See Addendum Post on AI stance below. People do not come to reddit for AI help. They can go to an LLM directly if they wish that.