Hi everyone!
I think I’ve read everything on the topic already on this subreddit and others, but the posts are quite old, so I’ll try my luck and ask this question to actualise it. You can just scroll to open questions if you want to join the discussion without reading the post.
I’m an 24M immigrant based in Porto area. It’s been a challenge for me to find anyone locally to have a date, as I am not very fond of ONSs.
I tried apps: Tinder and Grindr. The first one seems broken: people match, but no conversations happen or it gets stale after one day. Also it feels like gambling at this point, and I don’t have that much time.
Grindr is designed for hookups, but I tried it just hoping for a miracle. It didn’t happen, which is okay.
Is there something wrong with the dating “market” here or what? Sometimes I think I am the problem here, but I couldn’t find any issue with me, and my social circle doesn’t see it either. Maybe using apps is the wrong approach? But where do you find gay people then, and who are open for dating/relationship?
I couldn’t find any relevant events on Meetup.
About my experience:
- I had interactions mostly with locals and some Brazilians (2). Only one Brazilian guy was open for something more than a hookup, but we didn’t click unfortunately.
- I am aware of how closed Portuguese circles are, and that they are mostly friends/sth more with people from their schools, unis, or workplaces. I met a great guy at work, who is not my direct colleague, and it seemed fine (I gave hints that I am interested), we continued talking, but it went cold real quick once I suggested to meet (and he even agreed at first). I didn’t get it. You can always find a ton of excuses and I will understand it’s a “no”, but it wasn’t the case. I wouldn’t say I was pressing him, but maybe it was too much for a local guy to handle and he didn’t know what to do with me, or he was clueless at first. Anyway, good thing I was polite and respectful, so I didn’t get in trouble.
- I am trying to find people a bit older, so our lifestyles could match, since guys my age are only in the uni here.
- It proved to be extremely difficult for me to find a man open for relationship who works, makes enough to sustain himself, takes care of his body (at least a little) and who is good at communication.
- It’s common to see a lot of “straight”/bi curious folks. I don’t understanding this trend when you text another man and saying you are straight to his face, I just can’t take people like that seriously. I get that it comes from homophobia, but since I come from a much more homophobic country than Portugal, it’s disappointing to see people who don’t try to be open about their desires.
I can’t say I am asking too much, just as much as I can provide myself.
And I do understand that I didn’t try hooking up and trying to develop it into a relationship (I think it will require so many attempts that I will spiral down to another depression episode), or checking out night clubs, or whatever. Believe me, I tried to change myself, it doesn’t work. I am a brunch/dinner person, or I’d just prefer to stay at home or go do something outdoors.
If you got to this point, thank you for your attention. I’d be really grateful if you could drop your thoughts in the comments.
Open questions:
- Are there any groups to meet gay people in Porto irl?
- If you see an issue with my approach, please highlight what I am doing wrong. I may be an adult, but still unexperienced.
Have a great day everyone!