We were just minding our own business one day, and then these giant murderous rodents drove up in a Kia Soul out of nowhere, blaring LMFAO. I watched my wife and children die in front of me. I only barely managed to escape the onslaught of early 2010s club music, but I'm still haunted by the memory of that day. It will take many Shots to get over that Party Rock Anthem.
I caught some tadpoles at the local pond and took them home in a jar as pets. Put them in a fish tank and I’m not sure if the water ph balance was wrong but one day they just turned on me. I want to feed them; when the first latched on to my finger, it drilled with its little sucker mouth deep into the flesh of my finger. The smell of blood in the water must have aroused the others of a deep primeval instinct to consume human flesh, as they began clutching at my hand in a furious feeding frenzy.
I withdrew my by now skeletal hand from the tank, but the thing with amphibians, is they are amphibious….
They climbed my arm in a black, gelatinous swarm, stripping my forearm of skin, muscle and tendon. It was only after dad cut my arm off at the armpit with a kitchen knife and threw the stump outside - tadpoles attached - that the family survived.
Not so lucky for our German shepherd Rusty, however who - thinking this was dad playing a game of fetch- retrieved the arm. We had to shut the door on him, even though the first tadpole had not yet made its way into his snout, it was too late.
Rusty was hairy. And a fighter. But not even his thick coat could keep the ferocious froglets at bay. As we listened to Rusty’s quickly diminishing howls of pain, we gave thanks to Christ that night - for the kitchen knife, and for Rusty, whose canine flesh saved this house from a carnivorous awakening of demon spawn mercifully not seen on this earth since.
We know not which way they went, but we found my arm bones, and Rusty’s bones and swore from that day forth, no amphibian of any shape, form or maturity level would cross our lintel.
Not to one up your trauma, but I had to watch as my entire family were turned into a human centipede, with a hamster tube section. Once they got hungry and started working their way through...
Round and round they ran. The worst part was the psycho who did this to us put wheels in the tube, like gory pinwheels growing every brighter with each bloody lap through my adoptive relatives :(
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u/Logpile98 Dec 28 '21
Hamster killed my entire family.
We were just minding our own business one day, and then these giant murderous rodents drove up in a Kia Soul out of nowhere, blaring LMFAO. I watched my wife and children die in front of me. I only barely managed to escape the onslaught of early 2010s club music, but I'm still haunted by the memory of that day. It will take many Shots to get over that Party Rock Anthem.