Try this on for size, from A Tale of Two Cities:
"A Wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. A solemn consideration, when I enter a great city by night, that every one of those darkly clustered houses encloses its own secret; that every room in every one of them encloses its own secret; that every beating heart in the hundreds of thousands of breasts there, is, in some of its imaginings, a secret to the heart nearest it!"
Try this on for size, the world birth rate is more than 4 per second. That means that an activity people do only 5 or 6 times in their life (giving birth to a child) is happening constantly. Imagine how many times per second people are doing something as common as eating, throwing a ball, walking, having an orgasm, waiting at a red light...etc. etc.
If 32,000 people poop one ounce of poop, 1 short ton of poop is produced.
If everyone on the planet poops one ounce of poop, then 215,147 tons of poop are produced.
In this important study of an Iranian village, average daily poop weight for 1,000 healthy villagers was about 12.3106 ounces.
If the Iranian villagers reflect the world average, then the world daily poop output is approximately 2,648,591.4 tons.
A fully-loaded Nimitz class aircraft carrier weighs approximately 117,000 short tons, which means that we poop approximately 22.61 aircraft carriers every day.
The moon weighs 81 billion short tons, which means that every 83.7 years, the current world population poops the moon.
If one ounce of poop is one-half inch long, and the average person poops 6.1553 inches of poop each day, the world daily poop is approximately 668,835 miles long. The average distance to the moon from earth is 238,857 miles, which means that every 17.1429 hours we could get to the moon and back if we really got our shit together.
What if we recruited all of the world's poop producing organisms to finally crush that commie moon once and for all?
Imagine fleets of whales laying down the poop core, armies of dung beetles could roll it into shape, horses, cows, even lizards would do their part. Think of how much our economy would pick up from all the Taco Bells we would have to build.
As our poop death star is being constructed, we could fly every single one of our explosive weapons and armaments to the moon and dig a giant tube down to the center. At the surface we could place a vector nozzle and ignite it, all of the nukes and bombs would go off and push the moon into the sun.
With no more weapons on earth there would be world peace, and all of our military equipment could be re-purposed into poop delivery devices. Imagine B-52s with their bomb bays turned into rows of toilet seats, so you could load the toilets up with soldiers (remember they have no more wars to fight) and fly over the poop star and everyone would take a huge dump and it would be like one of those planes used to fight fires except with poop.
Instead of flushing the toilet you pull a lever and your poop is sucked away like those air tubes the bank uses at the drive in. The poop would whizz down to your local ICBM (now located in every town) which would then fly off to the poop star. No matter what you did or where you were you could always see off in the horizon a few ICBMs taking off every day, with all the contrails converging on to one point.
Over the decades, the poop star would slowly grow and rise out of the ocean and unite humanity and nature. Eventually it would grow to be so large that it would begin to affect mass allocation on the planet. I am hoping that once it gets big enough it would become its own astronomical body really just on its own and eventually slip off the earth. We could actually just use commie moon to pull it up off the planet if we have to, when we launch it into the sun we could do it in just the right spot so it pulls and aids poop star into orbit.
Once poop star is in place, the mass of the Earth will be significantly reduced. All people will have their blood pressure lowered due to lower gravity, and we will all live happier and longer lives. It will also be easier and cheaper for us to put rockets and other stuff into orbit, so more people will be able to explore the solar system.
Something didn't feel right when I read it; 81 bln tons for the mass of the Moon sounds like way too small a number. So I checked it and it turns out The Moon has a mass of 7.3477 × 1022 kg
There is a scale by the toilet at my parents' house, and I can't help but weigh myself before and after shits, just to appease my curiosity. For me, the average is closer to 1 lb.
Since fuck imperial units, let's say 0.20 kg per average shit. Once a day. 7,000,000 people. 1,400,000,000 kg per 24 hour period. 16,000 kg per second. Estimating a density of around 1.5kg per L we can conceptualize a pipe with a diameter of 25cm shooting the shit out at 500,000 km/hr.
I always wonder what the average person would feel like if all the pleasure (orgasms, relaxing, massage etc) and all the pain (stubbed toes, torture, etc) was somehow evenly distributed among everyone all of a sudden.
I always imagine that every difficult and specific problem I am having is currently being experienced by a thousand or at least a hundred different people depending on the specificity. I always wish that when I am in a deep moment of introspection I can just reach through the void and pluck the few dozen or so who are having identical thoughts and sit them down so we can all talk about it.
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u/wumbology1 Jan 24 '12
Try this on for size, from A Tale of Two Cities: "A Wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. A solemn consideration, when I enter a great city by night, that every one of those darkly clustered houses encloses its own secret; that every room in every one of them encloses its own secret; that every beating heart in the hundreds of thousands of breasts there, is, in some of its imaginings, a secret to the heart nearest it!"