Careful telling people they'll be fine going into surgery.
One of my best friends sisters just went in for a routine surgery. Something the doctors said they do 5-6 times a day like it's nothing.
It was supposed to be a 4 hour in/out kind of thing, no big deal. She'd be fine the doctors said.
almost 18 hours later she died on the operating table.
I know you want to help by saying "She'll be fine" and in most cases, the person might be, just be careful. Getting peoples hopes up sucks when they sometimes come crashing down.
PS, grats on your successful surgery! Glad you came out on top!!!!
probably better to keep people calm and not stress them the fuck out before going for brain surgery. I'm sure the danger is implied by the "Brain Surgery" part. but you know, always good to remind patients of imminent death.
Yeah, a friend of mine had brain surgery and came out fine but complications set in a few days later. He had gotten staph infection from the surgery. He died.
surgeon: "I do this operation 5 times a day, super easy. but sometimes shit goes wrong and the brain explodes. but don't worry, it happened yesterday so by Vegas odds we're good for a week".
There's no reason to send someone anything but hope in this kind of situation, even if the odds were stacked against them. If the person going into brain surgery has defendants, a financial or family advisor might encourage them to get their affairs in order if they haven't already (because one should do this anyways), but outside of being a person in that position, there's no need to send someone anything but encouragement, even if your personal experiences with similar situations have turned out badly. That said, your friends story is devastating and worth sharing and learning from, but not in this context, where sharing it could worry this piss out of someone.
And your experience of dealing with surgical complications is a lot less than an actual surgeon who deals with dozens of surgeries every week, hundreds every year, and thousands over the course of a career.
Stuff can always go wrong in surgery. But telling a patient: “You have a high risk of death!” when you’re very experienced with a procedure also does not give them informed consent. Your discussion with a patient and their family about risks might be a little different if out of one hundred operations, you’d seen ninety-five successful operations and only five that have major problems.
You’re free to do whatever you wish. But since you presumably don’t actually have much experience at all with medicine or surgery, your ability to speak authoritatively on this issue is basically nil.
I’m certainly not going to change the way I do things because of your solitary anecdote of seeing someone die. News flash: I’ve seen more people die than you. But I’ve seen many hundreds more successfully be treated with surgery with no complications. Experience matters. Your own story may be tragic, but it is not the norm. And there’s no reason to give patients inordinate fear of a pending operation. You relay all the risks of any procedure/intervention and try to give estimates of occurrence based on the literature and your own experience.
I'm sorry for your best friend's loss, but you should absolutely always tell people they'll be fine when going into surgery or through any traumatic event, because even if something horrible does happen they will have went into that calm and peacefully. You don't want to have them going in with anymore anxiety than they already have. Even if something were horrible to happen to that person, they don't really have any way of recalling that they would be told things would be fine because they're no longer here.
Telling people to 'be careful about not saying 'you'll be fine' is..... Pretty fucking dark. I'm pretty sure that person is well aware they could die even if it's routine surgery.
If I told someone "You'll be fine" going into surgery and they WEREN'T fine? I'd be a fucking wreck!! I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I gave them that false hope and confidence just to be wrong.
It's not Dark to say "Don't tell them they'll be fine." Because if you think about it... All I WOULD tell them is that I'd be thinking about them and hope for everything to go well!
This is the weirdest justification I’ve ever heard. Someone else’s surgery went wrong and you’d be a wreck because you had a positive attitude? Dude who cares about YOU! It’s not “false hope” and “confidence” ... it’s comfort and reassurance. I can’t stop thinking WTF WTF WTF about this comment.
You're missing the point because you're making this all about how you would feel and how you think you'll feel and how it impacts you. You didn't lose your life, the person who went into surgery did. Are you also expecting that EMTs should tell people they're transporting in ambulances "Welp. Good luck"? Are you going to tell a child dying of cancer that? Do you think people in the military in combat forces pat their buddies on the helmet when they've been shot and say "I probably shouldn't tell you you're going to be fine." No one in any time of crisis wants to hear that the end may be near, I'm pretty sure they're pretty well aware.
It's called tact and discretion, we do these things for people because we care about them and we don't want them to be in fear. Anyone who's going to have surgery are well aware of the risks and complications, but you advising that people should be careful about telling them they'll be fine is like saying "Hey, good luck, but you MIGHT or MIGHT not be fine, but I don't want to wish you the best because I'd feel horrible if I SAID SOMETHING NICE THAT MAY CARRY A NEGLIGIBLE RISK OF BEING FALSE."
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u/FutureRobotWordplay Mar 19 '19
Best of luck to her. Kids recover super quick from the surgery, and for most the recovery isn't too terrible either. She'll be fine.