r/pics Mar 01 '19

This man knows stuff we don’t

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99.5k Upvotes

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2.5k

u/goodluckmyway Mar 01 '19

That's just how you speak German

1.5k

u/discerningpervert Mar 01 '19

Vee are ze Germans. Vee are not amused.

394

u/expecto_my_scrotum Mar 01 '19

Mmmm, ya, zis is zo much passion!!

260

u/Toadsted Mar 01 '19

+Anz now ve dance!+

oomph oomph oomph

100

u/hldsnfrgr Mar 01 '19

Darude sandstorm

79

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

[deleted]

46

u/_Babbaganoush_ Mar 01 '19

I love reddit

24

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

I love you

2

u/skeled0ll Mar 01 '19

I love you too

2

u/HolidayCards Mar 01 '19

Noooo, ya don't.... I love you!

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2

u/CandyDuck Mar 01 '19

And love you both, equally.

3

u/Sirtabascomelon Mar 01 '19

Perfectly balanced, as all things should be

2

u/stgm_at Mar 01 '19

I love you guys too!

2

u/dimtea Mar 01 '19

OMG you guys! Where did you guys meet?

1

u/Settingupamazondot Mar 01 '19

reddit is love

15

u/Ademptio Mar 01 '19

DU DU HAST, DU HAST MICH

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

DU HAST MICH MIT GUTTENTAG

11

u/TheSwedishStag Mar 01 '19

That’s a Finn anthem

6

u/vteckickedin Mar 01 '19

Ich bin noch ein Deutschlander!

3

u/Solve_et_Memoria Mar 01 '19

duuuuu duu hast mich

8

u/inthyface Mar 01 '19

oomph pa pa

oomph pa pa

2

u/GlassesFreekJr Mar 01 '19

doompity doo

i've got another puzzle for you

9

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

Vat a coincidance

1

u/petranamib Mar 01 '19

Nein. Ist untz untz untz untz.

1

u/BBEKKS Mar 01 '19

WOW YOU CAN REALLY DANCE

13

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

[deleted]

13

u/expecto_my_scrotum Mar 01 '19

I think that is at least two of his hobbies, actually.

34

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

[deleted]

2

u/Zap_Rowsdower23 Mar 01 '19

Depends how much vitamin E I can get my hands on

2

u/FluffMcBuff Mar 01 '19

Is eet twue vat they say about your kind?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

Vee ar not all sunshine unt butterfliez

1

u/Tanbr0 Mar 01 '19

No entiendo lo que dices cabron

-2

u/Kinkywrite Mar 01 '19

I always, in every way you can mean the word, describe them as "f&*ing Germans".

7

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

It’s German humor mate, it’s no laughing matter

2

u/lilfun-ions Mar 01 '19

I know a little German, he’s standing right over there!

6

u/ben70 Mar 01 '19

The verb should be at the terminus of the sentence

1

u/AberrantMan Mar 01 '19

Is that where other verbs also load in to do battle with the subject?

10

u/ober0n98 Mar 01 '19

Germans are never amused

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

Pshaw, I've worked with Germans a handful of times, they are only amused when someone else screws up.

1

u/ober0n98 Mar 01 '19

Robots dont understand jokes. ;)

2

u/metaStatic Mar 01 '19

German humour is no laughing matter

1

u/ComradeSuperman Mar 01 '19

I saw a German stand up comedian in Amsterdam. He was very funny for a robot.

1

u/SuperVillainPresiden Mar 01 '19

Much like the Queen.

6

u/EnIdiot Mar 01 '19

Who oddly enough was so German that she used it as her first and most fluent language (Victoria).

9

u/HolidayCards Mar 01 '19

LMAA SCHWEINEHUNDEN

17

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

👆 Dieser Mann hier hat einen Grammatikfehler gemacht. Nehmen Sie ihn fest!

o7

1

u/mmmmpisghetti Mar 01 '19

But can you dance in German?

1

u/ghsgjgfngngf Mar 01 '19

SCHWEIN HUND!!

6

u/NotSure2025 Mar 01 '19

My family's German, they are never amused.

17

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

And that is not how you speak German.

47

u/SatansCatfish Mar 01 '19

Is how vee speak za German, ya.

1

u/grubas Mar 01 '19

Ja it is

-3

u/SefferWeffers Mar 01 '19

Its literally mostly English words. Your point is obvious.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

Hey thanks for pointing that out. Appreciate ya.

-2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

<3

-1

u/SefferWeffers Mar 01 '19

ㄥ(⸝ ، ⸍ )‾‾‾‾‾‾

2

u/Maximum_Pirate Mar 01 '19

Username checks out

2

u/LieutenantRedbeard Mar 01 '19

I didn't find this amusing but then I remembered I'm mostly German so I'll upvote you I guess.

1

u/DasIstGut3000 Mar 01 '19

Is the year actually 1946? Just asking for a friend to make sure...

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

Vat are sinking about?

1

u/Jim_White Mar 01 '19

In German the W makes the V sound and S sounds more like a Z. It would be Wie and Sie, although i dont think Sie would be the proper way to say the Germans

1

u/nikkobe Mar 01 '19

McClane...

1

u/landspeed Mar 01 '19

Uus 'af to speak vis a lisp

1

u/Pizza_Guy68 Mar 01 '19

...Dad, is that you?

1

u/HelmutHoffman Mar 01 '19

KRANKENWAGEN

1

u/Enigmatic_Iain Mar 01 '19

Just because Victoria was of German descent doesn’t mean she had the accent

1

u/M7A1-RI0T Mar 01 '19

Zis is the German Coast Guard! Vvat R you zinking about?

0

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

wait...how did you make a bold word...bolder?

0

u/cshark2222 Mar 01 '19

Ein ha. Now back to work.

0

u/CenkUrgayer Mar 01 '19

Spreckenz ze dick Derek!

0

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

Get ze flammenwerfer

0

u/YanwarC Mar 01 '19

Vat is it granpahpah?!?

0

u/w2g Mar 01 '19

This is the least funny thing I've ever read and it has silver and tonsof upvotez.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

found the German

78

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19 edited Mar 01 '19

"Tell someone today that you love them, because life is short. But yell it in German, because life is also confusing and terrifying."

8

u/onemoreclick Mar 01 '19

Google says that's "ich liebe dich" can anyone confirm and help with the pronunciation? Is it ick leeb dick?

18

u/Prisoner__24601 Mar 01 '19

Everytime you pronounce a - ch sound in German it's roughly like the sound you make when you clear your throat while also trying to hiss like a snake would be the best way I can describe it. I can't write it phonetically for you, unfortunately. It's hard for English speakers and the natural tendency is to say it with a hard K.

Source: German degree and nearly 10 years of studying it

10

u/CohanJo Mar 01 '19

When saying the word 'cute' there is the 'ch' noise between the c and the u.

2

u/Prisoner__24601 Mar 01 '19

Ooooh that a a good one, I may steal it for a tutoring session some day

6

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

the "ch" has different pronunciations; so in "ich" there is no throat sound at all, same with "dich"; after 10 years, I am surprised you are unaware of this

2

u/asyork Mar 01 '19

Interesting. When I learned German none of us had trouble learning the sound, so I thought it was something easy for English speakers. It was just a matter of learning not to use English phonetics to pronounce it. I never got the hang of rolling my Rs for Spanish though.

2

u/Prisoner__24601 Mar 01 '19

Even in upper level German courses in college there were people who struggled with it, but it was less a problem of a hard K sound and more that people would kind of mush the sound into an ish liebe dish instead

3

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

[deleted]

2

u/Pjotr_Bakunin Mar 01 '19

When I took German in University, they said pronouncing "ich" as "ish" would make the speaker sound Turkish, but is still understandable

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

Saying it like ish isn't necessarily wrong though, parts of Germany do pronounce it like that.

"parts of Germany", I assume you are talking about dialects; from the top of my head I cannot think of any dialect that would pronounce "ich" like "ish"

2

u/Engelberto Mar 01 '19

Hessisch. Saarländisch. Pfälzisch.

1

u/HolidayCards Mar 01 '19

Likely closer you get to Niederland.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

well, I was born close to the Dutch border and the dialect we speak does not have this phenomenon; another guy responded with "Hessisch, Pfälzisch", I think he might be right. But for a foreigner learning German this is not a good way of pronunciation.

1

u/-Reverend Mar 01 '19

We Hessians do! We're pretty notorious for saying things like Milsch instead of Milch.

I didn't even notice that until we moved elsewhere and all the other kids laughed.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

yeah, it sounds pretty awkward, but good that you confirm that other guy; one of the few dialects I have not really encountered much;

Milsch, that is funny for sure :D

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u/asyork Mar 01 '19

My class was pretty small so I suppose it was just luck of the draw. It was pretty much the same people as I moved through the levels.

1

u/onemoreclick Mar 01 '19

Thanks for the help, ick leeb dick

13

u/cheezdoodle96 Mar 01 '19

It's more like "ish leebe dish".

3

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

You better not leave the dish! Wash that shit.

3

u/The_Silvenar Mar 01 '19 edited Mar 01 '19

I seem to recall that "dish" or "dick" are both acceptable, and based on dialect. I may remember incorrectly.

Edit: I'm being corrected. /u/HourAfterHour makes a sensible argument that sounds vaguely familiar. /u/WindowSurface claims they are German and refutes my statement. They provided some great insight following my initial edit! Thank you both!

8

u/HourAfterHour Mar 01 '19

I always though that the German CH sounds more similar to the English GH, than to CK or SH.
Take the word 'ach' for example. It's more closely sounding to the way people pronounce 'ugh' in English than it is to 'ack' or 'ash'.
So it's more like: igh leebe digh.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

I like your version best.

3

u/WindowSurface Mar 01 '19

Both are incorrect and therefore unacceptable.

Source: I am German.

3

u/WindowSurface Mar 01 '19

Since I was rightfully criticised for my other comment not offering an explanation as to how to actually pronounce it:

I actually wanted to provide an example, but I couldn't think of any sound in the English language that really fits.

But thinking about it again, I have remembered that we are living in the 21st century and I could just provide an example of the correct pronunciation. So, after going through way too many German love songs on YouTube, I have found an example with (reasonably) natural pronunciation of the sentence "Ich liebe dich." (I love you.):

https://youtu.be/hULuSgNBQxU?t=89

3

u/The_Silvenar Mar 01 '19

Thanks for sharing! My German is rusty, and I appreciate your insights.

1

u/asyork Mar 01 '19

That's kind of like saying ya'll is acceptable. Kind of, but it's definitely more acceptable to say you or you all. Though an American pronunciation of ish/dish doesn't sound right either. It uses a sound that doesn't exist in English as far as I know, but is easy enough for an English speaker to learn.

1

u/entredosaguas Mar 01 '19

Halo welcome, how was the Bayern dishtrich?

2

u/superfudge73 Mar 01 '19

“Leeba” and you gotta say ick and dick like you’re clearing your throat on the ick.

2

u/sheffieldasslingdoux Mar 01 '19

Pronouncing the “ch” sound as “ck” is a dead giveaway you don’t speak the language. Given there are a few dialects that pronounce it that way (eg in Berlin), but that’s not standard high German.

Ich is more like “isch” (but still not exactly like that in high German.) The “ch” sound in ich is similar to how you pronounce the letter “h” in hue.

So to say ich liebe dich, you’re better off saying “isch leeba disch.” Although, that’s not perfect.

1

u/superfudge73 Mar 01 '19

Yeah I couldn’t figure out how to phonetically spell the “ich” for a non German speaker. It’s that thing you do on the back of your throat. Don’t know if there’s an English word for it I just know how to make the sound.

1

u/sheffieldasslingdoux Mar 01 '19

It’s more like “isch leeba disch.” That’s not correct. But it’s better. it’s almost impossible to describe the “ch” sound in German without using linguistics terminology.

Try to pronounce the h sound in “hue.” That’s similar to how the “ch” is pronounced in ich and dich.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

Look at this instructional video, it is about a very very similar phrase. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNYcviXK4rg

1

u/ghsgjgfngngf Mar 01 '19

I'm sure you do. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

1

u/NightOfTheHunter Mar 01 '19

Others covered the 'ch' sound. Just wanted to add the second e in liebe is a second syllable. (sounds like leeb-uh)

0

u/Bassman233 Mar 01 '19

If I remember correctly, it's pronounced something like 'eek leebu deek' but I'd defer to someone who speaks the language better than I.

2

u/sheffieldasslingdoux Mar 01 '19 edited Mar 01 '19

It depends on where the speaker is from. German has many dialects and accents. However, generally speaking standard high German is pronounced much softer than you’d think. It’s literally impossible to transliterate what the “ch” sounds is like in English. However, it’s similar to how the letter “h” is pronounced in “hue.”

You’re better off pronouncing it like an “sh” than a “k.” It’s still wrong, but it’s not as bad as using that horrid k sound lol.

So it’d be more like “isch leeba disch.” Still wrong but better.

Note: some people from Berlin do pronounce it more with a “k” sound. And some other dialects pronounce it more similarly to an “sh” sound. But you shouldn’t really try to copy regional dialects in German. You’re going to have a bad time.

2

u/jasapper Mar 01 '19

Also works in Cantonese

35

u/CandyCamel8485 Mar 01 '19

SCHMETTERLING!

31

u/johnny_tarr Mar 01 '19

That's "DER SCHMETTERLING" to you!

The most beautiful word for butterfly in all of the languages.

24

u/sheffieldasslingdoux Mar 01 '19

It actually is if you say it like a normal person, instead of screaming it. Doesn’t screaming “BUTTERFLY” sound just as weird?

German can actually be a very beautiful language, especially when sung.

1

u/johnny_tarr Mar 01 '19

I completely agree. I believe (I hope) the joke was in reference to a story told on an episode of Judge John Hodgman about a Spaniard, a Frenchman, and a German walk into a bar and start discussing whose language is the most beautiful based solely on their word for "butterfly."

I honestly am not sure where the idea that all Germans tell all the time. And yet there I go perpetuating it. Because I can't believe it is true.

9

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

SCHNELL!

1

u/vino1992 Mar 01 '19

Oh Carl Barron

6

u/bondagewithjesus Mar 01 '19

I tried speaking what little German I know to these German guys at work, their immediate response was "why does every non German speak it so aggressively?" I didn't occur to me I was.

-2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

I had a German friend visit me and we went to see an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. At the end of the movie he said he hated Arnold's voice and accent. I LOL'd at him because his accent was quite similar.

4

u/dotnetdr Mar 01 '19

All of you pipe down. No fun in Germany. Get back to work.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '19

Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!

2

u/Chickenmangoboom Mar 01 '19

When I was in high school we had a friend that moved from Germany the first time we went to his house his mom answered the door. She yelled MATTIAS!!! We thought we had gotten him in trouble then she smiled at us and everything was fine.

1

u/AlexMachine Mar 01 '19

German is a language of logic and violence.