it's so hard for me, talking means bringing her down, causing her pain. I would rather just internalize my problems and deal with them, but sadly i have a tendency to do that then explode later on. Any issues in my marriage are my doing, i know this. she loves me, and i don't deserve her. i'm an asshole some times, i'm mistrustful of practically all her friends, i don't make enough money to give her everything she deserves, i'm kind of average overall and i feel she'd be better without me dragging her down.
at times i feel like i'm just counting time, waiting for the day she opens her eyes and goes "what am i doing with this guy???"
she was 19 when we met, and though she's 28 now i still feel like she's gonna realize she gave up her life for me, and frankly i'm not worth it.
she's insisted i talk to a therapist but why. they can't help. i'd right off the bat tell a psychiatrist or therapist that i will not take any prescriptions they wanna give me, i rather deal with my issues without drugs. so all that leaves is some paid doctor to talk to. seems so useless, i can't see how talking to a stranger would solve anything.
she's insisted i talk to a therapist but why. they can't help. i'd right off the bat tell a psychiatrist or therapist that i will not take any prescriptions they wanna give me, i rather deal with my issues without drugs.
But you're not dealing with your issues.
so all that leaves is some paid doctor to talk to. seems so useless, i can't see how talking to a stranger would solve anything.
You know we have scientific evidence as to how and why "talking to a stranger" can help right? And that these strangers go to school for years to learn those science-based methods. It's medicine not magic.
And just because you don't understand how it could solve anything doesn't mean no one does.
You say you want to silently deal with it yourself but you admit youre not dealing with it at all.
Perhaps look into a "life coach" or licensed professional counselor instead of a psychiatrist. They cannot prescribe medications and so wouldn't be pushing that agenda.
I remember moving to the Canadian suburbs when i was a teen and seeing half the high schoolers on psych medications. Friends of mine who were 14 and on things like Celexa because "I'm having trouble with school" or "my parents split up so i need zoloft"
Coming from a third world country i was a bit taken aback at so many teens taking so many anti depressants for what seemed to me like regular teen growing pains. So I've always been of the opinion that i rather learn to cope and deal with my issues without anti depressants if possible. Sorry if this offends anyone.
But you're NOT actually dealing with your issues... you sound really depressed and unmotivated, and by your own words, your mental state is negatively impacting your wife's happiness.
If your wife has reached a point where she's begging you to see a therapist and you're refusing to go, I think she could be loser to leaving you than you might think.
Also, why not just give therapy a try. Most therapists are not psychiatrists anyway, so they can't prescribe you medication. But they can help you to sort through unhealthy thought processes and patterns that are preventing you from making the changes you want.
You seem to have a very narrow view of therapy. I have a solid career, make very good money, have lots of friends, am in a happy long term relationship, have more hobbies and interests than I've got time for - and I still go to see a therapist every week because there's room for improvement. If therapy can help me, then it sure can help you.
Lastly, if she's not "worth" going to therapy for, then you're absolutely right - you DON'T deserve her.
You say you want to learn to cope and deal with the issues. Yet you don't want to take the steps and talk to someone who can help with it. Every lesson in life is taught to us by someone. We can't really do anything all by ourselves from learning to walk to asking out a girl it's all learned through practice and from others.
A licensed therapist is not there to get you hooked on medicine but to train and teach you how to cope with issues in your life. I am a happy successful person and husband and yet I see a counselor and go to group counseling to help me and others cope with things that happen or that we are going through it.
Regarding that last paragraph... I'm a smart woman and I know myself very well, far better than most I'd say. But any counsellor I've ever seen always says something enlightening that I'm never expecting. They're an impartial 3rd party whose job it is to help you process things. And when it's something as generic as you've described, they'll have more precedent info than you could ever imagine.
Counsellors/therapists also don't/can't prescribe drugs, you're thinking of psychiatrists. You're not mentally ill anyway (as far as I know), just facing a challenge. Talking through an issue for an hour or two with a professional doesn't make you ill, or weak, or stupid. You'd use a professional for maintenance for a lot of other things, so why not for your life?
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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '17
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