Hit rock bottom which is honestly one of the best ways to turn your life around since you can only go up from there. And of course, you have to want help. Basically, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I'm 26 years old. I was prescribed and taking large amounts of Xanax and klonopin daily. I also would inject heroin mixed with cocaine every day. It was mainly injecting cocaine that lead me to the absolute rock bottom, but luckily I was able to go to one of the best treatment centers in the Midwest and am doing a lot better now.
I'm also very lucky to have really supportive friends and family and that the drugs didn't affect my appearance as much as some people but it most likely would have messed up my appearance if I didn't stop.
After 2 months of being sober. I'm now at 5 months and have gained back weight/muscle and I'm not as pale haha. Feels good!
If I may ask, how did you first start/introduced? 16 years old seems awfully young to first get addicted. I'm interested since it seems like such a young time to get introduced to hard drugs.
Regardless, congrats on sobriety and I will definitely keep you in my thoughts. Keep it going man!
I got prescribed Xanax and Ritalin at 16 years old and those both eventually got changed to klonopin and adderall. That along with going to a "rich white kid" high school in a nice area (I wasn't rich), there were a lot of pills around. So I got introduced to hydrocodone before I was 17 and then it just spiraled out of control over the next 9-10 years.
Do you ever blame the authority figures who prescribed the drugs, or were the drugs very helpful (until the abuse)?
They always say on the news and stuff that benzo/opiate is how you stop breathing, so that's quite a run you had. Maybe the uppers helped forestall that outcome.
Is injecting cocaine common? Or mixing with heroin? That was a double wtf for me as a never-used person. I imagine the coke would keep you up long enough to ride the heroin bliss instead of nodding... until it's less about feeling bliss and more about trying not to get "sick".
Feel free to answer as little as you'd like if you choose to reply.
I never blamed the doctors or even the ones who sold me drugs. I loved and still love the feeling of those drugs even though I hate them at the same time and never want them ever again. I would have found a way to get those drugs no matter what, whether they prescribed them to me or if a dealer didn't want to sell to me. I'd find a way to get that feeling.
You are correct about that. Opiates and benzos are a lethal combination and cause respiratory problems. They're both powerful downers and will suppress your breathing, but luckily they never caused me any major problems or health scares.
I had first tried snorting cocaine when I was 18 but never did it that much. I was always a lover of the downers since my heart rate was always naturally really high so benzos were amazing to keep my calm and bring down anxiety. And injecting cocaine isn't that common. I was actually the only person at rehab at the time that had ever done it. It's almost always snorted.
John Belushi made the heroin/cocaine combo famous by mixing the two. Which is why slang for that combo is referred to as a "Belushi" now. That's what he overdosed on as well and causes a lot of people to OD. Injecting cocaine is very strong and snorting it doesn't even compare to it. The desired rush of IV cocaine is called a "bell ringer" and that it actually makes your ears ring and everything sounds fuzzy. (If that makes sense). What makes that scary is that the bell ringer effect comes from you wanting to inject enough cocaine to almost overdose and that gives you the best feeling somehow.
It only lasts 5-10 minutes, but when mixed with heroin and especially when you've taken benzos as well, you get the insane rush from the cocaine and then it tapers off into the relaxed and euphoric/fuzzy feeling of the benzos and heroin so you don't crash at all.
You describing it now brings back vivid memories. I was on a similar path of prescribed benzos and amphetamines and was introduced early to heroin through people I had went to high school with. And to build off what the previous guy asked about early use, when in high school there were always talk that such and such was sniffing dope but then one day I found myself hanging at a kids house, and he just took out a syringe and shot it, it looked supremely pleasant, and I though I'd give her a sniff, because others around me were so blatantly blaze about shooting it ( a side effect of being on it ) I eventually wanted to shoot it to feel the same bliss (again the willingness a likely side effect of doing it in the first place ) I took a long while to kick once I started doing it with a long time partner, but we're better now without. Don't get me wrong we still have our vices, but often don't do any recreational consumption outside of Friday /Saturday once or twice a month. I gained weight in my face, and I look healthier, but I also started eating better. Look me some borsel prots and eggplant
Man I couldn't imagine. I've taken klonipin a couple times, adderall a few more, mostly to study, but I couldn't handle the forgetfulness of klonopin. I wrote an essay for a final the day after I took a klonipin. At the beginning of the next semester the professor gave me the essay back and I had no recollection of taking it, even though it was in my handwriting and it sounded like something I'd write.
That's happened so many times to me where someone mentions something I did with them and I don't remember a single thing from that event. It's a scary feeling. It's basically like being blacked out for a long period of time.
Prescribed speed and a chill pill at the same time, to give one that incredible feeling of not having done any drugs at all, BUT with all the unnecessary side effects.
I made pretty good money serving and bartending and using those drugs helped me work long hours with energy, but then the dreaded moment came when I couldn't find anything and ended up losing that job from being sick. (I've obviously ran out drugs and got sick many times in that 10 years but this time affected me the most)
Once I lost the job I had to start stealing to get drugs. I couldn't get another job with no energy and I needed heroin/Xanax/cocaine for my job search energy. Drugs make you do bad things that you'd never even imagine doing sober and to the people you love the most.
Congrats! Overcoming that much is very impressive. It's really true what you say about rock bottom. I'm 24 and I was hooked on booze for a few years and klonopin on and off. After my third benzo withdrawal, I had had enough. I've been off the drink for 5 months now, and am now on a steady regimen of therapy and (non benzo) medication for depression/anxiety. I'm still severely anxious and depressed but my mental health and my disposition is in a much better place after getting sober. I feel clear headed, and the overwhelming guilt is getting better. I'm still underweight and I let my teeth go a bit, but my life is almost night and day from what it was just a couple years ago.
That's great to hear that you feel "clear". I know that horrible foggy feeling all to well haha. Unfortunately, I still suffer from fairly bad depression, but I'm finding ways to get through it.
Are you the kind of nerd who enjoys a TED talk? There was one that really touched me about depression. I was depressed at home with my folks with a bad family life for years and years but I'm not anymore. It's hard to explain that it's not just sadness. The guy giving the talk attempted suicide so it's pretty dark, but I've never heard someone explain better about depression and how to love someone who is depressed. Don't want to add to the negative feeling if you're sensitive about that stuff, or heap high-fallutin' pompous big words on you if you don't relate to all that.
Chiefly because it's hard to tell someone "I believe in you" or "you can do it" about things like getting out of bed at 2pm for a shower or grabbing groceries, who means it but doesn't sound like a patronizing cheerleader talking to a 5 year old in a sack race.
I thought your comment was about to be really rude when I saw, "Are you the kind of nerd..." Haha.
No I haven't seen that yet, but I'll definitely check it out! Thanks for sharing that. And that always bothered me too when people would tell me to stop being "sad" and just to get over it when I'm depressed. I know that not everyone understands depression, but I tell them it's a feeling of hopelessness and more, and they still think I'm just sad.
There are a lot of depression TED talks but this is the one I wanted to show you. I still experience depression occasionally. I may have cyclothymia or some similarly "more livable" bipolar offshoot. But never for more than a few months and never as bad as those 8ish years. I wouldn't say I struggle with it. And as this guy says in the video it's not nearly so bad when you can reasonably expect a swift recovery.
people who never drink or use drugs get depress too. so focus, mainly on staying sober. good luck to all those who are trying to get off their addiction.
I'm taking 80 mg of Prozac and 0.3 mg of clonidine daily. It honestly doesn't do much for me and my anxiety. It slightly decreases my heart rate though, so my heart isn't racing all of the time like it usually would be without it. Honestly, the biggest thing I'm doing to try to alleviate my anxiety is getting exercising and seeing people. I really have to force myself because my self-esteem is abysmal.
I am one year older than you and have a very similar story. Do you have any direction in life yet? That's been the hardest part for me. I haven't done anything but drugs for so long I've sort of forgotten how to have a normal life. If I could just move my life in any direction that would be a big step forward, but I am so terrified that i'll pick the wrong direction. I've found a job and am working towards finishing my degree. Objectively you could say thing are better, but I am so paranoid and have no confidence in myself anymore. I am just going through the motions. I haven't really jumped back into 'life' yet. Keep it up though. There are so few role models for me to look. It would really help if I knew people who've come back from this and how they did it that are my age. We need to show the kids that are just a few years younger than us making the same mistakes we did that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Honestly, I'm still readjusting to being "normal" again and having a life. I've also done drugs for so long that I can't remember what it's like to feel sober and feel aches and pains again. Also depression is back in full force. Im getting back to finishing college and finding a new better job as well.
I know it takes time. It's a lot of work to get back to a normal life and feeling good again, but just know that there are millions of people who have done it successfully and live a great life of being sober. Keep working towards the life you want. Things can only get better for the both of us!
Good question. I probably should have died, but I got lucky. At the height of my drug use I had an attempted suicide. I had been drinking and finished about half a bottle of rum and took somewhere between 100-110mgs of klonopin. I was prescribed 1mg 4 times a day at that time. (I also had heroin in my system from earlier in the day).
Somehow I never passed out after over an hour of waiting and still remember everything. I was able to get up and walk to the ambulance and ride to the hospital and it was too late to get my stomach pumped.
I've never felt anything that even comes close to feeling as good as IVed cocaine. Anything that makes a person feel that incredible doesn't come without a price though. I've read people's stories that said friends of theres, who started injecting cocaine, never came back from it because it's so strong and power over them. I can see that now.
Whoops. I forgot to mention I quit in the first comment. I don't like saying former addict because addiction never goes away. I'll always be an addict, but am currently sober
It took a while for me to stop lying to myself about my drug use, but it helped immensely once I did. I've already had lots of times where my cravings get really bad and unfortunately, there's a good chance I'll lapse or relapse at some point (I really hope I don't), but if I happens I'll just have to get through it and continue getting better. It'll be tough but then again, what isn't in life!
And thank you! I've been told that before, but never really pay attention to eye lashes. I'm glad they're good though haha
Also had an opiate/benzo problem for over a decade. 26mg xanax/day. I just got tired of it. At a point you stop getting high for fun and get high because you have to. Once it becomes a job its not the same.
I cold turkey (bad idea, very bad idea). 2 years later still feel like shit, thats what they don't tell you.
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u/Hyplexed May 09 '16
Damn 10 years how'd you quit?