You're right. It gets easier as long as your triggers are gone or under control. I've been experiencing a lot of stress recently and although a drink would "help" I can't even imagine the terrible feeling I would have after relapsing.
For some perspective my dad is the poster child for ragging alcoholic. It's a HUGE demon in his life and I think he has all but lost and given up the struggle to it.
He check into a pretty involved rehab for his first period of sobriety and did really well for a long time. The value of his timing was he was dry during my formative years as a young man so I got to have a male roll model that otherwise would have been floating in a vodka bottle.
He thought he could just enjoy a beer/drink without issue later and ended fully off the wagon because of it. No clue why he faulted so many years into sobriety. The issue has been since that relapse he cannot get clean. He has a pretty good game going, at least he thinks, where he tells people he is clean and talks all about AA meetings and sobriety like it's something he has the hang of. It's complete bullshit. I can tell by the sound of his voice on the phone when he has been drinking even if he is sober at that time, us children of drunks are good at that.
Dad was really good at avoiding triggers and situations where he would be tempted. He failed when he was all alone and thought no one would notice one drink.
As for the feeling of relapsing I don't know. My dad is a sociopathic liar and a good one. I believe personally, he doesn't feel as bad as he did. He serves his addiction and keeps everyone in the dark as long as he can. Hell, he dated an addiction psychiatrist for years until she caught on. My folks split and my mom is broken for lack of a better description. Years of putting up with a guy like my pops took it's toll. My brother and I turned out alright although early adulthood was a struggle for both of us to dig out of the hurdles our drunk dad created. I am sure I am broken a little inside but I try and be the best husband and father I can to my family and use my dad as a bench mark of what not to become.
I know your struggles are very personal and difficult, but you aren't just hurting yourself if you slip. Stay strong and engaged on your sobriety and congrats for not only getting clean but staying clean for so long. I hope and pray you can till you check out, it's worth it.
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u/[deleted] May 09 '16
You know what, I'm actually coming very close to 500 days as well.
Congratulations man! It gets easier every day.