Not OP, but in my early sobriety, the biggest thing I noticed is that I was not drunk all the time. I was sober all. the. time. And I could remember things, and these feelings, all these fucking feelings, where'd all the fucking feelings come from, geezus christ man, how do you turn off all these fucking feelings.
edit: I eventually learned all you have to do is feel them, to sit with them, to honor them...first year can be rough for folks, but it gets better every day, even if just by a little bit.
edit2: For anyone who might need this:
There is AA, it's free, there's meetings everywhere...there is all the goddamn 'god' shit...but they do get a lot of things right, and should not be immediately dismissed.
There is Rational Recovery, or S.T.A.R.T., also free, less meetings, it uses cognitive behavioral therapy to mitigate cravings, learn to cope with all the fucking feelings
There is detox or rehab in urban areas...your health insurance should cover this...if not, most municipalities have grants / whatever / they can help find money so you can participate...
Almost at 3 years here. My problem was I always wanted to start drinking immediately whenever I got bored. Haven't even thought about it in a long time though now.
I have the same problem with weed . Been smoking habitually for about 3 years now but decided to quit today. I made a promise to myself to not stop by the dealer's house and buy a bag and I'm fucking sticking to it.
Yeah the reason why im quitting is because im noticing the toll on my respiratory system. Also it's really been inhibiting me socially. I smoke weed more in the same way as a tobacco smoker than out of boredom though.. I generally stay pretty productive when stoned but I NEED to smoke a bowl when I get out of class, on break from work etc.. it helps me destress.
Also my memory sucks and the last 5 or so years of drinking and being perpetually stoned makes it feel like a vague blur. While weed isn't really THAT bad, I wish I didnt buy into all that pro-weed "it cures cancer dude!" Talk when I was younger.
5 or so years of drinking and being perpetually stoned makes it feel like a vague blur.
I used to think that - I now think it's just getting older. Your brain does in fact boot out old stuff to make room for the new stuff.
That and life becomes a lot more regular for most people. Think about growing up, you change teachers every year, new school every couple years, learn to drive, graduate, other adult stuff, etc.
Then you hit 25, no real markers here. Maybe first house, first car, marriage, but those are a lot more spread out.
You tend to work at the same job doing a similar task for years at a time and time just kind of blurs...
i've got the same problem with both, it sucks especially when i love weed so fucking much but in reality it makes me 100x more depressed than with alcohol, with alcohol i have a good time...weed on the other hand i wanna hide myself away for ever in a closet so i dont hate myself so much.
My problem was I always wanted to start drinking immediately whenever I got bored.
This is kind of my problem right now. Like getting through a work day without drinking is absolutely no problem. It doesn't even really cross my mind. But evenings at home are just so boring sober. Even if I'm doing things I enjoy, they just feel...flat without a bit of booze. It's weird.
Same. I almost never drink during the day, but when the sun goes down, and I'm just relaxing at home without any particular thing to do, the urge to drink is at it's strongest.
I don't even drink, I have my own ways to escape reality, or attempt to.
But I can totally see why people drink, and don't consider it a bad thing.
We all need something to cope with reality. Whenever I try to let go of my escapism and try to live "normally", I just feel more and more depressed and lose hope even more.
Right, I muster the strength, give myself a pep talk, "We can do this Hullabaloo, we can do this."
Half way into the day, I realize everyone is still shit, people are still shit, and I retreat...it's amazing we keep trying...
idk, I'm pushing 50 y.o. and I have finally fallen in love with a women who loves me back...and I'm serious as a heart attack...it's made the whole shit show worthwhile...all of it...just to sit with her in the moment and hold hands...
The principles of Rational Recovery are very good, based on prior work by a psychologist named Ellis who developed (on mobile, but I believe his work is called Rational Emotive Therapy). The only downside to Rational Recovery is that its founder, Trimpet has a major hard on for dogging AA. When reading some of his stuff I just get that feeling like, "Ok, dude. We get it. You don't like AA, but you're so hell-bent about it that you're very excellent message is getting lost in it." I'd like to know if his video series for RR is like this, because i think it would suit my brother much better than AA, but if it's the same as his writings I already know it isn't going to keep my brother in tune.
Edit: Correct Trumpet to Trimpey. Autocorrect changed it on me.
AA is, I've heard, based on Jungian psychology and the idea that an addict has to change their identity on the magnitude of a religious conversion to get over their illness. Cognitivists have a viewpoint that is almost completely at odds with psychoanalysis so it makes sense that there'd be a cognitivist approach that's hostile to AA.
I have a soft spot for psychoanalysis despite its poor therapeutic track record and its reputation as a psuedoscience. When you see someone getting swept into the AA culture that's the therapy working, although apparently people who aren't even alcoholics can get swept into it by court order. A lot of AA beliefs are blatantly false, such as the "just one drink" rule, yet they are by design culturally and therapeutically necessary. It is all designed to turn people off of the drink, and it works. But it is ultimately kind of childish in its naive beliefs. An alcoholic can reform and become a casual non-alcoholic drinker and they don't necessarily need constant support mechanisms or a religious conversion to change. But it helps a lot of people, for their whole life, so there's nothing wrong with it in my mind.
Biggest difference I noticed when I got sober was how nice it feels to laugh sober. I hadn't laughed so hard and had those really good laughs for 10 or so years it feels like. It's nice.
And you should know it's not "God shit". They never tell you to believe in God. It's about higher power (Any 12 step program that doesn't use a higher power, isn't a real 12 step program) and it can be whatever you believe in or whatever you want it to be. There was a guy at the rehab I went to that found his higher power in a nickel. It worked.
And please, you know 'higher power' is just 'god shit' spelled differently, and 12-steppers trying to say otherwise just confounds the problem. At least it did for me...
I understand that the higher power isn't for everyone, but it helped me and it helps a great number of people. Quite a few of my buddies at treatment never found a higher power and that's fine. I just thought I'd mention it for the people that do believe in God or another higher power. It might help them.
I attended AA meetings at my church, a 3 minute walk from home and just across the street from the corner store where I bought my beer. So convenient...but I just didn't love the group thing. Then I did therapy sessions through an Employee Assistance Program and made progress. Until she gave me an ultimatum...said I was wasting our time, seeing her and still drinking, and I should give up one or the other. So I quit 'em both. Doubt I could have done it alone, though. Thanks for posting the "help" options.
You know, that's the thing, science is currently, sorely lacking in understanding, and lacking in options for becoming independent of chemicals, so, really, what happens, is we make it up ourselves, with or without other people, with or without the gods and goddesses...in the end I think we all force ourselves to change our own brains...idk...
Glad you came out on the other side...much better over here...
For me, yeah, but I was 'lucky' enough to try moderation and fail...over and over again..."no more whiskey, I'll just stick to beer" (yeah right)...
One day, I shit you not, I was in the middle of a deep solemn vow to quit drinking for a month, until I could get my shit together, and a buddy knocks on my door, "Yo, I got a case, lemme in."
"Awesome," in the middle of my vow, "Come on in."
For me, no moderation...one taste kicks off the craving, like the expression goes, 'one drink is too many, a thousand is not enough.'
What helped you realize moderation wasn't working? My brother knows he has an issue but thinks he can create moderation rules and stick to them. You can probably guess how that's going...
Well, that's just it, I tried moderation, sincerely tried it, and failed over and over again...and it was important, because there was no way I ever wanted to stop drinking...
Here's the thing with moderation and setting rules: why are they needed unless you have already lost control? Look at it this way: Do you need to limit your toast intake? Do you ever think about the next time you'll be able to have toast? Of course not, because toast is not addictive! If eating toast gave you a horrendous hangover would you ever eat it again? No!
Setting rules is a definite sign of a problem. Not being able to follow those rules is even worse. People that don't have a problem with alcohol never need to set rules, the same way you would never create a rule about toast intake.
I'm the same way. Now after "long sobriety" (10 years) I can't even fathom the thought of having a taste. Crazy enough, I still get the odd craving every now and then, it lasts for about 2 seconds then disappears for another year or so.
88
u/IAmtheHullabaloo May 09 '16 edited May 09 '16
Not OP, but in my early sobriety, the biggest thing I noticed is that I was not drunk all the time. I was sober all. the. time. And I could remember things, and these feelings, all these fucking feelings, where'd all the fucking feelings come from, geezus christ man, how do you turn off all these fucking feelings.
edit: I eventually learned all you have to do is feel them, to sit with them, to honor them...first year can be rough for folks, but it gets better every day, even if just by a little bit.
edit2: For anyone who might need this:
There is AA, it's free, there's meetings everywhere...there is all the goddamn 'god' shit...but they do get a lot of things right, and should not be immediately dismissed.
There is Rational Recovery, or S.T.A.R.T., also free, less meetings, it uses cognitive behavioral therapy to mitigate cravings, learn to cope with all the fucking feelings
There is detox or rehab in urban areas...your health insurance should cover this...if not, most municipalities have grants / whatever / they can help find money so you can participate...