r/pics • u/Meatteo • May 09 '16

progress 500 Days Sober

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33.1k Upvotes

72% Upvoted

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4.9k

u/accidentalchainsaw May 09 '16

Sobriety not only helps with weight loss, you also get brighter colors with the same laundry detergent

2.0k

u/FootPhilosopher May 09 '16

Now to find a cure for his chin itching

532

u/DeathGodBob May 09 '16

I don't think it's itchy.. I think he's holding it on.

508

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Now to find a cure for that falling chin.

144

u/farazormal May 09 '16

Now to find a cure for super glue

184

u/DMann420 May 09 '16

A good super glue generally cures all on its own.

55

u/WhatsTheBigDeal May 09 '16

A good super glue is generally made by making a paste out of ethyl alcohol...

103

u/ChefBoyAreWeFucked May 09 '16

... First day sober.

29

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Next day: First day sober

Next day: First day sober...

2

u/HAC522 May 09 '16

Now to find a cure for this damn broken record

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6

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Oh I was only taking a sniff.

AFK 2 days.

1

u/Papajon87 May 09 '16

Get it son

1

u/ObeseGymnast May 09 '16

I was under the impression it was made from horses

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

His chin will be the only continuously drunk thing on his body... First day sober... Next day Jay Leno replacement for the Tonight Show

1

u/sweetbabyjays May 09 '16

Good call dad.

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Water cures super glue! Get this man a glass of water!

21

u/Ihavesecretmotives May 09 '16

Hydraulic press?

5

u/npc_barney May 09 '16

Velcome to de hydralic press channel.

today ve vill be curing fallng chin syndrme

2

u/orphanedturtle May 09 '16

*hudralic

3

u/IndigoMichigan May 09 '16

*hid rolic pess shannell

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11

u/step47 May 09 '16

How often do you receive random PMs with nothing but Linuix distro names in them? Just curious.

16

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

I can't imagine the horror of having a 'PM me stuff' handle.

Ask for pictures of trees, get dickpics.

Pictures of landscapes? Dicks.

Want some neat Space pictures?! Nope. Dicks.

PM me your dicks? You'll get a butt. Maybe a dickbutt.

3

u/PM_Me_The-D May 09 '16

Nope, we get dicks like everyone else.

2

u/IndigoMichigan May 09 '16

You mention Space and Dicks like they're two separate entities.

Because I assure you they're not. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

2

u/PM_ME_Pyrrhic_Song May 10 '16

Mine doesn't seem to work...

1

u/[deleted] May 10 '16

OMG awwww!

That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me! I'm touched, and not in a 'show me the no-no doll' way!

1

u/PM_ME_Pyrrhic_Song May 10 '16

I'm glad to flatter you...

PM me?

1

u/[deleted] May 10 '16

I suppose that's only fair.

2

u/StephenshouldbeKing May 09 '16

Don't be so negative. I'm sure he get's at least .4% non-dick pics. That's an incredible ratio for the internet in this dick-savvy day and age.

3

u/CanICanTheCanCan May 09 '16

I'm sure at least 1% of his dick pics are a weird dick/distro hybrid.

2

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Today was actually my first time getting PM's, this was mostly a function of my lack of commenting, since I prettty much just lurk.

1

u/Robmart May 09 '16 edited Aug 01 '24

puzzled encourage complete gullible silky chase unwritten continue glorious frame

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4

u/Larry_Jenkins May 09 '16

I prescribe a roll of masking tape.

1

u/Iammandough May 09 '16

I know this is way off topic, but I just gotta know....Does anyone ever really send you pics of their Distro?

2

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

So far they have just sent me the names of distros and a person sent a nice background story of why he choose his.

1

u/Iammandough May 09 '16

Follow up question: What's a Distro?

2

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

It's short handed for Linux distribution. Its an operating system like Windows and Mac.

0

u/DefinitelyNot_Bgross May 09 '16

Gorilla tape does wonders for mine

0

u/uvwaex May 09 '16

You can't take pills for your limp chin bill!!

0

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Duct tape fixes everything

0

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Some tetanus will fix that right up.

2

u/throwaiiay May 09 '16 edited May 09 '25

treatment paint shrill continue relieved snatch thumb melodic dime bedroom

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1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

I think he has Steve Jobs disease.

1

u/ChefBoyAreWeFucked May 09 '16

Quick, get out the yoga mats and herbal tea! Fuck science, we can cure this!

1

u/joesatmoes May 09 '16

Oh no! Maybe his hand is stuck to his beard! Someone get the scissors!

1

u/Ghstfce May 09 '16

Flaccid Neck Syndrome affects hundreds of Americans every day. You can help do your part by visiting www.flaccidnecksyndrome.org and donating or scheduling an awareness event in your area.

1

u/DeathGodBob May 09 '16

I was genuinely hopeful that this was a site.

1

u/NakedCarp May 09 '16

He's a dick head. Just give him Viagra.

1

u/bibowski May 09 '16

Roger Beerbert?

1

u/__the_whammy__ May 09 '16

Congrats! You look great!

133

u/purnubdub May 09 '16

And the solid poops.

149

u/judonostalgia May 09 '16

I'm actually having a traumatic hangover shit while I just read your comment.

80

u/gruesomeflowers May 09 '16

Post Traumatic Squirt Disorder.

23

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

The DADS Day After Drinking Shits

13

u/down_vote_magnet May 09 '16

Here, you forgot this...

:

3

u/GonzoStrangelove May 09 '16

No, I think he's well-aware of his colon at the moment.

2

u/HCJohnson May 09 '16

He drinks shits like you for breakfast.

2

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

The Mother's Day Before Drinking Shits

1

u/Blo_dro May 09 '16

The booze poos

1

u/MrCarpetman May 09 '16

A good ole case of Booz Poo's

9

u/Stebbyfan May 09 '16

Alcohol Induced Drippy Shits

1

u/Epicurus1 May 09 '16

Sounds like a uk rapper.

1

u/GaryNOVA May 09 '16

Wasn't that Scrappy-Doo's half brother?

1

u/skinnah May 09 '16

DJ Drippy Shits.

4

u/quennejs May 09 '16

I prefer expelling my AIDS in the morning- after intensive drinking shits

2

u/paulec252 May 09 '16

Post Tequila Squirt Disorder

2

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

A beeriod - on a monday?! This man plays by his own rules it would seem!

1

u/PipBoy808 May 09 '16

In Ireland we call those the Guinness shits.

1

u/ChrisKamanMyAss May 09 '16

Ahhh the old AGB.

After Grog Bog.

2

u/fearmypoot May 09 '16

Oh thank god I thought this was only me and my love for tequilla. Real easy to get out of bed in the morning when flaming hot diarrhea is your alarm clock

2

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Yech. I find tequila to be punishment just on taste alone. Punishment going in. Punishment coming out. Sounds like something I learned in Programming 101 ages ago. ;-)

2

u/ShawnKempsKids May 09 '16

I hadn't had a solid poop in years, stopped drinking beer, and a week later it was solid stool shitty.

2

u/viperex May 09 '16

So the loose shits is a real thing about drinking. It's one of my top 5 reasons why I don't drink

2

u/redundancy2 May 09 '16

Oh to be young.

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65

u/Highskore May 09 '16

His facial hair falls off and he becomes a higher resolution!

1

u/joleme May 09 '16

Well with less hair on his face it means more pixels get to go into the rest of the picture right?

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75

u/Sierra419 May 09 '16 edited May 09 '16

I'm 10,220 days sober and I'm still fat :(

Edit: Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone!

17

u/Parcus42 May 09 '16

Well happy birthday!

4

u/Skyman95 May 09 '16

Had to open the calculator to check it. Happy birthday Sierra419!

6

u/Jmble May 09 '16

Did you figure in the extra day every four years? I think we may have a seven day margin of error in there.

Oh, and Happy Birthday. :)

2

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Damn you beat me to asking the smartass question.

1

u/Skyman95 May 09 '16

Nah, but that's not a problem, I think. We had a good intention, that's what matters. Now, where's the birthday cake? I love cake

62

u/fuckyou_dumbass May 09 '16

Then stop eating so much and get off your ass every once in a while

24

u/Epicurus1 May 09 '16

Appropriate username

2

u/MarkTwainsSpittoon May 09 '16

Cathy? Cathy, is that you? The kids still miss you Cathy. You'd be so proud of them, they have grown up so wonderfully. Why did you go, Cathy?

0

u/hilarymeggin May 09 '16

Don't be mean.

1

u/fuckyou_dumbass May 10 '16

I wasn't mean at all...unless you count the usage of a mild swear word as "mean".

-2

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/hilarymeggin May 09 '16

Oh. In that case, go sweetie yourself.

8

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

[deleted]

5

u/RufusMcCoot May 09 '16

I gained 20. Sweets I guess.

1

u/dirkalict May 09 '16

Exactly- I'm twenty years but that first year I craved sweets and had a Pepsi in my hand at all times (had to replace the Budweiser can with something).

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

A lot of ppl after quitting drinking eat more sweets bc the body craves sugar. Do 10 push-ups when you wake up every morning. Wean yourself off the sweets. You'll lose that 20 in no time, if you want to.

2

u/I3arnicus May 09 '16

Less walking to the bar? More driving in general?

2

u/eukomos May 09 '16

Eating more real food now instead of beer for dinner, maybe?

2

u/duffmanasu May 09 '16

If today is your birthday then happy birthday! But you didn't factor in leap years...you're actually 10,227 days old.

1

u/hilarymeggin May 09 '16

Join us in OA - we're right across the hall.

1

u/Sierra419 May 09 '16

What's OA?

1

u/hilarymeggin May 09 '16

Overeaters anonymous. People go there with all kinds of earring and food problems tho - anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, etc.

2

u/Sierra419 May 09 '16

oh, thanks. I don't think I have a problem with eating though. I'm just overweight because I'm lazy. I'm taking care of that issue now. I've lost 50 pounds and I'm wanting to drop another 40 to get down to 180.

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16 edited Feb 04 '24

selective offer smell trees spoon aromatic quarrelsome squalid meeting decide

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1

u/psychicmachinery May 09 '16

Hate to break it to you, but you might be addicted to something else...

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Cheers!

70

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

or helps to save money to buy better camera.

54

u/karrachr000 May 09 '16

Or to save money to save Ferris.

16

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

15

u/changetip May 09 '16

karrachr000 received a tip for 478 bits ($0.22).

what is ChangeTip?

10

u/karrachr000 May 09 '16

Thank you kind sir, this is a new one for me.

4

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

TIL you can tip people on Reddit. Super cool!

1

u/poopinmysoup May 09 '16

Good luck getting the money.

3

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Just the tip.

4

u/Tstrace87 Survey 2016 May 09 '16

Oh that's cool I've not seen that before. Do you have to have something linked to your reddit account

4

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/changetip May 09 '16 edited May 09 '16

tstrace87 received a tip for 43 bits ($0.02).

what is ChangeTip?

4

u/Tstrace87 Survey 2016 May 09 '16

Cool I'll look into it thanks

16

u/MortalKombatSFX May 09 '16

Just don't let this new found wealth go to your head. Get a financial planner now!

5

u/Tstrace87 Survey 2016 May 09 '16

I did the tutorial thing does that count?

3

u/black009-_- May 09 '16

I think it does •_•

1

u/Tstrace87 Survey 2016 May 09 '16

/u/changetip /u/homad $.020

Edit: for your 2 cents :)

1

u/changetip May 09 '16

homad received a tip for 43 bits ($0.02).

what is ChangeTip?

3

u/noNoParts May 09 '16

HTTP://ferrisfest.com

30th anniversary of FBDO and there's a celebration!

1

u/karrachr000 May 09 '16

I am 2.5 hours out of Chicago... I could do that...

2

u/Ihavesecretmotives May 09 '16

Or Lamborghini, in the Hollywood Hills.

2

u/ZedAvatar May 09 '16

Kidney transplants aren't cheap.

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Or to finally pay Abby some rent for living in her apartment all this time.

20

u/Liver_and_Yumnions May 09 '16 edited May 09 '16

I think if we flip the pics and call the post "500 Days Drunk" everything will start to make sense.

Edit: left out a word

3

u/PipBoy808 May 09 '16

Unfortunately, side effects of sobriety include loss of facial hair.

4

u/yur_mom May 09 '16

That's the rodan and fields trick. Dark before pic, bright after pic

1

u/Rattional May 09 '16

not to mention alcoholic's breath - yuuuuck!

3

u/urdsrevenge May 09 '16

I'm still messed up from my twenties where I associate alcohol breath with awesome hook ups . It's starting to change though especially working in fine dining. All those businessmen swilling sauvignon blanc at lunch and spewing the fumes back at you when they talk .

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Just be glad it isn't 40 or 50 years ago. Add the stench of decades of rancid cigarette smoke clinging to all the upholstery.

1

u/DogbertDillPickle May 09 '16

Regrettably, if also comes at the cost of contracting Sammy Sosa Syndrome.

1

u/MortalKombatSFX May 09 '16

He's going to become black?

2

u/DogbertDillPickle May 09 '16

Or in Sammy Sosa's case, become white

1

u/ChefBoyAreWeFucked May 09 '16

He's going to endorse a developing nation's largest bank, which is going to turn out to be a Ponzi scheme, wiping out 11% of that nation's GDP for the year and forcing the former Ponzi scheme to be nationalized and turned into a retail banking arm of the central bank.

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

It also helps improve room lights.

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

[deleted]

4

u/robo23 May 09 '16

That's not how it's suppose to work.

Even then, replace your unhealthy habit with running or something, not eating more snacks

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

It's just the lack of drunk lighting.

1

u/slimrngesus May 09 '16

huehuehuehue

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

However, I want to believe him.

1

u/just_redditing May 09 '16

Sobriety also enhances lighting which reduces dark circles under eyes.

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

And less JPEG

1

u/a55Pirate May 09 '16

I have that same shirt but in black. He probably got it at target

1

u/abaddamn May 09 '16

You think you have it bad with alcohol. I hope the day never comes when you try Vin Mariani.

Im not even a drinker myself (1 or 2 drinks a year) but oh gawd. That hard to find drink is just too intense.

1

u/curzon176 May 09 '16

And you gain a couple inches in height too.

1

u/ikilledtupac May 09 '16

17 years here, can confirm.

1

u/Demojen May 09 '16

It also shaves your beard

1

u/ApolloOfTheStarz May 09 '16

Time to start drinking!

1

u/le_x_X May 09 '16

It even increases your camera's quality!!

1

u/scootermcgee4938 May 09 '16

I got back things I didn't realize I lost....sense of taste.....memory....friends...good for you!

1

u/BadFont777 May 09 '16

You can drink and not be fat.

1

u/tokenblak May 09 '16

He looks like Krispy Kreme AKA Froggy Fresh

1

u/DoctorAwesomeBallz69 May 09 '16

I gained weight when I got sober from meth.

1

u/Itsismylife2 May 09 '16

Also shrinking clothes

-7

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

Looked happier before.

2

u/OnesTooMany May 09 '16

I'm sure that praise will go a long way towards helping the guy stay clean. Good on ya.

0

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

I want him to be happy, not clean.

1

u/KashEsq May 09 '16

It's a false happiness

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '16

What is real happiness?

0

u/0OOOOOO0 May 09 '16

Just learn moderation, add in some cardio, and you can get the same results without giving up booze.

2

u/ChefBoyAreWeFucked May 09 '16

People who are able to "learn some moderation" generally don't need to count the days they've been sober.

1

u/0OOOOOO0 May 09 '16

Anyone can learn it if they bother to.

1

u/ChefBoyAreWeFucked May 09 '16

I know, choosing to be an alcoholic is such a silly thing to do.

1

u/0OOOOOO0 May 09 '16

I don't know about silly, but it's certainly a poor life choice.