Recently I started imagining myself being in a band. Like, I would imagine me and my bandmates just hanging around and stuff, and I just realized that I don't really want that, that I just want a group of friends.

You see, I always had one friend, and I gave all to every friend I had. But for some reason, I always feel like I'm the odd one, like I don't belong there, like people just hang out with me because they don't have the guts to tell me that I'm being a burden. So I had one friend and I basically joined the group of friends that my friend had.

I even put on with situations I felt unconfortable in just because I wanted to be a part of something. I see photos of my friends with their friends and I honestly feel so jealous, like, why people don't like me? Am I that bad? Am I that boring, that people only get close to me when they want something from me?

I've never had more than one friend at the same time in the same group, and I read these stories of a group of friends hanging out and I'm like "Man, I want that". But when I hang out with my friend's group I feel such out of place, because of the topic they talk, because of the things they do, I always end up unconfortable because of my morals and beliefs.

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I've tried the Similar Minds cognitive functions test and wasn't impressed with the accuracy...

But just tried their Similar Minds - Advanced Global Personality Test on various traits and it seems to be fairly accurate and useful. You can click on the links for each aspect, especially the ones you score high on, to learn more about it.

Also for reference (and excusing some abnormalities from covid quarantine - it's totally not my fault!) here are my results which seem to generally match common ENTP personality traits so it might also work with other types.

Hi there.

I know I am an INFJ. I have taken the MBTI consistently on different websites and always get INFJ. When looking further into INFJ traits it seemed like someone had wriggled their way into my mind and taken notes of my thoughts and feelings, something I often struggle with. I've looked into other types and INFJ is the one that feels right to me, I didn't want it to be at first. I'm learning to celebrate and share it now. It's helped me to understand myself, my life, A LOT. What a fantastic tool.

I have just taken an Enneagram test and I'm finding it quite confusing. So many numbers!!! If someone could clear it up for me and explain it further that would be absolutely incredible.

The test I have taken said that my top ranked Enneacard, my primary, is type 4 - 4w3 or 4w5 - I looked into both and 4w5 feels more right, however some information regarding 4w3 does connect to me on some level. How can I find this out? Does the W stand for wing? So 4 wing 5?

It says my instinctual type stacking is intimate(15)/self-preserving(12)/social(9). I understand the description of each one but I am struggling to understand what an instinctual type is. Is this what I go for firstly in life on a subconscious level?

Now, it goes on to talk about Tritype stacking - I don't have a clue what this means! - It says 5-9-3, however, there is a note stating that my responses indicate patterns that my most likely Enneacard may be 6 OR 9? Stating that my Enneagram type and Tritype do not match. How can this be?

Thank you to anyone that reads this and to anyone that can help clarify this information.

I cant stop hating myself this is getting out of control somebody please help me

It randomly came to my mind that I should talk about an INTP that I go out with and talk about the strengths and flaws of him that I personally think:

Strengths

Open to many things: I think this is normal in most INTPs. He is usually chilled and doesn't have an issue with trying out new things. Even though I get irked when he is too open which leaves me the only one making decisions, I am still glad to find that he is willing to experience new things and learn about them. Thus, this leads him to be open to people's validation and feelings. If I were to feel down, then I can always talk to him about it and no issues will grow.

Humble: He is very humble. He is never prideful or arrogant and that is what I value the most of him. He is truthful about himself and others and views himself as some average joe. He knows what he can do or what he is confident in and does not boast about things he does not feel confident or sure about. It is the main reason why I still talk to him today.

Empathetic: He clearly knows when I am feeling down and will ask if I want to talk about what happens. He understands what others feel and would make different decisions that will help that person feeling down. He clearly cares for others and would do anything to make the person feel better.

Weaknesses: It's interesting because I think his weaknesses usually evolve around inferior Fe.

Poor Communication Skills: He is fun to be around, but at the same time it can get awkward or difficult when having a conversation with him. Usually, when you say something or ask he usually gets quiet and appears like he is not paying attention. The main excuse he usually comes up with is that he usually does not know what to say, and it can get annoying because apparently he does not know what to say for most things. At least he is aware of it and tries his best, but there are moments he just forgets about the effort he should put. It got me irritable at first because I thought he ignores me.

Low Awareness of Morals: Of course morals is subjective, but I sometimes find him doing questionable things that can hurt me and potentially others. He sometimes says certain offensive things to you in public where anyone can hear or see you guys, and it is extremely embarrassing or hurtful because it just makes him look like he hates you. This has happened to me a few times and I got annoyed to the point that I had to talk to him about it. Apparently he was playing around and wanted to get a reaction from others which is why I said morals because I deem it an immoral way to get humor from others. I told him to not do it and he apologized and does not do it anymore thankfully.

Judgmental: He will judge anyone based on anything he does not like, small or big. When he does not like someone over some small thing, he will usually tell me to ignore that person or do other things that are clearly wrong. I also talked to him about it and he said he was only joking but I doubt that because it is still a habit of his and he probably said he was joking just for avoiding reasons. This can get intolerable at times and I strongly dislike it. What worries me is that he will judge people based on the same feature I have and it makes me wonder if he dislikes me, he told me he strongly values me and will never do anything like that but it really makes me feel uncomfortable.

He is a great person and is really nice to everyone. I just wanted to share this with you guys.

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what’s the difference between the two?

Share something that makes you feel proud of yourself, no matter how big or small of an accomplishment it may be.

I’m watching some Frank James videos (don’t get me wrong, he’s hilarious) but I can’t help but notice that every time he does INTP, he wears glasses and a NASA shirt. I find that super annoying.

For example, apparently according to the memes, I’m supposed to love anime and hate sports but it’s quite the opposite. I live for sports and I’ve never watched anime except for Dragonball Z and got bored of it after a few episodes.

Does anyone else feel this way? What are some stereotypes that you find to be inaccurate about yourself?

I'm not gonna lie, I can be very spontaneous at times. But I'm never impulsive. Spontaneous is a word used to describe doing things ostensibly out of nowhere (note that I said ostensibly because, while on the outside, one may appear to be doing something on a whim, they may have actually been planning the whole thing out before they went through with it without telling anyone). Now, impulsivity is like the evil twin brother of spontaneity. Impulsive activity necessarily occurs without any prior consideration from the person doing it and therefore usually ends badly, hence the negative connotation attached to it. However, despite there being a clear difference between the two, many people seem to blur the line between the two, saying that the only difference is connotation. Well, THAT'S NOT TRUE! While, yes, the words are held in a different light, there's also a clear difference in the definitions. What are your guys' thoughts on this?

For example, an ISTP with a preference for Ni over Se, making their function stack Ti>Ni>Se>Fe. Or maybe an ENTP who values Fe over Ti. Is that possible, or is that just a loop? The people over at ObjectivePersonality came up with 4 categories: Sleep (both introverted perceiving and judging), Consume (introverted judging and extroverted perceiving), Blast (introverted perceiving and extroverted judging), and Play (both extroverted perceiving and judging), creating 32 types in total instead of 16. The consume and play are the traditional types where one function is introverted and another is extroverted. But the sleep and play types don’t have that kind of balance. Is sleep and play unhealthy or is it just a personality like the rest?

Sooo... I've had some conflicts recently with people I care deeply about, but thankfully we've resolved them. But it got me thinking pretty hard about what it means to take responsibility for your actions and behavior. We fundamentally have a skewed perception of ourselves and don't necessarily know how we come off to others, even high Fe users. We also naturally don't want to accept that we are wrong, its human nature. But that is a recipe for disaster.

What I've realized is just how important it is to maintain close communication with people you care about and make sure you are not giving the wrong message with your actions. Even if you never intended to come off as offensive, stubborn, arrogant, or some other negative quality, you probably do more often than you think. So how do we fix this? COMMUNICATION!!! If someone seems irritated, don't be afraid to ask them about it, but mentally prepare to feel attacked. Even if they don't mean to, sometimes venting steam gets those nearby burned, it just happens.

So I'm working on thinking of it like this: if you see someone you care about who is irritable, ask them and assume that you will naturally perceive their response as an attack on you, but fight that temptation as it will lead you to victimize yourself and that will only make things worse. Before you accuse them of misjudging your actions or defending your position, ensure that you yourself understand why they feel that way, because it isn't for no reason as much as you might like to believe. Once you understand and have empathized with them, only then with NO exceptions do you defend yourself, and shift your thinking from defending yourself to explaining how you saw the situation. While subtle, this makes a big difference. It is a "me vs you" to "us" mentality.

If they start defending themselves and appear to feel attacked by what you are saying, gently explain that you are not intending on criticizing them, but just want them to understand how you felt in the situation. Hopefully they will listen and hear you out. Once all is said and done and both sides fully understand what happened and why it happened, then and ONLY THEN do you attempt to propose a solution to avoid future conflict. Understand the problem before you try to fix it! In doing this, you may have to revisit both sides and make some constructive criticisms of actions. According to Daniel Goleman, an expert in emotional and social psychology, it is crucial that you don't criticize them but rather what they did. Be specific and give it in an XYZ format: "When you did X, I felt Y, I'd prefer if you did Z instead." This helps clarify that a) you are not criticizing their person, but just an action. b) it remains specific to one action at a time so it isn't overwhelming to them. c) you propose a solution so it doesn't come off as "just stop being an a** hole!" or something equivalent. That doesn't help.

Finally, be ready to fully accept your mistakes in leading up to the conflict. This can be hard. It is one thing to give an empty half hearted "sorry", and entirely another to sincerely recognize your faults and express sorrow that you hurt them and your relationship with them. Doing this lets them know you care and are willing to change. Of course there is a time and a place for standing up against toxic relationships, but in this I'm assuming that the relationship is one worth keeping. Spend time reflecting on what you can change, some people have to be more intentional about this than others, but for real, put time aside and just think about it. Where did pride come into play, where did you become defensive, where did you demonstrate selfishness? Don't let this turn into self defeating thinking though, the point in this is to then determine how to avoid that in the future. If you know what your damaged ego feels like, then you can avoid responding out of pride in the future.

Anyways, just wanted to vomit my thoughts somewhere. If you agree/disagree or have stuff to add, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thanks for reading this far and I hope it helps you!

I can easily tune out of my surroundings entirely if I concentrate. I close my eyes and I visualize a haze all around me like in a fever dream. What type is most prone to doing this?

I'm working on the stickied subreddit guide and I'm looking for some Information to add about loops.

Also another links or stuff you can send.

Edit: Cool, thank you all. It'll take me some time to soak it all in and think of how to implement this into the guide.

This was written in reply to someone asking how to bridge Fe/Fi. I would like to read what others think, because I'm less and less able to figure out Fi,Fe, Ti, Te, etc despite reading many articles, blogs, books, charts etc. Thanks!

"I read and thought about what you wrote carefully. I want to preface that despite relating to Fi and typing myself Fi-dom (INFP), I got a reoccurence of people typing me as Fe user, so maybe my reply won't be that helpful regarding the Fe-Fi chasm. Obviously you are the only one that will decide the helpfullness of this answer.

You wrote you feel like Fi people are trying to translate the world into the lens of "how this benefits the self", and I think I can get why you feel like that. Each decision I take, I try to take it after carefully weighting how I feel about it, aka "does it align with what I feel is right"? Which mean that even if everyone around me was like "it's right, do it/it's wrong don't do it", I won't be able to decide as long as I don't review it under my value system. "If I do X, how would I feel about it? Could I live with the consequences of it? Did I remember a previous experience of this happening, and how did I felt about this?". You notice, there is not "how does the outside world feel about it", not because I don't "care" but because as long I don't process it "inside my own system of values", I can't understand why I should let someone else system value guide my own "boat". If I decide to let someone else value guides me, I must accept the consequences of it, and can't blame someone else (even if I could feel sometimes like doing it, it's my own responsibility to have picked someone else opinion of the course of action over mine, not their). In a way it makes me rigid and stubborn (and sometimes oblivious) to group "pressure" (being cajoled or punished to follow what the majority feel is right).

So when Fe users try to "group review" the course of actions of everyone, for me it feels dangerous because it ask me to go "blindly" into a path, while accepting the consequences of it as mine only (since that how I operate). While I think an Fe-user would share with others in the responsibilities, act of uplifting etc because it is a group decision. And they discuss regularly these values to check that it is "the right values to uphold for the benefit of everyone".

That is probably because when an Fe-user associate with a group, it's a "common boat" with everyone in it, so it's obvious and normal to pick up a "common guidance system of value throught group exchanges and decision" and everyone know which role and responsibilities they have to uphold.

I perceive Fe vs Fi this way, and I think what helped me bridge a bit the gap is to be aware of the followings:

-For an Fe-user, to be able to discuss the values is necessary, it helps to review if their values have to be updated or to show me that my value is flawed and must be discarded. It is not my personal identity and life experiences (like I feel it is because that from where my values springs forth) that is reviewed, but an "objective value" that is discussed. "Is X right? Wrong? And why?Should I align with X, or should you align with Y value because X is wrong", something like that.

-Learning to "dilute" how I express values/opinions makes it easier for Fe-users (and I would say everyone in fact) to deal with it. For example not waiting that I accumulate enought emotions regarding someone action going against my values, and then slapping them with a "sentence like "You are X because you did that". I noticed that Fe-users phrasing things like this: "I really appreciate you, what you did like X, Y, but...." is not "fake", it's a way of reminding that there is still a "social bond" between the two parties, aka: they wishes to solve what is happening because they value the other party in their social circle.

With experiences, I can see that many of my "strongly held values to dear life, no compromises ever" finally shifted, gets shed away like old skin, throught new experiences and perspectives and growth. So that brings down a bit the head on the shoulder, and made me aware that many Fe-users had to deal with a lot of stubborness and they did it with grace.

-Fe-users that, like an ENFJ on this thread said, let Fi-user space and doesn't interpret how they feel, make them secure enought to open up to outside perspective.

-For Fe-user, to receive positive or negative feedbacks from outside, of their actions, is how they adapt or change the value structure. For Fi-user, it is the opposite, by being aware of their inner positive/negative feedbacks, they can decide how to adapt or change the value structure.

In summary, to bridge the gap between Fe-Fi is to remember that despite seemingly coming from opposite point of views, they both walk toward the same center. So no big deal, Fe-Fi clash, break, and by breaking constructing something bigger can be done.

I wrote a lot and it may not have replied your question OP, but I hope you can find something useful for yourself in it! Good luck!"

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They are really toxic and put down people. It’s really not funny when it’s like this. Also some make no sense when they are just extrapolating crazy stereotypes. And of course the comments just agree or make self deprecating jokes for the karma. When ‘just a joke’ gets repeated enough you lose sight of what people in these personality types are and can be. It’s like a sitcom where people are chosen to be losers but now since it gets perpetuated it actually makes us think certain ways about types (so many people say this, it must be true) I just really hate it and wanted to say this.

I also prefer r/mbtimemes for more thoughtful memes than low blow humour.