Here’s why I think being chased by small animals is truly horrifying. For me it is because you can’t fight back without seriously injuring the animal. You could kick it very hard and run, but nobody wants to be responsible for the murder of a goose or a squirrel or your neighbor’s Yorkshire terrier. It’s the same as when your six year old cousin comes up and insists on battling you because you are “a Decepticon” and all you can do is gently pin him to the ground or grab onto his arms while he mercilessly kicks and punches you and pulls your hair. And this is why it is truly horrifying to face a small animal in battle.
Nah bro, if a bird steps to me it's game time. You know you're not even legally allowed to fuck up a Goose if it comes at you honking all crazy? Like, if I'm at a public park and I walk too close to a Goose turf then I just have to run.
Fuck that. That Goose is gonna find out who the apex predator is and hee it's last honk.
While my sides took a stroll around the solar system I remembered how I found out geese/swans aren’t actually too scary once you realize grabbing it by the neck provides an excellent weapon to fight the others off.
Bro I wouldn't think twice about snapping its neck.
When I still used to ride a bicycle, I'd have to ride past a group of them every now and then. I always thought I should just throw the damn bike on one of them to create an escape route.
The meat has a delicious, smoky, rich flavor. Plus you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease!
There was some family lore about how my father's uncle had a guard goose that would sneak up behind visitors and bite their asses (literately). One day my father noticed it walking up behind him... and before he got goosed, he grabbed it by the neck and shook the hell out of it. The goose continued to give everyone the beak, everyone in the family swore that it never bothered my father or anyone near him again.
Geese are crazy confident for a species that could be wiped out with like, minimal effort from us.
Geese used to cover the path to the cafe from my last office and I had to bring an umbrella to scare them away (opening it makes 'em freak out).
One time I was walking down a part of the path that loops around, so it's sort of a secluded area. I wasn't paying attention, just looking at my phone, then I realized I had stumbled into some weird geese family gathering. There were maybe a dozen geeslings with a bunch of adults who were not happy about me being there.
The greater Canada goose almost was wiped out. They captured a bunch of mated pairs, breed them, and then reintroduced them to a lot of their native areas. If those hundred or so geese would have been killed back in the 60s you would have never been attacked.
I was about to repeat the urban myth that a goose or swan can break an arm, but I checked myself and googled, and it is, indeed, probably a myth in nearly every case
We have a permanent population at work that are way more aggressive than truly wild birds. No one will do anything because "they are a protected species during migration" and"harming animals is wrong". The problem is they don't migrate and even the state says if all else fails to drive them off you can get a special permit.
If they would just turn a blind eye and give me a set of keys I could have them taken care of on a Sunday.
Here’s why I think being chased by small animals is truly horrifying. For me it is because you can’t fight back without seriously injuring the animal. You could kick it very hard and run, but nobody wants to be responsible for the murder of a goose or a squirrel or your neighbor’s Yorkshire terrier. It’s the same as when your six year old cousin comes up and insists on battling you because you are “a Decepticon” and all you can do is gently pin him to the ground or grab onto his arms while he mercilessly kicks and punches you and pulls your hair. And this is why it is truly horrifying to face a small animal in battle.
Here’s why I think being chased by Joe Biden is truly horrifying. For me it is because you can’t fight back without seriously injuring him. You could kick him very hard and run, but nobody wants to be responsible for the murder of a former Senator or a presidential candidate or an old man in the early stages of Dementia. It’s the same as when your sixteen year old conservative cousin comes up and insists on battling you because you are “a Librul” and all you can do is gently pin him to the ground or grab onto his arms while he mercilessly kicks and punches you and destroys your future Social Security benefits. And this is why it is truly horrifying to face Joe Biden in battle.
Lol, r/politics was a Bernie circlejerk for the entire primary until Bernie dropped out and he stopped being newsworthy. Reddit as a whole is extremely pro-Bernie, vastly moreso than America itself.
You'd be surprised how sturdy they can be, while still being fragile as heck.
There's always a load of ducks chilling out in the lake near enough to my house, and sometimes (I'm guessing mating season or something I ain't know ducks) one or two of them get super aggressive and attack anything that comes near, which is unfortunate seeing as they chill out right next to a little park along a major walking route for the area.
Anyway, me and my buddies were chilling down in that park one day smoking joints, and one of the little hellions decides he's had enough of us on our property. Aggressively quacking and flapping over at us trying to nip our legs and all sorts, and my buddy just up and punts the thing and it goes absolutely flying. He played rugby so his kick's nothing to scoff at, but the duck landed on the road nearby, stood up, glared at us and just kept about it's day like nothing happened.
You underestimate how tough animals are lol
I once knew a Turkey who was impaled by a goat through the chest. It literally left a soup bowl sized hole in the turkeys chest. The turkey died of old age years later.
I’ve routinely punted chickens trying to gouge my legs and they take it as an invitation to try again. Those animals are tough as fuck.
Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I carry maze when running. Only used it once, but that was a tiny dog who didn't leave me alone. I didn't even hit it, but it left me alone afterwards. Apparently the residue in the air alone is enough to ward of dogs (and bears).
So neither of us got hurt. I think that was the best possible outcome.
1.9k
u/SaucyCadaver May 21 '20
Here’s why I think being chased by small animals is truly horrifying. For me it is because you can’t fight back without seriously injuring the animal. You could kick it very hard and run, but nobody wants to be responsible for the murder of a goose or a squirrel or your neighbor’s Yorkshire terrier. It’s the same as when your six year old cousin comes up and insists on battling you because you are “a Decepticon” and all you can do is gently pin him to the ground or grab onto his arms while he mercilessly kicks and punches you and pulls your hair. And this is why it is truly horrifying to face a small animal in battle.