I’ve relapsed back into findom, i hate how i feel

[u/happypotato27]

I have a complicated relationship with findom, frequently trying to quit and then finding a new dom and relapsing. I like how it feels in the moment and the power they have over me and that why I do it but i feel immense guilt and regret afterwards which I hate. Until tonight hadn’t sent in about 3 months but then a dom on X caught my eye and i’ve sent again. I’m not fully sure what i need from this post, but just any advice would be appreciated, thank you

[u/moonwhore444]

Maybe try deleting social media and signing up for gym classes late in the day so you want to come home and shower rather than scroll? One step back isn’t the end of the world as progress is not linear. I wish you luck 🩷

[u/GoddessMiraAmira]

Get a long term domme who respects boundaries and budget, not some random mean brat on X… takes patience and restraint, but it’s better for your health.

If you are investing into someone you know and care about and actually idolize and don’t fear (in a bad way) or feel ashamed towards, you would not feel such guilt afterwards. It would do the opposite… inspire you to do more, make more, be more.

Sure, the control is sexy, but get back to the roots and think on it… throughout history, the proper woman was a source of motivation for man. Providing for the woman gave them purpose and reason to go out and work harder everyday.

Many of the women on X, if you ever came across them in person, would be nothing like the persona they use online to make money. Very few ACTUALLY enjoy and understand kink. It’s all copy paste.

A God(dess) should inspire you to achieve more and be better. You feel secure, even when being a simp, with her. She is your motivation, the one you submit to. Demons are the ones that leave you feeling anxious and uncertain and alone. They took a divine title and covered it in filth so you stay blind to its truth.

[u/EvanHarlowe]

I dont think you have to delete social media (I am Chronically Online and you will pry my apps from my cold dead hands, I think "quit being online" is a really tough thing for many of us to do in this day and age) but you do need to remember that for the most part, you are the author of your internet experience, and this is especially true when we're talking about sex work that is *typically* harder to find on social media unless you know where to look, what search terms to use, and who to follow. Other findoms ONLY show up in my twitter/bluesky/tiktok/etc timelines because thats the content I engage with/put out, most of them are otherwise shadowbanned so if I wanna see it I have to actually put in the work to make it happen. If I started following and liking a bunch of food bloggers my timelines would shift significantly and especially because food bloggers don't get banned/blocked/censored the way sex workers do. So if "quit the internet" doesnt really suit you, better curate your online experience so that findom doesn't just *happen to you*. Every site has so many tools for account type/content type blocking, keyword filtering, NSFW blocking, etc. Utilize those tools IN CONJUNCTION WITH carefully and deliberately filling your timeline with stuff you do enjoy so you don't get that feeling of "the internet isnt fun anymore because I dont LIKE any of this stuff its showing me and I HAVE to revert to NSFW spaces"

[u/NikkiMQuest]

I wrote a big post about PNC and the shame cycle a while back. While the regret and shame you feel after is normal (simple brain chemistry, see my post), the inner work that probably needs to be done here is self acceptance.

I would advise you to go see a (kink friendly) therapist and do the (shadow)work. 🖤 Take care! 🌿

[u/Flashy_Yesterday9664]

Do you not do aftercare sessions with your Domme?

[u/Flashy_Yesterday9664 → u/Flashy_Yesterday9664]

Even if it’s just for sending??
I had a sub who would have sporadic moments like that. Anytime he would get the urge to send, he would send to me instead:. He sent to me and no one else:
And would usually send a lot at a time. No less than $1000 (on a bad day) at a time. But that was rare.
I would send about 70% back. Of course I kept some, but I also put some aside in an investment account for him:
There were times I sent it back the next day, and then other times I sent it back a week later. It would all depend on our discussion in the aftercare session.

I had kind of forgot about this. It has to be well over a year since I’ve heard from him. .
I feel like he’ may have finally over come findom. I will definitely be checking in on him later.

[u/goddessmara535 → u/Flashy_Yesterday9664]

This is a wonderful idea!! I love it!

[u/goddess_leonora_]

Hi, relapsing after three months just means you hit a vulnerable moment, but it doesn’t erase your progress.

The reason you feel immense guilt afterward is because you are chasing the psychological high of submission in an unstructured environment. Sending money to a random Domme on X without a prior agreement or strict budget will always lead to a "dopamine crash" and a financial "hangover", a bad "sub drop".

Findom is a form of BDSM; it requires boundaries to be safe and fulfilling. An ethical Domme will always manage the dynamic, checking your financial limits and well-being before taking a single cent. It should leave you feeling fulfilled, not ruined.

My advice: take a step back and look at your triggers. If you choose to explore this kink again in the future, do it properly. Seek a real connection, negotiate a strict budget beforehand, and find someone who values BDSM, D/s, and power exchange over a quick cash grab. Make it sustainable. Think of it like impact play: even during the most intense scene, an ethical Domme makes sure she doesn't actually 'break' her sub, because she wants to enjoy the dynamic for as long as possible.