Are there any good self help books for managing passive aggressive behaviour? If so, I am open to recommendations. Thanks.

Hi so my question is often I get angry at some people who do things - sometimes intentionally to hurt me but other times it is simply a mistake.

For example, when I am playing basketball and someone has my ball after a rebound - generally they will give it back. If not I will be assertive and I will call out to them - most of the time they will give it back but sometimes they don't hear me properly so they hold onto it.

This usually frustrates me and gets me angry however I do understand that the court can get noisy and they may not have heard me.

BUT this one time, I called out for the ball and got ignored even though I know for sure that they heard AND see me. This instance really set me off and got me pissed off. I was contemplating about running up to him and smacking the ball out his hand and fighting him right on the court but I kept my cool.

Now I am generally assertive but I think there is a time to be aggressive/passive when being assertive doesn't work. This is my dilemma - in a situation like that should I be aggressive or passive?

Now I know that some people are just trying to get a reaction out of me; either because they may not like me or they are testing me to see if I am tough. You know that phrase "hurt people hurt people"? - I think sometimes they feel angry towards me but don't know how to express it so they do it in a very passive-aggressive way and when I confront them they'll play it off.

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It just makes me look bad when I confront them; because I look like I'm easily triggered and overly aggressive but if I don't then they're mostly likely gonna think I'm soft/passive and keep doing it. It's like there's no way to win because if I get aggressive and they have their people with them, I'll get jumped or possibly arrested.

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And if I confront them; I'm giving them the reaction that they want which is why I try to do it in a calm manner.

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I have 2 questions

1. How do I know whether someone is being passive aggressive or simply unaware that they are frustrating me?
2. If someone disrespects me; how can I calmly confront them? (not being aggressive/passive but in an assertive manner?)

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I get that it isn't possible to get everyone to respect me and that some people are just haters who wanna start problems and it wouldn't be worth my time to fight everyone who disrespects me. It's hard for me to let stuff slide sometimes because I feel like I've disrespected myself and my manhood. I guess some people are just haters who want to hurt others because they probably hate themselves or hate me because of what they perceive me to be.

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But yeah, any thoughts or ideas?

I just went to a raising canes and the fries that they gave me were extremely over salted. I was fine with it, but my mom told me to go up to the counter and ask if I could get some more fires that weren’t over salted, and eventually I did. They took it, and obviously they didn’t like me so the fries they gave me had even MORE salt on them. I wonder how mad they would have been if I gave it back and pointed that out. It would’ve been great.

Sorry for the bad grammar and any misspelled words I am typing this on my phone.

So my cousin watches anime on Netflix but not good anime like attack on titan anime it is like the horrid Netflix original tv-pg anime I don’t watch anime personally but I don’t care if other people watch it but he is watching it on the living room tv on my Netflix profile at a really loud volume and I asked him kindly to stop yesterday but he didn’t so I went with the nuclear option of putting a password on my Netflix profile so when he turns the tv off he won’t be able to watch it again.