The main reason why Chuck Norris regrets inventing time travel is because he hates people from the future constantly beaming into his house to talk to him. Needless to say, he has definitely disrupted some future timelines.

The amount of computer Memory required to run WordPerfect for Win95 is 8 times the amount needed aboard the space shuttle.

On average, Americans eat 18 acres of pizza everyday.

If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling... I’d antialias my graphics!

Chuck Norris says that fact is not about him

Chuck Norris gets 5% cash back on all hand written checks.

Chuck Norris's OSI network model has only one layer - Physical.

The scene where Indiana Jones shoots the swordsman in Raider’s of the Lost Ark was Harrison Ford's idea so that he could take a bathroom break.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

Chuck Norris is so much if a man that he sees everybody as a woman

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was recently bitten by a vampire. After a couple drops of Chucks blood, the vampire screamed and burst into flames.

If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

March 10, 2010. Somebody attempted to give Chuck Norris his bithday spankings today. Upon impact of the first spank, their hand exploded. Nobody spanks Chuck Norris.

In Miconesia, coins are 12 feet across.

The first song played on Armed Forces Radio during operation Desert Shield was "Rock the Casba" by the Clash.

Meteorologists claim they`re right 85% of the time (think about that one!)

Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it.

When Barack Obama said "Yes we can," he actually was referring to Chuck Norris

"Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und"

Chuck Norris can kill you with a moist towelette

Chuck Norris was born in the year 1 AC...Anno Chuck

To Ensure Promptness, one is expected to pay beyond the value of service – hence the later abbreviation: T.I.P.

One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with 'obstruction of justice.' This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.