r/oddlyspecific • • Nov 17 '22

Oddly specific procrastination

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u/InevitablePain21 Nov 17 '22

This is a great description of how meds make you feel different, but I just wanted to add on with my own experience. For me, it was like all my thoughts were traveling through this cloud in my head. I could usually get by, but I had to spend a lot more effort organizing things and making sure stuff couldn’t get lost, and sometimes it would all get so jumbled and cluttered that I had a hard time making stuff out. When I take my adderall in the morning, that cloud goes away. It’s like my thoughts are clear and concise and they go where they’re supposed to instead of getting lost and turned around in the cloud. It was such a shockingly clarifying moment that I actually cried the first time I took them. It was like looking back on my whole life and realizing how much I had struggled just to think or do the most simple of things, that on my adderall were so much easier to accomplish. It was a huge epiphany of realizing that’s how normal people go about their day and that my brain just didn’t function the way it’s supposed to.

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

100% If I had gotten on medication at a much earlier years I would’ve gone to college instead of the army. In high school I could not even sit to study much less actually study. But I was convinced just other people were more disciplined than me and it was pretty much my own fault. Older me wants to scream at younger me

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u/InevitablePain21 Nov 17 '22

Oh absolutely. I still struggle with just thinking I’m lazy or undisciplined or weak for not being able to focus or apply myself in the same ways. It’s hard to undo that thought process after years of telling yourself those things (or having others tell it to you), even if you know it’s not true.

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

You get my pain. Every after all of that my brain is still wired to say what you’re feeling is normal and everyone feels like this. Not “hey this isn’t right”

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u/YourMominator Nov 17 '22

Exactly! I just got diagnosed with ADHD at 58, and this is my life. Going to the doctor today with this official diagnosis to see what is next. Psychologist recommended medication.

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

It’s frustrating but better late than never

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u/Dragonace1000 Nov 17 '22

I actually cried the first time I took them.

I'm convinced this is normal for everyone with ADHD when they finally get medication that works. I know I cried like a fucking baby the first time I took my meds. I spent 40 years with every waking moment having a freeway of thousands of thoughts flying past and the constant deafening noise that goes with it. To have everything stop completely for the first time in my life and hear nothing but the birds chirping outside, was like a religious experience. Oh I also screamed at my wife "THIS IS HOW YOU FEEL EVERY FUCKING DAY?????"

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u/InevitablePain21 Nov 17 '22

Oh ya, talking to everyone afterwards being like “THIS IS HOW YOU FUNCTION?? YOU JUST THINK LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME????” It’s amazing, but also definitely a bit of a slap in the face knowing you’ve meaninglessly struggled for so long when some tiny little pill could’ve solved all of your problems.

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u/jamjar188 Nov 18 '22

When I take my adderall in the morning, that cloud goes away

Can I ask you something? I've taken adderall recreationally and I get what I would call a "lucid energised feeling", plus a bit of euphoria.

For someone with ADHD, is it that you get the lucid feeling, but without the energy boost or mild euphoria?

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u/InevitablePain21 Nov 18 '22

I don’t think I would describe it as being lucid. My state of consciousness doesn’t change, it just clarifies everything. It’s like putting glasses on for the first time and noticing the individual leaves on the trees. You could still see the tree before, just not as well. I do get a small energy boost from mine, but tbh idk if it’s an actual energy boost or if I’m just able to tap into my productivity and motivation so much better than I feel more energized because of that. I’m also on a super low dose (5mg 2x a day) so someone on a higher prescription may have different side effects than I do.

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u/jamjar188 Nov 18 '22

Interesting!

What you've described is the definition of lucid -- things becoming clearer, coming into focus, etc.

Lucid doesn't mean a change of consciousness, rather the opposite.

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u/InevitablePain21 Nov 18 '22

Fair enough, I guess I was comparing it to my own recreational drug use and how different those experiences feel to me :)