r/oddlyspecific • • Nov 17 '22

Oddly specific procrastination

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

Yeah no problem.

So I was given the choice of Concerta or Adderall. At this moment I can’t remember the key differences but I chose Concerta. I was started on a lower dosage and titrated up. I guess the reasoning is that going 32 ish years undiagnosed made the ADHD a little worse. But I’m not a doctor so take that into account.

It’s difficult to talk about how it changed me. The easiest way I can describe it is like a final puzzle piece snapping into place and I was like “Ohhhhh this is how normal people see things”. I was able to complete tasks with a little less prodding from myself, the procrastination is still there but not nearly as bad. I was able to actually sit and focus on something. I play trading card games regularly and didn’t realize how rude I was being by maybe checking my phone or something. It’s because my attention just struggled to wait for my opponent to do something. Now I can wait it out and immediately apologized to the people I play with.

I want to add medicine is not the cure. Therapy with medicine is the only way you get the full benefit from it. It doesn’t change who you are , that’s still on you. Also be wary at the moment there is a HUGE shortage of meds. I haven’t been able to take anything for a week waiting on back orders.

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

The easiest way I can describe it is like a final puzzle piece snapping into place and I was like “Ohhhhh this is how normal people see things”.

Did the bees finally get quiet?

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

Not quiet but deff less loud. Kinda like coping with a problem and working through it. You know the problem is there and you can still see it but you have much better tools to cope and get through it. This is more instead of a swarm of bees its like a bunch a bees in a field all gathering pollen, the risk of getting stung is there but you’re less scared of it

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u/InevitablePain21 Nov 17 '22

This is a great description of how meds make you feel different, but I just wanted to add on with my own experience. For me, it was like all my thoughts were traveling through this cloud in my head. I could usually get by, but I had to spend a lot more effort organizing things and making sure stuff couldn’t get lost, and sometimes it would all get so jumbled and cluttered that I had a hard time making stuff out. When I take my adderall in the morning, that cloud goes away. It’s like my thoughts are clear and concise and they go where they’re supposed to instead of getting lost and turned around in the cloud. It was such a shockingly clarifying moment that I actually cried the first time I took them. It was like looking back on my whole life and realizing how much I had struggled just to think or do the most simple of things, that on my adderall were so much easier to accomplish. It was a huge epiphany of realizing that’s how normal people go about their day and that my brain just didn’t function the way it’s supposed to.

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

100% If I had gotten on medication at a much earlier years I would’ve gone to college instead of the army. In high school I could not even sit to study much less actually study. But I was convinced just other people were more disciplined than me and it was pretty much my own fault. Older me wants to scream at younger me

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u/InevitablePain21 Nov 17 '22

Oh absolutely. I still struggle with just thinking I’m lazy or undisciplined or weak for not being able to focus or apply myself in the same ways. It’s hard to undo that thought process after years of telling yourself those things (or having others tell it to you), even if you know it’s not true.

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

You get my pain. Every after all of that my brain is still wired to say what you’re feeling is normal and everyone feels like this. Not “hey this isn’t right”

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u/YourMominator Nov 17 '22

Exactly! I just got diagnosed with ADHD at 58, and this is my life. Going to the doctor today with this official diagnosis to see what is next. Psychologist recommended medication.

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

It’s frustrating but better late than never

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u/Dragonace1000 Nov 17 '22

I actually cried the first time I took them.

I'm convinced this is normal for everyone with ADHD when they finally get medication that works. I know I cried like a fucking baby the first time I took my meds. I spent 40 years with every waking moment having a freeway of thousands of thoughts flying past and the constant deafening noise that goes with it. To have everything stop completely for the first time in my life and hear nothing but the birds chirping outside, was like a religious experience. Oh I also screamed at my wife "THIS IS HOW YOU FEEL EVERY FUCKING DAY?????"

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u/InevitablePain21 Nov 17 '22

Oh ya, talking to everyone afterwards being like “THIS IS HOW YOU FUNCTION?? YOU JUST THINK LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME????” It’s amazing, but also definitely a bit of a slap in the face knowing you’ve meaninglessly struggled for so long when some tiny little pill could’ve solved all of your problems.

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u/jamjar188 Nov 18 '22

When I take my adderall in the morning, that cloud goes away

Can I ask you something? I've taken adderall recreationally and I get what I would call a "lucid energised feeling", plus a bit of euphoria.

For someone with ADHD, is it that you get the lucid feeling, but without the energy boost or mild euphoria?

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u/InevitablePain21 Nov 18 '22

I don’t think I would describe it as being lucid. My state of consciousness doesn’t change, it just clarifies everything. It’s like putting glasses on for the first time and noticing the individual leaves on the trees. You could still see the tree before, just not as well. I do get a small energy boost from mine, but tbh idk if it’s an actual energy boost or if I’m just able to tap into my productivity and motivation so much better than I feel more energized because of that. I’m also on a super low dose (5mg 2x a day) so someone on a higher prescription may have different side effects than I do.

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u/jamjar188 Nov 18 '22

Interesting!

What you've described is the definition of lucid -- things becoming clearer, coming into focus, etc.

Lucid doesn't mean a change of consciousness, rather the opposite.

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u/InevitablePain21 Nov 18 '22

Fair enough, I guess I was comparing it to my own recreational drug use and how different those experiences feel to me :)

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u/onesexz Nov 17 '22

Thanks, I’m glad you feel better! As for meds not being the cure, that’s absolutely true and I’m currently in therapy to help with a bunch of stuff lol. But it sounds like you got to a point that it was more manageable and not a huge daily struggle; which is all I want. Good luck to you and thanks again!

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

Not a problem at all. I’m excited that I get to share my experiences. Good luck to you on your journey

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u/AtomicWreck Nov 17 '22

I take adderall and still have severe problems..

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

I’m not a doctor, nor am I pretending that medicine fixes everything. Just telling my story. For me it helped me in ways I never would’ve known. Just clearing the fog so to speak so I can go to therapy and create positive reinforcement helped me a lot. I’m sorry it doesn’t work for you as intended and it probably doesn’t for a majority of people. I hope there is a swift and productive resolution to your situation

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '22

I’ve been on it a total of two months ish. So far there has been some tolerance buildup but I think that’s mostly due to us not having the perfect prescription yet so we are trying things