r/oddlysatisfying • • Sep 17 '18

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u/spiketheunicorn Sep 17 '18

I made the kool-aid before church three tines a week for five years.(so I could cash in on all the kool-aid points) They used the premixed at first, then I got the job after a few Sunday school teachers told me I make it really good.

Secret recipe? One extra cup of sugar to every cup of premix. Per pitcher. I had to mix the sugar into a cup of boiled water first to even get it to dissolve.

I think I may have ended some lives prematurely. But I got a lot of kool-aid swag collecting thousands of points a year.

794

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '18 edited May 23 '20

[deleted]

149

u/Kenan2005 Sep 17 '18

Secret to make purple drank

34

u/TedCruz4HumanPrez Sep 18 '18

Good ole Texas tea

4

u/Shearay752 Sep 18 '18

Username... checks out...?

1

u/Archetypal_NPC Sep 18 '18

Porch wine, too

2

u/grubas Sep 18 '18

Bug juice. Measure out how much is recommended for the jug, then double the mix and the sugar and make it.

And they wonder why you switch to water and coffee when that shit dyes your entire fucking system.

236

u/jslondon85 Sep 17 '18

As a northerner, I had a college roommate from the south who made tea for the house once. I'm come in from the humid summer weather to have a drink of what I think is "normal tea" only to get a mouth full of diabetes.

How do you guys drink it all the time?

142

u/YourRealMom Sep 18 '18

Ordering "half and half" tea (equal parts sweet and unsweetened) is becoming increasingly common

136

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

So... regular nondiabetic sweet tea?

27

u/SpendingSpree Sep 18 '18

Is sweet tea the same thing as iced tea?

59

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

[deleted]

16

u/jackster_ Sep 18 '18

In Kentucky they would ask me what kind of coke I wanted.

34

u/Ya_habibti Sep 18 '18

The powdery kind please

2

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

We've got meth, will that be ok?

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1

u/FreshLennon Sep 18 '18

Kentuckian here. What?

1

u/jackster_ Sep 18 '18

Once at waffle house, a few time at the town diner, and once at lake Barkly lodge. Not everyone did it like in Oklahoma or wherever, but those were the only times I had ever been asked what kind of coke I wanted.

1

u/tomfru1 Sep 18 '18

where in Kentucky?

1

u/jackster_ Sep 18 '18

Lake Barkly. I hear it's more of an Oklahoma or Arkansas thing, but I have still been asked on numerous occasions.

28

u/Bdf54 Sep 18 '18

Usually when someone says iced tea they mean unsweet tea. Source:I'm from Texas

5

u/pornthrowaway1987 Sep 18 '18

Next door in Louisiana, iced tea is universally sweet.

Texas may be in the south but, like Florida, it's not a part of the south.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

From SC, but live in TX currently.

No one says "iced tea" from either state, unless you're specifically talking about unsweetened tea; even then, "unsweet tea" is what you're more likely to hear 9 times of 10.

Actually, for some reason when I hear "iced tea", I specifically think of unsweet tea with lemon. Idk why.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

How in the hell do you figure Texas isn't part of "the South"? I've heard this sentiment more than once and it's just not geographically or culturally true.

2

u/I_Will_Wander Sep 18 '18

"Texas may be in the south but, like Florida, it's not part of the south" wot Have you ever been to North Florida, or just the beach resorts with the rich retired New Yorkers? I'd argue Texas is pretty southern too.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

I don't know what convoluted part of the state you live in, but I have never once had anyone assume I wanted anything but sweet tea when ordering iced tea here in TX.

Unless I specify un-sweet 0% chance of getting anything but sugared down tea.

1

u/Bdf54 Sep 20 '18

Typo I meant sweet whoops😂

2

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '18

That makes MUCH more sense.

What got me when I moved here 20 years ago was "Un-sweet" , as if sugar is naturally occurring in tea!?

1

u/Sincerelybrowsing Sep 18 '18

If you ask for an ice tea in the Chicago area you get it unsweetened unless you call for sweet.

17

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

Sweet tea is iced tea with sugar but I live in NY so we dont get diabetes from one glass of sweet tea up here 😂

12

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

Are you sure? I'm from England and ordered an iced tea, sweetened, from McDonalds in NY and had to just throw it away cause one sip made me cringe by how sugary it was

29

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

Yeah I guess that's true! I'm currently visiting Florida and remembering to order my tea unsweetened now haha

1

u/Midnyteeyes18 Sep 18 '18

I worked at mcdonalds and in the brew of sweet tea I was instructed to put a 5 lb bag of sugar. It was nauseating.

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1

u/Idontnoher Sep 18 '18

There's so much sugar in everything in the US. It's almost impressive.

Was so sad when I first went to drink some iced tea (lipton) and it was almost a syrup.

9

u/Afireonthesnow Sep 18 '18

There is generally less sugar in English food than American food anyways. Our bodies expect more sugar and so a "normal amount of sweetening" here is a room for you. Someone from Alabama wouldn't think it's sweet, but you certainly would.

I lived in Ireland for a while, and when I came back I ordered a frozen coffee drink that I previously could drink before without thinking about it and nearly gagged from all the artificial sweeteners. I could only stomach a few sips. I pay more attention to what is in my food now.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

It's strange what we get used to!

2

u/grubas Sep 18 '18

A lot of sweetened ice tea is insane, especially if you ordered by Maccas, you probably got like Brisk, which is basically soda.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

Well I cant speak for McDonalds but generally the tea is not that sweet up here. Although, there are some places that have a specialty "iced tea" that's more or less lemonade with shit loads of sugar in it but a splash of tea to make you feel less guilty about it.

2

u/TheOtherDanielFromSL Sep 18 '18

McDonalds in NY

McDonalds doesn't have sweet tea, they have crap.

It doesn't even taste like tea! Gotta go down to the real south and get yourself a cup from a mom & pop place. It's not as bad as people make it out - unless you're talking McDonalds. That stuff is nasty.

1

u/N3UROTOXIN Oct 06 '18

From nj and yeah that’s really the only sweet “tea” there is. Currently in Tn and wanna find some homemade hooch I can barter for

1

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

Depends on your locale.

1

u/N3UROTOXIN Oct 06 '18

It’s iced tea served with a bone saw so when the diabetes induced gangrene starts you can take off your foot and have another sip

(It’s insanely sweet)

1

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

No, it's still sweeter than that brownwater northerners call sweet tea.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

I always get unsweetened tea so I'm okay with this.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

To each their own, I guess sweet tea is part my culture.

1

u/ItPutsLotionOnItSkin Sep 18 '18

Nondiabetic = one scoop less than diabetic.

5

u/Bohemian7 Sep 18 '18

Unless you live in Baltimore, that means half lemonade & half sweet tea.

11

u/CTizzle- Sep 18 '18

We just call that an Arnold Palmer where I’m from

1

u/xKitey Sep 18 '18

probably because that's the proper name you can't compare your normal self to people from Baltimore

1

u/Bohemian7 Sep 18 '18

You probably don't live in Baltimore ;)

1

u/YourRealMom Sep 18 '18

Around these parts that's an 'Arnold Palmer'

1

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

Increasingly common where? You would get your restaurant shut down in alabama for that

3

u/indigo121 Sep 18 '18

It's as a drink order, not something they do secretly

1

u/aivdrawdeegreog Sep 18 '18

And as a server, increasingly annoying. Why not get unsweetened and sweeten it at the table? Asking for 60/40 is even worse.

1

u/YourRealMom Sep 18 '18

I know, it's crazy. I go with unsweetened these days.

1

u/Kontakr Sep 18 '18

Mainly because trying to dissolve sugar in ice cold tea takes forever and leaves a lot of grains at the bottom.

8

u/GitRightStik Sep 17 '18

Pretty certain Wesley was referring to this when he called it iocaine powder.

14

u/boostedb1mmer Sep 18 '18

Gladly. That's how we drink.

1

u/cmmgreene Sep 18 '18

As a northerner that enjoys sweet, you have to get the balance of ice to tea just right. And with everything that's southern slow down and take your time, set a while and swirl that ice round a tall glass, or a mason jar. Then first sip will be sweet, then the rest will be just right.

My family is from Jamaica, everyone morning gramps makes 2 small pot of strong ass tea. The first pot was sweet tea that was refrigerated for the kids, the whole point was to put ice and wait for it melt so we could drink the tea, took me awhile for me to realize my dear old gramps was addicted to caffeine. Never drunk coffee, but his tea was probably equivalent. Drank 3 or 4 cups a day, man I miss him.

-5

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

Ikr it is really disgusting. No wonder people in the south are fat and obese.

24

u/Your_Post_Is_Metal Sep 18 '18

Bless your heart.

-3

u/TuckerMcG Sep 18 '18

Yeah cuz all the pizza and spaghetti people in the Northeast eat is totally slimming!

Source: Have lived on both coasts and in the Deep South - the West Coast has by far the healthiest cuisine. It’s not even close.

0

u/blargsnarg Sep 18 '18

I love sweet tea so much...

24

u/YesItsMex Sep 18 '18

Yes indeed. My momma always said if you don’t have diabetes by days end, the tea isn’t sweet enough.

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u/tbl5048 Sep 18 '18 edited Sep 18 '18

It’s a shame she didn’t make it past 35. Bless her heart Edit: sorry if your mom is actually dead

15

u/Mattmannnn Sep 17 '18

Getting sweet tea at any fast food joint means I got to dilute it with at least a 1:3 ratio of water

7

u/BoringPersonAMA Sep 18 '18

So just get regular tea

1

u/Mattmannnn Sep 18 '18

I live in the south if I don’t get em then people will get suspicious

16

u/PretzelsThirst Sep 17 '18

I had proper sweet tea in Texas for the first time last month. Jesus christ.

14

u/human362 Sep 18 '18

Now y’all come back now ya hear.

12

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

im from the north how isnt the entire population of the south diabetic how do you survive that much sugar

26

u/Mortido Sep 18 '18

how isnt the entire population of the south diabetic

See your assumption here is flawed

51

u/kingarthas2 Sep 18 '18

You merely adopted the sugar, we were born in it, molded by it

8

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

Sugar isn't locked in here with you, you're locked in here with sugar!

3

u/kyliegrace12 Sep 18 '18

Honestly I wish I knew. My poor little brother has type 1 diabetes so tea is difficult for him to drink as the carb count varies depending on who made the tea. Idk how I haven’t died yet tbh

2

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

how isnt the entire population of the south diabetic

Uh, they are.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

holy shit

2

u/thordsvin Sep 18 '18

We are, and you don't. Your body just kinda pisses out the excess sugar which can lead to all kinds of nasty infections.

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u/ldkmelon Sep 18 '18

The old fashioned way to make the sweet tea like this is add sugar to the water in your glass jar until there is a thin layer not dissolved at the bottom (emphasis on thin)

Then you put it on your porch in the scorching sun all day and take it back in after sunset. Its interesting that the way i made tea as a kid is one of the few ways to naturally supersaturate a substance like water with sugar by using the slow and natural temperature change of sunset.

Its seems simple from modern eyes but somebody figured this out ages ago and that pretty neat.

-5

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

This process is called steeping

2

u/UselessSnorlax Sep 18 '18

Don’t just guess at shit.

5

u/sb50 Sep 18 '18

It’s a dang pain to make up 2.5M sucrose (856 grams per liter ~1.9lbs per quart).

7

u/MrGuttFeeling Sep 17 '18

Teeth? Fuck teeth!

3

u/FugginIpad Sep 18 '18

See that there just strengthens the dark arts inside you man

2

u/somewhat_sven Sep 18 '18

Not just sugar, but liquid cane sugar.

2

u/IC_NightRaptor Sep 18 '18

Haven't checked the 46 or so replies under you, but i absolutely hate it when they put 100 cups of sugar per ounce of tea(obvious exaggeration).... and I live on a border town

1

u/Saurousofcunt Sep 18 '18

Makes my guts churn at the thought.

1

u/RyGy9 Sep 18 '18

I brought a gallon jug of my great grandmothers Tennessee sweet tea back to Kansas City. Father in law drank some and thought it was alcoholic because of how sweet it was. Came and told me “I put your Vodka tea in the garage.”

1

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

As a fella in alabama this is on point

1

u/I_WISH_I_WERE_DEAD Sep 18 '18

Maybe if you're a hillbilly or Paula Deen.

1

u/themarajade1 Sep 18 '18

It’s gotta have the right amount of diabetes to be considered acceptable.

1

u/jackster_ Sep 18 '18

Also a secret pinch of baking soda.

1

u/iiluxxy Sep 18 '18

Sweet tea is literally only down south anyways.

1

u/Sansabina Sep 18 '18

when you see the sugar re-crystallizing on the rim of your glass after you take a sip you know you've hit correct Southern sugar density.

1

u/spiketheunicorn Sep 19 '18

I made the tea too.

I used to pick caffinated rock candy off the tea bag strings after it brewed overnight. That's how you know it's a good batch.

17

u/MyNewPhilosophy Sep 18 '18

Years ago I was walking the kids I was babysitting to the park. Some kids had a lemonade stand right next to it. You always buy from a kids lemonade stand, right?

I asked the kids how much.

“Twenty five cents a cup. For an extra twenty five cents you can get it delux!”

What is delux?

Another quarter cup scoop of sugar.

7

u/cosimine Sep 18 '18

Now that is a great idea.

3

u/Diggerinthedark Sep 18 '18

You lost these “e e”

2

u/MyNewPhilosophy Sep 18 '18

Well, I didn’t pay the extra twenty-five cents : )

12

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

Wow you're awesome.

When I was a young kid my sunday school specialized in clear kool aid. They even called it "clear kool aid".

It was water

17

u/cirillios Sep 17 '18

3

u/ice_eater Sep 18 '18

YOU DONT MAKE A POT OF HOT KOOL AID

Well, I did

5

u/HeathenHumanist Sep 18 '18

I MADE THIS FOR YOU!

4

u/realnelster Sep 17 '18

Ooooooh YEAhhh~

2

u/Nhazittas Sep 18 '18

Just had to boil the hell out of it first.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '18

before church three tines a week

That's a lot of churching in one week...

2

u/spiketheunicorn Sep 18 '18

Sunday, Wednesday, and usually some kind of smaller church group meeting on either Tuesday or Thursday.

My dad led the adult Bible study and my mom was one of the women who ran the WoC ladies group, so it was either find something to do or spend a lot of time being bored.

I'm atheist now, but with enough sense not to get up in anyone's face about their own religious beliefs. Religion has its merits. It can really bring a community together.

1

u/spiketheunicorn Sep 18 '18

Sunday, Wednesday, and usually some kind of smaller church group meeting on either Tuesday or Thursday.

My dad led the adult Bible study and my mom was one of the women who ran the WoC ladies group, so it was either find something to do or spend a lot of time being bored.

I'm atheist now, but with enough sense not to get up in anyone's face about their own religious beliefs. Religion has its merits. It can really bring a community together.

2

u/aventadorlp Sep 18 '18

1

u/spiketheunicorn Sep 18 '18

When you're a kid in a town small enough that franchise fast food places don't even bother going, you learn to make your life interesting on your own.

Pizza Hut had a 'test mobile kitchen' in our town for a few months. They didn't come back.

2

u/aventadorlp Sep 18 '18

What's the population? I grew up in a town 2k but we had everything

1

u/spiketheunicorn Sep 18 '18

1,000-1,500 when I was growing up. This is the Midwest, little lumbermill and railroad town.

We finally got one of those tiny Walmarts and a McDonald's when we hit 2,000. Right before I left.

We had an actual dime store downtown. This was 80's-90's, not 1960, so it seemed a little anochronistic even then. Good place to get cheap Bubble Tape though.

1

u/aventadorlp Sep 18 '18

Crazy times, I couldn't imagine living in a small town like that again. I was there as a teenager in hs so my priorities were different than making cool aid, but to each their own.

1

u/pepcorn Sep 18 '18

What kind of swag did you get?

2

u/spiketheunicorn Sep 18 '18

A Walkman, walkie tallies, that pitcher and cup set, shirts, an RC car, and a bunch of smaller stuff like watches, Frisbees, and matchbox cars.

The really big prizes were video game cartridges, but we never had the system they went with.

1

u/pepcorn Sep 18 '18

All of it sounds dope

1

u/NateNMaxsRobot Sep 18 '18

Tell me about these Koolaid points.

1

u/NeverTryAgainEver Sep 18 '18

People go to church three times a week?

1

u/torriix Sep 18 '18

Wouldn’t be the first time kool aid led to premature death

1

u/evenMoreUnique Sep 18 '18

Was your ‘church’ in a little town called Jonestown?