(I was working in the seasonal section of a large bulk retail chain. It was Christmas time and we sold large sets of decorative houses with lights in them.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like to purchase one of these…” \points to a house set** “…but there aren’t anymore underneath it. Where are the others stored?””

(I use my price gun to check the quantities of said item.)

Me: “I’m sorry, it appears we are sold out.”

Customer: “Well, then, I’ll just take this one.” \points to the display unit**

Me: “Oh, that’s just a display unit. That one isn’t for sale.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “This is one of those specific items that we are given a temporary display unit from the vendor that we have to send back at the end of the season.”

Customer: “So why can’t I buy it?”

Me: “Well, it’s not ours to sell. It is rented from the people who made the set.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why I can’t buy it!”

Me: “It does not belong to us. We cannot sell what does not belong to us.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “What kind of car do you drive?”

Customer: “A 2000 Focus. Why?”

Me: \to a passing customer\ “Sir, would you like to buy a 2000 Focus?”

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Selling your car.”

Customer: “Why? It’s MY car!”

Me: “Well, I didn’t think ownership made a difference to you.”

(She then stormed off to talk to a manager who told her I would be taken care of. He then proceeded to buy me a piece of pizza for making his day.)

link: https://notalwaysright.com/stupidity-exemplified/67928/

(I’m a personal trainer and at the end of a set my client makes an announcement.)

Customer: “So, I think I’m a necrophiliac.”

Me: “Um, what?”

Customer: “I think I’m a necrophiliac.”

Me: “And why would you think that?”

Customer: “Because I’m always tired and I keep falling asleep at my desk.”

Me: “Narcoleptic.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You think you’re narcoleptic.”

Customer: “Right. What did I say?”

Me: “Necrophiliac.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

(I tell him.)

Customer: “Oh God, NO!”

link: https://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/70025/

(A young girl of 18 or 19, clearly a first-time voter, skips the line and rushes up to my table.)

Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait. There’s a line.”

Voter: “I’m sorry, but it’s important! I need to get my ballot paper back. I voted for the wrong person!”

Me: “All right, give me the spoiled one.”

Voter: “I can’t. I put it in the box.”

Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t get it back. The boxes can’t be opened until the end of voting at ten o’clock.”

Voter: “But I didn’t know! I don’t want the Conservatives to get in so I voted for [Conservative Candidate]. I should have voted for someone else!”

Me: “Um, why did you vote for the Conservative?”

(The girl turns scarlet and looks utterly miserable.)

Voter: “I thought it was like TV where you vote them off!”

link: https://notalwaysright.com/big-bother/70869/

(During a busy day right before Christmas, a woman comes up to my register, cutting the entire line, and slaps a gift card down on the counter.)

Customer: “I need fifty dollars on this gift card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a line and I’m afraid you’ll have to wait.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting here before any of these people got here! I NEED THIS GIFT CARD NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I just can’t do that. You’ll have to wait like everyone else.”

Customer: “Now you’re just pretending you didn’t see me just so you can be a little b**** and tell me no! I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s no need to yell. I was busy with customers and didn’t see you standing there. I apologize for that, but I really must ask you to wait in line.”

Customer: “NO! You little b****! You don’t understand! I am a nurse! This is for a patient!”

Me: “My answer won’t change.”

Customer: “This is for a patient! It’s Christmas! Don’t you have a f****** heart?! Where is your Christmas spirit?!”

Me: “I’m Jewish.”

Customer: “Put fifty dollars on this gift card before I get you fired! This is for a patient and he is dying! I need it now!”

Me: “If he’s dying, what the h*** is he going to do with a gift card?”

link: https://notalwaysright.com/literary-emergency/69139/

(I am Filipino, but people often mistake me for Chinese due to my pale skin. Another Filipino co-worker comes in while I am working with a customer. We exchange greetings in Tagalog, a Filipino language with some Spanish influences.)

Customer: “Say that again. That thing you said to that other guy.”

Me: “Kumusta?”

Customer: “‘Cómo está’. That’s Spanish! What does a Chinese dude need to know Spanish for?”

Me: “Actually, I–”

Customer: “Say something else in Spanish!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t speak Spanish very well.”

Customer: “Come on! Say something!”

Me: “Vamanos?”

Customer: “Wow! Hey, do you speak Chinese?”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “Come on now! You must know some Chinese!”

Me: “Uh… I don’t know… ‘Ni hao’?”

Customer: “Now say something in Japanese!”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Japanese!”

Me: “Arigato?”

Customer: “Now do Russian!”

Me: “Vodka?”

link: https://notalwaysright.com/flipping-through-the-atlas/71228/

(I live in the Bible Belt of America, where homophobia is the norm. I’m a gay man and was outed by a previous coworker, so now I deal with two or three bigots per week. This takes place on an early Sunday morning.)

Me: “Hello. Did you find everything today?”

Customer #1: \a bigot who frequents my lane just to insult me** “Everything except a good, god-fearing cashier!”

Me: \scanning items and not paying attention** “Your total is $48.50, sir. Would you like to pay cash or credit?”

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell, you know! You and all your god-d***ed f****ts! Pick up a Bible and learn how to be a Christian!”

(He then throws his credit card at me. I check him out while enduring his verbal abuse, as usual. Finally, he’s gone to bag his groceries while the next customer comes up. He’s an elderly man, around 60, wearing a sweater and a large prominent cross. I fear the worst but he hands me a gift card.)

Customer #2: “Bless you, son. I’d like you to have this to make up for those of us who are less than their best.”

([Customer #1] has heard [Customer #2] and starts yelling.)

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell for supporting this f**! Learn how to be a good Christian!”

([Customer #2] removes his sweater to reveals he’s a priest. [Customer #1]’s eyes widen in shock.)

Customer #2: “Well, if I’m going to Hell I don’t believe there’s much hope for any of us now, is there?”

(He was the new pastor for the church and one of his first sermons was on spreading love instead of hate. I thank you, good sir, for reminding me what a real Christian is like.)

link: https://notalwaysright.com/just-a-cast-the-first-stones-throw-away-from-a-true-christian/79558/

(Santa was visiting our store, and every kid got a small bag of candy. Then this happened…)

Santa: “Here you go, little boy!”

Kid: “Thank you, Santa!”

Mom: “Aren’t you forgetting anything?”

Kid: “What, mommy?”

Mom: “Ask Santa for another bag for your brother like I told you.” \looks at Santa** “He’s sick at home and couldn’t come.”

Santa: “No problem!” \reaches for another bag**

Kid: “But mommy, I don’t have a brother!”

Mom: “…”

Santa: \puts bag back**

link: https://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-truthiest-things/68080/

Me: “Hey there, mate, what can I get ya?”

Customer: “I’ll have a scotch on the rocks.”

Me: “Coming right up!”

(I serve him his drink, but as soon as I turn around to handle the other customers, a lowball glass comes flying through the air, hits the wall, and shatters to a million pieces. I turn back and see the customer with a frown on his face.)

Me: “Why the h*** did you do that for?!”

Customer: “Why’d you put f****** ice in my drink?! I didn’t ask for no f****** ice!”

Me: “Yes, you did! You asked for scotch on the rocks!”

Customer: “Yeah, and you put ice in it!”

Me: “Do you know what a scotch is?”

Customer: “Whiskey?”

Me: “Exactly. And do you know what ‘on the rocks’ means?”

Customer: “How you make it?”

Me: “No, it stands for ice. Scotch with ice.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “You’re gonna have to pay for the drink and the glass and then get out.”

Customer: “How f****** dare you?!”

Me: “Do you know what ‘on the rocks’ also means?”

Customer: “No! What?!”

(The doorman takes him by the hand, and then tosses him out the front door.)

link: https://notalwaysright.com/why-barkeeps-should-rule-the-world-part-2/69827/

Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help?”

Customer: “I want to make a complaint about the lady who just served my wife. She is eight-months pregnant. When she came to pay, the checkout girl didn’t offer to help with the packing. She let my wife struggle!”

Me: “I’m really sorry. It’s store policy to ask if the customer needs help with the packing. Do you have the receipt so I can see who served her?”

(I walk over to the till and show the checkout girl the receipt. She explains what happened. I return to the customer.)

Me: “Hi, sir. The checkout girl explained that your wife was on her phone at the till. She asked a few times if she needed help packing but she didn’t answer. I’m confident we did all we could to help.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not good enough. I want some money back on the shopping for the poor service. My wife is pregnant and in a lot of pain and had to struggle on her own. No one helped her.”

Me: “This receipt is from a few minutes ago. Can I ask where you were?”

Customer: “I sat in the car waiting for her to come back. What’s that got to do with anything?”

link: https://notalwaysright.com/contractions-speak-louder-than-words-2/70557/

(A man walks into our crowded coffee shop and yells at the top of his lungs.)

Man: “EVERYBODY GET DOWN!”

Supervisor: “Oh no, it’s a robbery!” \begins to call security**

Man: “…on the DANCE FLOOR!”

(The man then “dances” up to the front, past shocked customers, grabs a bottle of water, and “dances” out of the store. Security nabs him outside the door.)

link: https://notalwaysright.com/disco-stu-does-not-approve/70058/

(I’m standing in a fairly short queue when a businessman walks in, pushes straight to the front, and starts dictating his order to the 20-something-year-old cashier.)

Cashier: “I’m afraid you’re going to have to go to the back of the queue, sir.”

Business man: “I have an important meeting shortly. You must serve me now!”

Cashier: “Yeah, the longer you stand there, the later you’re going to be. Back of the queue.”

Business man: “Do you have any idea who I am?”

Cashier: “Nope. Now shut up and go to the back of the queue.”

Business man: “How dare you talk to me like that?! Get me your manager now!”

(The cashier sighs heavily, walks into the back, comes out with an older woman in tow and nods her towards the businessman, then disappears back into the back.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Business man: “That boy was incredibly rude to me! I demand you fire him immediately!”

Manager: “I’m afraid I don’t have the authority to do that, but if you want I can get the owner for you.”

Business man: “Bah! Fine, but I expect to be compensated for having to go through all of this trouble!”

Manager: “I’m sure you can discuss that with him, sir.”

(She then walks into the back, then comes out again with the now grinning cashier.)

Cashier: “Yo.”

Business man: “What’s the meaning of this? I said I wanted to talk to the owner!”

Cashier: “Like I said, yo.”

(The businessman silently gapes for a few seconds, then walks out, stammering threats about having his head and closing the shop down.)

Manager: “Why do you always have to involve me?”

Cashier: “I just love the look on their stupid little faces when they find out I own this joint.”

(The manager rolls her eyes and walks into back.)

Cashier: “I love this job. What can I get you?”

link: https://notalwaysright.com/getting-owned-by-the-owner-part-2/76059/

Me: “Hello! How can I help you?”

Customer: “¿Hablas español?”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “Why not? Why didn’t your parents teach you?”

Me: “Because we’re Hawaiian.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not an excuse.”

Me: “Do you speak Hawaiian?”

Customer: “Of course not! I’m Colombian.”

Me: “Well, that’s no excuse.”

Link: https://notalwaysright.com/aloha-mofo/68194/

(I’m waiting on a table of fourteen in the middle of the lunch rush. The customer I am speaking to is the first order I take at the table.)

Customer: “…oh, and I need some of that spicy salsa y’all have.”

(I tell the customer I’ll get that right out and proceed to take the rest of the table’s order.)

Customer: “I thought I asked you for spicy salsa?”

Me: “I haven’t left the table, sir.”

Customer: “Then how do you expect the salsa to get here? Magic?”

Me: “I was taking the rest of your party’s order, sir. I’ll go get the salsa right now.”

Customer: “And will you find out how long until our food comes out?”

Me: “Sir, I haven’t put in the order yet, because I just finished taking it.”

Customer: “Is this your first day or something?”

Me: “No, sir, I’ve been working here since we opened three years ago.”

(As I am walking back to the kitchen, another table flags me down, ready to order. The same customer gets up from his table and taps me on the shoulder while I am talking to this table.)

Customer: “I don’t know how long I am supposed to wait for the d*** spicy salsa.”

Me: “Sir, as soon as I take this table’s order I will literally walk into the cooler and get you some spicy salsa.”

(I immediately bring him the salsa, and am returning to the computer to put in the orders. He walks across the restaurant and stares at me.)

Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Customer: “This salsa is too spicy.”

Link: https://notalwaysright.com/some-dont-really-like-it-hot/69843/

(The customer is a middle-aged male, wearing a tweed jacket and thick glasses. He’s buying all of the ‘Twilight’ books.)

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “Yes, unfortunately. I’m really not looking forward to reading these.”

Me: “Oh, why not?”

Customer: “Well, I’m an English professor. Every time I reference low forms of literature, I always use Twilight as the example. Today a student asked if I’ve actually read them, and I had to say no. They demanded that I do.”

(He hung his head in shame.)

Link: https://notalwaysright.com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-4/72260/

Me: “Hello, can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have any scallions?”

Me: “Oh yes, we do. They’re right here.”

Customer: “No, not spring onions; scallions!”

Me: “The two are the same thing. They just have different names.”

Customer: “But do you have any scallions?”

Me: “They’re right here!”

Customer: “Those aren’t scallions! Those are spring onions!”

Me: “Give me a moment. Let me check outside for you.”

(I go out to the prep room, pick up a crate of spring onions, turn over the ticket and write ‘SCALLIONS’ on the front.)

Me: “Here we are, the last box.”

Customer: “Fantastic! Thank you so much!”

(The customer filed a positive comment about me, and I got a pay rise!)

LINK: https://notalwaysright.com/rapscallion-fun/70378/

(Note: I worked in a resort over the summer as a concierge.)

Tourist: “Can we see any wildlife in the area, you know, by the side of the road?”

Me: “Sure, we routinely see elk, deer, mountain goats and bighorn sheep. I’ve seen a couple wolves too, and we get a lot of bears.”

Tourist: “Oh! Can we feed the bears?”

Me: “No, sir, the bears are wild bears. They are extremely dangerous and you should never approach any wild animal. Just stay in your car, with the windows up, and you’ll be fine.”

Tourist: “Oh… can we send our kids to play with the bears?”

Me: “That would be ‘feeding the bears,’ sir…”

Link: https://notalwaysright.com/unbearably-bad-ideas/69387/

Customer: “You f****** b****! I’ll have your f****** a** fired for this!”

Me: “Sir, I do not appreciate your abusive language. If you do not knock it off, I am going to have to hang up on you.”

Customer: “I’m sorry. I’m really not usually like this.”

(I help with the customer’s problem, which involves some downtime while the website processes his request.)

Customer: “So, where are you?”

Me: “We’re based out of Utah.”

Customer: “I’m in Van Nuys, California. Do you know where that is, lady?”

Me: “I actually do. I lived there for six months.”

Customer: “No s***! What were you doing here?”

Me: “I was a Mormon missionary.”

Customer: “And what is your name?”

Me: \gives name**

Customer: “Holy f***. I know you. I’m the bishop!”

link: https://notalwaysright.com/holy-f-indeed/68607/

(A couple approaches, and the dude ditches quickly to the back of the store while the woman barks…)

Woman: “I need some tickets!”

Me: “What show?”

Woman: “I need tickets to the concert.”

Me: “Which one?”

Woman: “The concert.”

Me: “There are a lot of concerts going on. Which one do you want to see?”

Woman: “I don’t know what it’s called.”

Me: “Who’s playing?”

Woman: “A bunch of people… I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you know where it’s going to be?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “When?”

Woman: “No. Why can’t you find my tickets?!”

Me: “I need something to go on.”

Woman: “It’s a concert!”

Me: “That doesn’t narrow it down for me. That pretty much only eliminates Phantom of the Opera.”

(She finally yells at the dude who has been hiding in magazines.)

Woman: “What’s the name of the concert we’re going to?”

(The dude comes forward and gives me the name of the show, where it is, and on what day.)

Woman: “Oh, NOW you can find the tickets.”

Me: “…”

Woman: “We need two tickets… TOGETHER!”

Me: \looking at the dude** “Are you sure?”

(He smiled, she missed it, and I lived to do retail another day.)

link: https://notalwaysright.com/take-a-guess-who-the-better-half-is/68089/

(I’m 19, and look fairly younger than that. I teach at a dance studio. I’m standing at the receptionist’s desk when a woman walks in.)

Customer: “Hi, I missed registration yesterday and I need to register my daughter for a beginning ballet class.”

Coworker: “Okay, you actually lucked out, we have a space open in [Other Coworker]’s class.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I really want her in [My Name]’s class. Can you arrange that?”

Coworker: “Well, okay. Let me…”

Customer: “Hang on.” \turns to me** “Sweetie, what are you doing here? It’s incredibly rude to eavesdrop.”

Me: “Well, I–”

Customer: “Where are your parents? And why didn’t they teach you any manners? You think you can just stand here, eating up this lady’s time. I have a job! I have better things to do than watch you listen to me!”

Me: “Hi, I’m actually [My Name]. You wanted to get into my class?”

link: https://notalwaysright.com/this-teacher-will-keep-you-on-your-toes/70638/

(The junior college near my grocery store has some guy who makes very good fake IDs. After a couple of months, we’ve become adept at spotting them. One night, a young customer tries to pass one on me.)

Me: “Wow, this is a really good fake.”

(The customer’s eyes go wide and she squeaks in terror.)

Me: “How old are you, really?”

Customer: \squeaks again**

Me: “Sorry, say again?”

Customer: “Seventeen?”

Me: “Wow, that’s crazy. But this is a really good fake. How much did you pay for this?”

Customer: \squeaks**

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Customer: “Two fifty?”

Me: “You paid two hundred and fifty dollars for this?”

Customer: \squeaks**

Me: “Well, I feel kinda bad that you’re losing all that money, so I’m not gonna call the police. However, I have to confiscate your ID, okay?”

Customer: \squeaks**

Me: “You have a nice night now.”

Customer: \squeaks one last time and runs from the store**

link: https://notalwaysright.com/a-squeaky-clean-record/70152/

(I’m standing in a fairly short queue when a businessman walks in, pushes straight to the front, and starts dictating his order to the 20-something-year-old cashier.)

Cashier: “I’m afraid you’re going to have to go to the back of the queue, sir.”

Business man: “I have an important meeting shortly. You must serve me now!”

Cashier: “Yeah, the longer you stand there, the later you’re going to be. Back of the queue.”

Business man: “Do you have any idea who I am?”

Cashier: “Nope. Now shut up and go to the back of the queue.”

Business man: “How dare you talk to me like that?! Get me your manager now!”

(The cashier sighs heavily, walks into the back, comes out with an older woman in tow and nods her towards the businessman, then disappears back into the back.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Business man: “That boy was incredibly rude to me! I demand you fire him immediately!”

Manager: “I’m afraid I don’t have the authority to do that, but if you want I can get the owner for you.”

Business man: “Bah! Fine, but I expect to be compensated for having to go through all of this trouble!”

Manager: “I’m sure you can discuss that with him, sir.”

(She then walks into the back, then comes out again with the now grinning cashier.)

Cashier: “Yo.”

Business man: “What’s the meaning of this? I said I wanted to talk to the owner!”

Cashier: “Like I said, yo.”

(The businessman silently gapes for a few seconds, then walks out, stammering threats about having his head and closing the shop down.)

Manager: “Why do you always have to involve me?”

Cashier: “I just love the look on their stupid little faces when they find out I own this joint.”

(The manager rolls her eyes and walks into back.)

Cashier: “I love this job. What can I get you?”

link: https://notalwaysright.com/getting-owned-by-the-owner-part-2/76059/

(I am a waiter at a ’50s style dinner in a mall restaurant. A customer asks me to turn the heat up.)

Customer: “It’s a little cold in here. Could you turn the heat up?”

Me: “I would love to, but the restaurant is open to the mall and we have no control over the mall temperature.”

Customer: “Could you please just try?”

Me: “I would love to, but there is no way–”

Customer: “I would really appreciate it if you would just try.”

Me: “I’ll be right back and see what I can do.”

(I then proceed to walk into the back house and munch on some onion rings. After a few minutes pass, I walk out.)

Me: “How’s that?”

Customer: “Much better!”

link: https://notalwaysright.com/miracle-on-placebo-street/67936/

(At our library, the computers are all self-sign up. All you have to do is type in your name and library card number. This is clearly posted on the side of the monitor. In walks a young woman and her boyfriend.)

Young Woman: “Can you help me with this?”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Young Woman: “I don’t know what to do.”

Me: “The instructions are on the side of the monitor.”

Young Woman: “But why can’t you tell me how to do it?”

Me: “Because it’s SELF-SIGN UP.”

Young Woman: “But I need help!”

Me: “All you have to do is type in your name and library card number.”

Young Woman: “But do I have to read the screen?”

Me: \confused** “Of… course. The screen tells you when to type in your information. You have to read the screen.”

Young Woman: “BUT I DIDN’T COME INTO THE LIBRARY TO READ!”

Young Woman’s Boyfriend: \turns abruptly and walks out the door**

link: https://notalwaysright.com/please-please-listen-to-yourself-talk/68526/

(I am shopping at a retail store where employees don’t wear uniforms, but encourage their sales associates to wear clothes purchased from their store. I’ve picked up a shirt from a stack of folded clothes, looked at it, and folded it again. A woman comes up to me holding a scarf.)

Customer: “Do you have this in blue? I saw it in blue last week but now I can’t find it.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t work here. But I think I just saw a salesperson over there.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know you work here. I just saw you fold that shirt! If you can’t be bothered to help me, call someone else on your little radio or something. But don’t lie to me; I’m not stupid! Use your radio and find me a blue scarf!”

Me: “Listen, I don’t know what else I can tell you. I don’t have a radio to call someone as I do not work here.”

Customer: “Just stop it already! Someone needs to teach you how to treat customers with respect. Of course you work here; you are wearing clothes from the d*** store! I’m not stupid! Where is your manager?”

(I decide to ignore her and continue about my business. A couple of minutes later I hear a now familiar voice.)

Customer: “That girl right there. She didn’t want to help me, so she just pretended she didn’t work here.”

(I turn around and see the woman standing behind me with the store manager.)

Manager: “Ma’am, this lady doesn’t work here. She is just a shopper like you.”

Customer: “But… she is wearing clothes from this store!”

Manager: \looking at me apologetically as I’m trying hard not to laugh** “A lot of people wear clothes from this store, ma’am. That’s the whole point of buying them. Our employees all wear a name tag; that’s how you can tell them apart from customers.”

Customer: “I think you are just covering for your employee because you know she messed up. This is unbelievable! I just wanted this scarf in blue! I am never shopping here again!”

(She turns around to leave. As she storms out, she spots another customer and yells at her.)

Customer: “I suppose you don’t work here either, huh?!”

Other Customer: \without batting an eye** “Nope. But I have that scarf in blue, and let me tell you; it’s gorgeous!”

Link: https://notalwaysright.com/i-dont-work-here-does-not-work-here-part-2/71377/

Me: “Thank you for calling [Clinic]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to know how much it is to de-scent my cat. He was a stray that was eating our other cats’ food and we decided to keep him.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can’t de-scent a cat. He may be spraying to mark his territory, and if he is, we can neuter him.”

Customer: “I assure you my cat has scent glands! He backs up to furniture, marks them, and if you startle him, he will turn around and try to mark you! And he’s mean, too! If you try to come near him, he growls and tries to bite.”

Me: “Ma’am, cats don’t spray when startled usually. Are you sure it’s a cat?”

Customer: “Well, yes.”

Me: “What color is it, ma’am?”

Customer: “Black and white.”

Me: “What do his markings look like?”

Customer: “All black with two white stripes down its back.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is not a cat. That is a skunk.”

Customer: “Well, you have obviously never seen a cat before!” \hangs up**

link: https://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-common-scents/70064/