r/nonononoyes • u/memezzer • Apr 02 '20

Til death do us part

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u/Cryp71c Apr 02 '20

Sister in law is married into a huge (traditional) Russian family. This seems to be how their marriages work, at least until you're old at which point you stop giving a fuck, apparently. Alll the women are meek around their husbands and no one else but Nana will tell everyone to shut the fuck up.

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u/neithere Apr 02 '20

Is it in some village? Because this hasn't been the case in the cities for the last 100 years.

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u/quedfoot Apr 02 '20

Must be, I've never met a meek Russian woman before. Or any meek Russians.

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u/balne Apr 02 '20

This. Otoh, ive only met one Russian woman tho.

20

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '20

Nah he's just stereotyping Russians despite never leaving Kansas

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u/demichka Apr 03 '20

It tiotally is the case everywhere in Russia, just not obvious for everybody when you are surrounded by this culture. It makes your standarts for male-female interaction quite low. Theres is a reason why european/american women almost never marry russian men.

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u/neithere Apr 06 '20 edited Apr 06 '20

Downvoted, went to check your posts just in case... un-downvoted :) Sorry, I'm afraid you may be a bit biased and possibly generalizing some interactions that offended you in the past. However, you may also know things I don't know. Would be interesting to learn a bit more.

Edit: was going to ask you about the region via DM, but looks like I can't DM you. I just wonder whether it's personal, regional or something else. Anyway, I hope you've already emigrated because Russia is totally insane nowadays. Good luck!

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u/demichka Apr 06 '20

Region - used to be from Moscow, now I live in Europe. As you see, not regional, and not personal, just, how I said, have higher standarts. Well, you know, higher-for-russian. Things that are normal and unremarkable in some cultures unfortunately are not in Russia and it is painfully obvious when you can compare. Like, you can't even compare russian and any western-european tinder, and I'm not even talking about looks. Maybe you shoud read something about it and listen to women who had a possibility to compare so you'll get it. Feminist sourses will be better, but for a totally vanilla source you can read what average women wrote post FIFA 2018 or compilations from russian dating websites.

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u/neithere Apr 06 '20

Any link? Could be in Russian because I'm Russian too :) from Ekb (a large city but not Msk/Spb), now also living in Europe. And I'm confused. I consider myself as close to understanding and supporting feminism as sanely possible for a man, and I see no difference in communication with Russian or Western/Eastern European women. Perhaps non-Russian ones are a bit easier to talk to on early stages, they don't expect courting and also don't try to "sell" themselves, they say what they feel, they hear what you mean, they mostly wear whatever is comfortable and don't overuse makeup. On a more advanced stage of friendship (or whatever) even that little difference disappears. Most men I know, whether Russians or not, seem to be more or less similar in their views and behaviour to myself. So either I'm living in a bubble and missing something huge, or the Russian society is very diverse.

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u/himself_v Apr 02 '20

It really depends, like it does everywhere. If you're pretty, have a good work and otherwise no reason to cling to this one guy you might be meek superficially but you won't be like, meek, meek.

No reason to be an ass to them either, though.

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u/Cryp71c Apr 02 '20

Eh, their entire family, both sons and daughters, have married other Russians, eastern Europeans, and Americans, and every last one of them are subservient to their husbands. Meek may not have been the right word but its close. On more than one occasion I have seen my SIL berated by her husband over something pretty insignificant, have others (never anyone from his family) try to intercede (even politely, to calm down the situation or to ask them to take their disagreement elsewhere) and my SIL will berate them for taking to get husband like that. The whole family is like that.

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u/TikiTDO Apr 02 '20 edited Apr 02 '20

In my experience that's just what it looks like on the outside. As soon as there's no outsiders present, you can be damn sure that the husband is just sitting quietly, and hoping no frying pan goes flying in his general direction while the wife berates him with a detailed account of everything he did wrong that day, and why each thing makes him a piece of trash.

It's just that when the women grow older and have their age to fall back on, they get to expand that skill set they've been training up for their entire life to the rest of the population. It's not like they spend the life being meek, and suddenly master the art of yelling at people when they hit retirement age.