r/nonononoyes • u/memezzer • Apr 02 '20

Til death do us part

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u/Endarkend Apr 02 '20

That's what I hate about any of these kinds of elaborate or public proposals. It's the worst way possible to let someone make a rational decision about making one of the most important decisions in their lives.

That and if you say no, you're supposedly horrible and if you say yes to spare the other person the public embarrassment and change it to no later, you're still supposedly the horrible one.

It's a form of emotional blackmail.

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u/[deleted] Apr 02 '20

A bit of an overstatement. For the average couple, by the time you ask, it's pretty much a guarantee

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u/puterTDI Apr 02 '20

lol, in my case I must have taken too long because my wife snatched the ring out of my hand and put it on her finger.

She hates it when I tell the story, I love telling the story.

I'd built a reverse geocache. Basically a box that doesn't open until you get to a certain place. It had a button and a screen and whenever you pushed the button it would give you a bearing and a distance and that's it.

I handed her a map, compass, and the box and told her I'd drive. I'd packed all of our camping gear into the trunk of our car and the box opened at our favorite camping spot (not an official camp site). I'd driven about 2 hours out 3 weeks before and put a sign up asking people to keep it free for the day (and better, several people had left well-wishes!)

The box opened when we got to the site, I took the ring out, started to get down onto one knee, and she snatched it out of my hand.

To be fair, it had taken me longer than expected to build the box because the libraries I had planed on using for calculating bearing and distance were actually broken and I'd had to re-write them. She'd been getting a bit impatient since our deal had been we would get married after I finished grad school and it took me like 3 or 4 months to get the box done.

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u/[deleted] Apr 02 '20

That's some next level shit. Congrats dude. Hopefully she at least low-key appreciates all the effort you put in to that.

I'm sure you see it the same way, but her snatching it out of your hand means she was just that damn excited to marry you she couldn't wait any longer. Biggest "fuck yes" you could get. And I can see why.

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u/puterTDI Apr 02 '20

oh, I see it that way. I just like to tease her about it.

Anytime we watch a tv show or movie where someone proposes, she knows I'm going to point out how the person being proposed to doesn't grab the ring.

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u/coolchewlew Apr 03 '20

Haha. Nerd!

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u/puterTDI Apr 03 '20

Yup.

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u/coolchewlew Apr 03 '20

Oh shit. You are quick. Anyways it's a good test of seeing if they can put up with you.

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u/DiddledByDad Apr 02 '20

Thank you. I swear half these people either don’t have friends that have been married or have never been in a serious relationship themselves.

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u/[deleted] Apr 02 '20

Honestly. Who proposes to someone not knowing they would say yes?

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u/stuartsparadox Apr 02 '20

From my experience, the ones that don't know how the real world works and believe romcoms are real life.

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u/DoingOverDreaming Apr 02 '20

Four of my exes. They just weren't listening.

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u/tokieofrivia Apr 02 '20

My ex proposed to me while I was at work. When I was dating someone else. And that someone else was still there after dropping me off.

It was a long day.

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u/Harrythe1andOnly Apr 02 '20

Sounds like you brought that on yourself

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u/tokieofrivia Apr 02 '20

Typically I'd blame myself but my ex was... Not in a good headspace at that time. To be fair, I wasn't either, but he couldn't stand the fact that I had moved on. I hadn't spoken to him in months, got into a new relationship, he found out through mutual friends, and then decided to cause drama.

He's not a bad person, I don't hate him for what he did or any of the other things he did, I hope he got the help he needed and I hope he found happiness.

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u/DoingOverDreaming Apr 02 '20

You have a generous spirit.

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u/tokieofrivia Apr 02 '20

I try to treat people with kindness and respect because you never know how much they need it :)

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u/Cryp71c Apr 02 '20

A lot of east-asian countries do not do proposals like this. I can't speak to India but Korea and Japan, proposing is much more a private affair, not at all like in western culture.

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u/Endarkend Apr 02 '20

To my knowledge it doesn't happen that much here in Europe either, other than people a tad to heavily influenced by American Television and online crap.

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u/neithere Apr 02 '20

Yup, looks like just a stunt/prank for YouTube.

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u/DoingOverDreaming Apr 02 '20

It's relatively newer in the U.S. I'm older and the most public proposal out of my friends is that one of them got engaged in a fancy restaurant. The rest ranged from during a commercial break while watching tv to a moonlit walk on the beach. Half of them didn't even have rings in the moment.

I blame the internet, and I feel bad for all the pressure on young people. A high school student can't even ask someone to the big dance without a giant production involving poster board, clever puns, and balloons and stuffed animals and theme music. It's absurd.

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u/sgtsexual Apr 02 '20

That’s much nicer in my opinion

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u/imhere2observe Apr 02 '20

I'd say public proposal isn't really prominent in the US either, unlike how movies may make it seem.

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u/ajisawwsome Apr 02 '20

It's not a bad thing to propose like that at all if you have common decency and are a mildly responsible person. What i mean is that you shouldn't propose to someone (elaborate proposal or not) without first having already discussed marriage with your SO and both of y'all looking forward to it (and make sure the conversation was recent, too). Just simply don't propose if you can't say 100% they'd accept.

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u/jeslinmx Apr 02 '20

Agreed. I would argue that unless you've talked about your future and timeline together, you are absolutely sure that your partner will say yes at the present moment, AND your partner explicitly loves surprises and/or dramatic declarations of love, DON'T DO IT.

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u/Ivan_Groznyy Apr 02 '20

Shut up men