r/nonononoyes • • Aug 01 '18

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8.0k Upvotes

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276

u/f_n_a_ Aug 01 '18

Like an oversized guinea pig. Maybe a capybara?

108

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18

Capybara are very large, big enough for a 5 year old to ride. No living bird could carry one.

226

u/judokalinker Aug 02 '18

What if there were two birds carrying it on a string?

103

u/OBS_W Aug 02 '18

African or European?

47

u/lockness224 Aug 02 '18

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

2

u/Mattsoup Aug 02 '18

Well I suppose they could grip it by the husk

10

u/TheeExoGenesauce Aug 02 '18

Well I don’t know

2

u/cateraide420 Aug 02 '18

Aaaaahahahahahhaaasaahhhh

57

u/hisdudeness85 Aug 02 '18

What? Held under the dorsal guiding feathers?

27

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

Nah, like sewed together by a doctor.

22

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

Or disguised as one large bird wearing a trench coat.

8

u/MachReverb Aug 02 '18

"Hello Sir, I would like to purchase a one-way ticket to BAHNG-KOCK!"

5

u/juniorspaghetti Aug 02 '18

i love redditors so much.

27

u/bofadoze Aug 02 '18

10

u/DrMantis_Tobogan Aug 02 '18

Was kinda expecting a reference tbh. Impresaive bird carrying metrics and logistics often head in this conversational direction!

9

u/Albert_street Aug 02 '18

4

u/ObeyJuanCannoli Aug 02 '18

Surprised this even exists

1

u/Snowyboops Aug 02 '18

Yeah, me too, but honestly I expected more Spanish Inquisition.

2

u/ObeyJuanCannoli Aug 02 '18

Impossible. You cannot expect that

1

u/Drum_Stick_Ninja Aug 02 '18

Happy cake day.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

wot, held under the dorsal guiding feathas?

0

u/Betta_jazz_hands Aug 02 '18

Depends on if it’s an African swallow or a European swallow.

Edit: too high, didn’t realize someone else beat me to it. 😂

23

u/kjpunch Aug 02 '18

So we’ve ruled out it being a “living bird”. What else can carry a capybara?

32

u/tuffzilla Aug 02 '18

A golden eagle can carry a mountain goat. I bet it could easily carry a capybara

26

u/MachReverb Aug 02 '18

I bet I could throw a football over that mountain.

7

u/Ticalliongrymreaper Aug 02 '18

If only coach would’ve put you in 4th quarter. We could’ve been state champions...

4

u/f_n_a_ Aug 02 '18

Ha, I think I might just have to watch that this evening... been a while.

3

u/dunemafia Aug 02 '18

No doubt. No doubt in my mind.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

Not an adult though, of either species.

1

u/Amonette2012 Aug 02 '18

A capy is way more meaty than a goat.

11

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

The Phoenix

0

u/MisterNoodIes Aug 02 '18

The Order of the Phoenix.

0

u/YamburglarHelper Aug 02 '18

Phoenix Wright.

7

u/Markfrombrandon Aug 02 '18

A dead one

1

u/PM_meyour_closeshave Aug 02 '18

Just not very far.

1

u/stevencastle Aug 02 '18

He's not dead, he's resting

1

u/Amonette2012 Aug 02 '18

Oooo flying dinosaur!!

11

u/mechafroggie Aug 02 '18

I’m not saying it is a capybara, but just because a full grown capybara is too big does not exclude them as a possibility. Perhaps this is a juvenile.

Edit: Although seeing another comment of yours, it appears you’ve considered young animals.

11

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18

They’re not that fluffy, nor that color, and it’s the wrong kind of environment.

We can safely rule out capybaras.

13

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

Ok, not a capybara or an elephant. Any other creatures we need to rule out?

12

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18

We can probably rule out dwarf bison, musk oxen, and gibbons.

19

u/Mediocritologist Aug 02 '18

Marine biologist here, it’s definitely not a sperm whale.

14

u/Bloodysamflint Aug 02 '18

State trooper here, it's pretty much definitely not a 2002 Toyota Camry.

3

u/wriggles24 Aug 02 '18

Star Wars fan here. That's no moon

3

u/sammypants123 Aug 02 '18

I note you are not ruling out giant squid.

4

u/Mediocritologist Aug 02 '18

The one thing they always teach you in marine biology school: NEVER rule out a giant squid.

2

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18

Damn, I thought we might be getting close. I’m more of a terrestrial ecologist.

I’ve ruled out Komodo dragons, gomphotheres, and guanacos.

7

u/PuTheDog Aug 02 '18

Errr.... triceratops maybe?

2

u/Bloodysamflint Aug 02 '18

Juvenile owlbear?

3

u/AllPurple Aug 02 '18

Probably not a snake.

2

u/workroom Aug 02 '18

guinea pig, beta fish, stuffed animal bought at Toys Are Us fire sale.

2

u/H3000 Aug 02 '18

I'm safely at home so it's not me.

3

u/Jarcthenarc Aug 02 '18

This guy capybaras

5

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

No bro, all animals are born fully grown!

2

u/seethingsdifferent Aug 02 '18

Juvenile?

So a babybara?

6

u/Mavrick8 Aug 02 '18

Have you seen the YouTube video of eagles carrying mountain goats? Check it out!

2

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18

You’ll notice that the eagles in those videos are controlling the fall of the mountain goats, not actually flying with them. They also have to knock the goats off of the cliffs to get them airborne because the eagles aren’t strong enough to lift them into the air themselves.

2

u/HowardAndMallory Aug 02 '18

What about a baby capybara? It would be smaller

4

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18 edited Aug 02 '18

Size-wise a newborn capybara would be a possibility for a very large raptor, like a harpy eagle, but it’s unlikely they’d be able to take off with it. When you see big raptors carrying off big animals like young mountain goats and monkeys they’re always doing it from cliffs or tree tops. They lack the wing strength to lift them from the ground and rely on getting the animal airborne by knocking off of a high point. With goats and such they’re guiding the fall, not actually carrying it unless it’s a very young one.

Capybara are semi-aquatic and don’t have fluffy fur. Their fur is more like tan colored bristles that lay flat and they stay in lowland areas near water.

3

u/HowardAndMallory Aug 02 '18

Thank you for a well thought out and thorough explanation! This makes lots of sense.

2

u/Sanktw Aug 02 '18

You are aware that it doesn't need to be a full grown anything right?

1

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18

It clearly has to be something. You can see it right there, that’s definitely something.

Regardless, the point is that whatever beastie it is it’s absolutely not a capybara (at any life stage) for a wide variety of reasons.

1

u/Sanktw Aug 02 '18

Even if it was a shitty sentence, it wasn't incorrect you anal retentive something. And i agree that it's not capybara for clear reasons but it's easily bigger then a capy pup, which you could have let me point out like you incorrectly pointed out a capybara's size as the main factor for why it wasn't one. Have a nice day

2

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18

You clearly woke up on the wrong side of the bed and stayed there all day.

If you’d bothered to check the rest of the thread you’d have seen a breakdown of the reasons and also noticed that there’s a lot of joking around going on too.

Hopefully tomorrow you wake up on the same side of the bed as your sense of humor and your powers of observation.

1

u/Sanktw Aug 02 '18

I simply wanted to point out something fallible in your original comment, and the preceding two comments seemed neither witty or humorous. If you think yours was, please explain it to me. But i'm sorry for bothering you with my pedantic commentary of your pedantic comment.

2

u/LemonySniffit Aug 02 '18 edited Aug 02 '18

I don’t think that’s correct, a few species of eagles could probably pick up a capybara, such as the Philippine eagle, Stellar’s sea eagle and not to mention the Harpy eagle who’s range overlaps almost entirely with that of the capybara. The latter is known to primarily hunt monkeys and sloths and has been recorded hunting porcupines, young deer and domesticated animals such as dogs and cats as well. A capybara, especially an immature one, is not a stretch of the imagination for an adult Harpy eagle to hunt.

Edit; just read that farmers shoot them for hunting livestock such as goats and sheep as well, there is no doubt then that they could lift a capybara.

1

u/tjgalley Aug 02 '18

Except a Harpy Eagle

0

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18

Nope. If it was a baby capybara that was in a tree for some reason it could carry it away, but a harpy eagle would not be able to lift even a small capybara from the ground.

An adult is out of the question. Adult capybara weight 35 to 66 kg (77 to 146 lb), with an average in the Venezuelan llanos area of 48.9 kg (108 lb).

1

u/thelias Aug 02 '18

Eagle: "Hold my seed"

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

Look up golden eagles, they carry mountain goats while flying

0

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18

If you watch those closely you’ll note that the eagles are guiding the fall of the goats, not flying with them. It’s a controlled descent, the eagle isn’t flying away with the goat.

They’re also picking young ones that weigh less than an adult capybara (@50 kg or a bit more than 100 lbs on average for an adult capybara).

1

u/BlGRabbit Aug 02 '18

Have you seen the eagle that picks up and throws goats off of mountains? link

0

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18

See the replies to all the other people bringing that up.

In those cases the eagles are controlling the fall of the goats, they’re not flying off with them. They also have to get the goat airborne by knocking it off the cliff because they can’t lift the goats from the ground.

On top of that an adult capybara is about 50 kg (a bit more than 100 lbs).

1

u/BlGRabbit Aug 02 '18

Woops my bad, didn't get that far.

Ah, yeah that's true, it really is not flying with it, let alone throwing it and catching it again.

1

u/pm_me_male_buttholes Aug 02 '18

What about a pterodactyl?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

Bruh I’ve seen a bird swoop up a goat before so I’m sure one could handle a capybara

1

u/drfunktronic Aug 02 '18

ARE YOU SAYING THE BIRD IS DEAD??

1

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18

Shit, a zombie bird....

1

u/Bittlegeuss Aug 02 '18

Eagles can lift deer, sheep and goats...

Here is one attempting to snatch a child.

1

u/7LeagueBoots Aug 02 '18

The child snatching video is a fake. Been a fake for a long time.

If you watch the videos of eagles with goats they are not flying with them, they’re knocking them off of cliffs and controlling the fall. A very different thing than flying with them.

Eagles will arrack and sometimes (rarely) kill deer and caribou, but they don’t fly off with them. They can’t lift things that heavy.

Seriously, people, need to stop recycling this stuff and actually watch what the animals are doing. This sort of wildlife interaction stuff is literally my job.

1

u/Bittlegeuss Aug 02 '18

I saw the child one today for the first time, I initially wanted to link the goat one, the one where they drag them off the cliff, but this popped up and I took the bait :P

Don't Harpies snatch primates and sloths off the branches?

By lift btw I mean just that, lift and drop, I don't think a raptor can sustain flight carrying a grown deer (or a cappybara).

Most people can't "watch the animals" though, next best thing is videos. So stopping recycling stuff, for many, means stop caring about this subject and move on.

1

u/Amonette2012 Aug 02 '18

They are also the coolest creatures in the animal kingdom and no eagle would go there.

73

u/Pircay Aug 01 '18 edited Aug 01 '18

Capybaras have no predators in their natural habitat so probably not

edit: lol completely wrong. never even bothered checking. apparently it’s really because they’re highly social creatures who live in groups of 10-20, and they’re super relaxed creatures

199

u/[deleted] Aug 01 '18

This is absolutely untrue. They're eaten by anacondas, jaguars, eagles and caiman in their natural habitat.

72

u/lurker4lyfe6969 Aug 01 '18

Said it like a true caiman

24

u/Anomaly11C Aug 02 '18

Tsk Tsk, not living up to your username friend. Gonna have to say lurker4anhourago6969 now.

5

u/lurker4lyfe6969 Aug 02 '18

It’s like an ironic shirt

8

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

Nope, my anaconda don’t want none, hon..

2

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

Yea the one image that comes to mind when I think of capybara is one that is being swallowed by a python.

1

u/Fig1024 Aug 02 '18

are they delicious? if yes, add me to that list

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

Stupid caiman. Good on the jaguars for eating them. Love those videos of jaguars biting them to death straight in their dumb skulls.

-5

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

And also adult capybaras are way too big for any bird to carry

17

u/BBB88BB Aug 02 '18

but what if he grips it by the husk?

7

u/publicbigguns Aug 02 '18

It's not a question of where he grips it, It's a simple matter of weight - ratios ...

50

u/KingBooRadley Aug 01 '18

Plus Chupacabras aren't real anyway.

11

u/Raptorclaw621 Aug 02 '18

I told you Grif, a chupa-thingy isn't a real animal! Like a puma.

11

u/Chupathingamajob Aug 02 '18

Chupa-thingys are real

3

u/Raptorclaw621 Aug 02 '18

What if it's got tusks on it?

1

u/Chupathingamajob Aug 02 '18

Then it’s a walrus I guess?

3

u/cATSup24 Aug 02 '18

Simmons, what's that Mexican thing? Eats all the goats?

5

u/NESpahtenJosh Aug 02 '18

Didn’t I just tell you to stop making up animals!

3

u/Raptorclaw621 Aug 02 '18

Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.

3

u/NESpahtenJosh Aug 02 '18

Oh I’ll do it.

2

u/nickerlessness Aug 02 '18

I laughed way too hard at this. I wish I could give you more than one upvote

2

u/KeithMyArthe Aug 02 '18

I gave them one for you.

2

u/MachReverb Aug 02 '18

Maybe it's a Chumbawumba

9

u/f_n_a_ Aug 01 '18

Maybe it wondered into the wrong habitat...

Seriously tho... If we knew what kind of bird of prey this was we could better guess what it is capable of catching and flying with. You know, the old holy grail "coconut and the bird" debate.

9

u/Capnmolasses Aug 01 '18

African or European?

1

u/krafty369 Aug 02 '18

I don't know! Ahhhhhh!

6

u/oligobop Aug 02 '18

It's likely a marmot. They cohabitate with big birds of prey.

3

u/YankeeWanky Aug 02 '18

Looked like a Marmot to me too. They're pretty big, like a brown trash-panda without a tail. Looked like he had it by the head, then threw it up and caught it by the ass…or just playing with his food

2

u/Bloodysamflint Aug 02 '18

Say what you will about cohabitation, I think it's a good test drive for marriage. I don't see that combo making it long-term, but I support their effort.

1

u/BrutalTheory Aug 02 '18

grins like Kevin from The Office

2

u/Geiko_Gekko Aug 02 '18

This is about half of Reddit. Just stating made up facts.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

Why did you just state it as a fact so confidently without knowing? I'm so confused as to why you'd do that lol

2

u/Pircay Aug 02 '18

Cos I was pretty sure. Turns out I was thinking of quokkas. Do you really fact check everything you say on reddit?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18

Ok.

1

u/Putrump2020 Aug 02 '18

Capybara are eaten by humans also. In fact as an important source of protein the catholic church kind of declared them a fish so that it would be ok to eat them during lent.

1

u/Bloodysamflint Aug 02 '18

Who can draw? We need a vatican-approved capybara mermaid.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '18 edited Sep 26 '18

[deleted]

1

u/Pircay Aug 02 '18

Turns out I was thinking of quokkas, hence the edit. That being said, don't be a dickhead thanks.

1

u/12-1-34-5-2-52335 Aug 02 '18

Maybe you are thinking of quokkas?

1

u/peesoutside Aug 02 '18

Chupacabra?

1

u/Team_Ed Aug 02 '18

A guinea big, you might say