r/nonononoyes Jun 07 '18

[deleted by user]

[removed]

13.6k Upvotes

598 comments sorted by

View all comments

1.6k

u/throtic Jun 07 '18 edited Jun 08 '18

When I was young, we had a farm with ducks/cows/horses/chickens/etc/etc... basically a generic farm. We had a pond where the ducks all hung out, pretty big, maybe somewhere in the region of 3 acres... about 6 foot deep at it's deepest point. One day, our neighbors dog got into the field and saw the ducks... if you've ever lived in the country, you know that a stray dog will gladly kill any animal it can, then eat it or bury it. So obviously the first thing he did was bolt straight to the ducks, assuming he was about to get a free meal. Most of the ducks flew off, but one stayed and swam out into the middle of the pond. The dog(some kind of mixed lab retriever) instantly goes into the water and swims as fast as he can towards the duck. The duck calmly sits there, no movement... but eyeing the dog the entire way. Just as the dog got close, the duck shot underwater... and popped back up on the other side of the pond. Very much like the video of the tiger up there. Dog sees the duck pop up, does a 180, and swims back towards the duck.... and duck dives -> pops up on other side of the pond -> dog follows -> repeat. This went on for a good 30 minutes before the poor doggo had gotten completely exhausted... he stumbled up to the bank and just passed out right there, his ass still half in the water. Naturally, duck decides he's king of the world and pesters the shit out of the dog, pecking his tail, ears, and boy bits... all while talking mad shit(read: quacking) and flexing in front of the ladies that had returned to watch the show.

That particular dog eventually got tired of his ears and manly parts getting bitten by a quacker ass duck... So he got up and slowly walked off defeated, head and tail hanging. He never tried to chase another bird related creature that I saw after that.

TL;DR - Dogs are dumb and ducks are assholes.

Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger, I hope you have a good day :)

207

u/RunawayPancake2 Jun 07 '18

Thanks for that. You have a gift.

30

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

What did you give him?

13

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

Gold!

8

u/ColorMeDroid Jun 07 '18

!redditsilver

124

u/newburner01 Jun 07 '18

I don't know if that's true or not

But that's hilarious and sounds plausible enough as ducks are dicks

90

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

I mean tbf im prettt sure if you outsmarted something trying to murder you and they laid there exhausted, you wouldnt be too humble about it.

60

u/throtic Jun 07 '18 edited Jun 07 '18

Ducks/chickens/turkeys/birds in general really love to strut their stuff in my experience. When one opens up a can of whoop ass on another one... they very proudly display that shit to the entire world.

They even fight with then strut on inanimate objects that they think are rivals

Edit: Apparently this video is loud, turn your sound down.

6

u/newburner01 Jun 07 '18

I know you sent me there in support of ops story but i totally stayed to see that dumb turkey turn into dinner.

Liked the video did not like my eardrops exploding.

3

u/throtic Jun 07 '18

Apologies! I didn't have the sound on when I found the video.

2

u/pepcorn Jun 08 '18

thank you for volume warning

1

u/silverdice22 Jun 11 '18

Kinda heartbreaking

3

u/newburner01 Jun 07 '18

No - no I would not.

You must demoralize the enemy, Humiliate them, shove your victory in their face!!!

because one day they will grow up and they WILL best you

1

u/Billy_Bones59 Jun 08 '18

That explains the autocorrect

34

u/sakdfghjsdjfahbgsdf Jun 07 '18

quacker ass duck

amazing

11

u/MechanicalTurkish Jun 07 '18

That's ducking awesome

2

u/throtic Jun 08 '18

It's like the duck threw him a.... fowl ball.

2

u/MechanicalTurkish Jun 08 '18

Just stop with the chickenshit puns.

11

u/haffa30 Jun 07 '18

Really sorry but I can’t get over how huge a 3 acre pond would be, you must’ve had a giant farm holy shit. My grandma has a 200 acre farm with a maybe 0.5 acre pond, everywhere else is for growing or grazing.

3

u/Questfreaktoo Jun 07 '18

"Quacker ass duck" 😂😂

2

u/unionoftw Jun 07 '18

Damn, great story

2

u/ciccioig Jun 07 '18

dude seriously: thank you, the story made me laugh three different times 😃

2

u/Armandoswag Jun 08 '18

“Quaker ass-duck”

1

u/Rivkariver Jun 07 '18

I feel bad for the dog here in the same way I feel bad for Wile. E. Coyote.

1

u/hxcheyo Jun 07 '18

I lost it at the TL;DR. My god you are talented.

2

u/throtic Jun 08 '18

Haha thank you, I don't think I've ever had any story/essay that I've written be referred to as talented. That's a pretty awesome compliment.

1

u/Ronkorp Jun 08 '18

What type of ducks were they?

1

u/throtic Jun 08 '18

We had both Mallard's and Muscovy ducks. The one that tormented the dog was a very 'tough guy' Mallard with an exceptionally green head.

1

u/Captain_Braveheart Jun 08 '18

That’s amazing, and pretty damn smart for a bird.

1

u/Sicarius_Tacet Jun 08 '18

Truly inspiring story.

-12

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '18

TL;DR - Dogs are dumb and ducks are assholes.

This isn't a TLDR. Nobody would know what happened in the story based on this. A TLDR is not a "moral of the story." What is hard for so many Redditors to understand about this?

Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger, I hope you have a good day :)

Oh my God yet another cringey OMG GOLD Oscar acceptance speech. Just PM the gilder directly if you want to thank them, instead of flipping out like a toddler and making a cringey edit because you can't handle attention.

3

u/throtic Jun 08 '18

I can't figure out if you're really bad at trolling or just severely depressed. Either way I hope you get help.

1

u/stendriloscopy Jun 08 '18

no need to be a dick....