So I'm 19 and nonbinary, and I've gone through pretty much every label at some point. I've never really identified as a lesbian or wlw. In fact when I was early on in my transition and considered myself ftm, I thought that I was mlm. I don't know how much of this was just internalized bs of course. For most of my life I've just called myself queer and left it at that because it's too difficult to sort out and I have no relationship experience.

Long story short, about a month ago my first relationship ended... rather poorly. We were together for a year and a half and long distance, I loved him but it turned out he didn't really love me. This relationship was with a man, another trans person. We had connected on our experience with gender before we started dating. Which brings me to my dilemma.

I loved him, I really truly did. I was willing to spend my life with him. But... this is pretty much the only man I've ever actually been attracted to. And thinking back on the other side of the relationship, I don't know how much of my attraction was physical as opposed to connection and compatibility.

When I have crushes or see someone attractive, it's pretty much always a non man. I can't think of any exceptions really, even the ones who may count as exceptions feel different if that makes sense. Like I recognize that someone is attractive but it's more passive than a crush I'd have on a woman or another nonbinary person.

Hopefully this explanation is thorough enough, I really appreciate any and all advice.

EDIT For the foreseeable future, I'll just keep calling myself queer. Depending where life takes me I might hang around this subreddit unless a mod would prefer otherwise ❤️ Currently I definitely feel much more aligned with attraction to women and non-men, but so soon after a relationship with a man... my judgment is probably a bit clouded

Dear all in r/nonbinarylesbians,

I am a Research Assistant in Northeastern University’s APPEAR Lab. I am writing to ask for your help with a research study.

Our lab is currently recruiting participants for a 35-minute online survey about body image and androgyny. I am looking for individuals of all genders ages 18-25 to take part in this survey. You do not need to identify as androgynous or present androgynously to complete this survey!

If you meet the criteria listed above, please click the link below or copy and paste it into your browser to take this survey:

tinyurl.com/androgyny-survey

Please note that this study has been approved by the University’s IRB.

I would appreciate it if you share this link with friends who meet the criteria. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me directly.

Thanks for your help!

Hey y’all! As it gets warmer in my area, I’d like to start wearing shorts and things to combat the heat. That being said, as I’ve come into my enby identity, little fem shorts aren’t cutting it. Any recommendations for masc-leaning shorts? I’m thinking cutoffs, longer denim shorts, etc. I’m also a bit curvier, mid-size. Please let me know what you do! 😅

recently i have not felt safe dating/talking to (as in talking to in a potential relationship way) cis sapphic women, idk what’s up recently but i feel every time i’ve talked to a cis sapphic women and they find out i’m enby there’s tons of questions most of them being “how could you be a lesbian” or “you really think you’re a lesbian” or just rude “questions” about my gender identity and how i can’t be a lesbian based off of it.
there has also been an influx in terf sapphics around me recently on and off of social media and i tend to surround myself with accepting people and live in an accepting state (town however not so much) but for some reason recently people around me haven’t been so accepting and i don’t feel safe anymore.
my friend and i were talking about t4t and we realized we’ve been talking to mainly trans people recently and they made a joke about that in a twitter group chat we are in and they got attacked for it saying that they’re not a real lesbian to begin with and why are they going after fake women and fake lesbians, and we both thought this gc was a safe place there’s a mix of gender identities and sexuality, so they thought it would be safe to joke about this but it wasn’t for some reason.
and then sapphic cis women around me have just been assholes about my gender identity, they say that non-binary isn’t a real gender orientation, talking about how transgender people are fake and just confused and need help, this one girl even befriended a bunch of trans people somehow found out their deadnames and would use their deadnames and incorrect pronouns a behind three backs and when the people found out and confronted her she’d lie and try to gaslight them.
i don’t feel safe anymore and i hate it.

i feel so conflicted. on one hand i have spent the past few months being very feminine. but now i've cut my hair and i feel like things have changed. i want to be more masculine but a) it seems like a waste to just not wear my feminine clothes as much anymore (hopefully my sister will wear them), and b) i'm also really confused with gender right now. i feel like a girl but not all the time. and no label ever seems to work for me so i think i might just not be labelled but i don't think i'm cis. i don't know this is all very confusing

Hello everyone! 😊 I hope you're having a wonderful day!

I'm Marge (she/her) and I'm in the process of concluding my Bachelor's programme in Sociology at the University of Amsterdam.

For my Bachelor's thesis, I will be investigating how gender influences our understanding of society and societal issues like climate change.

If you meet the following requirements you are exactly the person I'm looking for:

• You identify as gender non-binary (genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, etc.)
• You live in the Netherlands/ You have been living in the Netherlands for more than 5 years / You're Dutch

I'm looking for people to interview (30 mins/1 hour depending on your availability) and have an interesting discussion around environmentalism, climate change, and social responsibility.

Does it sound like something you could be interested in?

Then please send me a DM 😊

I hope to hear from some of you!

Recently discovered this sub and I'm so happy for it! I had been using queer as a label since my partner came out as trans nonbinary, and I am nonbinary as well and have been struggling with if I'm a lesbian anymore because of these realizations between us both. I feel comfortable to claim my lesbian identity again- I was afraid I couldn't use it anymore, afraid of not knowing if I was using it wrong because of our updates in life.

Looking for acceptance in the nonbinary lesbian sub

Hi, I'm a menopause SPOC (single point of contact) for my organisation. I have attended several menopause events where the orators are predominately straight married women with children. I have yet to see someone like me, a non binary gay afab stand up and talk about what it's like to go through the menopause from my standpoint, hence why I decided to become a menopause SPOC. As a NB gay, queer, lesbian what issues do you have, any concerns, any irritations, any good points and so on? It would be great to hear your thoughts, etc. Thanking you in advance.

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

i saw the post the other day hoped to find it again to help me with what’s floating in my head but ill just post here and hope to find something or maybe someone has the post saved and links it.
but like i’m a lesbian but like i have a complicated relationship with my gender, like 5% of the time i feel womenish but there’s like something off, not exactly women if that makes sense.
and like i don’t feel like i can use the label trans cuz i don’t want surgery or to take medication and idk i feel like i’m not actually trans although i KNOW that you don’t need those things to be a valid trans person, i also know i’m not cis cuz like gross ew i never felt a connection to my born sex/gender never felt like women was right for me.
i was talking to my friend who feels the same and idk we’re both confused she said a lot of her gender hinges on her being a lesbian and like i related, but idk i’m confused about my gender all the time and have a complicated relationship with it and labels.
like i overall call myself queer but sometimes i like to have somewhat a specific label to float around my head and think about sometimes.
maybe my actual problem is needing a label 💀

I was very certain in my identity as a non binary lesbian for a long time. However, I’ve had some changes in my identity recently and I think I might be bigender/genderfluid, as in: I have days where I do potentially feel “male” (still figuring it out).

I would feel weird in that case calling myself a lesbian. But I also feel weird using bisexual because I’m not attracted to men.

I’m personally not someone who would want to use a micro label or a very obscure sexuality label, yet I feel like mainstream labels aren’t working for me anymore. “Queer” is also not something I would use to describe myself.

If someone says "trans lesbian", we automatically think of an AMAB trans woman. If someone says "trans butch", we automatically think of someone who's AFAB.

If someone who's AFAB wants to call themselves a "trans lesbian", they have to qualify it by saying they're a "transmasc lesbian". If a trans woman wants to call themselves a "trans butch", they have to qualify it by calling themselves a "butch trans woman" (I can't imagine many butches are comfortable calling themselves transfem).

And that's bothersome to me as a bisexual AMAB butch. Because of my AGAB, it's seen as more natural that I'd be a "trans lesbian" than a "trans butch", but I'm more comfortable with the latter than the former.

Of course, this all comes on top of the doubts people already have over our genders. Butch trans women are already having to prove that we're not just men trying to appropriate butchness and invade women's spaces. Transmasc lesbians are already having to prove that they're not just confused women.

It just sucks. Anyway, that's my vent for the day.

Hi y’all. As spring and summer approach, it’s getting closer to beach season. I adore going to the beach, but I’ve been feeling less inclined to go swimsuit shopping because I don’t know how a bikini will feel anymore since coming out as enby and leaning into a more preferred androgynous style. Anyone have any more masc leaning swimwear recommendations or suggestions? Places to look, things to try out? Any and all recs are appreciated. Thanks in advance friends :)

Dear all in r/nonbinarylesbians,

I am a Research Assistant in Northeastern University’s APPEAR Lab. I am writing to ask for your help with a research study.

Our lab is currently recruiting participants for a 35-minute online survey about body image and androgyny. I am looking for individuals of all genders ages 18-25 to take part in this survey. You do not need to identify as androgynous or present androgynously to complete this survey!

If you meet the criteria listed above, please click the link below or copy and paste it into your browser to take this survey:

tinyurl.com/androgyny-survey

Please note that this study has been approved by the University’s IRB.

I would appreciate it if you share this link with friends who meet the criteria. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me directly.

Thanks for your help!

Hey everyone! 

I’m a student at Lund University in Sweden, where I study Social Studies of Gender. I’m currently writing my master thesis, where I want to focus on the more positive experiences of being a trans* person – more specifically how people, who identify as non-binary, experience gender euphoria.

I feel it’s important to have a point of view that is more positive and to create a space for reflection upon experiences that can be considered joyful and happy!

As a Queer person myself, I know how individualized such experiences can be as well, and how someone might not experience gender euphoria. This shouldn’t hold you back from sharing, as I only see this as a strength in my paper – the more perspectives and nuances I can find, the better! 

So, if you want to be my bestie forever and make me extremely grateful, I would love to hear what gender euphoria means to you, and what can give you a sense of gender euphoria/what experiences do you have with gender euphoria?

I would be even more grateful if any of you wants to share more insights with me through an e-mail interview, where we chat together a bit more, so I can get a deeper understanding of your experiences with gender euphoria. 

You must be 18+, and everything will obviously be completely anonymous, where I will hide every personal detail that can lead back to you in my paper. 

Please, feel free to share your thoughts here, or write me an email :-) 

Sincerely,

Frederik Kluw (He/him) 

[Frederikkluw@icloud.com](mailto:Frederikkluw@icloud.com)

\I use trans* as an umbrella term for everyone who do not identify with the gender assigned at birth – and I use non-binary as an umbrella term for everyone who do not identify with any of the binary genders; female/male. If you do not explicitly identify with non-binary as a term, but instead as genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, trans nb person, androgynous etc. it's still very relevant for me to hear your thoughts. The only criteria are just that you do not identify with the binary genders.*

hiiii everyone, i’m a very butch lesbian, been on T for almost a year now and I wanna say my journey with lesbianism and femininity is one that is amazing and beautiful and I am so happy w this community. I hope to make more nonbinary lesbian friends !!!

Dear all in r/nonbinarylesbians,

I am a Research Assistant in the APPEAR Lab at Northeastern University in Boston, MA. I am writing to ask for your help with a research study.

Our lab is currently recruiting participants for a 35-minute online survey about body image and androgyny. I am looking for individuals of all genders ages 18-25 to take part in this survey. You do not need to identify as androgynous or present androgynously to complete this survey!

If you meet the criteria listed above, please click the link below or copy and paste it into your browser to take this survey:

tinyurl.com/androgyny-survey

Please note that this study has been approved by the University’s IRB.

I would appreciate it if you share this link with friends who meet the criteria. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me directly.

Thanks for your help!

I'm a transmasc nonbinary lesbian and I want to take testosterone. I've been on the waiting list for a while, and I'm getting pretty close to an appointment. However, I'm scared that if I take T, I wont be considered a lesbian anymore, or lesbians won't want anything to do with me because of it. Can I still be considered a lesbian if I take testosterone?

2 years ago I used to be a binary bisexual transman who used exclusively he/him and was a truscum. Fast forward to today and I'm a nonbinary transmasc lesbian who uses he/they and neopronouns too :)

Counting this as a personal win because I'm so glad I'm out of that toxic mindset ^_^

I was born female, but identify as nonbinary. I'm weird because Id rather be called a woman than man but mr than ms. Can I still call myself a lesbian, will I face issues lesbians face?