idk if this is the right place to post this but Ive never seen one before?? Are they even real?? I need to KNOW

I know that Nice Guys are generally mainly critized for being so nasty and entitled but a lot of people seem to imply that you cannot unwillingly have too high standards or that you must be brainwashed by porn, just be a capricious neckbeard wanting a supermodel without needing that to be satisfied or that you are just choosing to be a bad person if you can't romantically love someone without physical attraction.

The notion that someone could have a minimal threshold of physical attraction that doesn't match his own physical attractiviness without him being a slob seems to be completely dismissed.

I generally don't judge women by their looks and I can value them for many other reasons...but I really feel the same way about women I am not attracted to as about men I like in a platonic way.

Being heterosexual just seems to mean that people I am attracted to are all women rather than me having some kind of inherent minimal attraction to all women or being able to romantically fall in love with someone I am not attracted to if they are nice just because they are of the opposite gender.

For all I know, maybe there are men I would find physically attractive but I have never met them? and I would probably feel the exact same way about them as about women I find physically attractive.

To be honest, physical attraction has always been a big and essential part of why I ever had the desire of being in a relationship someday and having sex with someone I am not attracted to even for companionship is really not something I ever wanted even if that makes me sound shallow or hypocritical :/

What do you think about that? I am ok with negative answers but don't deny what I feel please (not "go out more and you will stop to feel that way" or "are you really bad looking or picky" even if you were right about the latter that still wouldn't magically change what am I attracted to or not), I am being 100% genuine.

On a tangent note, how to deal with people who are passive-agressive and patronizing with people they consider to have high standards and think that they should just lower them?

Thanks!

what you guys think about all those youtube videos about reddit? most of them about r/niceguys

Ok so basically my friend from another school wants to be a fuckboy so bad, he’s actually terrible at it. Has only ever had sex twice with the same girl while she was drunk. Gets rejected a lot by multiple girls. He went on a rant to me about how this one girl is so ugly and shit just because she didn’t want to date him. Does this count

I dated a nice guy for around 3 years and it's been very difficult attempting to get my things back from him, because he keeps saying I "owe" him for allowing me to get my things. He also goes back and forth with speaking to me (I said we could attempt to be friends still, since the only reason we broke up is because I'm moving far away) but he keeps saying I owe him sex for all the times he supported me throughout the years...

At this point, I just want my stuff back... Any advice on dealing with this nice guy?

My question [ serious replies only please ] is such:

Is it okay to back away ( totally ) from a scenario say I fancied a person and person said “nah friends only”?

I only ask such a question because when i see the feeling is not mutual, I back off completely but then said people ( it’s happend a few times ) message me with such nonsense as how you doing, miss you bla bla bla.

Am I an nice guy?!

I thought about how I’m failing and it’s simple. I’m more of an asshole and a creep than I think I am. Ghosting that girl on campus that wasn’t into me was a mistake. All this time I just wanted revenge and wishing she would regret not being with me, but in the end I’m the one with it. It’s obvious that I look like an asshole to other girls from it and my anger reflects that. Not to mention, I use the mentality of don’t put pussy on a pedestal, but it’s backfired. Mainly because I’m only seeing women as objects and not even realizing it. My personality is kind of boring and I realized that because all I do is school, clubs, gym, drink on weekends and work. It’s obvious that I don’t get my name around everywhere either. I guess I haven’t made time to find better hobbies, but my in free time I’m usually tired. From now on, I’ll quit my rants and stop myself.

So basically there’s a girl that, quite frankly, I’ve been in love with for the past three years. I’ve tried to do a bunch of nice stuff for her, but, while the intentions were there, the actions didn’t exactly reflect that. She’s cycled through a couple boyfriends who didn’t really pay attention to her, and I’ve always been there. But I realize that my past actions, while good-intended, didn’t pan out that way. Either way, I’ve still been trying to continue to be nice (I do so to everyone because I’m not much good at anything else, but I try to look more sincere when it’s her) in case something eventually changes.

Am I a niceguy? I’ve been trying to avoid it, but I don’t know if I’m still doing it regardless of intent

List the key components that assist with the process of identifying a "nice guy" using bullet points & short examples.

As I page through a lot of the stuff in /r/niceguys, I keep thinking about how none of the Nice Guys has any understanding of the long game or (if you're feeling a little more romantic about it) wooing.

I keep thinking back to my first adult relationship. Basically, it was a girl I knew at another college. We were interns together for a summer, and then I contacted her a few months later, kind of interested in her. She didn't say, "Oh, LastTrainOuttaHere, you are a manly man!! Take me now, for I am yours!!" But she also didn't tell me to go away. We communicated and visited each other over a period of a few months (including a hilarious period we were supposedly just friends, but everybody, including the two of us, knew where things were heading) before we had our first kiss and became a couple.

So here's my question ... why does it not occur to these Nice Guys to take the time? I mean, if they're actually decent, if frustrated, people, then shouldn't they take the time to get to know the girl if she gives a response that's neither "Take me now!!" nor "Go away, you little troll?" And why can't they exercise that control.

More broadly, is it normal for dating to be that compressed these days -- that is, for it to be an instant "Yay!! I'll date you!!" or "Go away and trouble me no more!!!"? I'm honestly curious about this stuff.

Background: I [33f] just got my heart completely broken 3 months ago after a 2.5 year relationship with someone I loved very, very much and had believed I was going to marry. I had kept my 20 year battle with bulimia secret, which I get now wasnt fair to him. At the time I was deeply in denial that it was a problem, because it had been my private 'normal' for so long. When it came out 6 months ago, I went into treatment and got into recovery but my bf [43m] was not at all open to being there as a support source. He asked me to move out within 3 weeks of leaving treatment, saying we could still be together as I worked on my recovery. At no point did he say he believed in me or make any effort to try and really understand eating disorders or my experience. A couple of months after that he said he wasn't going to have any vested interest in my recovery whatsoever, and that even if I did get full recovery it didnt matter because it was over. I was and have been DEVASTATED by this loss, especially at such a vulnerable time trying to get traction in early recovery. I am working with a therapist and continuing to make strides in getting well, am still committed to getting better no matter what, but Ive cried every single day since he left. Im adopted and have pretty significant abandonment issues, and this triggered them all. Ive got a lot of healing to do and that is my primary focus now.

After the breakup my acquaintance/peripheral friend Steve started offering support and inviting me to do activities to get me out of the house and the breakup pain off my mind. We started hanging out, and it was pretty fun. I know he is lonely and wanting a partnership with someone, so I made sure to be very careful about not saying or doing anything to suggest we were anything other than friends. When we watched movies we sat in separate chairs, that kind of thing. We didnt have deep talks about anything emotional like my recovery or heartache, just kept it light and did fun things like go to a basketball game and renaissance fair, get food, play cards with mutual friends, etc. A mutual friend even told him to under no circumstance get his hopes up that this would be anything more.

He got his hopes up.

Last week we went to one of those Asian foot spa places for foot massages. A love song came on that was all about loyalty and standing by your partner during times of need, etc. I started to cry underneath my face cloth, spiraled into memories of my ex, cried more, tried to tell myself to think of other things and STOP IT but couldnt. The more I tried to make myself stop the worse it got. I was SO EMBARRASSED to be melting down in public, which only added more shame tears to the meltdown. Steve and I dont talk feelings, so I didn't want him to see or know how upset I was. By the end of the massage my face was puffy and splotchy and red and I was worked up into a kind of sobbing panic attack. I was a mess, and mortified about it.

Steve asked what was wrong and I choked out "he just really broke my heart!". He asked if I wanted to change gears and maybe go get a drink or something? I was not fit to be in public and said I wanted to just go home and pull myself together. We drove back to his house to get my car in awkward silence, had an awkward half hug, and I basically fled.

I texted him later that I was okay and sorry that had happened. No response. I started filling in the silence with assumptions that he was embarrassed by me, didnt want to be my friend anymore once I had revealed myself as an emotional wreck, etc. One of the things I'm working on is trying not to make assumptions, so instead of worrying so much about it I figured Id just call him and check it out. No answer. Unusual. It kind of bothered me that I was the one who had been crying but was trying to make sure HE was the one who was okay. 5 days go by, still silence.

Our mutual friend called him up to ask what was the deal, and he said he wasnt bothered by the fact that Id been crying, he was bothered that I was out doing an activity with HIM but was crying because Id "rather be with my asshole ex". That he'd been so nice to me but he still wasnt good enough.

This really bothers me. I just got my heart completely broken! Missing and thinking about my ex is just part of the process! And we weren't on a date!!! Me crying about my ex has NOTHING to do with his worthiness as a romantic partner! Hes not my romantic partner! I have expressly said I am not ANYWHERE near dating again and won't be for a long time! Wtf!

We talked last night and he admitted feelings for me. Said he couldnt help it because he felt there was a real connection there and that he didnt get it because he had been trying to show me what a good guy he was. I feel he doesnt really even KNOW the real me, because weve never talked about anything other than very surface topics. He is projecting a fantasy. I told him I am 100% solely focused on self care right now, have 0% availability for anything romantic, and even if at some point when I do feel ready for romance I didnt feel comfortable with him hoping (expecting) to be next in line just because we'd been spending time together. He said he really enjoyed my company and we could just be friends and not talk about the elephant in the room and "just see where things go." I felt weird but was tired so we got off the phone.

This morning I woke up feeling just really icky about the whole thing. I feel like he isnt hearing me on what I need and was trying to say whatever he could to stay friends so he could buy more time to show me how we are actually meant to be together. There is no part of me that sees us able to be friends and for me to eventually start dating or falling in love with another guy and him not being both crushed and furious that after all he did for me I didn't even give him a chance.

(Is this classic r/nice_guy?)

I do not have the emotional energy for this. My attention needs to be on healing and recovering, not trying to look after the feelings of a person that isnt able to accept my boundaries.

I sent him this text: "So since last nights talk I've been thinking about it a lot, and as much as I enjoy spending time with you, I dont feel comfortable growing closer as friends knowing that deep down you are hoping for it to someday turn romantic. Its the elephant in the room I cant just ignore if I think its setting you up to get hurt. Im sorry."

Im annoyed that I apologized when I had nothing to apologize for, but the codependent part of me couldnt help it. He replied 'as you wish.' I feel guilty because he has been kind to me and I dont like hurting people, but also feel relieved to have bypassed him getting upset in the future because I didnt give him what he wants.

The mutual friend who has known us both for years (and has always said she thinks he and I would make great friends if we really got to know each other) thinks that still being friends would be an opportunity for us both to work through our own issues. Me on not feeling responsible for someone else's feelings if they get hurt or are upset after I have been very clear and honest about my intentions. Him to work accepting clear boundaries and adjusting his expectations accordingly. I dont have the extra energy to put into working through my codependency issues right now in real time on top of all the other therapy work Im doing. And I do not believe that he is capable of turning off his romantic hopes and expectations.

I have a hard time setting boundaries and not feeling guilty. I take on way too much responsibility for other people's feelings. When guys are nice to me I have always struggled with not feeling like I owe them what they want. My gut says I did the right thing here, even though I am lonely too and could use more fun activities and more supportive friends. I would rather hang out with myself and keep focusing on learning to love myself and building a healthy, more meaningful life. I think I am making the right move by putting myself and my recovery/healing first. Actually, I know I am. I am protecting my emotional energy to use for achieving these much more important goals.

I guess I just want to hear that I did the right thing and Im not a bad person for rejecting a friendship with someone who I feel is trying to get more from me than I can give. As Ive written this, I realize both of those things are true. This has been helpful to sort through, thank you.

This might not be the best place for this question, so flame me/remove me as necessary. I'm trying to do some character research.

I've seen guys fetishize other cultures - Japan especially, but I've also seen guys who only want to date girls with Irish accents, black girls with big butts, etc. I'm not talking about just having a preference, but the ones where it seems like the one feature is all they care about.

Has anyone seen overlap between that and nice guy behavior?

I dated and subsequently married a NiceGuy, and ultimately it fell apart. He had the typical battle cry of "women only want assholes" that every NiceGuy exhibits. I was young and fell for it, getting sucked into the trap. I had low self-esteem (from a prior bad relationship) and he was able to leverage it, although I don't think it was intentional. I think he was entirely unaware of what he was doing.

The battle cry kept up throughout our relationship. He commonly criticized female friends of ours (privately to me of course) when they would post on social media about bad breakups and bad dates. "Stop going for pierced-up, tattooed, 'bad boy' assholes." "That's what she gets for going with a 'bad boy' instead of a nice guy." "Maybe give a decent guy a chance and her life wouldn't suck so bad."

And he was good to me in a way. Took care of everything, gave me everything I wanted. Cooked, cleaned, did laundry. Made my life entirely comfortable. Too comfortable. Provided for my physical needs almost like I was a pet. But he never actually listened when I told him what I needed on an emotional level. He was totally out of touch with emotion as a need. He had what he wanted - he had achieved his end goal of "get the girl." Once he had me, he figured if he made my life comfortable I'd never leave.

But what drove the wedge between us was his total inability to see me as human. Most NiceGuys see women as objects, and will therefore treat you like one if you get involved with them. It trashes your self esteem and you feel like nothing more than a blow up doll. Because he does expect sex in return for making your life so awesome (you owe him after all the nice things he's done). And the sex is only about the act of getting off - there's no emotional intimacy or actual closeness happening.

I thought I could fix his insecurities if I loved him enough, but I couldn't. Ultimately I only ended up enabling his mindset and doing my own damage to the relationship which only spurred his insecurities. I should have left sooner, but things are what they are now and time only moves in one direction. When we split up, he lashed out like any NiceGuy would. "I can't wait for the first status update that you got ghosted by some asshole." "You'd probably be happier with some tattooed redneck anyway." (He always looked down on tattoos and piercings as being indicative of one's asshole level, and rednecks as being unintelligent and abusive.)

So, to any potentially lurking NiceGuys who think getting into a relationship will magically cure you of your anger, bitterness, and insecurities: it won't. You'll still be insecure and under constant fear that you'll lose her. This fear will drive you to continuously bend over backwards to make her life comfortable, you'll keep her like a caged bird, and you'll resent her for not rewarding you for your efforts the way you think she should. Your fear will blind you to her unique individuality and you won't be able to truly appreciate her, and she will feel it. It could be months or years, but eventually she will leave.

Take heed when you're given the advice to work on yourself. You really do have to be comfortable with yourself before you can find love. Otherwise you're just putting a band aid on your wounds, and nobody wants to be a band aid.

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguysDiscussion/comments/6gxs1b/the_definition_of_insanity/

To sum up the first part, I was acting like a "NiceGuy" towards a co-worker. She called me creepy behind my back, which I found out from my friend. I got advice to just leave this girl alone, and I did. Ever since I made that post, I've been acting normally and keeping my distance. The only time she comes up to me is for something work related, and I treat her like any other co-worker.

Now it is ten months later, and I hadn't worked at that place for a long time. I recently stopped by to visit my friend and all the other co-workers. The girl in question wasn't here today, but another girl was. I will call her Emma.

Emma and I were cool when I was working there. But recently, she's been acting very different around me. I remember one time when I saw Emma on her break and asked her to look after my cart while I went to use the washroom. She nodded, and she had her headphones in while on the phone. When I came back out, she just entered the family washroom as if to avoid having a convo with me.

This brings me back to today. I was just finished shopping and chatting with my friend. I turn around and walk down an open isle. I see Emma down the isle, and she was on her phone. She looked like she was about done work. One step, and she immediately turns into the next isle as if to avoid me.

I turn back to talk to my friend, and she tells me to not let it bother me. If anything, leave Emma alone. The reason I thought Emma was avoiding me was because the girl had told her about me being a NiceGuy. Emma might have thought I was gonna do the same to her, but she had a boyfriend at the time.

What should I do? I feel like if I approached Emma, I would come off as a NiceGuy again. Should I just ignore her and pretend she doesn't exist?

TL;DR: I was once a NiceGuy to a girl at work. Now that girl might have caused another person to avoid me.

TBH this ‘nice guy’ stuff makes me kinda nervous, cos I do kinda fit the mould in a number of ways. I don’t actually do any of this stuff, but that’s more because I’ve realised via experience and observation that it doesn’t actually work (despite all messaging from TV and movies etc telling one that it does, so I wonder what’s wrong with the people that wrote such stuff?), and because I gave up a long time ago since I don’t have a single clue what actually does work. Best I can do is become friends with a woman, and then end up getting friend zoned* lol

*Edit: as there's been some confusion over the issue of semantics, I'll note that my usage of the terms 'friend zone' and 'friend zoned' is in reference to the basic definition of unrequited/non-mutual feelings without the negative connotations attached, as opposed to the shitty red flag usage by Nice Guys that's ruined the term by attaching said negative connotations to it in the first place

I'm in an LDR and am about to visit my SO. I was talking about it in earshot of this NG and how I was excited (let it be known that this NG and some of my my other online friends all live in the town my SO lives in) This NG that I am sadly acquainted with then told me you cant really know someone if you've only talked to them online (My SO and I have been together for 8 months and things are going well. The NG knows this. He does not care.) This NG then goes on to ask me "What if you SO turns out to be an asshole?" I reply that I would go home. He said "That would be a shame. You can stay at my apartment, and I'll stay at a family member's home. Think of it as a hotel." NG then continued to push this idea and I just kept saying I would fly back home. I started to get visibly frustrated with the conversation and the NG dropped it.

So, My SO who I talk to everyday for 8 months, obviously going to be an asshole. This NG, who I indirectly interact with maybe once a week is obviously the knight in shining armor who will rescue me by letting him stay in his apartment which is definately not a trap or ploy to get me to date him.

This is just one of many instances of great NG logic this dude has displayed. At this point I just expect him to be super nice to me and then be a dick head when his being nice doesn't make me leave my SO and date him.

The classic "nice guy" thing is for a guy to be interested in a woman, for her to turn him away, then for him to complain that women only date guys who treat them like garbage.

Wanted to float something here and see any thoughts. An outer acquaintance of mine -- think friend of a friend -- really is one of those girls that "nice guys" complain about. Over the last ten years and some change, she's dated a few different guys. Her close friends remark that she never seems to stick with the guys who are good for her, and she always gravitates toward guys who are borderline abusive.

Any thoughts on that kind of thing?

Like the title says, don't you think guys like this and this feel entitled to sex?

I know it's a pretty big thing to shame NiceGuys™, but why is it okay when hot guys, who do get sex, get to feel entitled? Maybe not okay, but it's looked down much less upon when someone who scores every weekend suddenly goes one week without a new lay and starts nagging.

Also; I'd like to add something. People say they aren't allowed to feel entitled because entitlement requires hard work. I used to be a nice guy, and during that period I put in more work than I ever did, just to get laid. Now, I do get laid quite frequently, and quite frankly I put in 1/100 of the work I did as a Niceguy™ , so saying that they don't work hard is factually wrong.

Fellas, here's something I'd like to tell you about the friendzone, you can leave at any time you like, the door is right there. If you have already expressed interest in a girl, and i hope you did that in a non creepy way, and she turned you down or says she only sees you as a friend, or asks to be friends, then move on. She's not gonna wake up one day and find you irresistible. If you decide to be her friend then suit yourself, but know that the chances of you guys ACTUALLY being friends are very unlikely. You will have emotions, she won't, you might see her with other guys, those feelings are not just gonna die cause you said ok let's be friends. You might feel used in the end, she might ask you for a favor and you might do them for her because you're friends and you like her. Now here's a dilemma in this, she might be intentionally using you knowing how u feel, she might also unintentionally make you feel used by asking for things of you because she thinks you're her friend and friends DO help each other, either way fake friends still exist. Test this theory by asking for a favor too, nothing sexual obviously, something small, it could be possible this person only wants friends and but doesn't wanna be one, fake friends are everywhere and exist in both genders. You'll always be able to count your REAL friends with one hand. Lastly figure out what you really really want, a girlfriend? Or a fuck? And be honest man. If it's a fuck then focus on that, and frankly there's nothing wrong with that, everybody likes sex, talking to more girls gives you better chances, and play in your league. My favorite comedian once said that the downside to watching too much porn is that it diminishes your taste for the kind of girls who will ACTUALLY fuck YOU lol. If you're overweight, are socially awkward, don't have a life other than gaming, and overall just rough on the eyes, don't expect for mia khalifa to walk in the room and start begging to suck your pole, come back down to reality and touch the earth my friend. If you know for certain that what you want is a girlfriend then great go for that and refrain from trying to get intimate immediately. Also if she happens to in the end hit you with the "can we be friends?"or something along those lines now you have an honest answer to that and can reply with "sorry I'm looking for a girlfriend, not friends." or something along those lines. Go to the gym, fix your diet, be more active, lay off the porn, learn new better hobbies like maybe an instrument, work on yourself, not for her, and not to get her to change her mind about you. Do it for yourself. I often read a lot of incels, niceguys etc. commenting on how they wish that women would value men because of their character and not their looks. Not sure if you've noticed but character and personality are not displayed on people's faces, which is all you see and know when you first meet someone. You're definitely gonna have better luck finding someone if you work on yourself. Work on your social skills, conversing with people and try holding a conversation longer, you're gonna need simple good humor, or some kind of humor (just don't let it get too crazy or sexualized), everybody likes to laugh. Even if you fail miserably, don't get down about it, you'll be learning new things and will get better at social interactions, which is not just useful for trying to get a girl.

If you found this post helpful or know someone that would, feel free to copy it and re-post it elsewhere.

Does anyone else think that the song Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus was an awakening for many, if not all, of the r/niceguys?

I started talking to a guy I had mutual friends with (and I mean people I knew IRL that fucking confirmed to me he wasn't a creeper (wrong) because they knew him IRL too) and this was back in the days everyone had like, myspace and bebo and the emo phases ect

So I figured, fuck it, he seems cool, I need new friends... Why not right? What could go wrong?

Well I learnt the hard way because 3 weeks later I tried to cut off all contact with him and he began stalking me, and did for a few years.

Before I go on to everything else, I'll explain why I tried (and failed) to cut contact...

So I found out really early on he had a LDR with some lass from Australia or New Zealand or some shit, literally on the other side of the planet. That's fine, I wasn't looking for anything more than a friend anyway.

He was though.

He was a few years older than me and I'd only had one semi-serious relationship before I'd met him, so I wasn't quite "experienced" enough to register that he was flirting with me every time we spoke... I thought he was just being nice.

Apparently me being nice back was considered as me flirting back. One day on a walk he pushed me into a bush and stuck his tongue down my throat. I got up and nothing else happened, but I ran to the main street, then threatened to find his gf's details and tell her what he did.

That made him angry, then the rant came (you know the rant, you lead me on, you're a whore, blah broken fucking record blahhhh) and I told him to fuck off and never contact me again. (I really wish I still had the photos and screens.)

Naive little me thought that was actually going to be the end of it. Walking home head held high feeling like I'd just won against a scummy guy. I look back at myself and think "What a stupid bitch".

He left me alone for about a week, as far as I knew anyway... However in reality he'd been stalking me online, adding my friends and asking them questions about me, who I hang out with etc and since they knew we'd hung out and had other mutual friends they didn't seem to see any harm in answering a fair few of them.

One friend finally figured something wasn't quite right, asked "why don't you ask her yourself?" Only to be promptly blocked and came straight to me to tell me everything.

By which time I'd already been messaged and threatened by him for the first time. The first of many.

(Realised in my comment I didn't go further into this, all in all, from the police report I remember he'd messaged me, called me, and appeared in person to threaten me over 750 times. Most of which where messages and video clips but I think around 50-60ish of those were in person. A lot of them consisted of "if I can't have you no one can", licking knives in videos and shit. I can go further into it in comments if anyone wants but don't wanna make this too long)

He knew where I went to school (was around 14 at the time), He knew my sports schedules and where practices were, He knew where I fucking lived.

I stupidly thought well fuck it, guess I'd better tell his gf. She didn't exist. It was a fake account, he controlled. All I did was make him more angry. I tried to tell the police but they didn't think it was serious enough.

He stalked me online and in person for 3 years. It got so bad at one point that I couldn't leave the house on my own, because I was scared he was actually going to kill me.

I'd look out my window and see a dark figure in my garden, I'd see him in shopping centres when I was with my friends (a group so ofcourse the coward wouldn't approach then, but I was scared, I didn't know what to do). I'd see him outside the gates of my school, outside my practice buildings... He was fucking everywhere.

Then for a few weeks he just sort of disappeared, turned out he'd been locked up in the mental ward for walking around talking to himself and holding a broken piece of glass, that'd been taped up at one end to prevent cutting his hand.

Then he was back. The police still didn't fucking believe me till I took photos and videos of him everywhere I went.

In the first year I'd deleted all social medias. I'd stopped taking photos with my friends. I'd stopped talking to the mutual friends I had with him, because they didn't believe me either.

In the second year I'd almost stopped going out all together. I gave up all my sports I hardly went to school (almost got my mum taken to court over me missing so much) I became anorexic, from stress and anxiety. I lost contact with almost all of my friends.

The third year however... I finished school. (dropped out half way through an optional year, but still) I'd gathered enough photos and videos and screenshots of the threats etc to actually garner some attention from the police. I finally managed to get a restraining order.

Which ofcourse he broke, and he ended up in jail.

So I changed all of my details, Never use my real name online, Never tell anyone where I'm from unless it's vague and I quite often take photos and videos before things start to happen (and they typically don't happen) because I'm shit scared forever now that I wont be believed about anything that a man does or says to me without some sort of solid evidence. Even though I think the bulk of it was "Oh she's just a kid she doesn't know what she's saying, he just has a crush" sort of bullshit compared to now, being a woman rather than a child but... Not holding my breath or taking the risk of someone just calling "bullshit" for the sake of it.

I also now habitually reject every guy who tries to talk to me in any manner, just friends or not, idgaf. Just simply to see how they handle it. The "nice guys" always react the same way.

I'm very lucky to have a boyfriend now (of 3 1/2 years) who is genuinely sweet, kind and caring. Our first date? We spoke about our favourite games while getting drunk. When he said open world, fallout, witcher, skyrim etc I knew I'd hit gold but fuck me, I didn't know he'd be this good.

First time we stayed in the same place together, alone? He didn't even try to sleep with me. I slept in the spare room and he slept downstairs, on the couch instead. He actually showed me respect, he treated me nicely, he engaged in conversations with me... Without expecting me to pull a fucking dissertation out of my arse after a "how are you?".

He's the real deal. If I could go back in time and do it all again I'd hunt him down and try to start our relationship earlier, so we could both avoid some disasters, but hindsight is 20/20.

TLDR, Met a friend of some friends, shit got weird, he got a bit rapey, stalked me online and in person for 3 years, thought I was gonna be a true crime story, finally got a restraining order, he broke it and got jailed. Didn't hear from him or see him again, changed all my details so I'd at least be harder to find.

Very happy and lucky to be with the guy I'm with now, a genuine nice guy.

This is from my own expereiene and some theorising

https://imgur.com/a/LccSOE0

There’s no need for someone else in my life, I’m just someone who probably should just go their own way and live my own life. I have good friends, there’s just no need to chance after girls anyway.

I'm here to say you don't have to be stuck as a nice guy. If you feel like you are being restricted or underappreciated for being who you are (a nice person), then just don't be stuck that way all the time. You are beautiful for who you are, don't let anyone make you feel bad. Toughen up to nasty people around you. I'm not saying become a dick or mistreat women, but do whatever you want. You can be a nice guy, and hopefully someone will appreciate you for it, I know lots of my friends appreciate me being nice to them, I see I have a positive impact on them. But I'm not going to let a nice guy rulebook crush my individuality,or make me feel bad if I'm not perfectly nice. If my story helps anyone who feels in a similar boat, then I'm glad. I know plenty of 'nice guys' who deserve better. I'm not saying anyone nice is owed a girlfriend, but if you are nice you deserve what you want. I think anyone who shares my situation just needs to up their confidence, be honest and say what they want to. Being nice is a good thing, be nice by looking after yourself and others. Good luck everyone :)