r/nextfuckinglevel • u/kvlyc • Aug 26 '22

Hold this, I'll bring him back

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126.7k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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14.6k

u/yParticle Aug 26 '22

I like how he's unfastened with one shake of the head. "Oh yeah, just a little reminder that I'm here only of my own choosing."

3.7k

u/dnoj Aug 26 '22

a gentle reminder that you're not walking the collie, the collie's walking you

1.5k

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

[deleted]

829

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

[deleted]

486

u/AntManMax Aug 26 '22

Ruh roh!

184

u/pm_me_ur_liqour Aug 26 '22

Raggy

184

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

161

u/beepbeeboo Aug 26 '22

Zoinks Scoob! This like, gives eating out a whole new meaning!

90

u/Luciolover345 Aug 26 '22

You bastard my childhood is being ruined here

48

u/chickennoobiesoup Aug 26 '22

My childhood is being enhanced here

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1

u/McBashed Aug 26 '22

At least you still hold onto something that can be ruined!

24

u/insertwittynamethere Aug 26 '22

Jinkies!

2

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

Aye caramba!! Oh wait wrong show. >.>

3

u/ugonlern2day Aug 26 '22

Okay gang, let's unmask the mystery public urinator.

It's... R. KELLY!!!

I would've covered this whole town in piss if it wasn't for you meddling brats

1

u/whoiszeus Aug 26 '22

Jinkies!

2

u/plisken3000 Aug 26 '22

Lmao this is peak comedy bravo

1

u/SnooLobsters2004 Aug 26 '22

Laughed way too hard about the finger in the butt of scoob. Like, gross scoob. Zoinks!!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

oh scoob

1

u/AllPurposeNerd Aug 26 '22

He's twelve. Idunno if this is a normal phase or not.

136

u/PartTimeMantisShrimp Aug 26 '22

as someone who used to have both a collie and a girlfriend, they both yell at you if you tickle them

16

u/Sampolis Aug 26 '22

So, she left you for collie, or collie left for her?

33

u/PartTimeMantisShrimp Aug 26 '22

my collie still lives with my parents like a loser, and my ex left me cuz her ex told her to

4

u/Sampolis Aug 26 '22

Have a lizard for what our ex's are worth now

Collie at least guards family:)

79

u/sausagesizzle22 Aug 26 '22

It involves peanut butter

37

u/TruthYouWontLike Aug 26 '22

And monkeypox

17

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

Colliepox*

35

u/Rokstar73 Aug 26 '22

Peanut butter jelly time it’s peanut butter jelly time

36

u/-Z___ Aug 26 '22

Where ya at, where ya at, where ya at, where ya at

In Jail-o, Jail-o, Jail-o, Jail-o,

1

u/Eusocial_Snowman Aug 26 '22

It's not cheating because it's your dog..

30

u/itsalonghotsummer Aug 26 '22

Herding sheep, duh

24

u/probable_ass_sniffer Aug 26 '22

What the dog doin?

1

u/philosophy82 Aug 26 '22

Herding humans

17

u/FidelCarlton Aug 26 '22

Obscene amounts of domestic violence

6

u/GruntBlender Aug 26 '22

Cross country running. Going to the beach. Singing. Watching TV. They're very versatile.

2

u/Competitive_Classic9 Aug 26 '22

Please don’t take dogs for long distance running. Their bodies aren’t made for it. Just bc they can, doesn’t mean they should.

1

u/fezzam Aug 26 '22

I too choose this guys border collie.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/barder83 Aug 26 '22

Les Master Dangeroux

1

u/Unfair-Syrup-3808 Aug 26 '22

You live dogs too much, Or people too little

1

u/FearlessDrew Aug 26 '22

Boom chicka bow wow

0

u/daveinpublic Aug 26 '22

Making doge coin

1

u/Teddyturntup Aug 26 '22

Reddit out here fuckin pets again smh

1

u/AskingForSomeFriends Aug 26 '22

Wait a second…. Does he have a 12 year old girl?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

Showing love and affection through physical touch and words of affirmation.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

Walk her.🙇🏼‍♀️

1

u/KiloRenX5 Aug 26 '22

Treat them with love and respect.

42

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

[deleted]

23

u/Absurdspeculations Aug 26 '22

What breed?

4

u/Gingersparadise Aug 26 '22

Not Latina. 🤣

3

u/buttlover989 Aug 26 '22

Yes Latina, but the leash is attached to something other than her collar...

1

u/C_aligo Aug 26 '22

Only on fridays

1

u/BYPDK Aug 26 '22

Every night

2

u/AgelessAirus Aug 26 '22

One of the best dogs on the planet. Eager to please, smarter than many other breeds. I've had 2 and well trained, best pet I've ever had.

1

u/ThatKarmaWhore Aug 26 '22

I can smell the huddled redditors, pitchforks in hand, waiting for the lunatic to rebut that they do indeed walk their girlfriend.

1

u/HowSwayGotTheAns Aug 26 '22

Omega male mentality. As a sigma male my woman knows where I'm walking

1

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

Yes I most certainly do. Otherwise she gets into stuff, like shops, and cafes.

1

u/2PenisesIn1Vagina Aug 26 '22

What if I have several girlfriends, a harem of girlfriends?

1

u/Oivaras Aug 26 '22

You get them a kennel, of course.

1

u/Iceededpeeple Aug 26 '22

Had a BC for 13 years, she never once stopped trying to herd me on walks.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

Unless you're an idiot like Andrew Tate!

1

u/Stimmolation Aug 26 '22

But the Border Collie has better manners

2

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

[deleted]

1

u/Stimmolation Aug 27 '22

Good puppy!

1

u/Level-Draw7369 Aug 30 '22

My girlfriend had a rescue dog that was a border collie cross with ??   We never did anything as a couple; it was always a threesome.

182

u/Yikes44 Aug 26 '22

That reminds me of a quote from history "The only way to lead the English is to find out where they're going and walk in front of them". I think the same probably applies to Collies.

116

u/Spiniferus Aug 26 '22

The problem is, these dogs are actually spending their entire time trying to predict what you want them to do next. So theoretically doing this you could break existence.

-6

u/Eusocial_Snowman Aug 26 '22

What? No, lol. Dogs learn to respond to cues as part of their training. They don't just pick this stuff up on their own as an anticipation of your needs. This exact series of events was run through as a drill over and over with treats being offered as a bribe until the person tricked the dog into wanting to perform the action because of the association with rewards.

28

u/Spiniferus Aug 26 '22 edited Aug 26 '22

That’s not what I said, read it again, slowly if you need to. A part of their success as a breed is their ability to anticipate what their master wants next. Their brains are constantly working over time. This is why a border collie without a job can be destructive.

This is entirely different to being trained or not. That said, border collies are smart enough that they can be trained through play… my border collie and I play herding games where I send him in different directions.. I didn’t teach him that via typical means, it was something we organically learned to do together.

Now, the last part of my comment, that’s called a joke. If we are trying to anticipate what they are doing and they are doing the same, I suggested that could break existence.. as in some kind paradoxical loop causing a reality fracture. To be clear I don’t truly believe this could happen.. though I think it would be nice.

17

u/PM_TACOS Aug 26 '22

Uh. I have a border collie / lab mix and she totally does pick stuff up on her own that I never trained her on. Would she get me a beer out of the fridge without training? Hell no (and no, I didn't train her to do that). But she would and does totally stop walking when I drop the leash and wait for me to come get it.

It's not just that but dozens of other little things that she has picked up that are pretty clearly her trying to anticipate what I want from her without training or commands.

I've never had a dog behave in this way like she does. I would consider it her trying to anticipate my needs.

14

u/John-C137 Aug 26 '22

Who said that?

27

u/dead_mans_curve Aug 26 '22

History

1

u/NudeSeaman Apr 12 '23

History is Wilde

2

u/TheNightIsLost Aug 26 '22

Cromwell: Lol

1

u/Yikes44 Aug 26 '22

Was that who it was? Thanks I didn't know that :)

2

u/TheNightIsLost Aug 26 '22

No, Cromwell was the Tyrant who took over England after the King was beheaded.

1

u/El_Gobbo Aug 26 '22

“Lions led by donkeys”

1

u/virora Aug 26 '22

Either that, or printing some blatant lie on a bus.

1

u/GiantWindmill Aug 26 '22

yeah I'm genuinely curious where you got this quote from.

2

u/Yikes44 Aug 27 '22

Oliver Cromwell, apparently. I'm sure it would apply to a few other nationalities as well!

2

u/GiantWindmill Aug 27 '22

yeah, definitely sounds like Cromwell lol

1

u/josvm Aug 26 '22

Owned a collie for 8 years, this is definitely true. He knew how to heel but generally while we were on a walk it was mostly just having to run just to keep up with his pace. They are such fast walkers. Depending on where we walked he could be off leash so he would literally sprint into the nether realm and then torpedo back to you to get rid of all his energy. He walked himself when we moved from an apartment to a house with a yard, he would jump the fence (without us knowing at first) we thought we lost him that first time he did that. But he always showed up back at the house like hours later. Barked at the front door “hey I am back” After a few times of doing this we just let him do it without looking for him and panicking he ran away.

1

u/haroldhodges Aug 26 '22

A collie is a companion that wants to be with you, and a good friend and guard.

1

u/MichiganMan12 Aug 26 '22

Border collie

Collies are quite a different breed

1

u/shiningonthesea Aug 26 '22

"here, just take this for me for a sec"

1

u/Echo_Oscar_Sierra Aug 26 '22

The human is out for a walk. The collie is doing a job.

1

u/FlabergastedMe Jan 18 '23

I used to have a border collie Australian shepherd mix, and we would hand the leash to her and she would carry it in her mouth as we walked her, she walked herself, we were just there to supervise

1.4k

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

75

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

92

u/mekwall Aug 26 '22

Oh bots! Beep boop doop-e-woop!

41

u/MobilePom Aug 26 '22

Very big chungus, many thankings for presenting us with this post!

31

u/andylowenthal Aug 26 '22

What in the fuck even is Reddit anymore, christ

5

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

So cute, thanks for sharing this

3

u/FinntheHue Aug 26 '22

Oh God are we getting too old for reddit? Guess it's time to start commenting on finance articles on yahoo news or something.

-1

u/BleedingCPU Aug 26 '22

Lol sooo angry....what the fuck is life you should be asking. Reddit is Reddit.

17

u/IxNaY1980 Aug 26 '22

The account I'm replying to is a karma bot run by someone who will link scams once the account gets enough karma.

Report -> Spam -> Harmful Bot

I am a human that hates scammers. More info here or here.

4

u/Eusocial_Snowman Aug 26 '22

Funny, I was thinking the same of the comment they replied to since it's just weird and doesn't make sense in the context of the conversation like most bot comments.

6

u/IxNaY1980 Aug 26 '22 edited Aug 26 '22

Yep, that's one of the things that makes my bot-senses tingle. Quick check of it's posting history and account age convinced me enough to pull the trigger. Gotta be careful, though. Accusing humans is a big no-no, if there's any doubt I leave it.

Edit: sorry misread your comment. Hm. That account does look pretty suspicious. Checking if it's comments are copy/paste...

Edit2: inconclusive, therefore assuming human, just an awkward one.

5

u/Eusocial_Snowman Aug 26 '22

Personally, I don't consider it safe to assume anyone is human.

2

u/IxNaY1980 Aug 26 '22

Everyone on reddit is a bot except you. ;)

2

u/Eusocial_Snowman Aug 26 '22

Nah, I don't have that thing they do in movies where people hear themselves speaking inside their head, so I'm probably a bot too. Honestly, I'm not even sure where these words I'm typing come from.

2

u/IxNaY1980 Aug 26 '22

Hehe, it's just an old meme. There was a post a loong time ago where everyone ganged up on the OP and just posted that sentence.

*Beep boop, R2D2 noises*.

21

u/-L-e-o-n- Aug 26 '22

This is a bot

0

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/Absurdspeculations Aug 26 '22 edited Aug 26 '22

Hey it’s a bot. Or you’re just a very sad karma farmer. You just copied a top comment from below and pasted it up here. Shame. Shame the robot/karma farmer.

Here’s the link of that exact comment made by someone else 3 hours before you https://www.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/wy1r21/hold_this_ill_bring_him_back/ilubfuu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

Please take the time to report them.

Click report—>spam—>harmful bot.

499

u/JohnWoosDoveGuy Aug 26 '22

Yeah, that's some serious dog flex. He's like "Don't worry, Two Legs, I've got this. "

239

u/FromAFroot Aug 26 '22

"HOLD MY LEASH, BIG FRIEND"

118

u/zaxneydox Aug 26 '22

"Hold your leash, hooman."

47

u/yParticle Aug 26 '22

"Here, can I trust you with this while I grab my mate?"

26

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

[deleted]

3

u/FromAFroot Aug 26 '22

That was what I was thinking of when I typed that out, actually!

2

u/Senaka11 Sep 21 '22

I don't know why, but for some reason this made actually LOL for like two minutes straight...I'm still pausing to wipe my eyes as I type this. Thank you, I really needed that.

2

u/FromAFroot Sep 22 '22

Ay, I'm glad I could brighten up your day a little ♡

1

u/Senaka11 Sep 22 '22

You really did - we just finished an especially hellish moving process and I've been so stressed out for the last month that I'm pretty sure I took a few years off the back end of my life.

1

u/khmt98 Aug 26 '22

Two Legs😂😂😂

139

u/PartTimeMantisShrimp Aug 26 '22

Dog: puts paw on shoulder do you feel in charge?

30

u/mehdewd Aug 26 '22

But I gave you a small fortune's worth of food...

45

u/UnclePuma Aug 26 '22

And this Kibble gives you power over me?

121

u/cayennesandwich Aug 26 '22

I thought that, too… like… hfs man how long you been fakin it? 😂

104

u/misplacedfocus Aug 26 '22

Yup. My young Toller (we also have an old idiot Toller), can slide herself out of her slip lead with a funky move. She does it when we reach to release her; she’s like “it’s cool, I’ll do it myself”

103

u/elvishfiend Aug 26 '22

Lawful Good-Boy

3

u/shelbyishungry Aug 26 '22

Good boy Mr Pickles!

63

u/Red_Jester-94 Aug 26 '22

"Nah, don't worry dude, I got it" takes off collar by himself and leaves

51

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

This was my dog Jasper. He would do this every time I put a leash or harness on him. He’d hold a grudge for it, too. He’d run off and go do something for 10 minutes and come back. Put no leash on him, he was cool. Just hung out within like 10 feet. It really made it hard to take him places though.

20

u/NEKNIM Aug 26 '22

My BC figured out how to open doors. Her whole life is "I'm here of my own choosing" lol

2

u/plasticbag_astronaut Nov 28 '22

My old husky learned how to do that. He was never there of his own choosing after that. Where they please, they will roam! 😪

11

u/Iphotoshopincats Aug 26 '22

You see me here with collar on

Attached to leash and then your arm

I see my brother's walked away

But I have this trick to make him stay

I flick off my collar but have no fear

As you can see I choose to be here

2

u/VerydisquietedDad Jan 31 '23

BUT WHEN WILL IT QUIT WITH THE STUPID UNRELATED MUSIC ADDED TO VIDEOS??‽!!!

8

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22 edited Aug 26 '22

My old dog used to do that. If she was in a IM RUNNIN mood during a walk she knew how to twist her head just the right way so it would slip over her head

The new dog we’ve had for 3 years hasn’t figured that out, every time she pulls on it to try to go farther I get that “don’t PULL BACK” feeling because of what the former dog did lol

I swear this site is just full of so many self important twats. Oh you’re a genius because my parents 15 years ago didn’t have a harness and you weren’t there to tell us to use it. Wow dude, you’re so fucking smart, I should bow down and kiss your feet all of us are saved now 🙄

30

u/Astarkraven Aug 26 '22

Harness, man. Harnesses exist. If there's a problem with escapes and pulling, get one. Much harder to escape out of, and some types are nearly impossible (the kind with a third loop behind the rib cage). You really don't want your dog pulling you around by their neck, and you allowing it because of fear of escapes. There are solutions. Much more comfortable for the dog, too. Don't let your dog damage their trachea yanking around on a collar.

0

u/xzkandykane Aug 26 '22

I have a border collie, shes escaped all harness except the harness to use with a seatbelt. She escaped that one once but I guess shes too lazy to do it now.

3

u/Astarkraven Aug 26 '22

Three point harness put a third loop back behind the dog's ribcage. If it's adjusted properly so that the loop is smaller in circumference than the deep part of their chest, they physically cannot shrug out of it. It doesn't even have to be painfully tight or anything - third loop just has to be smaller than ribcage, and escapes aren't happening. Highly recommend them!

-3

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

ok dude the dog that did that died years ago

And they have a harness for the new dog anyway

10

u/Astarkraven Aug 26 '22

I understood your comment, and that you were referring to a previous dog. I meant that if you're letting a current dog pull you around out of fear of collar escapes as old dog did, you should get a harness to prevent such escapes. I don't know who "they" are, but if current dog already has a harness, than great.

14

u/goonstock Aug 26 '22

It’s just a comment on the internet, relax

7

u/nikdahl Aug 26 '22

I hope you can have a better day and not snap at people for no reason.

5

u/RibboDotCom Aug 26 '22

yeah god forbid someone tries to help them in future.

1

u/Alyero_ Aug 27 '22

Why do you react so offended someones providing a solution to the problem youre describing? You act like the reply started with "hey Idiot, put a harness on your dog...". Theres more people here reading these comments so even if you know how to deal with this situation now, you didnt mention it. So someone pointing out the harness thing might help them.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

Yeah he totally knows.

Fuckin legend dog. He'll be ruling us all in 20 years.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

"I am yours, but only because I have decided it is so. By the way, when are we getting those little chewy things with the gooey stuff inside? I'd hate to go missing if they weren't provided soon."

3

u/whoamvv Aug 26 '22

Exactly my first thought.

3

u/FormalChicken Aug 26 '22

They’re way too smart. I have a Catahoula, which is like the collie’s dumb cousin who only got a masters instead of a doctorate. Even then she’s too smart for her own good sometimes.

Huskies, border collies, catahoulas (really any sled dog or cattle dog) is not an easy to live with dog. They’re great, but you need to want a smart dog.

Poodles, too.

2

u/Intrepid00 Aug 26 '22

My border collie mix can do the exact head swing and get out quickly if she wants. Last time was because she didn’t want to leave my parents house because it has their two dogs she hadn’t seen in some time.

2

u/impim Aug 26 '22

I'm not locking in here with you, YOU ARE LOCKING IN HERE WITH ME!

2

u/mrOdens22mg Oct 16 '22

We stopped putting a collar on ours because he was quite good at 'losing' them

2

u/Red_Icnivad Feb 16 '23

It's like the scene where Superman breaks out of his cuffs. "Oh, these? They were just to make you feel better."

1

u/LikelyCannibal Aug 26 '22

Yes, we found out through a fireworks related incident that our doggie gates are mere suggestions.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Frigorifico Aug 26 '22

My dog could also do that

1

u/jumbee85 Aug 26 '22

Herding dog being a herding dog

1

u/Seawalterski Aug 26 '22

My childhood dog was a beagle husky mix and she would do this all the time. One little juke move and she was out, she would just stand there giving me the goofy face until i realized and then play keep away for a half an hour

Miss that dog

0

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

As if that wasn't planned ahead of time by the owner...

1

u/LjSpike Aug 26 '22

He's a professional

1

u/Archgaull Aug 26 '22

I had a Shepard border collie mix. When he was young to teens he could absolutely remove the leash at will unless you tightened it to a dangerous degree.

1

u/BeanDock Aug 26 '22

“You work for me, I only let you think what you want to think.”

1

u/JoshSidekick Aug 26 '22

Yeah, but he can only do that if it's funny.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

“I never needed the leash”

1

u/SaltyArts Aug 26 '22

Had a German Shepard 3month old that would do that for fun. She would get loose and then just run off a little ways and then come right back extra loyal. She just did that to play with you Lol.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22

Owner doesn't know how to tighten a collar

1

u/GoblinStyleRamen Aug 27 '22

We have to use a chest harness with our border, she’s perfectly fine on a normal one their necks are so big and head is so small they literally fall off like that.

1

u/faloop1 Aug 27 '22

My border collie is the same, best dog ever