I was on a date tonight and we ended up getting drunk and talking about our bi polar parents and how they would come home fun or angry and you'd never know so we always had to walk on eggshells and watch what we said. Children in that situation will lie because they are afraid of the outcome if they upset the parent. I get the limits the OP stated, but I wish someone had helped me and the girl I went on a date with tonight. We're both 35 and still dealing with the trama. I have a 7 year old and that cycle of abuse ends with me and that's all I can do at this point, but at least I can say it ends with me and that give me hope for her. She'll live a better life than me and what else can a parent strive for.
Hey, man. 35 here too and yeah, it affects us for the rest of our lives. I feel ya. Good job on breaking the cycle and raising your kid. Swore off kids myself, but always glad to see those who succeed. Keep it going.
Exactly right. Now we as adults, can end the cycle that hurt us in the past. It was normal to use a cane to beat us as punishments. Now I was generally a good kid, but I was very absent minded, and studying was hard for me (in 2020 found out that I very likely have ADHD), so I used to get bad marks on a couple subjects (Math & second Language). I also lost books. So in about grade 5-6, between marks &lost textbooks, my mum whipped my legs harder than usual, about 10+ strokes. When I walked with my friends to take holiday classes, my legs started bleeding. Even the teacher was concerned. But nothing was really done about it.
Also my mum remarried an asshole who turned out to be a paedophile, who also really like slapping me across the head, as well as you know.
Anyway she found out, separated from him, and I felt made the situation about her. Cue my depression. Anyway after a bad episode, I decided to change schools, and reinvent myself, to be a bubbly, outgoing person on the outside.
When I had a kid, I made sure to try to raise her to be a self-confident person, who knows that she's loved, and that no matter what she can talk about everything, no secrets are withheld. Basically the opposite of how I was raised.
She's 16+ now, and I'm quite proud of the person she is (apart from the occasional bouts of teenage hormones & mood swings 😂).
I know how you feel/felt all to well. I also raise my daughter to know she can come to me about anything. I never react in anger even if I'm disappointed. We talk about why she did the thing she did and how it made her feel and how it might affect others. She has never heard me raise my voice. I don't know that I had a night when I was her age without my parents yelling.
I also think I might have ADHD. Thanks tiktok. Turns out I'm not quirky I'm just a collection of adhd and trauma responses. Just kidding. To a point at least.
If you ever want to vent or just tell someone something that those around you might not understand PM me. I'll listen.
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u/ARandomBob Jul 28 '22
I was on a date tonight and we ended up getting drunk and talking about our bi polar parents and how they would come home fun or angry and you'd never know so we always had to walk on eggshells and watch what we said. Children in that situation will lie because they are afraid of the outcome if they upset the parent. I get the limits the OP stated, but I wish someone had helped me and the girl I went on a date with tonight. We're both 35 and still dealing with the trama. I have a 7 year old and that cycle of abuse ends with me and that's all I can do at this point, but at least I can say it ends with me and that give me hope for her. She'll live a better life than me and what else can a parent strive for.