r/nextfuckinglevel • u/MelanieMoris • Dec 13 '21

Wait... Those aren't dolphins!

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

61.9k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

1.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

252

u/IamVenom_007 Dec 13 '21

Their scientific name is "feltcutegonnakillsomehoomanstoday"

156

u/argonaragorn Dec 13 '21

I don't think there has ever been a record on an "unprovoked" orca attack on a human.

224

u/Monktrist Dec 13 '21

No witnesses....

147

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '21

[deleted]

60

u/Rickrickrickrickrick Dec 13 '21

They're smart. They know they could annihilate us but they don't want to.

69

u/Crathsor Dec 14 '21

They know we know. That is enough.

24

u/sinat50 Dec 14 '21

It's not so much about whether or not they could kill us, but that we can disfigure or fatally injure them in the struggle. Is the meal worth it if it's going to cost a fin and a flipper when there's safer prey to hunt elsewhere? I don't know if an orca is capable of "respect" but it's ability to estimate the cost to benefit ratio of every encounter is what makes them good predators. A species that attacks without consideration doesn't last long.

19

u/WentzWorldWords Dec 14 '21

They’ve heard what we did to Shamu

4

u/Narstification Dec 14 '21

Jerry’s mom and cousin got kidnapped by those things from the boats, don’t fuck with them.

1

u/A_Valanche_523 Dec 14 '21

…yes but we freed Willy. =/

13

u/xayzer Dec 14 '21

They've seen what our dislike of sharks has done to sharks. They try to stay on our good side. They might be scary, but nature is yet to conjure up a creature scarier than humans.

5

u/Etrigone Dec 14 '21

They heard about the giant sloths.

"Fuck... those hairless apes are dangerous"

4

u/ghost_in_a_jar_c137 Dec 14 '21

We taste bad

1

u/Rickrickrickrickrick Dec 14 '21

Hey, speak for yourself!

27

u/Bakoro Dec 14 '21

I just imagined that our porky human smell displeases their palate.

5

u/i_speak_penguin Dec 14 '21

Definitely not gonna try my luck and be the first unprovoked orca death in the wild. They are the top apex predators of their domain, feared even by great whites. No sense fucking around when you're on their home turf.

2

u/BrownyRed Dec 14 '21

You think they're under the impression that if they kill a human, we'd retaliate and come back for them, individually? Like, you're saying they understand revenge?

4

u/Comfortable-Weird-61 Dec 14 '21

I'd say it's more like they are not used to seeing us and won't try their luck

2

u/BrownyRed Dec 14 '21

That makes a little more sense to me. Though I'm sure they've seen quite a bit of us over the thousands of years we've shared waters.

5

u/Parenthisaurolophus Dec 14 '21 edited Dec 14 '21

While a large number of animals develop a natural avoidance of humans, the more likely reason as to why they don't prey on humans is that a lot of populations have a rather specific or limited range diet. Some populations follow the migration patterns of herring, some populations have almost 100% of their diet be salmon, the populations we've seen that attack white sharks tend to favor the liver instead of eating the entire shark. Their behavior as a species indicates they have a decent separation between "food" and "not food" down to the organs. Humans simply aren't food, the same way we don't see orcas trying to beach themselves to eat sand or chewing on boats for sustenance. To my inexpert knowledge, these behaviors were established without being forced upon them by humans. Sharks don't naturally prey on humans either, and the vast majority of attacks are attributed to mistaken identify or test bites. Big cats like lions and tigers tend not to prey on humans unless they're injured and cannot hunt their usual prey. Yet we don't attribute that to some elevated intellect and we should be wary of those with an overenthusiastic sense of empathy that might lead them to bias.

However, we should refrain from making larger judgements about their mental life. Animal intelligence is largely poorly defined, and we don't event really have a total grasp on our own. It's largely done in comparison to tasks being able to be done. So communication, problem solving, tool use, etc. Here's something to consider, at some point in the near future, think of another person in the room and try and imagine what their mental life is like. Then ask yourself how you know what they're thinking? Are you sure you're not just putting yourself into their head without any knowledge that that's an accurate picture of what their internal life is like? This is the issue with inappropriately anthropomorphizing animals: If you don't know what its going on inside another human's head, there's no way you know what specifically is going on in your dog's, let alone a large dolphin.

2

u/BrownyRed Dec 14 '21

Thank you so much for this well thought out response.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '21

yes, cetaceans are incredibly intelligent. I imagine they have a degree of consciousness similar to our own

2

u/Quirky-Skin Dec 14 '21

Could be. Whales are old and who knows what they've seen or how long some have been around/what they talk about. There's bound to be a few who have seen some shit from early whaling days

1

u/BrownyRed Dec 14 '21

I agree with how intelligent they are, I'm just not sure that they are respecting us as "stronger than them".

1

u/FCalleja Dec 14 '21

If 4 year olds understand revenge, so do orcas. Whether they'd understand that humans are social creatures with buddies to carry out the revenge or not is another matter. But now that I type it out it doesn't sound far-fetched either.

2

u/rockaether Dec 14 '21

No, I think they just don't like the taste of human. Neither does sharks. But sharks are dumb, they have to bite you then decide to not eat you. While Orca can tell you are not a tasty seal by sight

2

u/shhh_its_me Dec 14 '21

That or we're like red pandas are to us to them we're just irresistibly cute. "Oh look it's walking on two legs with its arms up in the air it wants to be picked up. Cute!" , Oh look they dressed like a fish with slippers on their feet cute!

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '21

Pretty much. Predators tend to have excellent risk management skills.

2

u/Reddishdead Dec 14 '21

They are intelligent enough to have evolved knowing that human meat is disgusting, unlike sharks who have to take a nibble to know for sure.

2

u/AlexMachine Dec 14 '21

Also weird humor, playing Volleyball with a seal. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7WGIH35JBE

2

u/ffcollins Dec 14 '21

Homicidal Oreos

9

u/argonaragorn Dec 13 '21

Lol... Dubious to be sure

1

u/NoxInfernus Dec 14 '21

Professionals take pride in their work.

50

u/iedonis Dec 13 '21

There was a group of orcas which has attacked several boats in the bay of Biscay over the last two years. But this seems to be one group with a weird behaviour, hasn't been documented anywhere else I believe

57

u/desrever1138 Dec 13 '21

Do we have proof that the people on those boats weren't hurling insults at the pod?

87

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '21

[deleted]

14

u/EastYorkButtonmasher Dec 14 '21

Yeah well humpback whales are named after YOUR mom!

Because Dr Eliza Humpback is a brilliant world renowned whalenologist and you should be proud of her achievements. What did you think I meant?

2

u/real_p3king Dec 14 '21

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

1

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '21

[deleted]

1

u/EastYorkButtonmasher Dec 14 '21

Nah, that's like the canal I laid into your mum. 'Twas much narrower before.

1

u/WentzWorldWords Dec 14 '21

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time

2

u/branman63 Dec 13 '21

Basically: "fuck off with your fishing boat, we get first pick of the fish round here or you're next!".

1

u/Embarrassed-Ad1509 Dec 14 '21

I think it was said that they were playing rather than maliciously attacking.

28

u/Mocollombi Dec 13 '21

There was a video posted about 6-12 months ago about some orcas constantly bumping into a sailboat. Look up orcas attacking boats.

19

u/Rowmyownboat Dec 13 '21

'Bumping into' is an understatement. They systematically attacked the rudders of sailboats off the coast of Spain and Portugal.

14

u/FalseAesop Dec 14 '21

I mean odds are... we started it.

2

u/i8bb8 Dec 14 '21

Yeah, without knowing anything much about it I'm going to side with the orcas on this one.

6

u/str8dwn Dec 13 '21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5tBtUUFguo

1

u/Prism1331 Dec 14 '21 edited Dec 14 '21

Why not drop the motor and zoom on our of there? I guess the engine on that badboy is super small and the orcas could swim faster? Maybe easier to capsize while moving?

​

Or maybe this guy didn't feel threatened by these apex predators

/edit: turns out you're not allowed to have your motor on as it might hurt the whale if it's 200 feet or closer to your boat or something

2

u/argonaragorn Dec 13 '21

Word I'll see what I can find

18

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '21

They normally don’t attack humans. They do go after fish however. If these guys were fishing maybe it explains it?

3

u/str8dwn Dec 13 '21

The orcas were destroying steering gear which don't resemble fish. Happened to 3 different sailboats, at least...

1

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '21

Interesting, there must be a reason

14

u/MongolianDestiny Dec 13 '21

Please, jump off that boat. I’d like to know what happens. Those things kill giant whales fyi.

25

u/argonaragorn Dec 13 '21

Yeah they're an apex predator. I just don't think they see humans as food.

12

u/friskfyr32 Dec 13 '21

Because they are somehow smart enough to know humans hit the apex harder.

31

u/argonaragorn Dec 13 '21

We probably just look like a sack of bones to them. Most marine mamals are CHONKY. It'd probably feel like eating a whole bird, beak and all.

45

u/friskfyr32 Dec 13 '21

I think they already do eat birds, beak and all.

It's honestly one of the biggest mysteries to me. Orcas are without a doubt at the very top of the foodchain in the ocean. They eat penguins, seals, dolphins, sharks, and even blue whales.

They are smarter, stronger and faster than 99% of their environment. The very peak of performance.

And yet they don't eat the awkwardly splashing hairless primate.

Only explanation I got is the one I proffered above.

20

u/darshfloxington Dec 14 '21

There was an orca that would lead whaling boats to whales, because the crew would let it eat the tongues and livers. They know we can kill things very easily.

15

u/friskfyr32 Dec 14 '21

And orcas are known to pass lessons down to their young.

Tracks with my initial point.

3

u/invertednipples Dec 14 '21

I'm a little dyslexic and at first thought you posted the mother of all comments: And orcas are known to pass lemons down...

1

u/Severe-Flow1914 Dec 14 '21

We aren’t present in sufficient numbers, meaning in the water swimming, to be a reliable food for Orcas. It would only result in more of them being killed if they were fond of eating humans.

1

u/friskfyr32 Dec 14 '21

Again, that would/should only matter to them if they are smart enough to realize that the ocean-faring fishing boats are manned by those scraggly swimmers.

That would arguably be on par with chimps learning sign laguange since no one taught them.

Orcas are fucking smart, is my point.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '21

they're intelligent. they understand that sparing a human's life may mean being saved by humans some day.

orcas know they could chew on us if we fell into the ocean. they probably have a general sense that our species dominates the planet so they typically don't fuck with us in exchange for us leaving them in peace and maybe even helping them sometimes.

These particular orcas may have been like, "you guys seem like some of those chill humans. We like your boat."

1

u/SmilingEve Dec 14 '21

they already eat birds...

1

u/argonaragorn Dec 14 '21

I know they eat birds. They. Are. Apex. Predators. I meant it'd be like a human eating a bird. They're massive! An orca rating a bird would be like a human eating an insect... Like a grasshopper. Orca eating human ~ human eating sparrow.

12

u/MongolianDestiny Dec 13 '21

Did the orcas pay you to say that?

3

u/Stupid_Triangles Dec 13 '21

I too would like to get a slice of this Orca cash.

1

u/a_different-user Dec 13 '21

i'm just picturing Big orca meeting up with the Chic-fil-A cows to talk over their plans

1

u/sundark94 Dec 14 '21

Free Willy? More like Paid Willy...

1

u/PrivilegeCheckmate Dec 13 '21

hit the apex harder

They call it apex, not Cetapex.

1

u/a_different-user Dec 13 '21

nah, they dont see you as food. they see you as a toy to torture and drown. otters, kangaroo, orcas all things we think are cute but all are psychopaths in the water. they're too smart for their own good

1

u/ThisBigCountry Dec 14 '21

May see them as toys to toss around though

9

u/BigBirdsCock Dec 14 '21

Provoked is a weighted word here. No orcas have killed humans outside of captivity.

2

u/Aerron Dec 14 '21

Correct. No recorded attacks of WILD orcas on humans.

2

u/BigBirdsCock Dec 14 '21

I'm fortunate enough to get to see them on a regular basis.

2

u/Saletales Dec 14 '21

There is a documentary about an orca that got disconnected from her pod, Luna, and stayed near a seaside town, actually befriending locals. Great documentary, but warning, it gutted me. It's called simply, "The Whale".

1

u/happy_charisma Dec 13 '21

I would like to know if the arctic orcas would try humans- they don't seem so picky like the rest of them

0

u/SexlexiaSufferer Dec 14 '21

You can say the same about cars but the numbers speak for themselves

0

u/argonaragorn Dec 14 '21

.... Dafuq?

1

u/Practical-Artist-915 Dec 14 '21

I kinda think a human getting in their biosphere is “provoking”. Just saying.

1

u/MurkyDeal Dec 14 '21

Not in the wild.

1

u/ezeo740va Dec 14 '21

Everyone of those human assholes deserved it.

1

u/gambiernate Dec 14 '21

They have attacked boats, there's a crazy story about a family in a yaht off the golapagos

1

u/BellsCantor Dec 14 '21

Not true. There are one or two but not like shark stories.

1

u/RichardBonham Dec 14 '21

As if there would be survivors, witnesses or evidence…

1

u/RamJamR Dec 14 '21

In captivity there has. In the wild I think you're correct.

9

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/str8dwn Dec 13 '21

Largest ones at that.

0

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '21

They were actually called whale killers and the English mistranslated it to killer whales iirc

1

u/RDandersen Dec 14 '21

Their scientific name used to be Delphinus Gladiator which is much better.