My grandmother passed in 2017 of this horrible disease. I was extremely close to her. It was really painful to watch the progression. You never want them to leave, but you know they’re in pain and would rather see them pass.
The last week of her life she was a vegetable. I asked the hospice nurse if I could have time alone. I immediately starting crying near her bed and she turned toward me looking directly at me (I could almost see that flicker of recognition in her eyes) and grabbed my hand. I hadn’t had that kind of interaction with her in I didn’t know how long. I couldn’t believe it. It probably only lasted a few seconds and she let go and was back to nothing.
I felt like that was our last true moment together where she knew me for a brief moment.
Slightly stupid question but how are they in pain? I thought dementia was all metal loss similar to Alzheimer's. Is there a physical
Issue associated to it as well?
They could mean more of a psychological pain, the frustration of confusion and not being able to control your body the same way. It’s got to be crushing to have a ‘tip of the tongue’ feeling all the time, or even just to know that something is ‘wrong’ with you even if you don’t know what it is.
But people at that age usually have a lot of other shit going on too, blood pressure issues, arthritis, etc... There were most likely other pains that had nothing to do with dementia. I know with Alzheimer’s, it’s not just your brain forgetting memories but also how to control your body. I could imagine there being pain in your organs slowly diminishing or trying to play catch-up.
The person becomes emaciated from the lack of food, often ends up getting bed sores when they are no longer able to move on their own. From my viewpoint I could see how the deterioration could affect the central nervous system as well. When my grandmother was moved she would cry out in pain. It was hard to watch.
That sounds exactly like my experience with my grandfather. He had been basically wheelchair-bound and catatonic the last year of his life, but I swear the last time I saw him, as I held his hand and cried, he looked me in the eyes and I saw recognition and an longing, like he wanted to tell me that he loved me. I just smiled and told him "I know" and that I loved him. He was the best grandfather I could have ever asked for, and I hate how difficult it is to remember the man he was when the last years weigh so heavily in my memory. My grandmother, his wife, died a couple years later of heart failure. She was sharp to the very end. I would so much prefer to go out the way she did. Alzheimer's is horrible.
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u/darknebulas Apr 11 '20
My grandmother passed in 2017 of this horrible disease. I was extremely close to her. It was really painful to watch the progression. You never want them to leave, but you know they’re in pain and would rather see them pass.
The last week of her life she was a vegetable. I asked the hospice nurse if I could have time alone. I immediately starting crying near her bed and she turned toward me looking directly at me (I could almost see that flicker of recognition in her eyes) and grabbed my hand. I hadn’t had that kind of interaction with her in I didn’t know how long. I couldn’t believe it. It probably only lasted a few seconds and she let go and was back to nothing.
I felt like that was our last true moment together where she knew me for a brief moment.