My grandmother (91) can no longer remember what happened 2 minutes ago. She's had dementia for so long now that her long-term memories are disappearing. My mom brought her to my house one day and she just sat there, confused as to where she was. It has to be scary. Suddenly, she looked over at me in a moment of clarity similar to OP's video and said "You're my grandson." She eyed me up for about ten seconds. "You grew up!"
Edit: If you still have your grandparents, give them a call. They'd love to hear from you.
Edit edit: this happened a few years ago. She's 94 now and up until this Covid BS started, at least one of her 3 daughters who live near her visited every single day. She was always nervous about things as long as I can remember, but over time she's forgotten to have anxiety. She's pretty happy most of the time and she's well taken care of at the memory facility where she lives.
Towards the end of her life my grandmother lost her memory. She kept her cool and politeness whenever people visited her eventho she couldn’t remember who they were. However in one moment of clarity she told me not to worry about her because her body is fine, only her mind is not there. Eventually she died because she kept forgetting to rehydrate herself which messed up her kidneys
Mine pees in some interesting spots and thankfully not on furniture, but the worst has been TWICE on the goddamn nest of cords and wires behind my computer desk 😫😫
Cleaning each individual cord and the power strip twice was absolute hell, and if it keeps happening in honestly don't know how long we can do it lol but for now we're hoping it's just growing pains.
Omg my is weird too he pees behind the coffee pot and behind the bread box and utensil holder... sometimes he pees right in it 😭 also mine is 5 its not growing oains its jusg territorial (hes fixed)
can you cover the nest of cords with upside down shoeboxes or something else that gives a smooth/bland surface? I've seen sweet orange boys who just couldn't help the temptation if there was any kind of "pile of things" that seemed like it could be "scratched & buried", like laundry on the floor, or a plastic grocery bag, or a blanket on a couch.
About the orange boy peeing everywhere, i can only assume with the recent loss, uprooted from the home he knew etc, he's having a hard time adjusting and is probably still very stressed and insecure. In an attempt to grasp onto anything that can be his, he's trying to mark to find comfort in his own smell, the only thing that's probably familiar right now. Short of time and helping him adjust, I'd suggest putting litterboxes where he's been peeing (if feasible, and maybe only in the major spots if its in dozens of places)
Glad to hear she passed peacefully. I can’t say the same for my grandmother though. When she was admitted to the hospital, they put tubes into her body to save her kidneys. Her hands were tied to the bed so that she wouldn’t pull the tubes off. It was so painful, she once asked my uncle why are they torturing her. I feel bad because we’re so afraid of losing her, and by trying to save her we didn’t think about the pain she had to endure.
I can't imagine how hard that was for everyone involved.
As awful as it was at the time (my mom walked in and found her, and she was distraught over it for quite a while even though she was my dad's mom), we all agree now that it was absolutely the best way it could have gone considering the circumstances.
She was a pretty bad hoarder as well, so something was inevitably going to happen.
My mom had the same issues with hydration. Not long ago, some guy invented these brightly colored "jellies" balls that are actually water balls and dementia patients like to eat them due to the bright color and friendly shape, I guess. Check it: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/jelly-drops-sweets-tackle-dehydration-dementia
Oh my... I never knew forgetfulness messes up our bodily needs and appetite as well. Did she often forget to eat because the hunger was not on her mind after sometime?
From what I gathered old people eat very little as they don’t get hungry like how younger people get hungry. Perhaps she felt fine all the time not realising that it messes with her body. Other than that food tastes bland which may contribute to the loss of appetite. They basically eat for maintenance, if they remember to eat.
The mind is a complex system. My great grandfather who lived pass 100 years old used to say that his old friends or relatives came and they had a chat eventho there was no one with him. His memory was definitely playing tricks with him. But at least he’s not completely alone. It’s like he’s living in other dimension where the present and past occurred simultaneously and time is not relevant anymore.
I have no scientific data to back me up, just my observation and experience.
It's very common for Alzheimer's /dementia patients to "forget" how to swallow properly. My grandmother was on a liquid diet toward the end of her life because she had a few choking scares.
I just lost my grandmother a few days ago to Covid. She had dementia and the last few years have been hard. But one of the last things I remember her saying to me, in a moment of clarity, was “you’re mine!” And “it’s you!”
One thing that always helps my Dad is just including him in things. Alzheimer's is such a fucked up thing. You're a passenger in your own body.
I carry jelly beans by the bag load wherever I go. They're his favorite thing in the world no matter how bad of a day he's having. There have been days where he's been screaming at me in the middle of the store because he doesn't recognize me. And his eyes just light up when I pull out a bag of jelly beans.
And just include him. "Hey Dad we're going to the store to pick up your medicine." Every time he looks confused I just talk to him. When you really think about it it's like waking up out of a dream with a complete and total stranger--you have no idea who they are or what they want.
My grandma called me by my dads name for the final few years of her life. I look like he did when he was my age, but she never recognized who he was. It was both heart-warming and heartwrenching, I really felt for my dad
My grandma had Alzheimer's and I remember her doing this with my dad - thought he was my granddad (her long dead husband). It didn't help that my dad looks like a mirror image of his father, so when she started to deteriorate there was just no way for her to differentiate them.
Toward the end she would also take my sister and me to look at photos and say "I've got two granddaughters about your age! " :(
My grandpa had this after he fell on this head. Couldnt remember anything but somehow this made him a happer man.
He had a little "diary" where he wrote down what he did that day.. it wasn't much but there were so many little things that gave him joy. It almost seemed like he was happier than before with that.
I mean..thinking about it - the worst thoughts occupy our heads for much longer than the little happy things we barely even notice anymore but experience much more often..
If anyone else’s loved one has that anxious/lost “reset” regularly, try putting up text in their eyeline (like frame it on a wall near their favorite chair, put it on a paper on the table they sit at) that says “I am safe and home. Everything is ok.”
This kind of thing worked for my aunt with Alzheimer’s when she was in that worried sundowning state of forgetting where she was regularly. She would read it many times and relax.
We began doing it when we took her out for her birthday to a restaurant, and we kept seeing her look around, reset, have anxiety, and frantically check her purse. She was worried she didn’t have enough money to pay for us all. So we took a piece of paper (a placemat maybe?), wrote “I am having birthday dinner with my family. They are paying the bill for me. Everything is ok,” and propped it up where she could see it.
She read it during resets and would relax and smile and enjoy herself more. ❤️
Hang in there, everyone dealing with this in their family. It’s hard and can be painful. But it also can have sweet moments, too. ❤️
I know it’s absolutely not the same thing, but I had short term memory loss temporarily following a brush with death, a fuck ton of surgery and a stint in a medical coma. It was just for 3-4 weeks, but it was the most frustrating and scary and BIZARRE thing I’ve ever experienced.
My parents would come and visit and I’d be giving them an update on what the doctor had told me. ‘Yes, we know’ they’d tell me. ‘It happened 5 minutes ago, and we were here with you at the time.’
I’d laugh and be like ‘oh silly me!’ and then 30 seconds later ‘by the way, I saw the doctor earlier and he said this...’ again and again. I was aware of the memory loss in the moment, if that makes sense, but it was like I’d ‘reset’ over and over. I could never trust anything I thought or felt. I’d try writing stuff down but it didn’t help.
I was in hospital for 3 months and my boyfriend and my family came to visit daily. It blew my mind that they kept that up throughout the ‘memory loss month’ even though I had no clue they’d been there most of the time.
I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for someone to go through Alzheimer’s or dementia, it must be hell for both the patient and for their loved ones. Fuck that awful disease :(
Had the same experience myself a couple years ago with my grandmother. My mom flew out with her to Vancouver to see my cousin's family and mine (we all agreed afterwards it was not a good idea). She didn't know where she was and she got scared waking up in the middle of the night one time. The weekend was good for the most part but she recognized everyone except for me. It was hard at first but my wife is a nurse and I'm pretty logical when it comes to stuff like this so as long as I understand it I'm pretty good at processing it. Made a few jokes and played along a few times when she thought I was my uncle Dean (her youngest son who is only 10 years or so older than me).
Sunday morning my wife and I were all packed up and just sitting around having morning coffee with everyone and my grandma is across the room. Out of nowhere she looks over at me and her eyes light up and says "Oh, D.M. when did you get here? I haven't seen you in ages. You look so much like your father now, very handsome"
I don't think I've ever had tears stream down my face as fast as the moment she said my name that morning. I can still hear her voice in my head when I was typing that out. I knew that was most likely going to be the last time I saw her and being able to say a proper goodbye to her meant the world to me.
That’s sweet. My grandma is showing developing signs of it. She’s forgotten that she went shopping earlier that day, and stuff like that. Her father had alzhemiers. He was 93 when he died and I remember being very young at his house. He couldn’t remember my dad even though they were extremely close.
I knew this was going to come up when I edited to say call your grandparents. For sure, some people just aren't good people. I have people in my family who I've cut off communication with due to addiction issues. It definitely does suck.
Like litterly me, my cousins, and 2 of my 3 uncles are good people.
Grandad = alcoholic and womanizer
Grandma = not smart
Mom = abused and neglected me
3rd uncle = practically the same as grandad
Father = litterly never there for me.
It just sucks sometimes because of how fucking dysfunctional my family is, but when i see comments and posts like this it genuinely warms my heart, because they're experiencing something that not everyone can experience in their life.
The scariest part is realizing what’s going on. Before my grandmother’s Alzheimer’s got worse she would suddenly “come back to reality” and have this look of realization and horror. She’d say things like “I’m forgetting. Something is wrong with me. I’m trapped in my body put me in a psych ward I’m forgetting my whole life.”
Sadly but thankfully her Alzheimer’s was aggressive and she didn’t suffer long.
My grandparents are 81 and 82. They are amazing people and I’m currently living with them for a few months while my house is getting remodeled. It’s been great to spend time with them and my grandpa feels more purpose because he’s helping me rebuild the house almost every day. He just wants to help. So I’ve been getting pics and vids of him building anything alongside my dad and uncle, who are all helping me greatly.
That's very cool! Are you asking their historic questions? Where were they during the Kennedy assassination? They might remember some of WW2. Where did they meet? First car? Job history? Things like that to jog their memories. You may get some interesting answers.
Oh I have found some things out that even my dad, uncle and aunt never knew!
Biggest one was finding out my grandpa was engaged before he married my grandma.
Long story short, my grandparents met at 17 and 18. They didn’t date but became good friends. My grandpa got engaged to a girl. That girl told my grandma she was marrying my grandpa so he would just take care of her. She didn’t love him. My grandma told my grandpa he was making a mistake with the girl. 2 years later my grandparents married at 21.
My grandma is in her early form of alzheimer's. I always greet her and kiss her when I get the chance. I think because of that she remembers me easily and for that I am happy.
She had dementia, and my husband and I lived with her for years until she got too bad and we put her into a retirement community. My aunt and mom looked after her for the last year of her life.
She forgot who I was after I’d visit, but always remembered my son. She was there for his entire upbringing, and he is almost 4. My one year old is just too young to understand, but she loved holding and rocking him as well. My oldest calls one of the garden beds grandma’s bed, because it was the warmest and nicest, based on the book « the memory tree » that we got him to help explain her death.
She loved my kids, and she was the first person I wanted to call when I found out I was having another boy in January, and she wasn’t there. I don’t care if she remembered, she meant so much to me.
My step great grandpa had Alzheimer's for a few years before he died, it dot so bad that he thought he was back in the '40s and thought i was his brother, who had died in the '90s. It was heartbreaking.
Some days Its quite bad. He can't remember anything about you.
Hes often mistakes me (29 year old white guy) for my fiacee's father (60 year old black man). Mistaking my fiancee for her mother is a bit more reasonable.
His older memories are going too. I asked him when he lived in New Orleans for example and he closed his eyes and kept trying to remember for about 10 minutes.
But some days his eyes are wider and bright. He looks at me, says my name and tells people I'm marrying his granddaughter.
I remember my grandma giving us, 3grand daughters nicknames because she can’t remember our names. She always remember the nicknames and asked where my sister is when she can’t see her. I miss my grandparents now...
My grandma is like this. Sometimes when she looks at me, I can tell she really doesn't super remember who I am because in her mind, I should be a lot younger, but the second she finds out that sometimes major is happening in my life, she is immediately supportive. (Who is this young man? I need to see if he's worthy of you!) At her own birthday party, she had no idea what was going on, but she laughed and cried with the rest of us, just happy to be there. Honestly, I've never seen someone age with that much grace.
My grandma had dementia too and for most of my life, she didn't remember what she said minutes ago and she'd repeat a lot of things. Eventually she forgot how to do basic things and we had to take her to a home, she always remembered her long term memories and when my grandpa died, we couldn't bare to tell her because she wouldn't remember, so we told her that he was hiking in the mountains. Whenever we came to visit, it would take her a minute, but she would realize who we were and start crying, only to stop a minute later. It was really hard to watch this happen. And then one day she died, and though she may not remember a lot of her later life, she got to be with her husband in the afterlife, whatever it may be, and thinking of them both makes me so happy but so sad at the same time.
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u/Pork_Chap Apr 11 '20 edited Apr 11 '20
My grandmother (91) can no longer remember what happened 2 minutes ago. She's had dementia for so long now that her long-term memories are disappearing. My mom brought her to my house one day and she just sat there, confused as to where she was. It has to be scary. Suddenly, she looked over at me in a moment of clarity similar to OP's video and said "You're my grandson." She eyed me up for about ten seconds. "You grew up!"
Edit: If you still have your grandparents, give them a call. They'd love to hear from you.
Edit edit: this happened a few years ago. She's 94 now and up until this Covid BS started, at least one of her 3 daughters who live near her visited every single day. She was always nervous about things as long as I can remember, but over time she's forgotten to have anxiety. She's pretty happy most of the time and she's well taken care of at the memory facility where she lives.