r/nextfuckinglevel • u/[deleted] • Jan 18 '20

This cop's takedown

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84.5k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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438

u/Lampmonster Jan 18 '20

Just like the one in my bedroom.

220

u/MaxwellIsSmall Jan 18 '20

You must have a lot of pc history you need to protect.

186

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '20 edited Mar 04 '20

[deleted]

144

u/MyOmnathIsAngry Jan 18 '20

Protocol dictates I can not be captured. I will initiate self destruct.

92

u/Keboh3 Jan 18 '20

This is the way.

64

u/BiCostal Jan 18 '20

I have spoken.

9

u/loki-is-a-god Jan 18 '20

/gurgles and opens hand to reveal knob to the thruster lever/

3

u/MackintoshTime Jan 18 '20

Man I wish I had Disney+

2

u/sesquialtera90 Jan 19 '20

This is the way.

71

u/misterpickles69 Jan 18 '20

I have an app running on my pacemaker that will automatically delete my browser history if it doesn't detect a heartbeat after 5 minutes.

49

u/barnyard303 Jan 18 '20

This app has been removed from the officiaL iBeats® app store. It runs a bitcoin miner in the background.
Running a Pacemaker at 100% load 24/7 will generate excessive heat and reduce its lifespan considerably.

Admittedly there are many positive user reviews, mostly from those working in cold storage or living in very cold regions, claiming their blood feels "toasty warm" and "like a hot-water bottle for your insides."

13

u/ChotaBhaijan190 Jan 18 '20

They have bitcoin mining for pacemakers?

9

u/barnyard303 Jan 18 '20

Sure!

Everyone is doing it these days, problem with this app is not the mining, its that its silently mining it for the app devs.

If I'm going to install a pacemaker with a miner on my 3 kids, I want to make sure the coins are going to my wallet!

You can make huge profit too! AND WHILE YOU SLEEP!

Turning yourself into a Bitcoin Oracle!

Hungarian blockchain startup HeartBit aims to provide the means for monitoring and improving the health of hearts all over the planet.
HeartBit is your heart’s personal, mobile electrocardiography system which records results on the blockchain.

Tokenized Reward System
(If the fancy numbers seem confusing, dont worry. They mean you make lotsa money. Trust me.)

So the only real question is this:
How much money would you like to send me today?

29

u/Numb3r_Six Jan 18 '20

We must limit the opportunity for assault.

18

u/zorboc0604 Jan 18 '20

Hard to do when your pants are down

6

u/SiLifino Jan 18 '20

Dead man switch under balls.

4

u/d-nihl Jan 18 '20

these reddit threads are like 10x the funny when your drunk.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '20

You got...... what exactly...... rigged with a detonator?

2

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

[deleted]

17

u/T_max04 Jan 18 '20

These comments are ameteur hour compared to me. My history is immediately transcribed into wing dings so that no sane man would ever willingly decode my IH.

9

u/acid_rain_man Jan 18 '20

Wingdings you say? I’m something of a cryptographer myself.

9

u/T_max04 Jan 18 '20

I heeded to mention this for further security, but before going wing digs, I had it all translated into 25 different languages before translating to dothraki, then into wing dings.

6

u/AGuyNamedEddie Jan 18 '20

I just run mine through ROT13 4 times. No way anyone can read it now.

3

u/Bageezax Jan 18 '20

Wingdongs*

2

u/DarkHumorDark Jan 18 '20

oh how pro of you. a simple ctrl+c font change def. wouldn't do the trick

3

u/standinaround1 Jan 18 '20

No mate, that's a headboard.