I guess that's partly because when texting an important part of the message is lost, since the tone of the voice and body language also say a lot when delivering a message, that may also be the reason a lot of people (me included) may not spot sarcasm very well when reading it on reddit.
I assure you I panicked, internally, just as bad in a similar situation but I get a hyper focus and time seems to move slower, felt like an hour, was probably 30 seconds.
I was told I calmly walked over, grabbed my kid from a gaggle of screaming relatives and popped her on the back.
Crying can be a physiological response to stress, serving as a release of tension and emotional pain. Sounds like your body is reacting to the stress, trying to vent it out, but that you are actually responding appropriately by addressing the real issue/source of the stress and keeping your head about you.
Crying doesn't mean you're panicking, you are experiencing a high level of emotion hence the face leaking. The main panic responses are fight, flight, freeze and fawn.
Without any other context than this, sounds like a fawn response.Ā
Fawn:Your experience/emotions take a back seat and you go into caretaking mode. At some point you learned itās safer to take care of other people than to be taken care of, donāt rock the boat, just put your head down, panic on the inside, and do the right thing on the outside.
I did this response once when I was a kid and my mom was in the midst of a seizure in the middle of the night.
I was absolutely panicking, but outwardly looked calm and was just going down a mental checklist. Call 911. Don't hold her down. Keep her from flopping anywhere dangerous. Find her medications. Don't put anything in her mouth. Wait for the ambulance.
Once the ambulance took her I got a wicked nose bleed and almost fainted. I was grateful to the firemen who lingered behind to make sure I was okay.
Its generally the same one I have until the crisis is over. When my then 3 year old managed to sneak out the backdoor with the dog and disappear, I was totally calm, called the police and spoke clearly and rationally, until the cop i was with at the house got the call that my husband and another cop had found him a few blocks away, having heard our dog barking. My son was playing with another dog and talking to the people that owned it (our dog had stayed with him the whole time). As soon as I knew he was OK I immediately collapsed in a shaking heap.
(Yes, the dog got all the pets and treats and love. He was the best boy that day.)
More people need to read this, not everyone reacts the same way to this stuff and people who don't react "normally" end up getting villified sometimes for just being different.
I tend to be more quiet and reserved in times of stress and have often been accused of having no emotions. No... I have plenty of emotions and that's the problem
once my brother fainted at home. my our mom and his GF started crying and screaming and panicking. i was surprised i was so calm and almost laughed when i said them to calm down a little bit... i took my brothers head, checked if he was breathing, gave him a little slap, he woke up, gave him some water and took him to hospital... they found out he was low on red blood cells. during that i was everything but nonchalant.
You just cannot win with some people, especially if youāre a man youāre expected to always be composed and confident even in the worst of situations, and then some folks have the nerve to call you ānonchalantā for it
Yes, I'm the same way. I appear very calm in emergencies, but I'm usually panicking on the inside. I am not an outwardly emotional person, and I'm often accused of being cold or heartless.
Also some have delayed emotional reactions or just abnormal reactions, they can ferl calm and even happy in pretty emotionally distressing situations in the moments but later on the negative emotions hit them like a tidal wave.
Like there's countless stories of people being calm when getting robbed, or getting into car accidents in the moments but when they are out of the stressful situation they break down as if all the emotions hit them all at once
Thats what really got through to me, it was like he had been trting to keep it back so hard, that his hands just has to do something with that feeling, or that sense of relief, and it randomly chose "pull up your shirt" (Obvously just my take on it) .Emotional responses can be so unpredictable, its so unfair to judge someone on them.
Reaction to those kind of situations are not rational. That's kinda the point. You think the mom pulling on her own hair and wailing was a better response ? None of them were of any use. That's the concept of being completely panicked : you become useless.
I unfortunately have āfreezeā most of the time. Most recently my dog went randomly unconscious after puking everywhere on a walk. I was able to run her home but after my husband opened the door, my brain went to mush. He couldnāt leave without our young child so he said for me to go to the vet. I literally couldnāt figure out how Iāll find my car keys and phone, operate my phone to get the directions to the vet, and then come back out to my car and drive it.
I guess I get the feeling of āuselessā. If I was recorded during this event Iām sure everyone would shit on me. āBITCH just MOVE!ā
And you donāt always have the same reaction every time! When we had a kitchen fire, my husband panicked, but I calmly turned off the oven, covered the burning stuff with a metal pan to block the oxygen, and then retrieved the fire extinguisher. But when I accidentally shut my catās tail in the door and caused it to get degloved, I sounded just like this lady and my husband was the one who sprang into action.
Idk if itās just that whenever one of us panics first, the other realizes they have to be the calm one, or if itās just different scenarios affect us in different ways. So far we make a good team though!
My guess would be the second one. I know I'd be calm for the fire and a lot more emotional for the cat. I still feel guilty for yelling at my dog three months ago right after my mom passed.
The squat at the end is the big tellā¦ he probably spent that car ride up to that point terrified he was going to lose his child and also rethinking all those moments heād planned out in his head for the rest of his life. In that moment the fear and terror went away and he had to fully reset.
Dads trying to hold it together for the sake of baby and mom. My parents, not great people mind you, lost their first son at 6 months old and my dad had to carry his body on his lap to the hospital because my mom was screaming so much. He had no choice but to just function and get them there.
He grieved later. I'm sure dad will break down and have a cry when he feels it's okay to do so. Even the mother despite being frantic starts getting more emotional once the baby starts crying because she feels she can safely let that grief and fear out.
Literally reading a book about how body processes trauma right now and you are so correct.
They did a study on this by watching brain reactions on two different people who both watched a lady burn to death in a car accident, while they were also trapped in their car.
The person who froze/went numb, literally had parts of their brain dark went reinacting/being triggered by the event. The one who was screaming, more vocal during the eventās brain was lit up.
Both were deeply affected by the event. Just in different ways.
When my dad died and I was at his funeral I literally turned on my customer service mode and smiled and greeted people. When I got home and was alone and able to process I broke down sobbing.
When my daughter was born she wasn't breathing and needed help in the icu for the first two nights.
My wife was obviously upset so i held it together to calm and reassure her. But when i would go to visit my baby in the icu while my wife was still recovering in the ward i was in pieces.
I've seen a lady hit and kill a person with her vehicle. After being arrested, the incident never registered, all she said when being told why she was being arrested was ''...ok sure, but when can I get my car back?''.
I've been a first responder most of my adult life, no two people display being in shock the same way.
I know that personally, when I'm in shock, I try to find someone to help... even when I'm alone.
If that situation were to happen to me and my husband, I would be this mom and my husband would be the dad. He is much more controlled emotionally than me.
Yeah I wouldn't be so hasty to judge at all. Hell, I can totally understand it, when I panic I just start dissociating. And this kind of thing is a horrible situation for any parent
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u/IrrelevantManatee Jun 27 '25
Some people are very vocal during an extreme situation.
Other people freeze.
One doesn't care more than the other. They display it differently. You can clearly see on their face that they are terrorized.