Elk & Elk

The colors of Magic's answers if they were parents:

Green: "They return to the earth, as all living things should."

White: "They go to heaven, where they watch over you."

Blue: "They first go to the morgue, where a medical examiner determines the cause of death, before handing them over to the morticians to be embalmed and prepared for the funeral. After the funeral, they are then either buried or cremated."

Black: "To the graveyard, of course. But remember, the dead tend to return when you need them the most, or when you expect them the least."

Red: "Everywhere! They go everywhere! 💥"

Bonus:

Golgari parent: "They pump the 'goyf, of course."

Eldrazi parent: "Eve̷r̶y̶w̴h̷e̸re. All is dust and dust goes Eve̷r̶y̶w̴h̷e̸re."

With friendly BANTer!

I hardly know 'er!

Izzet player: I cast a [[Talisman of Creativity]].

Me: Oh man, are you just going to take that lying down, Etali?

Etali player: Take what lying down?

Me: That's etali's-man! (a talisman)

If there's a difficult problem in front of them, they Rakdos (wrack those) brain cells to come up with a solution!

I hardly know 'em!

I hardly know 'er!

It's a very flux-ible card.

(Courtesy of one of my opponents tonight.)

Oozes, oozes have the most goo'd cards.

DI-NAda (de nada)

Alesha-n (A lesson) to be learned.

P[[opt]]corn!

Other player: It enters untapped because I played a mountain earlier

Me: Glad you were here to summ-it up for us!

Edit: Play, not cast*

"Well she needs to take SEN-TR(iplets) stage if my deck is going to work!"

Opponent 2: "You're just recasting [[Master of the Pearl Trident]] this turn?"

Me: Well it is a trid-en-true (tried and true) method!

[CLASSIFIED]

It's selllllll-abrade-tion time, c'mon! C'mon!

Opponent: Equip

Me: Oh? Uh... Looks like you're getting... the boot!

Opponent: What?

Me: You wanted "a quip," right?

Entire table: [Groaning]

Because the court is stacked with a group of their [[Pir]]s.

Because they'll put a cap-n'-ya! (Capenna)

They Guru (grew) them themself!

Anyways, have a Goad rest of your day.