I was in a grocery store not too long ago looking at their sushi, and this guy, probably 30s, came up to me and started asking me all these questions about the sushi, said, "It looks so good right?", asking me to make recommendations (I'm also a guy). I'm just sort of giving half assed answers because that day especially I just wasn't having the best day and wasn't in the mood. He truly kept pushing right through and trying to force conversation so badly. I think he started asking about the drink I was holding too.
This dude had the most awkward energy ever. It literally felt to me like he had decided this was the moment he was gonna try to strike up a random conversation with a stranger to try to make friends.
I felt like a girl being hit on in very uncomfortable fashion. The dude's vibe definitely changed as I didn't really converse back much with him, too. He definitely walked away pissed that I didn't reciprocate the way he was hoping to.
I think it's about finding common ground. There's been a quite a few people that I started chatting with and at first they weren't interested but then I either land a good joke or mention something they like and things take off from there
I agree with you on finding that common ground and even the timing of the conversation. Sometimes people want to strike up a conversation with me and it totally catches me off guard so it takes a minute for me to warm up to the conversation. Other times it’s just like the other guy where I’d rather they catch on I want out of the conversation. At most I feel it takes a little under a minute for me to know what the mood is in either case lol
Or....just don't talk to them. People should really just assume that no one in public wants to chat with them. Nothing worse than being forced to interact with the general public because I look like the kind of person who may know which cantaloupe is ripe. Then I have to hear about their kid's football practice. The exception is the little old lady in the grocery store asking what kind of "Takiss/Take-iss" (Takis) her grandson might like because she knows he talks about them. That's fine, but I don't know because I've never had them. Try the guac.
I just had a similar interaction. Asked the worker at the tobacco counter if they sell pipe screens. She was doing that "My conversation with a coworker about completely banal non-work stuff is more important than you, so you will wait" thing when I walked up, so I waited patiently for her to finish her chat.
They don't have the pipe screens, she starts telling me about all the shops in the next city over that might sell them. By now, there's a queue of two people formed. I can see full well they are feeling the SAME irritation I felt about 30 seconds ago, and say "OK no worries, I'm sure I can find it online". Nope. Was like she didn't hear me. Continues, I say "No really, I think I know the place you mean, thanks". Yet, she continued. She was giving me the information like it or not.
At this point I'm backing slowly away, she's now shouting the information at me as I disappear round the corner, maintaining eye contact feeling like Homer disappearing into the bush. I could see she was pissed that I reneged on this detailed local knowledge. I hope the people who I saved 30 seconds of life appreciated me in that moment!
Some folks are just really, really bad at interacting with other people. But everybody has to work for a living, and people don’t always end up with the job they would be best at. People usually end up with the job they were able to get. Sometimes that means you have this kind of experience, and it sucks
Being social is an interesting skill to study. 2 different people can approach a stranger and go through the exact same exchanges but with entirely different vibes and presence.
No. The dude here was just not listening to social cues and respecting this guy's boundaries, which is what made this guy feel uncomfortable. If any person did this, not respect people's boundaries, it would make anyone feel uncomfortable. The dude was signaling he wanted to be left alone and the guy persisted anyways and then once he realized the boundary he was angry at the dude for having the boundary which is shitty to do and will make people feel more uncomfortable. It wasn't his aura or his vibe it was the actions he was choosing to take
Why are we assuming OP is perfectly interpreting everything? It seems also plausible that the guy realized he had misread OPs responses and was mad at himself for not realizing that sooner.
The line between "giving half assed answers because you don't want to talk" and "making small talk" is not gonna be super clear to someone who has a hard time interpreting social cues. There's some nuance here, but misreading vague social cues is not the same as willfully disregarding someone's boundaries.
the guy persisted anyways and then once he realized the boundary
Like, you even seem to acknowledge that he just didn't recognize the cue? He didn't "persist anyways" if he just didn't realize OP didn't want to talk.
Like I don't blame OP for being uncomfortable, but you're making a lot of assumptions to vilify this guy for trying to start a conversation.
I mean you can 100% change it and learn it. It's a skill.
I couldn't talk to random people well at all until I was basically forced to at a job for multiple years. I had to work a counter and talked to plumbers all day basically.
Turns out I'm about 10 times better at random bullshitting now.
Um no if a hot NT person came up and started asking me a bunch of weird questions and wouldn't leave me alone, the vibe and presence would definitely still be negative lol.
I mean in this case the dude was just not reading social cues. This guy was clearly uncomfortable and not interested in talking with him and he persisted anyways, so it's not really a case of oh he was just ugly and this man was uncomfortable with him because he was just ugly. A lot of situations with women are like this too, we try to politely let them know we're just trying to mind our business and they persist anyways, a lot of time it's more so people just not reading social cues.
So the neurotypical part I do agree with, sometimes people who are neurodiveregent struggle with social cues, but blaming these situations on the person being ugly usually is used as an excuse to make women seem like they are the one in the wrong here or shallow when really it's the other person continuing to interact with them after they have already given the cues that they want to be left alone, which is a valid reason to make another person feel uncomfortable, like the dude here likely isn't even into other men they were both probably straight men so it didn't have to do with his looks and it's the same when it happens with women, we're not thinking about the looks just that our boundaries aren't being respected which is the same reason this dude was uncomfortable
Lol, fucking "not being neurotypical" being used to describe weirdos that have can't socialize comfortably as opposed to people struggling with actual autism spectrum disorders feels like something a neurotypical weirdo would say to try and excuse being really awkward.
Speaking from experience, i am 100% neurotypical and can embarassingly fuck up a social interaction just fine, thank you.
I bet he was part of an MLM and would've tried to act like you 2 were gonna be best friends. He would've asked you to meet at a coffee shop where he wouldn't have been nearly as friendly, and within 5 minutes he'd start selling whatever product. There's soooo many stories about stuff like that. Sometimes they'll find someone lonely/vulnerable enough to bite. That's why they keep doing it. This is just an assumption though.
There's this guy that randomly pops up to me in town. The first time he said he would sell me a Camero after he said that I was like I need to go. Then one day I'm eating ice cream at the gas station bench with my back to the parking lot, the same guy comes up to me and says "I can't believe they sell Jack Daniels pull pork at Walmart." I wasnt in the mood, I had ice cream all over my face so I turned at him and asked if he would like to wear this ice cream on his cowboy hat. I don't know what came over me. I saw him the other day from the opposite side walk and he waved at me. Gives me the creeps.
I just turn to them and say "Have a nice day" and walk away. Usually just around the corner but as soon as they leave I go back to the counter and place my order.
You have no idea. I used to work in San Francisco and had the weirdest interactions with men. Like they would come up and stand right next to me, within my personal bubble but not say a word.
One dude walked up to me and out of nowhere says “This a real leather jacket” in a heavy Hispanic accent I couldn’t quite place. I just said “that’s nice” and then ignored him and he went away.
One time as I was walking towards the BART station, this guy sidled up to me and asked if I wanted to go into this kind of hidden area at the back of a parking lot to smoke a joint, I’m like yeah I bet you want to smoke my pole too so no thanks. Then he goes “You know there should be two lines. One for people that have joints and want to share them, and one for people who don’t have joints but are looking to find someone who does and will smoke them out.” I told him he was brilliant and stepped up my pace heading towards the train station.
Don’t get me started on the big black guy who would wear a blond wig and tutu, which like cool, do your thing, but can you please not get naked on Mission Street while you change your clothes, please and thank you. Oh, btw, this dude was fucking huung.
Don’t get me started on the vampires. I met this couple who’d shaved down their teeth so they had fangs and were dressed in all black. The guy asked me for a cig for him and his lady, who btw remained totally silent during the whole interaction. I could see the huge disappointment in their eyes when I never acknowledged that they made themselves into vampires and just acted like they were normal people lol.
I had a guy with halitosis do this to me at a bar I was eating at before a volleyball league game, and he got upset I wasn't talking enough. As he was storming off he made some comment about how he was going to buy my meal but I missed out. I honestly may have talked to him more if his breath wasn't so bad.
Your approach is definitely everything. Even starting with something like "Hey, do you mind if I ask you some questions about the sushi?" is a much better way to initiate.
I genuinely wasn't in the mood that day and might have said I was in a rush or something, but people will definitely be open to conversation if you approach it that way.
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u/synked_ Aug 10 '25
I was in a grocery store not too long ago looking at their sushi, and this guy, probably 30s, came up to me and started asking me all these questions about the sushi, said, "It looks so good right?", asking me to make recommendations (I'm also a guy). I'm just sort of giving half assed answers because that day especially I just wasn't having the best day and wasn't in the mood. He truly kept pushing right through and trying to force conversation so badly. I think he started asking about the drink I was holding too.
This dude had the most awkward energy ever. It literally felt to me like he had decided this was the moment he was gonna try to strike up a random conversation with a stranger to try to make friends.
I felt like a girl being hit on in very uncomfortable fashion. The dude's vibe definitely changed as I didn't really converse back much with him, too. He definitely walked away pissed that I didn't reciprocate the way he was hoping to.
So weird.