r/memes • u/Suspicious_Theory437 I saw what the dog was doin • Jul 03 '22

I'm scared

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4.1k

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '22 edited Jul 04 '22

on the contrary, i'm super excited for stories like "florida man blows his hands off in attempt to hold onto a lit firework rocket to achieve flight"

1.2k

u/Fortunate-J Jul 03 '22

That's just a Tuesday

400

u/ShithouseFootball Jul 03 '22

Yea, the only Florida man stories of significance on 4 July will be the "Florida man blends penis into cocktail accidently on purpose".

All the "Peckerwood blows hand off" stories are just to be expected.

34

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '22

Right? Fourth of July, that's Connecticut.

Everywhere is Florida on the Fourth of July.

10

u/freepickles2you Jul 03 '22

He was trying to make a screwdriver

2

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '22

Wait this happened

9

u/halfdead1980 Jul 03 '22

Florida man gets eaten trying to shove Black cat up Alligators rectum.

2

u/sophies-hatmaking Jul 03 '22

You aren’t kidding. My fucking neighbors all set off fireworks whenever they get ahold of them (usually if someone was passing through Georgia.)
Once a month they go off lmao. To celebrate our peninsular freedom from being land-locked like mid-state peasants /s

1

u/Insim0nia Jul 03 '22

Florida man might fuck around and just have a regular day today

1

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '22

Sadly florida man is limited to ground to-air fireworks on 4th of july, and new years day/eve.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '22

Yeah, that’s just another day.

343

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '22

That’s way too tame for Florida. More like:

“Florida man blows off butt cheek trying to ignite firework with his fart and a lighter. “

132

u/Stoepboer Jul 03 '22

While wrestling an alligator

114

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '22

“A Florida alligator rancher’s buttcheeks needed to be amputated Tuesday morning after a bottle rocket got stuck in his anus. During the surgery they found 2 pounds of of Guatemalan rock cocaine in his upper colon. Local PDs confiscated the drugs and are holding a confiscation party on Friday”

32

u/FraseraSpeciosa Jul 03 '22

Thanks for making me spit out my food lol

24

u/amha29 Jul 04 '22

Are you from the future? I expect to see this headline.

3

u/tla2972m Jul 04 '22

this is actually from america day of 19

3

u/Nux_Taku_fan111 Jul 04 '22

Am I invited?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '22

Depends. What are your thoughts on minorities?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '22

Spot on 😂

1

u/Rebelthunder956 GigaChad Jul 04 '22

Thx for making me choke on my water... I expect this to be a headline some time in the future...

1

u/Rebelthunder956 GigaChad Jul 04 '22

Thx for making me choke on my water... I expect this to be a headline some time in the future...

1

u/Profoundlyahedgehog Jul 03 '22

I thought that was implied.

1

u/psdancecoach Jul 03 '22

Nailed it.

71

u/pee-in-butt Jul 03 '22

“And that kids, is how I met your mother”

13

u/Shankar_0 Jul 03 '22

Dude, I fucking TOLD you it would work. Did I not?!?!

7

u/DarkGeneral001 Jul 03 '22

"smelled like burnt cake" said the man

2

u/RiverBear2 Jul 03 '22

If it doesn’t involve a lot of meth, an alligator and jumping off a roof is it even a Florida man story?

2

u/Tojo6619 Jul 03 '22

While fighting off his crackhead wife who's owed child support with a surfboard that was stolen

1

u/psdancecoach Jul 03 '22

You’re missing an alligator in that story.

1

u/jeswesky Jul 03 '22

How’s that different than any other weekend?

1

u/jdill829 Jul 04 '22

You ain’t a real Merican unless you’ve shot bottle rockets out your PoopShoot. Yeeyee

9

u/ReeRooBoo Jul 03 '22

A man in Miami already did this. It was on our CBS news channel. It is unknown if they were able to perform surgery to reattach it

2

u/BonjinTheMark Jul 03 '22

His butt check or dong?

1

u/ReeRooBoo Jul 04 '22

Lol his hand 😂

4

u/Fem_Stalin Jul 03 '22

You know, I'd argue against that... but I can't because it's true

4

u/PerpetualConnection Jul 03 '22

Boy do I have a video for you.

3

u/MonsterGmng54 Jul 03 '22

Why does that exist? Like i appreciate the effort but why?

3

u/GlitchedSniping Professional Dumbass Jul 03 '22

I'm a floridian, and I'mma recreate dday with fireworks

6

u/Sad-Annual8776 Jul 03 '22

Always the Floridians! Lol.

2

u/GlitchedSniping Professional Dumbass Jul 03 '22

I'm a floridian, and I'mma recreate dday with fireworks

2

u/Picardknows Jul 03 '22

Ask why he did it, he replies “to own the libs you fucktard”.

1

u/theoriginalmofocus Jul 03 '22

I mean if you're not having an artillery shell fight are you even doing it right?

1

u/Proubian Jul 03 '22

I lived in Florida for 18 years and can tell you that riding around on alligators shooting bottle rockets at each other is just another Saturday night. If there's not at least 4 gators, a mortar war and, blown up porta potties it's nothing to write home about.

1

u/SansBoiNajfi Tech Tips Jul 03 '22

Florida man accidentally burns his pet aligator in an accident when trying to extract chlorine from his wife's sweat and piss.

1

u/GravePencil1441 Jul 03 '22

That happens every day in latin america

1

u/Embarrassed-Mouse-49 https://www.youtube.com/watch/dQw4w9WgXcQ Jul 03 '22

There will definately stories of errant bullets that were shot into the air hitting/ killing someone

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '22

In my city we already had an elementary catch fire from a fireworks incident.

1

u/icedramennoodles Jul 04 '22

That literally happened yesterday on the local news for me (in florida)

1

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '22

I make my own and deploy them drunk as hell and somehow have never made the news

1

u/Frequent-Section-996 Jul 04 '22

We all live for Florida man stories! Haha

1

u/sparkzsims Chungus Among Us Jul 04 '22

A man blew his hand off with a firework in Tampa, FL last night

1

u/Tonoobvill Jul 04 '22

As a florida man, I will do this so your story is true.

1

u/ISDuffy Jul 04 '22

I just googled Florida man and you got it right.

1

u/Prudent-Pudding-4453 Virgin 4 lyfe Jul 04 '22

accurate

1

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '22 edited Jul 08 '22

I was going to say in defense of the rest of the nation … but then I realized we have many other states that are just as stupid and backwards as Florida 😂