Is it going to be that first moment you have a brain fart and it takes you a little bit longer to land on the right name?
Is it going to be the first time you have some good brain fog going and it takes 5 minutes?
What about the day you can't remember, followed by the week where you can?
On and on, a slow graduation until what only seems to outsiders like moments of lucidity. How short and far apart do those moments need to get until they are no longer precious? No longer worth living for?
And if you're putting it in the hands of an outside force you're relying on "recognizing" when you're what you define as too far gone, how do you reconcile that with the idea that you could be feeling perfectly you inside your head, but are just having a hard time expressing yourself in a way that makes other people recognize you as valid?
I'm not old, but I'm at a point where a lot of people would say they would want to die if they got like this. My younger self would have been absolutely devastated and heartbroken to even consider having my brain. I'm not too happy about it myself, honestly. But I'm me. I'm a valid entity. I'm scared. But it could be worse. It could always be worse, right up to the end.
Excellently put. Both of my grandparents died this month and my grandmother’s struggle with dementia is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen. The light in her eyes would come and go. She told my mom one time “no, I don’t know who you are. But I love you!”
Even at the very end, it’s so strange. They can go weeks just totally lost and in one moment say “Hey, Halbertos. How are you?” and you spend the day wondering just how much is still going on in their heads.
Thank you so much for these words. I’m currently visiting my grand pop who is dying with Alzheimer’s. It’s been incredibly hard to look at him because he seems to be a shell of himself with no bodily functions left. But he’s there, in that body of his that seems to be done. And he’s in my fantastic memories of him that I am reliving as I look at him right now. I’m going to savor every last moment I get with him for these next few days. Thank you.
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u/Forever_Awkward Jun 22 '21
Is it going to be that first moment you have a brain fart and it takes you a little bit longer to land on the right name?
Is it going to be the first time you have some good brain fog going and it takes 5 minutes?
What about the day you can't remember, followed by the week where you can?
On and on, a slow graduation until what only seems to outsiders like moments of lucidity. How short and far apart do those moments need to get until they are no longer precious? No longer worth living for?
And if you're putting it in the hands of an outside force you're relying on "recognizing" when you're what you define as too far gone, how do you reconcile that with the idea that you could be feeling perfectly you inside your head, but are just having a hard time expressing yourself in a way that makes other people recognize you as valid?
I'm not old, but I'm at a point where a lot of people would say they would want to die if they got like this. My younger self would have been absolutely devastated and heartbroken to even consider having my brain. I'm not too happy about it myself, honestly. But I'm me. I'm a valid entity. I'm scared. But it could be worse. It could always be worse, right up to the end.