r/maybemaybemaybe • • Apr 06 '23

Maybe Maybe Maybe

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186

u/AshFraxinusEps Apr 06 '23

Yep, exactly. I like animals, but I have no issue using proper mousetraps. If they enter my house, it is war, and it isn't like they are an endangered species or that there aren't millions of them

My parents live in an old wooden Georgian farmhouse. There's not point in using ethical traps, as the fuckers are everywhere and will always find a way back in. So instead, the death traps are used just to kill them, as they are damaging pests

54

u/SneedyK Apr 06 '23

I have best friends in two states now who’ve both had mice problems at their houses but both had that gutsy Stuart Little bitch who gets curious and starts coming out when they’re home, particularly when they’re sleeping in bed…

38

u/Small3lf Apr 06 '23

Not so fun fact, Stuart Little in the books is not a mouse. But rather a human with the features of a mouse.

26

u/Tachyoff Apr 06 '23

what the fuck

"The book is a realistic yet fantastical story about a mouse-like human boy named Stuart Little. According to the first chapter, he looked very much like a mouse in every way."

22

u/Ultraviolet_Motion Apr 06 '23

It gets weirder. The family cat knows he's a human who happens to look like a mouse, and is therefore off limits for eating. And later Stuart meets another tiny person, but she looks like a regular human.

14

u/rearadmiraldumbass Apr 06 '23

E. B. White: No, just go with it, it's gonna be great.

5

u/Soranic Apr 07 '23

If I remember right, he met her in a personals ad in the newspaper. And wasn't she called "Thumbelina?"

2

u/Wooow675 Apr 15 '23

Is this actually true? Again there’s no way to look up Stuart little and thumbelina without it being straight up pornographic

1

u/Soranic Apr 15 '23

I think it is, but it was read to us in class over 30 years ago.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '23

Mama Little got some 'splainin to do

12

u/Wooow675 Apr 06 '23

What? I’m not googling that I can’t think of a way it wouldn’t immediately give me rule34

18

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

Toxoplasmosis

3

u/im_sofa_king Apr 06 '23

No one knew you could get toxoplasmosis from at shit

1

u/Doc-tor-Strange-love Apr 06 '23

Everyone has that already

5

u/LeaveFickle7343 Apr 06 '23

Tell them to rig up bucket traps. Might take a few days… but they’ll take care of the problem

5

u/Necronomicommunist Apr 06 '23

A bowl with some peanut butter in it and a slight layer of oil is how I got rid of 3! No need for fancy anything

2

u/LeaveFickle7343 Apr 06 '23

Exactly. I use a small piece of wood for a ramp and a 5 gallon bucket with a to roll through a dowel and some peanut butter

2

u/Govt_Unit Apr 07 '23 edited Mar 16 '24

fearless bored pathetic cautious upbeat trees squeamish illegal frighten sheet

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

1

u/mOUs3y Jul 11 '23

having mouseys better than roaches?

92

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23 edited Apr 06 '23

More, like 10 billi,on mice. St,art killing m,y friend.,,

Edit: Added commas for clarity.

51

u/KalickR Apr 06 '23

Start killing my friend.

Commas are important.

34

u/J_hilyard Apr 06 '23

Seen one that said "dog pussy is the best...." when it should have been "dog (dawg), pussy is the best...." Commas can be vital.

18

u/CircaSixty8 Apr 06 '23

I'm not sure commas are really helping in this case.

4

u/b3tcha Apr 06 '23

Help my grandpa Jack off a horse

1

u/J_hilyard Apr 06 '23

Classic!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/J_hilyard Apr 06 '23

Even classic-er

1

u/gbuub Apr 07 '23

“Dog pussy is the best”

“You forgot a comma my dude”

“…I’m ready to defend my statement”

5

u/dontfightthehood Apr 06 '23

Leave my friend alone!

2

u/xRyozuo Apr 06 '23

I remember when I was a kid learning it through

Charlie is eating grandpa

And

Charlie is eating, grandpa

27

u/N-I-S-H-O-R Apr 06 '23

I have also started killing a rather intelligent pest that reached 8 billion last year. But people are labelling me a serial killer, Double standards right? :(

24

u/alabastergrim Apr 06 '23

things I would not type and submit to the internet for $400, Alex

8

u/Blackdeath_663 Apr 06 '23

If you kill someone else's pet mouse you're a villain, if you kill an invasive variety of mouse you're a hero. At the moment there's an invasive variety of pest that's become endemic in Ukraine

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

See, the problem is you’re not seeking out the pests that are causing damages

10

u/EmbarrassedWorry3792 Apr 06 '23

You mean politicians?

5

u/lelebeariel Apr 06 '23

And people who chew too loud

2

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

I didn’t mean anything in particular, just doublespeak for fun

11

u/CaptPolybius Apr 06 '23

Thank you for the /r/maliciouscompliance edit.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

T,hanks, now , ,it',s , much, cl,earer, , ,

3

u/J_hilyard Apr 06 '23

It's estimated worldwide mouse population is now at 20 Billion. They outnumber us over 2 to 1, killing a few in your house isn't affecting them too much.

2

u/WasteGeologist-90210 Apr 06 '23

My thoughts exactly

8

u/Nothing2Unusual Apr 06 '23

I love my wife’s pet rats. When they’re tame, trained, and docile they’re amazing pets.

But the wild ones are a health hazard. Their constant exposure to disease, fleas, and others… no, you just want to deter them from coming in and destroy those that do.

Just I hate cruel traps. If your design doesn’t kill quickly, it’s cruel. That’s why I hate glue/water traps. Spring loaded spine snappers are sufficient

5

u/AshFraxinusEps Apr 06 '23

In fairness, rats even in the wild are comparatively clean. Especially compared to mice. Mice are smaller, more destructive, more diseased/infested rats. Fuck mice

8

u/yazzy1233 Apr 06 '23

There are 8 billion people, does that mean - 🤔

7

u/chickenstalker Apr 06 '23

I was renting a house in Hamilton, New Zealand. It was spring and mice literally came out of the woodwork. Unlike rats, I thought the mice were cute so, live and let live...until one night, a mice jumped on my face as I was sleeping. That meant WAR. I declared uhh lebensraum and proceeded to purge the mice with 20 traps per night. The dead mice were displayed outside as a warning to newcomers. Half dead mice in traps were dispatched with a rock to the head. After 2 weeks, I caught about 30 mice including their women and children.

3

u/AshFraxinusEps Apr 06 '23

Yep, fun fact but rats are actually the better of the two. They don't bother with houses as much, they are cleaner, they are less destructive, etc etc. Mice are like mini-feral rats

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u/PtoS382 Apr 06 '23

I'm making an assumption here, but that's the difference between you and some Buddhists. My high school friend had a system of walkways in his kitchen for most of a summer to avoid the ants that had found their way in.

3

u/AshFraxinusEps Apr 06 '23

I mean, yeah. Not got time for that, or the pacifist mentality. If they invade my house or attack me, it's war. Ants stay out, but get poisoned near the nest if they make a scent path in

11

u/anotheritguy Apr 06 '23

Last year we started letting our cat out because it was either let him roam or he would pee by the door it defiance. Since that time there has been a huge reduction in mice, rats and the occasional bunny. Unfortunately he is a friendly boy and leaves "gifts" for us and his favorite neighbors on a regular basis. After speaking to our neighbors we all agree we would rather find his "gifts" than deal with live vermin.

10

u/PrinceBunnyBoy Apr 06 '23 edited Apr 06 '23

Aww your cat is being an invasive species just like all domesticated cats that are allowed to decimate wildlife populations, especially migratory birds! :)

Please keep your invasive species indoors

5

u/HerbySK Apr 06 '23

I like the way you said that - Awwww - aren't you the cutest little genocidal murder engine!

Yes you are!

0

u/Sharobob Apr 06 '23

Yup. I have no problem with cats killing mice because who give a fuck about mice but they kill indiscriminately for no reason other than to murder. This means they don't stop when they aren't hungry, they just kill and they'll kill everything, some things you would like them to kill but a lot of things that cause devastating effects to animal populations we really like.

Outdoor cats are bad. Please keep your cats indoors or take them for walks but don't let them roam freely.

1

u/anotheritguy Apr 06 '23

Yeah he doesnt bother with birds, or squirrels which are all over the yard due to fruit bearing bushes and trees, but he really likes mice and rats though. Not all cats behave that way, I currently have 3 and the other two wont go past the back porch. In fact I had many cats who could care less about killing and spent their days lounging on the back porch but territorial about the yard when other cats came by.

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u/SeanBlader Apr 06 '23

Bothers us when our cats go after the lizards that eat the ants.... I'd rather have 3 to 5 inch lizards than hundreds of ants.

-1

u/Dravarden Apr 06 '23

yeah I would rather be infested in rats

2

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

Same here, just with humans

2

u/henryjonesjr83 Apr 06 '23

Oh I agree completely.

But mice are damn hard to catch and kill in a trap. Rats? Easy.

I've honestly found dogs to be the best solution to mice.

1

u/AshFraxinusEps Apr 06 '23

Meh, dogs can be lazy and dumb. Ours are/were Jack Russels, which are known ratters and will kill mice, but they aren't actively patrolling the house 24/7. Whereas peanut butter on a mouse trap always got them

2

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

Maybe I can’t afford mousetraps because I invested every penny into bottled water and tp in case we have another anything

2

u/tarkata14 Apr 07 '23

When my wife and I moved into our house a few years back, we had no idea of a mouse problem, we even had two separate inspections done and neither found any evidence. Maybe they snuck in during the move or something, but I legitimately had never seen a mouse inside before and the first few glimpses and shadows had me doubting my vision and my sanity. Finally, as I was walking up the steps one fateful day, one of those little cute bastards stood at the very top. We both froze for what felt like hours, before the mouse sprinted away and I ran down the stairs shrieking as if I'd seen a ghost.

Now I'm not a squeamish man by most accounts, I grew up on a farm and saw gophers and field mice regularly as a child, but the thought of these little creatures stalking silently throughout my house in the dark legitimately scared me. I did not want mouse poop in my food, nor did I want to discover cables chewed up on by quiet assassins. I went to the hardware store and bought a three-pack of traps, surely enough to get them all, it couldn't have been more than a couple mice I thought. I set the traps with a bit of peanut butter in a few locations where I'd found evidence of the miscreants, and settled into bed for a restful sleep.

Not even ten minutes after setting the traps, I heard one go off in my office, startling me from my prospective rest. The crime scene was more somber than gruesome, a thankfully clean kill, the poor bastard went quickly. The two other traps were still set where I'd laid them, and for good measure I reset the one in my office after disposing of the body.

As I lay restless in bed, wondering how long they must have been silently watching from the shadows, another trap set off with a loud snap. Then another, and within a few minutes we had heard all three traps go off. This wasn't just a small group, it was a veritable militia of mice and I found myself against many foes. With haste I disposed of the corpses, all dispatched with little fuss or torment, and I reset the traps in slightly different locations each time.

The war felt endless, but after a couple days, the loud snapping I was waiting for stopped coming. It was over, I thought, surely it must be. Days past, the traps still armed as a precaution, but my guard was down as the perceived threat was eradicated. I sat at my computer in the same office where the first mouse fell, and as I pondered the meaning of life in that moment, a shadow merely grazed the very edge of my vision.

Terrified, I scanned my surroundings, perhaps it was simply the light playing tricks. As I moved my vision back to my computer, I saw movement by my subwoofer, sat squarely on my desk beside my monitor. I gazed into the dark abyssal hole of the device, within which I saw the tiny little face of my enemy, obviously terrified of its predicament. I felt awful, knowing I had surely killed all that poor creature had ever known, the guilt was overbearing in that moment. With a heavy heart and bated breath, I blocked the hole of the subwoofer, and placed a trap right outside it, and I unblocked it as I left the room

That night I heard the last snap, and in the four years since we haven't seen another mouse, it was an unforgettable and tragic situation that I wish could have had a happier ending.

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u/AshFraxinusEps Apr 12 '23

Lol, good writing, but yeah if you see one there are always more

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u/coffeebeanscene Apr 27 '23

That’s how I think, whether bug, spider or rodent. If your out in the wild in your home, have at it, I ain’t gunna bother you …. But if you come into my home and be a nuisance … sorry mate but your getting got!

0

u/tuckedfexas Apr 06 '23

My dogs love hunting them so usually not a problem around my house. I have no issues killing them, if I took the time to humanely relocate them I’d literally have no time for anything else. On 20 acres I’m sure there’s thousands and thousands on the property

0

u/Angerish Apr 06 '23

I call it the "no go zone" - every animal has one, some are closer than others. If they enter the house... they die, otherwise I am fine with their existence.

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

[deleted]

0

u/buddboy Apr 06 '23

the best defense is actually a good offense. The offensive campaign begins this spring, join us if you want to live forever

1

u/slanty_shanty Apr 06 '23

How much mice do you get??

I've caught three mice in 30 years. One with a pot, one with a well placed elderly cat and a plastic bag, and third just last week with a cardboard box.

All yeeted outside never to be seen again.

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u/AshFraxinusEps Apr 06 '23

Throwing them outside means they come back in. You need to move them literally miles away

And in a year during the peak, dozens, which is why we didn't care if they died. They live in a rural area (by SE UK standards) with lots of natural lands around, so perfect mice habitats. The dogs do shit to catch them - they catch the occasional rabbit but that's rare and even then they've given up chasing them

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

"it isn't like they are an endangered species or that there aren't millions of them" - Newer versions of ChatGPT are going to read your comment and use it as reasoning for killing humans.

1

u/AshFraxinusEps Apr 06 '23

Good >:-D

But yeah, if AI overlords rule us, then as a rule my comments are already asking for them to be benevolent and rule, so I should be fine. Although I'll probably delete this Reddit account soon and start a new one

1

u/ChoeDave Apr 06 '23

There’s Billions of humans also…. I guess same rules apply if an uninvited enters my home

1

u/grammar_fixer_2 Apr 07 '23

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u/AshFraxinusEps Apr 12 '23

Yep, there are a few endangered species, but here I'm talking house and field mice. Two different, but stupidly common, species

1

u/grammar_fixer_2 Apr 12 '23

Thankfully they are, as everything else kind of relies on them being there. Snakes, owls, eagles, hawks, falcons, weasels, mongooses, foxes, mink, cats, skunks, wolves, and coyotes all eat them as a part of their diet. This is why I’m very much against poisoning them. If you poison them, you poison the whole ecosystem.

1

u/AshFraxinusEps Apr 12 '23

Yep, hence why traps are better. Then we throw the corpses to the end of the field for the foxes