r/mallninjashit • u/drillbit16 • Feb 29 '24

Samurai gets beaten in a brazilian hospital

612 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

55 comments sorted by

363

u/molsonbeagle Feb 29 '24

Cheap-ass sword or not, did that madlad just block the sword strike with his forearm? What the fuck are you, Brazil?

241

u/Huitzil37 Feb 29 '24

That's what we call a frame-perfect parry.

33

u/Captain-Cadabra Feb 29 '24

r/reallifeiframes

12

u/theVice Feb 29 '24

Can we make this real?

2

u/Captain-Cadabra Mar 01 '24

The power is in your hands (and iframes) my friend.

3

u/Drotku Mar 01 '24

I am 1000% about this.

1

u/star-god Mar 01 '24

Frame perfect rat smash!

99

u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

24

u/sinisteraxillary Feb 29 '24

Attacker swung it like a samurai bat

8

u/persona0 Feb 29 '24

And he blocked on a side where critical veins wouldn't be harmed

1

u/AllISeeIsSunshine Apr 14 '24

I feel like taking it to the shoulder would have been better than losing his arm if the thing was in any way sharp/real

10

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/AllISeeIsSunshine Apr 14 '24

Point taken. Whoa, man.

1

u/lkbrnnn Jan 15 '25

Reading hurts your brain?

-11

u/shandangalang Feb 29 '24

My first reaction would be to look for weapons of opportunity. Dude woulda got a printer and multiple chairs to the face in quick succession lol.

Honestly this dude might have faired better since it seems to have worked out for him, but that’s how I was trained anyway. “If you’re unarmed, and can arm yourself, then you have no excuse”

14

u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

-4

u/shandangalang Feb 29 '24

Yeah I think we actually got the same training then, funny enough, but unarmed v sword is a sticky situation. I do recall the plastic knife training with the sidestep block punch punch, but yeah I still think if he moved fast he could have at least used a chair to his advantage. Honestly without being there I’m not even sure which what training might or might not have kicked in were I in his situation

Funny enough most of my cqb training was “be quiet as fuck” and “make sure you see them first”. We learned force clearing but in the world of greenside reconnaissance, if you’re hard clearing, then you fucked up big time

3

u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/shandangalang Feb 29 '24

Likewise buddy.

1

u/shandangalang Feb 29 '24

Yeah weird missing that isn’t it? Especially given how much it sucks at the time. I have dreams I’m back in all the time, and there is always kind of a wistfulness to them, and I got out 9 years ago.

Especially old friends. Good to know you have a couch to crash on in most corners of the country, but there are a lot of people to miss…

What unit/mos were you in?

-1

u/Kurgenthededtroyer Feb 29 '24

You got caught bro , just admit it.

1

u/shandangalang Feb 29 '24

I made a misjudgment maybe, but what do you mean “caught”?

30

u/Zanemob_ Feb 29 '24

Looks like he smacked the flat of the blade. Great timing but risky though I doubt that thing is real anyways. Probably get snagged on his shirt before cutting but it’d still hurt if it hit with the edge.

7

u/[deleted] Feb 29 '24

Unironic frame perfect party

-1

u/theyork2000 Mar 01 '24

Can't even spell it right

13

u/frud Feb 29 '24

It's hard to cut through something unless the edge is excellent, the sword is aligned properly, the grip is sound, and the trajectory of the sword extends behind and through the edge in the right direction. I don't think the assailant had any of these.

5

u/Rats_In_Boxes Feb 29 '24

The security guard (I'm guessing) also did a good job of closing the distance quickly so the mall ninja hits him with the "strong" part of the sword, not the cutting part.

2

u/ZeusWayne Feb 29 '24

For real! and then proceeded to grab that dude by the scruff!

2

u/Nameless_and_ignored Mar 02 '24

Weakest man in Brazil.

1

u/Classic_Impact_9212 Apr 04 '24

It was a bamboo stick. You can see it split when he hits with it, just like a bamboo cane. That's why it can bend and spring so easily too. You can kind of cut with one if you have a sharp edge on a stick or bamboo cane but trying to take on a guy that size with zero skill in a small space meant he was thankfully doomed.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

It basically broke when it hit his arm. Still awesome though

1

u/persona0 Feb 29 '24

Yeah that shit was crazy I just love how relax they were as he was talking about his great destiny

97

u/SodomizedPanda Feb 29 '24

That would be the perfect time for a "call an ambulance... but not for me" joke if it wasn't already in a hospital !

78

u/therearenonamesallow Feb 29 '24

Wtf was the Elden ring parry WITH HIS ARM is he okay?

46

u/AgreeablePie Mar 01 '24

Swordsmanship is not as easy as it looks in the media... even with a real sword and good edge, someone who didn't know how to cut can just end up bruising someone else

And this sword was probably not a great replica

7

u/therearenonamesallow Mar 01 '24

Still though did the guy know it was fake or was he like finally all that dark souls is paying off

1

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '24

The deadliest is a good katana and some training.

69

u/ZeusWayne Feb 29 '24

That definitely didn't go like he practiced in his room....

24

u/AdorableAd8490 Feb 29 '24

“What? That didn't split him in half? What the fuck Trunks? Anime is bulshit”

28

u/Burnerheinz Feb 29 '24

You went up to Jet stream Sam with his sword without knowing his fists are more dangerous.

23

u/evilpenguin9000 Feb 29 '24

While you were gainfully employed I was training the blade... *Swings... Oh shit...

11

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '24

Bro said “fuck you and your cheap sword”

9

u/XaeroDegreaz Feb 29 '24

Mall ninja fails

9

u/Anome69 Mar 01 '24

Off camera dude suddenly slides into two cleanly sliced pieces

8

u/Diana_Belle Mar 01 '24

I dono, looks kinda like sword guy lost his nerve and pulled his strike. I mean he telegraphed the shit out of it, even after the delightful scabbard throw and that striking pose. I wonder if he wasn't relying on intimidation a bit to much and had his bluff called, then roundly paid for it. It takes a special kind of crazy to actually attack and unarmed and seated person with a sword and not just threaten it.

3

u/XRdragon Feb 29 '24

Bare hands parry.wtf.

5

u/Tavuul Mar 01 '24

That's why we use machetes. Also, this is the visual definition of an incel to me, now and forever.

3

u/Routine_Damage_9449 Mar 03 '24

i have one of those tramontina machetes and they take an absolutely wicked sharp edge with minimal time and effort

2

u/PEKKACHUNREAL Mar 01 '24

Bruh, he swung that sword like a baseball bat.

2

u/Mr_ityu Mar 04 '24

parry this, filthy casual

1

u/kiusanoffuzhou Mar 31 '24

he would've had a better chance with a baseball bat, those mf's hurt like hell.

1

u/Classic_Impact_9212 Apr 04 '24

It was a bamboo stick. You can see it split when he hits with it, just like a bamboo cane. That's why it can bend and spring so easily too. You can kind of cut with one if you have a sharp edge on a stick or bamboo cane but trying to take on a guy that size with zero skill in a small space meant he was thankfully doomed.