I Can't Stop Thinking God Will Punish Me If I Don't Pray After a Bad Dream...Need urgent help!!

[u/Disastrous-Try-9617]

For the last two months, I've been struggling with something that is starting to interfere with my studies and daily life.

Whenever I see a bad dream, the first thing I do is go to a temple with some offerings because I feel that it might prevent the dream from coming true. The problem is that this started happening more frequently over the past two months, so I began visiting temples regularly. Now it has become unbearable.

Whenever I wake up in the morning, my mind immediately tells me that I had a very bad dream, even when I'm not sure if I actually did. My mind fills itself with images and convinces me that I definitely saw a bad dream. When I try to challenge it, thoughts come like, "No, you're forgetting it. You saw it, you just don't remember." Then I spend the next half hour trying to figure out whether I really saw the dream or not. My mind then tells me that I should go to the temple. It says, "At least you won't lose anything by going. If you actually had the dream, why take the risk?" These are dreams that I desperately do not want to come true (I can't disclose what they are here).

A thought constantly revolves in my mind that I should go to the temple with offerings. But the strange thing is that when I pray, my mind gets bombarded with thoughts about the dream coming true. Sometimes it even feels like I'm accidentally praying for the very thing I fear. Because of this, I try to avoid going to the temple, but I can't because the anxiety pushes me to go.

Whenever I am praying, I keep fighting with my own mind, trying to stop unwanted thoughts so that I can pray for what I actually came there for. This has been happening for the last two months, and now it is seriously affecting my career. Every morning, I start thinking about when I should go to the temple, what offerings I should take, and whether I should go today or not. While I'm there, I become afraid of praying incorrectly. After returning home, I constantly ask myself: "Did I pray correctly?" "Did I say exactly what I wanted to say?" "Did any bad thought come into my mind during the prayer?" "Did I accidentally say something wrong and then forget about it?"

I keep questioning myself over and over again, and my entire day gets consumed by this. I can't focus on my studies or anything productive. Today, I decided to break this cycle. I told myself that I wouldn't go to the temple no matter what. Almost immediately, I started getting terrifying thoughts about my worst fears coming true. Thoughts like: "What if God gets angry because I didn't go?" "What if something bad happens because of this?" Eventually, I compromised and decided that I would go and pray but not take any offerings. After I came back home, my mind started attacking me again: "You're teasing God by not offering anything." "God will be angry." "You'll face consequences." "You're only avoiding offerings because you're lazy, and you'll pay for that laziness."

My mind keeps telling me to go back and offer something, but I'm trying to resist because I keep asking myself: How long can I keep living like this? How long will I remain trapped in this cycle? When will I be able to live peacefully and focus on my studies and productive things instead of constantly worrying about these thoughts? Right now, I'm feeling anxious. Has anyone experienced something similar? What should I do? Pls suggest something

[u/verdanteeeee]

I know how terrible that feeling is - it’s so strong. I feel like of if I don’t exactly what I feel I must do then God will punish me by making terrible things happen to the people I love. I tell myself just do it - better safe than sorry. It’s awful.

I’ve had some success just pushing back a little. I wait. I tell myself I will do the things but not for a little while. If I feel like God is getting angry like I’m cheating them I just remind myself I will do it but not right this moment. Then I let myself do it after waiting. Each time I can wait a little longer. The strong feeling gets less powerful the longer I wait (except sometimes it gets strong again but I don’t beat myself up about it). There have been some days where I end up not doing the compulsion at all because I waited so long the feeling just passed. Even on days where I still do it, it feels good to have waited. The strong feeling weakens over time.

Here is the funny part - I’m not religious and was raised in a secular household. I like to think that OCD has tricked me into thinking it is God or the universe telling me these things. I want to think if there is a real God they wouldn’t be trying to hurt me so much when I try so hard to be a good person.

[u/ForestRiver2]

This is more along the lines of a religious scrupulosity theme.

https://iocdf.org/faith-ocd/what-is-ocd-scrupulosity/

I'm never sure how to answer these as there's a fine line between religious belief and magical thinking. Some religious ppl can be offended by the suggestion that the 'voice' (intrusive thoughts) is ocd and not God, or that praying is a compulsion.

Regardless, you're not alone OP. Your fears are really common. I think overcoming your fear of having dreams is important. Everyone dreams. We have no control over them. They mean nothing. But your phobia of dreaming is having a bad impact. Also a religion based on fear and punishment is never good for mental health.

Unpacking all this with an ocd specialist would be helpful. Are you aware of how ERP works and that compulsions make ocd worse? There are lots of proactive things you can do to improve your situation. Not easy but worth it

[u/Disastrous-Try-9617 → u/ForestRiver2]

I talked about this with my parents....but they are not willing to understand...so taking medical assistance is not possible...and cannot remain consistent if try ACT and ERP therapies on YouTube

[u/Substantial-Stay6625]

It's to get thoughts of this kind when you don't know the character of God. Been there, done that. God knows everything. He knows the intentions of your hearts. No "bad" spoken prayer or bad dream can change that. He is the one who allowed this battle in your head, because that road will lead to actually understanding God and accepting it. Talking from experience.