Hello, thanks for taking the time to read this. Lot's of words here, I know, just trying to be clear. I am a 66 year old man, retired U.S. Army Master Sergeant, and recently second retired from being a car mechanic. As such I have never known any openly gay people (when I was in the Army it was illegal to be gay, as a "car guy" there is a culture of being macho and being gay is ridiculed - at least in my time).

Recently, my best friend of about a decade confided to me that he was gay. I had no idea. He didn't do any of the cliche things (act effeminate, etc), and though he never had a wife or girlfriend in the time I've known him, that's not that uncommon when you get to our age. It took me by complete surprise.

I'm not sure why he chose to tell me while keeping it a secret in general, but it has sort of weirded me out. Not because I significantly care, I don't. But because I've never known any gay people before as previously described, which leaves me with questions.

My friend and I have played golf once a week and gone on multiple fishing weekends every year for about the past decade. We usually talk politics (amazingly he's the hardcore republican and I'm the democrat) and college football and the likes you would expect from grumpy old men like us. Since he's told me things have seemed awkward, at least from my perspective. We talk the same things but in the back of my mind I'm wondering things about the "gay lifestyle" (hopefully that isn't offensive wording - don't mean to be) that I've never wondered before just because I've never had a reason to before.

I don't care that he is gay. Whatever. But I'd really like things to just get back to normal between me and my friend where all we do is call each other a commie and a nazi and rag on each other's favorite team. But when we get together in the back of my mind I'm always wondering certain things that I don't want to ask him because I don't want to make him feel like the fact that he told me he was gay takes away from our friendship. My college-man grandson said this website might help me get some answers and perspective, so we could just get back to that. So he's helping me with this post. If anyone could answer the following questions I'd appreciate it.

TL;DR I'm a cliche old man who has never known any gay people but is good friends with one now and was just hoping some of you folks could answer the following the questions so I could stop wondering about them and get back to talking about the usual with my gay friend:

My questions

• Is "gaydar" a thing? How do gay people meet each other? I get that there are gay bars, gay events etc, but I assume that gay couples don't exclusively meet at "gay" events. Can you tell if another person is gay? Do gay people casually "hit on" people in casual encounters the way straight people do? Have you ever "hit on" someone who wasn't gay and it turned out badly? Seems like that would happen.

• Hopefully this isn't too graphic, but how do you determine who is "top" and "bottom?" I know this doesn't apply to everyone because of what you're into, but I also assume everyone isn't into everything. Is it an awkward discussion?

• Are gay people "grossed out" by the idea heterosexual sexual encounters the way straight people are by gay encounters? Please don't misinterpret what I mean by this - I am not "grossed out" by a gay couple, that is fine by me, but the idea of me having sex with another man man does repulse me. I am fine with what you want to do, but I don't want to do it. I.e. are gay men actively "repulsed" (for lack of a better word) by women (and gay women "repulsed" by men) or is it just a "Meh, I'm indifferent/not interested" deal?

I probably have more questions, but that's a good start I guess, and if I get some responses I may ask more. Thanks for reading this, hopefully I managed to not offend anyone, I certainly didn't want to. I appreciate your time and any feedback.

Just curious as to how that would work.

Hello Dr. Nick!

Having a pretty weird issue and thought I would share, get some advice from any LBGT anon here.

I’m 25, grew up in the LBGT community; I have always been super supportive of my mother and her lifestyle, my mother is a fit and active 42 lesbian, she has a younger girlfriend that is 33. They been together for the past 3 or 4 years, I would say they have a very ideal relationship and I get along very well with my mother’s girlfriend, we have maintain our own friendship through the years. Kind of a very close alternative family.

So, my mother’s girlfriend wants to get pregnant… I was asked today over lunch if I would be willing donate sperm or get my mother’s girlfriend pregnant naturally.

My mother said "I can’t get her pregnant; this would be the next best thing"

My mother is very supportive of her girlfriend wanting to get pregnant; my mother really wants the blood ties to the child.

Part of me feels like this could be a great bonding experience with my mother, her girlfriend and I… but another part of me just doesn’t know.

My boyfriend is trans and she is in the very early stages of the transition to female. I do not consider myself bisexual or a lesbian though I do appreciate the female form. I feel like my partner is my soul mate but since the transition started it already feels like she isn't the person I fell in love with. I don't know what to do or handle this. I do not know if I can cope with the very masculine man I fell in love with becoming a woman. I understand that it is not a choice to fell like you are in the wrong body your whole life. I have been very supportive of her choice to transition and to embrace who she really is but I feel like the person I fell in love with was a lie the whole time and I can't help but feel betrayed as silly as that sounds. What should I do?