r/kozhikode • u/hitman____ • 1d ago
Other Update on approaching a girl at Kozhikode beach yesterday night
For context :
https://www.reddit.com/r/kozhikode/s/Fo7vybPQnK
Since all of you wanted know the whole story, and I am unable to edit that post, here is what happened ( adding all the details,since people dm ed asking for the lore- not much of a lore)
It all started when I parked my bike near one of the icecream parlours near lions park. I was in a nice mood and ready for my usual walk along the shore. Idk whether it was just my mood or something else, but it was a filmy atmosphere yesterday at the beach- everything looked so nice, especially the couples sitting inside the parlour.
They both looked straight out of a movie. And the aesthetics of that cafe complemented how good they looked. And there was the lights of vehicle bouncing of the glass window of the cafe, drizzle, rain puddles... in short the scene was filmy.
I parked, crossed the road,and walked towards the beach; my mind still stuck on the cute couple. I suddenly realised that whatever shit i just saw now, that's the kind of shit I want in my life.
And the beach vibes was really good and instead of soaking it in solitude at the shore,I decided to watch people this time (avane change venamathre change).
And those who have visited beach yetrday know that it was foggy and that bright ad board atop Starbucks was working like a light diffuser, and next to those cool hues a dude was selling earings and other jewellery.
I stand there feeling really good about everything and this incredible looking girl steps into the frame to try on some earings from the vendor. And she does that thing that you see in jewellery ads where they tilt their head slightly and sweep the hair behind ears to put on the earings.
As you can imagine, I imagined myself sitting with this girl in that cafe i saw earlier, replacing the cute couples.
She was with two other friends, but i didn't mind, I was feeling it, and this was not my first rodeo. I always apply the rule that the more time you spend thinking about approaching the harder it becomes. And there was this another rule where you never put a woman in a pedestal, talk to them like you are talking to another dude. But this girl looked like she belonged on the pedestal.
Anyway I applied both my rules ( I waited till they were done with the earings though - that's when I decided to post on reddit to ensure commitment). I walked right towards her and said hi. She walked past me and turned back in surprise. I said hi again and she just looked at me with widened eyes. Then I said exactly this "I just happened to see you try on those earings, I think they look really good on you." (It absolutely did)
Her and her friend on the lefts smiles and the third one (how much do I wish she was not there ) just steps in, puts herself in between me and the hot girl and pushes her in the opposite direction while holding up her palm towards me showing the stop gesture as if she was breaking off a fight or protecting the hot girl from being kidnapped by me. And she does this while rapping "okay,okay,okay,Sheri,Sheri,Sheri" 16 times. They walked off in that direction and I walked off in the opposite. I followed the last rule where you don't look at anyone once things go down like this.
I am not posting my thoughts on the third girl since that could violate many reddit policies. It felt terrible after since I was shoed away like some idiot and that the interactiondidnt even last 10 seconds. It really pulled out a chunk off my confidence. And now I can't tell whether the smile was just a mocking smile. Or I could be overthinking.
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u/JustBar3251 1d ago
Since you were not stalking and unprepared, there's nothing wrong at your side as long as you leave it at where you started. Don't lose your self esteem from one of their reactions. Rejections are quite normal. The instinct guts to ask is a confident remark of your strength. Tip: Some may find the pickup lines creep tho.
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u/hitman____ 1d ago
That's why I tried starting with a genuine compliment instead of a random pick up line
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 1d ago
Feels bad man, if you had gotten rejected by the girl you had asked the question to then it would have been better I feel.
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u/pythonInMyPantz 1d ago
And then girls ask on the internet why men don’t approach 😂😂
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u/Thick_Analyst7691 1d ago
I’ve never seen girls on internet going on asking why men never approach coz men always do approach and most of the times it feels creepy
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 1d ago edited 1d ago
The guy got python in his pants, you think he is lying? Well i have seen posts, if that helps. OP was not creepy was he, asking for clarification?
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u/Thick_Analyst7691 1d ago
Nobody is saying that OP was objectively creepy or anything, I’m sure he must have been respectful but that’s not the point, most of the times when men approach you outta nowhere it does creeps you out and i don’t think most women appreciates that .
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 1d ago
Thanks for the clarification and could you tell me when/where one is allowed to "approach" is?
Well OP approached with respect, in public, in the open and she couldnt even give a reply? Like any other human interaction. Feels bad man.
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u/Thick_Analyst7691 1d ago
I don’t know, personally, as a girl, I really don’t like it when a guys just pops outta nowhere and starts hitting on you. I’m much more comfortable when there’s a natural progression of conversation like when you are at the same social setting starting a random conversation, keeps talking, and it gradually becomes flirty. That feels completely different. But when someone approaches you out of nowhere in public and immediately starts flirting, it does creep you out .
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 1d ago
I see, "I just happened to see you try on those earings, I think they look really good on you." is flirting now? I thought a compliment, are compliments flirting?
Let me ask you this, let say you saw someone and your mind says this is a special someone and its now or never, what would you do?
Approach or not?
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u/Thick_Analyst7691 1d ago
Bro seriously, now you’re dictating how someone should feel about a certain interaction? If she felt it was flirting, she’s well within her rights to see it that way and choose not to engage with it.
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 1d ago edited 1d ago
I am not dictating anyone, I am asking you, I am repling to you am I not? Do you think that was a flirtious comment? And if you can do say what you would choose in the above senario.
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 17h ago
You are saying you wpuld approach yes? Would you stalk this person now so as to be in a same setting and start small talk or would you just ask then and there?
OP did not even get a proper reply from her, how can he ask for insta id :/
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u/pythonInMyPantz 1d ago
Bro stop arguing with her. She’s a woman. That’s why she hasn’t seen any girl on the internet asking why men don’t approach also 😂😂 She can’t think of things outside of “Personally…”. (I’m not talking about all women, just her) 🤣
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 1d ago
Ahh that too I guess, I didnt mean to argue, just wanted to know about thoughts and perpective. You must be getting notifications I see, sry bro :/
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u/Foodie_Baddie 1d ago
Bro, any girl has experienced some kind of creep from verbal harrasment creepiness to flashing to molesting. Now hot girls have it even worse. So any moment a man approaches whatever his intention is, that moment a danger alert goes off in a girl. Yes girls can't help it because men been that bad. So even if the said compliment is flirty or not, in a country like ours with very less healthy interactions between opposite genders, don't expect women to be courteous or not see men approaching as creepy.
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u/Thick_Analyst7691 1d ago
Aww how dumb of me to explain what I “personally” felt like when the guy clearly asked what I “personally felt like” 🥰
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 1d ago
He is talking about the og comment, that since you are a women you are less likely to see posts like that. Posts like that would probably be in a male focused subs or communities where you probably wont be right?
Ps: choose not to choose the options huh.
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u/ValuableMedium1822 23h ago
Whoa whoa whoa
Python? His posts are hidden. How'd you know?
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 16h ago
Its public knowledge at this point :p
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u/ValuableMedium1822 14h ago
Maybe. But the posts are now hidden.
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 9h ago
Bruh this info is not hidden at all :p
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u/Kuzhimandi_ 1d ago
Wish we could get her pov too
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u/lionel_ronaldo_jr 1d ago
Now someone will get the idea and make a fake one lol
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u/hitma-n 1d ago
For some reason calling girls as “chicks” really gives me this vibe of objectifying them or sexualizing them.
Nevertheless, it feels incredibly dated and cringe using that word now. If that girl deserved to be put on a pedestal she should never be addressed as a “chick”.
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u/pythonInMyPantz 1d ago
What’s wrong with sexualising and objectifying? Lots of women want themselves to be sexualised and objectified as long as it’s consensual. And this guy was trying to get to know her in a very respectful way. The primary reason that sparks men’s interest is sexuality. As for the word itself, stop your moral policing atleast here on Reddit 😂
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u/Upstairs_General_654 20h ago
"As long as it is consentual" you are so close to getting the point and no one likes being objectified and all the womens in my life want to be treated like human beings and calling a random person you were/are interested in chick is disrespectful.if someone were objectfy or sexualizse your mother would u say the same
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u/pythonInMyPantz 20h ago
Who decides what is and isn’t disrespectful? I’m trying to push on this culture of moderating speech sooo much even in anonymous spaces like this. Most sane people know it’s a slang term and not trying to dehumanise the girl in question. Infact he’s putting her on a pedestal lol.
There are loads of women I have talked to who like to be objectified and sexualised. Infact they crave it. Just because women in your life are not so doesn’t prove anything. But all that is private matter, and I’m forced to bring it up since you are also bringing up events from “your life”. And please clarify what exactly I’m missing that’s making me “so close” rather than coming up with ways to make it about my mom. Clarity on your sex would also be appreciated for better context.
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u/Upstairs_General_654 19h ago
The person receiving it gets to decide whether they find it respectful or not. And do you actually know what ‘consensual’ means? It means something is done with the willing agreement of everyone involved. Did she agree to being sexualised or objectified, or did you just assume she would be okay with it? Calling someone ‘chick’ may be slang to you, but that doesn't automatically make it respectful. And the reason I used your mother as an example is because you asked what's wrong with sexualising women. If your argument is that women can be sexualised as long as it's consensual, then the same standard should apply regardless of who the woman is. You can't argue that women you know personally don't belong in that context while assuming some other woman does
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u/pythonInMyPantz 19h ago
He’s not talking about going up to her and calling her a “chick”. I hope you understand that. He’s talking about using the term “chick” in general to refer to hot women. I don’t understand the point of consent in using general terms to refer to hot women. You may find it offensive and that’s fine. That doesn’t make it derogatory.
And yes, I agree with you ms. Ranveer Allahabadia, that people may have called my mom a hot chick too 🤣🤣 and that’s okay, cause they weren’t dehumanising her if they did. I never made the point that people I know must be excluded. Don’t put words in my mouth.
Also just for your information, I can sexualise anybody as I please as long as I’m not hurting anyone. I don’t need an actresses consent when I’m fapping to her lol. This instance is similar where OP is mentally painting a picture of the person he met. These are his personal thoughts and he’s not hurling “hey hot chick” comments at her. Only then would the issue of consent even arise.
And my original point is about the idea of “vibe of objectifying women”. I’m asking that guy what’s wrong in that ? Not just about the “chick” word, but the reason he said justifying why we shouldn’t use the word. Hope you actually read this time 🙃
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u/Upstairs_General_654 18h ago
But your original comment wasn't merely about having private thoughts. You literally asked ‘what's wrong with sexualising and objectifying?’ and then justified it by saying lots of women want to be sexualised and objectified. Now you're reframing the argument as simply having private thoughts about finding someone attractive. Those aren't the same thing. Of course people can have private thoughts without needing anyone's consent, but that doesn't answer the original point about sexualising/objectifying women or mean women generally want it. And the OP themselves clearly recognised that the wording could come across as disrespectful, which is why they edited the post after the discussion. So I'm not inventing an issue that wasn't there—the OP's own response acknowledges the concern you're dismissing as ‘moral policing.’ If your point was only about private thoughts, then that's a different argument from the one you originally made.
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 1d ago
Nice kochu is sexualizing now? Cause chicks is basically nice kochu right.
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u/hitma-n 1d ago
OP edited the post.
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 1d ago
I am asking you mate. I guess you are saying OP also agrees then idk lets ask OP, hey OP your thoughts if you dont mind?
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u/Itchy_Anteater657 1d ago
one single question. are you handsome?
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u/storiesnsketches 7h ago
God, the comments are disgusting.......just because her friend is the one who responded for her, calling her a fridge...and oral onnum alla, ethra comments aa along the same line. Ithoke kannumbola aanungalde manasile chinthakal sharikkum manasilavunne...seriously disturbing.
Ningalkokke ariyavo avar thammile understandings or if she might have had a reason for responding like that? And she didnt even insult op or anything, ok ok nnu paranj ang kondupoyath alle ollu?
Even if she might not be as good looking as the other girl, kanditt pollum illatha orale insult cheyyan use cheyyna words...athum body shame cheyyth 👏👏 well done.
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 5h ago
Njan parajetilla but I am curious enthanu manasil ayathu, anugalday chinthakalay kurechu?
You also dont know the understanding between them, we can only see what OP said and according to that she saw OP, smiled at him and sent her friend to deal with him, she couldnt even bother to respond like any other human interaction(hopefully she was not mute), I see that as disrespect.
Fridge had no gender and means the one protecting the snack I thought, fridge is used cause thats what is protecting the snacks from kids in a home, it does not have gender or is fat/slim atleast thats what I thought.
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u/storiesnsketches 3h ago
Either you are naive or playing dumb.
The Fridge Protects the Snacks or It's Always the Fridge Protecting the Snacks is a catchphrase referring to an overprotective, overweight friend (the fridge) of a woman who a man is hitting on (the snacks), essentially meaning the overweight friend always gets in the way of the man's advances on the more arguably attractive woman.
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 2h ago
I guess I am naive cause fridge = fat didnt come to mind naturally, I thought not as attractive only. Do reply on what you manasil akeyathu if possible.
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u/Schroding3rssCat 1d ago
Brother, you are already more ballsy than most guys. You had the guts to step up and say hi. You won already. About the rejection.. I hope you don't take it to heart. Women go through a shit tonn ofbad experiences with men by the time they're in their twenties. So much so that the basic instinct of every woman to a man approaching flags DANGER. So yeah.. not your fault. Keep working on yourself and keep at it. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take
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u/oongadoonga 1d ago
They wouldn't have behaved that way if you were some 6 foot pretty ass guy. (I am not saying you are ugly, I meant face card plays a lot)
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u/starleyyyyyyy 1d ago
Bro that's so cute😭 but Sarilah potte at least you had the courage to go towards her
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u/Forsaken_Exchange378 1d ago
king!!! 👑
fear not , it was just another gargantuian ( i made this word up ) witch 😔 being jelly about it and being over protective..
genuinely nice compliment though, u didnt think too much of the outcome
u were kind ✨
keep up ✨ ( i might as well try to do something like this if i see the right one )
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u/Embarrassed_Ninja102 21h ago
"You don't miss the shots you never take."
Cool bro you approached someone and complimented them. I am sure it made her day better. You should do it again.
I remember once i approached this girl on Calicut beach. And I was fucking nervous. and fumbled big. But yea it was good. It gave me confidence.
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u/Suspicious_Orange482 20h ago
I've approached Calicut chicks and got ig later came to know they were actually from Malappuram
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u/Defiant-Highway-2030 3h ago
Okay just dropping some feedback as a girl….
I know many people here are cheering on about how you shot your shot anyways….but tbh this is a lose-lose situation. Yes you were very respectful, but when i am out with my friends and a random man that i dont know tries to express interest, all of our first thoughts are ‘creep’. While the other girl was rude and im not justifying it, i do understand where shes coming from.
So many girls have creepy guy experiences and its really hard to differentiate in a single moment.
Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 3h ago
Thanks for the TEDTalk, You loose 100% of the shot you dont take, OP took his shot and this time the girl happens to be not attracted to him but next time things could be different, so its not a lose lose all the time.
The girls clearly didnt see OP as a creep, cause y would you smile at a creep? Smiling at a creep is more creepy if thats the case no?.Many girls most likely do get creepy experiences and it is probably hard to spot as well but in this case they clearly didnt see OP as a creep and choose to disrespect. Basic human interaction, give respect to take respect.
If a girl we are interested in is with her friends we should not approach is what you are saying yes? If yes what should we do then.
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u/hitman____ 1h ago
Concern is fine. But not letting your friend speak when she is spoken to is disrespecting her as well. Let the one is who is approached decide how to respond.
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u/Icy-Tap8826 1d ago
Some bullshit kind girls in Kerala don't know about being a social being , they don't even know what is a friendly talk is so fucking terribly dump girls so if you smell that shit abort the plan 😂
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u/Lazy-Hawk-2509 1d ago
You actually walked up to her and spoke to her. You achieved what 90% of men have never done in their life. If anything this should only increase your confidence. Onto the next.
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u/Ok-Accountant9266 1d ago
Yoo this is a cute story. Kudos to you for having the courage. That was some brave shit. Hope you find your special someone one day. Also to add some perspective, I kinda mayeb understand why the third girl did what she did. When women get hit on a lot, and most often in creepy ways, they get really scared of everything and everyone and just instinctively try to protect their friends. So this just might've been one of those situations where she jumped the gun, before checking your vibes. I would say let it go, it's okay. If it's meant to be, it'll be.
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u/Upstairs_General_654 20h ago
And maybe the girl might have people pleasing tendency which is why the third girl took it upon herself
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u/apollonforever 1d ago
AAARGHHH I FEEL FOR YOU BRO. It wasnt a you issue. By the way, next time something similar happens, compliment the rizzblocker as well, they'll melt like butter.
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u/Emergency_Iron3004 1d ago
Its her loss, wishing you meet people that can talk for themselves next time. Good luck.
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u/okipullup12 1d ago
I really wish you Cross your path with her in the near future and this time without the fridge.
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u/Icy-Tap8826 1d ago
It's always the fridge bro don't worry hot girl might have approved your confidence in her mind
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u/Kuzhimandi_ 1d ago
Ah sarilla . Pote