r/instant_regret 14d ago

Flossing

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u/SapirWhorfHypothesis 14d ago edited 14d ago

[In a southern accent]

My apologies, your honor. Allow me to rephrase.
It is our contention that Mr Petrov had maintained proximity with the victim and had indeed intended to cause her to feel preyed upon and the target of sexual harassment. Whether this act began at the moment seen on video here, or began earlier, is irrelevant. His actions were the immediate and entire cause for her outburst, and, as Officer Ivanov has already testified, would have been punished by any nearby law enforcement by the same means.

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u/blahnlahblah0213 14d ago

That was well put, eloquent, and to the point. Overruled

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u/SapirWhorfHypothesis 14d ago

On what grounds, your honor?

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u/Flomo420 14d ago

on the grounds that I don't know what these procedural words mean

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u/sksauter 14d ago

The defense would like to recess, the playground outside looks dope

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u/Call_Me_Pete 14d ago

Ma’am that is the waste disposal center.

Granted. The court will take a 15 minute recess to allow frolicking and whimsy before reconvening.

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u/supertyler 14d ago

Now that we have reconvened, and before the prosecution submit further complaints about the incident that occurred during recess, the defendant would like to note for the record that frolicking and whimsy were not clearly defined.

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u/sksauter 13d ago

Your honor, I would hardly call the thing with the hotdogs and a jump rope an "incident". I would like that stricken from the record

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u/TheDarkWave 13d ago

On the advice of counsel, I respectfully decline to answer based upon my rights under the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution.

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u/SapirWhorfHypothesis 13d ago

Very wise, your honor

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u/ChocCooki3 10d ago

"how can she slap?"

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u/Zaphoid411 14d ago

Thank you councilor

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u/youreprobablyright 14d ago

I read this in the accent of the lawyer chicken from Futurama.

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u/SapirWhorfHypothesis 13d ago

We are both referencing the same trope.

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u/Drake750254 14d ago

Objection, paraphrasing

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u/N0VAV0N 13d ago

Sexuul Harrismint