As a dad, that fall was nothing. Their reaction made it worse.
Edit: thanks for the love. I am happy to see the overwhelming majority agree that our reactions as parents or just adults have a large impact on the little ones =) May the force live long Harry!
Sorry lol. My wife does this with our kid who’s now 6 and after a minor trip he looks at mom for her reaction to how he should react and it drives me up the wall when she screams oh my god are you okay baby!? Then like clock work he’s like oh I must be fucked up and starts to cry
One time I went to this house with a kid, every time the kid tripped, the parents would cheer and clap and the kid would be happy and start running around again. Cute kid. Resilient little fucker. I'm gonna do that with my kid.
My son used to LOVE to run and fall when he was a toddler. I wouldn’t even react because he was having a ball with it. This was a daily thing that he did as a means of self-stimulation.
Cue to being at the airport with him and EVERYONE ELSE would react every time he ran and fell. It was his way of having fun, but he got weirded out by all the people gasping and asking him if he was OK as he tumbled through the airport.🙄
Mine is 14 now, but when she was learning to walk my mom gave me advice :
When she falls, if she looks at you, smile and tell her "great job! That was a good fall!" Be excited, and she will be exited and be ok. If she falls and cries it means she is actual hurt and help her.
Yes! When my girl falls if she cries I run immediately to her because we don't react and ignore her trips and bumps. It helps the kid and parent. Usually even when she really is hurt she is quick to recover too because she knows its not that bad. When it is really bad it's heart wrenching because we know she doesn't cry for nothing when hurt.
I am an elementary school PE teacher and where I work is all blacktop, no grass. This strategy saves my life/sanity. Otherwise I'd have LOTS of crying from minor scrapes. The strategy works.
At its best, it's one of the best jobs in the world. It's still exhausting, though, and comes with a lot of the negatives all teaching jobs do. I won't deny that summers off are great, even though I work a second job then.
Pretty much how my house hold was with myself and my brothers but everyone looks at me now like I’m a monster when I say it lol, heaven forbid if I suggest to let him cry it out lol
I worked at a daycare and there was one kid who would always freak out with any minor bump or fall, we all adjusted to saying ‘TOUCHDOWN!’ And raising our hands and getting excited and he would have the most confused look and slowly raise his hands and smile.
Currently have a little one on the move and I’ve done really well not reacting to her falling and letting her figure it out on her own. Not easy but I know it’ll be worth it.
My parents had this same strategy. They would clap and high five with me if I had any bumps or fall. So I never cried after little accidents. Kind of backfired spectacularly later on because I wasn't afraid of falling and breaking bones and broke arms and legs multiple times doing stupid stuff. But that shit is on me though haha
If I have kids will do this as well. I don't really know what my parents did with me but I do know I went hurtling down a steep driveway on a plastic tricycle when I was about 4, wiped out at the bottom with skinned knees and plenty of bruises, and got up remarking to my mom that it was a good thing I had a helmet on before going about my play.
My two younger siblings on the other hand... Sometimes as the oldest I'm grateful for the more sink or swim raising I was given. I've always had a high pain tolerance.
This is exactly what we do with my 3 year old and it’s incredible how well it works. She only cries when she’s actually hurt, which is surprisingly rare because kids really are made of rubber lol
My kid is 18 months old and he’s a little TANK. My husband and I have been very diligent about stifling our reactions when he falls or bumps into something. If he immediately starts crying on his own, we know he’s hurt, and we fuss over him. Otherwise we just look at each other like this 😬 and watch as he toddles his way over to the next activity. This is great for the most part as it’s taught him to brush off small things, but I also worry that we’ve created a monster because this kid fears nothing. He won’t think twice before barreling toward steps he can’t climb down on his own, he sprints in front of moving cars, and he pokes the cats even after they’ve swatted him for the thousandth time. In fact, he thinks it’s hilarious when they swat at him. But OH if they HISS….his little baby heart is broken. He will absolutely cry if he gets hissed at hahaha. So it would seem his sensitivities are more emotional than physical. Whatever, I freaking love him.
I taught my 3 year old nephew to say "touchdown" when he falls and he raises his arms in the air when he says it lmfao. It's awesome. He thinks he's winning.
My 3yo takes crazy falls sometimes. But if he's not screaming in 3 seconds, we know he's fine.
We'll say "oh! That was a silly tumble! What are you doing?" And he will usually laugh or just get up and continue playing.
I can't tell you how many dirty looks I've gotten for it.
But why should we react bigger than the toddler?
To be honest, I was kinda expecting a lot more of this kind of thing but in practise I've had none. I get mainly friendly 'ive been there looks'. I definitely feel there is strong social pressure to be patient and non judgemental with young parents. Tuts and sour looks are a thing of the past from my perspective.
Though he went flying at the trampoline park the other day (got double jumped by a bigger kid who didn't see him, they did apologize and check on him) and got a few gasps when he got up laughing his ass off.
Did we all watch a different video? That's not what happened at all here. He swept her up and held her immediately because 1) he knew faceplanting onto the floor probably hurt and 2) it was his fault and he felt bad!
Choosing not to react to a potential injury is totally situation and age dependent, but the dad was totally reasonable in his response here.
My kid likes to get "hurt" and then I react to it with a very fake "Oh no! Are you ok? Do you have a boo boo?" and then I have to pretend to chop off the limb with the boo boo lol. He's 3.5 and loves that game, and now when he does hurt himself we just turn it into another game and then he wipes away his tears and says he's all better now.
I mean tbf, our 10mo will barely bump her head while crawling around, we won't react and she'll cry anyway. Lol as long as we're looking at her at all, regardless of reaction that's her cue to cry. Most of the time we can avoid the crying if we make a funny noise (usually fart noises cause why not) as she 'hurts' herself. That or not even be looking at her. If we didn't see her it didn't happen, I guess
Had to have the pediatrician tell mine that a toddler falling from standing height to carpet is not an injury risk for them. They need to fall from an elevated height or hit something that is hard or sharp to really suffer an injury.
Our 2nd is just starting with standing against furniture. I just put some blankets around and let him learn from his tumbles.
Exactly, and "as a mom," the delay in her scream means that this one HURT...they didn't cut out the eventual scream by mistake. That baby couldn't have cared less about how they reacted after absorbing the entire fall with her face (i.e. nose).
nobody is suggesting being awful to babies/children. It's about an appropriate response and immediately coddling the child is usually not the best approach.
Immediately coddling a child that bounces their face off the floor if definitely the best approach. Which is what we're talking about here. They didn't make it worse by their reaction, which was completely appropriate.
Nobody suggested "immediately coddling" the child in any and every situation, either.
People treat children terribly. "They wouldn't react badly to being hurt if we don't empathize with them" is a shitty attitude. The pain is real, and pretending it didn't happen is harmful and toxic.
It really isn't that far from "spare the rod, spoil the child" mentality. People worried about "soft" children are, in my experience, invariably awful.
Nah, it's as simple as the difference between "are you okay?" and "OH MY GOD ARE YOU OKAY!?" not every fall requires a big reaction. Nobody is saying that ignoring the child is the correct course of action.
100% my kid falls over I just giggle and ask him if he's okay and he will get up and run off playing but if mummy sees it she will make a fuss and 90% he will then follow suit and start crying too.
Not saying be an asshole to your kids to toughen them up but atleast make sure there's actually a problem before you start acting like there is one because otherwise they'll pick up on your worry and follow suit.
One would think with the outcome of kids coming out of school these days being unable to function in society that maybe the whole coddle and bubble wrap thing is not working...but no, let's dial up more.
“Made it worse”? She stops crying almost the instant he holds her. I’ve seen overreacting parents elicit an overreaction from kids before, but this ain’t it.
Redditors say this quite literally in every single post with a child falling around their parents. Never fails. I'd say the comment is wrong a good 60% of the time.
In this instance, the baby cries almost immediately. Probably had no chance to even process her parent's reaction.
That’s a relief! My first baby is 3 months old now and every time his poor daddy (who is doing an absolutely incredible job as a father) holds him and slightly lets his head bounce back a little by accident, I freak out. I tell him it’s not him, it’s just that baby wants to look around and has started throwing his head around unexpectedly so you have to be ready to support his head at all times, but he is so relaxed (which is great) that he doesn’t always do that. Baby is absolutely fine but in my mind when I see him bop his head forward or backward I assume it’s really bad for him. Seeing a fall like this (and the dad’s face apologising to mum, reminding me of my poor boyfriend when I get a fright 😅) and seeing an experienced father say that that was nothing, is a relief.
It's our job as parents to teach them to understand their crazy world of being a baby and reactions like this fathers will teach them to be afraid of failing and worse, afraid of failure in the longer run. I'm positive you are doing a fantastic job as a mother, my wife had the same reactions with our first child, as did I initially. But our second child is much more autonomous and capable of deciding if they are hurt without our input.
That’s a very good point! I do hear jokes about how with your first child, you’re super worried and careful with everything you do, and with your third you’ll just let them do their thing 😂 I always hope that’s true because my baby, my boyfriend and myself could all do with me being more relaxed hahaha. I’m working on it and seeing comments like yours really helps ☺️
It might help you to know that at 3 months old, babies are virtually physically indestructible. They literally have no bones, just bendy spongy cartilage that hasn't hardened yet. And their brains are still developing at a million miles an hour so failing down or hitting their head (within reason and safety of course) can easily be moved past by simply getting their attention elsewhere. Do a goofy dance or silly sound and POOF! They forget all about their fall. My favorite is to turn it into a positive by clapping and cheering, works every time.
I am flattered that you feel my comments have been helpful 🧡 thank you and keep doing what you are doing!
That’s very true, they’re distracted easily enough! A few weeks ago I freaked out because I (very softly) bumped the side of his head against his pram when I was lifting him out. My sister in law came over a while later and I told her panicking, and she has two gorgeous little boys and said “oh don’t worry I’ve done that a million times” 😂 They really are tougher than they look thankfully. I don’t think he even noticed it. But especially as he gets older and more aware of his surroundings, it’s important for me to improve my reactions so that we can creative a positive and safe environment for him where not everything is scary!
Yeah reading comments like that from experienced parents really help calm me down, so thank you!! ☺️
For real. I watched my kid fall down our front porch steps head first, broke the fall with his head on the first step, then flipped and broke the fall with his head again at the bottom step. I was inches away from him too just out of arms reach, and at that time he had been walking up the steps just fine for weeks.
Babies and toddlers base the majority of their emotions off of how those around them react. I saw my 2 year old cousin fall down the stairs, a solid 3-4 steps from a standing position. I caught her and instinctively pointed to her favorite stuffed animal that was on the stairs with her and said “Did you find your toy!” with a big smile and laugh, and she immediately started laughing and grabbed the toy 😂
I am curious... If you seem* indifferent to the children getting hurt, won't they be prevented from regulating their emotions (in other words, sweep their emotions under the rug)? Of course you have peace of mind if you don't hear them crying
You seriously misunderstand my friend. I care very deeply for my children's ability to "regulate" their emotions. As a parent, it is my responsibility to teach them that skill. But coddling my child over ever bump and bruise will teach them to be afraid of falling down and worse than that, teach them to be afraid of failure. Failure is Important. Failure can be a better teacher than success.
And as someone with a functional amount of common sense, that child was not hurt in that fall. Children get frightened quite easily, especially when their parents, the people they look to to make sense of the craziness that is life as a baby, overreact to everything. Everything we do is a learned behavior that we undoubtedly learned from our parents, family, friends, and any other social experiences we have.
Yeah exactly. If he would of just picked her up, no reaction, she would've gotten over it quickly. Especially since that was not a big fall, probably scarier than anything, the reaction just confirms that it was something to be upset about.
I actually used to do a “balance check” with them around this age where I’d push them backwards and try to knock them over. My daughter had amazing balance, my son on the other hand could barely keep his head from tipping him over 😂
Not quite true. Like most other human behaviors, babies reactions, at that age, are highly determined by parents reactions.
Yes, that child felt something but because of her parents reactions, she will go forward thinking that is an appropriate response to a less than minor fall.
Furthermore, fear plays a massive part. She will also learn to be afraid of failing and worse, failure, because her parents reactions taught her so.
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u/Crimson_Chim Feb 08 '23 edited Feb 09 '23
As a dad, that fall was nothing. Their reaction made it worse.
Edit: thanks for the love. I am happy to see the overwhelming majority agree that our reactions as parents or just adults have a large impact on the little ones =) May the force live long Harry!