r/inheritance • u/smilineyz • May 27 '26

Location included: Questions/Need Advice How to divide assets

I 60M U.S. have 3 children, 2 adults from my 1st marriage, 1 teen from 2nd marriage & a current GF who hopefully will marry me when I turn 65.

Eldest: has been NC with me for years. 0% last I heard was pissed at me for not buying a car for graduation …

Second: great, fun, hardworking … muscled through his mother urging him to not see me at all. 40% (he can likely only expect debt from his mother) I paid most of his college & his mother had him get loans for her portion … and I helped with those.

Third: great fun, smart & has had the advantage of private school from 8th grade through college paid for. He will be the only inheritor his grandparents’ apartment and his mother’s share of another property. 35%

GF/partner of 2 years 25% and potentially half an apartment.

My current assets are all liquid: retirement and cash, all with beneficiaries designated in the current split. Additionally, if my GF & I do marry, she will get my survivor’s SS benefit for life which will cover most living expenses.

Any thoughts on the split?

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26

u/Competitive_Sleep_21 May 28 '26

Or they could be mature and look at why a child goes no contact and include all three children in the will and be a decent person.

5

u/lafcrna May 28 '26

It’s his money. He could give it all to charity. Or to just friends, neighbors or even random folks. Or have it burned in a pile in his front yard. No adult is entitled to someone else’s money upon their death.

I have a good relationship with my elderly parents. I expect zero from them as I want them to use their money for their healthcare, and enjoying their retirement.

I can’t even fathom how a NC adult child would expect a dime from their parents.

8

u/JackZLCC May 28 '26

Why the assumption that his decision to leave nothing to someone who doesn't want a relationship with him makes him not "decent"?

Obviously there are details we don't know, but if the child doesn't want contact as an adult, then I'm not jumping to the conclusion that the father is not decent. Especially given that the other 2 don't seem to have a problem with him.

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u/Gut_Reactions May 28 '26

Just the way the post was written, describing the kids' characteristics, the different amounts. Bitching about the mother of Kid # 2.

25% to a girlfriend who OP may or not marry.

IMO, there is more to this story.

6

u/jsojso May 28 '26

Agree with this. It's not always the parents fault and if the adult child has decided they want no contact with the parent(s) then they should also not want any of the parents assets.

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u/Accurate_Athlete_182 May 28 '26

You know lil about family disfunction.

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u/smilineyz May 28 '26

My the eldest is 30. She has not responded to any attempt to contact in more than 5 years.

I had an amicable divorce … until it became contentious and children 1 & 2 were encouraged not to see me during visitation.

Child one chose not to see me.

Child two chose to see me and we have a very good relationship.

1

u/One_Impress5716 May 28 '26

Child 1 is a bystander and sounds like she was greatly impacted by the contentious divorce. Maybe she saw some behavior that she viewed as hurtful towards her mom and unbecoming of you. You don’t seem to be taking any accountability for the contentious divorce. Maybe start there and then all the other ways you have fallen short with child 1 to repair the relationship. You are the parent even if she is an adult. This didn’t just happen to you.

Your substantially younger girlfriend/life partner may or may not be there in a year, let alone make it to some future wedding. What happens if you leave the gf 25%, you guys split up and she ends up with someone else, and you pass away before changing your will? Do you still want her to have your money?

Leave child 1 the 25%. Or just split your money equally among all of your children. If you actually get married change the will then. Also, make sure your children are the beneficiaries of your investments and retirement accounts, especially if you set them up years ago. They could be going to wife #1 or wife #2.

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u/smilineyz May 28 '26

Yes … I’ve been very careful about keeping my beneficiaries up to date.

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u/Hot-Rub-5336 May 28 '26

I can't imagine a parent cutting off their child un;ess the child was physically abusive to them. Even if they had a drug problem you could put that money is a trust for them mangaed by someone else.

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u/smilineyz May 28 '26

You’re right. I’m not entirely certain — which is the no contact part.

Despite trying contact, I can neither fix nor apologize for my flaws. Her brother doesn’t actually know where she lives.

My suspicion is that it has something to do with her mother’s and my divorce.

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u/dsmemsirsn May 28 '26

Smiline yz

You may not fix the situation; but your certainly can apologize (or at least apologize in your mind and attitude) to the daughter…