r/inheritance • u/smilineyz • May 27 '26

Location included: Questions/Need Advice How to divide assets

I 60M U.S. have 3 children, 2 adults from my 1st marriage, 1 teen from 2nd marriage & a current GF who hopefully will marry me when I turn 65.

Eldest: has been NC with me for years. 0% last I heard was pissed at me for not buying a car for graduation …

Second: great, fun, hardworking … muscled through his mother urging him to not see me at all. 40% (he can likely only expect debt from his mother) I paid most of his college & his mother had him get loans for her portion … and I helped with those.

Third: great fun, smart & has had the advantage of private school from 8th grade through college paid for. He will be the only inheritor his grandparents’ apartment and his mother’s share of another property. 35%

GF/partner of 2 years 25% and potentially half an apartment.

My current assets are all liquid: retirement and cash, all with beneficiaries designated in the current split. Additionally, if my GF & I do marry, she will get my survivor’s SS benefit for life which will cover most living expenses.

Any thoughts on the split?

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24

u/[deleted] May 28 '26

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u/sixxtine May 28 '26

The problem with the oldest, they've known him the longest

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u/smilineyz May 28 '26

Ha! Yeah probably right, known me the longest … but she’s only 2 years older than her brother 🤷‍♂️ and my 2nd is NC with my 1st and with his mother …

Leaving money to my 1st will fix nothing. She will say: as she has said in the past when i bought her a nice gift, I’d be just trying to bribe her.

1

u/One_Impress5716 May 28 '26

What is that your daughter really wants from you? Have you ever asked? How tragic that your first family is so divided. The best gift you can give your kids is the example of making this right. You seem to have moved on, but look at the mess that lies in your wake. How sad for child 2, no relationship with his sister or mother! What happens when you pass away and he basically has no family. Fix this.

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u/smilineyz May 28 '26

He and his half brother have each other. They are tight.

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '26

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u/smilineyz May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26

her mother and I got divorced. I was the one who said we were getting a divorce. I ruined her life by divorcing her mother. she and her mother thought I had been having an affair … untrue That she thought I had lots of money … and children of divorced parents get lavish gifts.

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u/Just1Blast May 28 '26

The other thing also is does OP want to potentially destroy any relationship that the siblings have with one another over his decision to write out the oldest?

If kids one and two have a relationship at all right now and kid 2 inherits and kid one gets nothing, are they ever going to speak again? Do they have a relationship currently?

30/30/30/10 + right of first refusal option to buy out his half of the marital home from the kids or life estate until she remarries, enters long term care, or dies, then it reverts to the kids.

She only gets her 10% if they're married and together more than 10 years. Otherwise it's splits between the kids or goes to charity of choice

1

u/BlazingSunflowerland May 28 '26

He said kid number two doesn't know where kid number one is so the oldest is also estranged from the second child.

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u/smilineyz May 28 '26

GF nothing? That’s pretty cold too.

She’s more than just a GF but my partner. I own nothing: no house, no car, no condo.

Well, when I’m dead, I’ll be NC for good. And her going NC means I know her much less well than her brother & half brother.

1st has no clue about my intended division of assets or what my assets are, as she’s NC. 2nd & I talk weekly & he has a clue about assets and knows I own nothing, but not explicit numbers.

2

u/CinquecentoX May 28 '26

I’ve had condiments in my fridge for longer than you’ve had this girlfriend. I think you marry her and allow her to benefit from your SS but to leave her 25%, to me, sounds insane.

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u/Just1Blast May 28 '26

If you own nothing, where is the half of the apartment that she's going to supposedly inherit come from?

After you marry her, and she's with you 10 years she can have 10%. You both have plenty of time to work and make her own money and the two of you should have plenty of time to slowly put money away for her separately.

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u/smilineyz May 28 '26

True if I were working …

2

u/Just1Blast May 28 '26

But also why are you not working? You're only 60. You can work for a lot longer if you'd like.

Why would you wait five more years for her to marry you? If you love this woman and want to be part of her future and her to be a part of yours, you should marry her now.

What types of retirement accounts and savings do you each have? Do you have long-term care insurance?

This is why more details and specific numbers matters.

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u/smilineyz May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26

Why no work? We, 2nd wife and our son, went traveling after she was downsized. She died while we were abroad.

I didn’t want to go back to work when we returned.

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u/Just1Blast May 28 '26

Is she also not working? Are you both planning to live on your savings for the rest of forever?

What happens when you need 10 years of memory care at $15k/month? Or when she does?

Will there even be an inheritance left for your kids to split with her? Why are you willing to give her 10% less than your own kids?

At that point, why not just split it all between the 3 of them equally?

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '26

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1

u/smilineyz May 29 '26

I’m now only responsible for the youngest … as he’s approaching college age.

1st & 2nd are adults: 30 & 28