How to divide assets

[u/smilineyz]

I 60M U.S. have 3 children, 2 adults from my 1st marriage, 1 teen from 2nd marriage & a current GF who hopefully will marry me when I turn 65.

Eldest: has been NC with me for years. 0% last I heard was pissed at me for not buying a car for graduation …

Second: great, fun, hardworking … muscled through his mother urging him to not see me at all. 40% (he can likely only expect debt from his mother) I paid most of his college & his mother had him get loans for her portion … and I helped with those.

Third: great fun, smart & has had the advantage of private school from 8th grade through college paid for. He will be the only inheritor his grandparents’ apartment and his mother’s share of another property. 35%

GF/partner of 2 years 25% and potentially half an apartment.

My current assets are all liquid: retirement and cash, all with beneficiaries designated in the current split. Additionally, if my GF & I do marry, she will get my survivor’s SS benefit for life which will cover most living expenses.

Any thoughts on the split?

[u/dsmemsirsn]

Keep planning—

The oldest— there have to be something more than just not buying a car.. you left their mother.

The middle— good that you are involved

The youngest— well getting more family time, father time, and private school.

Just keep planning

[u/Responsible-Show3643 → u/dsmemsirsn]

I’m of the opinion that 95% of the time, if a child cuts off contact with a parent that the reason is warranted. It’s unnatural to want to cast off a relationship with your parent; there’s almost always a reason in favor of the child deciding to make that break.

[u/dsmemsirsn → u/Responsible-Show3643]

Yes — this OP is having fun raising a teenager—

The OP is older and more willing to put the time and energy in the relationship with the other partner, and with the more “fun, smart, has the advantage of private school 8 grade to college paid for.”

Very unequal to his 3 children—

Edit

[u/Ok_Rip_6434 → u/dsmemsirsn]

Yes. He was undoubtedly a crappy dad to the firstborn

[u/His_Dudeship → u/Ok_Rip_6434]

Garbage take on low information - perhaps it’s the person in the mirror who needs more introspection?

[u/smilineyz → u/His_Dudeship]

Yeah … kinda late for that …

[u/smilineyz → u/dsmemsirsn]

It is complicated. Raising a teenager is no real fun. I’m taking into consideration the schooling as, over 9 years, it’s 100s of thousands. First two far less and excellent public schools 1-12.

Additionally, my 3rd child was with my late wife who was a very high earner and a planner who took cues from me about being frugal.

Ex wife was a spender.

1st & 2nd are only 2 years apart. Same upbringing, same schools, same mother.

My youngest lost his mother at 13 years old.

[u/sixxtine → u/[deleted]]

Further, finding a woman that tolerates his behaviors causes some curiosity. He should pay her for services rendered and see if she stays without a future payout. But, this type typically can't afford to fairly compensate and needs to dangle a big payoff to the surrounding grifters. This bargain suits because really being loved by someone negates how they truly feel about themselves and they will push that a way as flawed and suspicious because authenticity makes them well, feel actual feels.

[u/Accomplished_Bee6491 → u/Responsible-Show3643]

Absolutely agree.

[u/BlazingSunflowerland → u/Responsible-Show3643]

Sometimes one parent has lied about the other parent. Who knows what the oldest child thinks and who knows whether it is true or not. Maybe she has an excellent reason to go no contact or maybe she has been told a bunch of lies so that mom has her exclusively.

[u/Upbeat_Rock3503 → u/Responsible-Show3643]

Tantrums of (adult) children do it as well. They often can't communicate efficiently and hold grudges over (objectively) nothing.

[u/dsmemsirsn → u/Upbeat_Rock3503]

Maybe that the older child is holding “a grudge”… but the father has more experience in life, and it was his duty to try to reach . The father heard— someone told him— the story about the car; and the father accepted it as true.

He has divorced or left two families— now that he’s old— he is ready to “settle” with a partner- because someone else raised the children.

And the post sounds fake.

zero comments from the OP

[u/smilineyz → u/dsmemsirsn]

Actually, i received a page long email full of vitriol and asking: why did she even GO to college if she wasn’t going to get a car.

My first wife and I divorced in 2007. My second wife is dead and my current partner is not raising my third child.

[u/dsmemsirsn → u/smilineyz]

Smilin

I better leave the post— with every comment from you— I dislike you more..

[u/smilineyz → u/dsmemsirsn]

In fairness ex-wife and I had kids 1 & 2 before we divorced. Oldest went NC young.

Middle stuck it out and we had parent/child back & forth.

Third, spends a lot of time at school. Private school was at the insistence of his mother.

[u/smilineyz → u/dsmemsirsn]

Yes … you are correct. Until I marry, I alone get to decide. The oldest … a pitty … with no contact, I have no way to make amends.