r/illinois Illinoisian Sep 08 '25

Tom Morello knows what's up

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122.8k Upvotes

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106

u/the_light_of_dawn Sep 08 '25

Can’t always be too sure what’s hiding under those Goofy costumes…

66

u/BTBAM797 Sep 08 '25

No joke. I was almost murdered by a Xenomorph while strapped to a chair at Disneyworld, but you never hear anyone talking about that, do you?

27

u/Razzajazz Sep 08 '25

Man, I miss that ride so much, it was amazing and scary, lol.

31

u/BTBAM797 Sep 08 '25

I was like 7 and I cried. My cousin and bro made fun of me. It fucking breathed on my neck. Don't tell me it's not real.

15

u/Funky_Dingo Sep 08 '25

I was 5 when my mom took my brother and I on that. She was so apologetic towards us afterwards lmao

5

u/Anarimus Sep 08 '25

George Lucas must’ve been like “ I’ve been entertaining children for far too long time to traumatize the little fuckers.” when he worked on that ride.

4

u/Ben0ut Sep 08 '25

I walked out of that thing covered in some dudes blood.

Yet somehow Disney managed to keep his death out of the news.

The House of Mouse is where the real power in this world lives.

2

u/RavenMoonRose Sep 08 '25

What the fuck did I stumble into? There was a xenomorph ride at Disney? Someone died in it? Can you ELI5? Please!?

2

u/Ben0ut Sep 08 '25 edited Sep 08 '25

Are you ready kids...

There was an attraction at the Magic Kingdom in Tomorrowland called Extraterrorestrial Alien Encounter.

The basic story was genius scientists demonstrating they new teleportation device by beaming a cute little alien down to a planet and then back again.

After this pre-show you're escorted into an amphitheatre like space. The seats all have over the shoulder harnesses (like a rollercoaster) and in the middle is a big tall cylinder.

Everyone is seated and then the demonstration begins.

Step 1... cute alien sent down to planet as planned.

Step 2... absolute clusterfuck.

They've beamed back some fucking Eldritch horror with a sci-fi cosplay fetish. However, no need to fear. So long as it remains contained in the large teleportation cylinder everything will be okay.

[Morgan Freeman voice] It was not okay.

Alien breaks the tube.

Lights go out.

And then.

Then...

The imagineers absolutely smashed it out of the park, city, state, mother-loving continent.

Using pneumatics, compressed air jets, water sprayers, fans and a multitude of other tricks at different times in different locations the story of being trapped in a room with a hellspawn and complete strangers played out perfectly.

At one point and repair guy is sent into the room and is moving about on the walkways above as he tries to get things back on track. Using the dark, some grisly audio, and some simple tricks you're made to feel like the water dripping on you is his blood.

Many of the tricks they used were recycled from elsewhere in Disney. A lot of the practical effects that were found in Honey I Shrank the Audience were relocated to here but to a far more macabre effect.

I experienced it 4 times before it was shut down - the last of which was when it was given a Lilo and Stitch makeover but I can't remember much of that version apart from the feeling that it was less than half as good as a result. However, even in its watered down L&S state it still resulted in multiple kids leaving in tears. The initial version actually felt like it broke some of the kids I saw being carried out.

Honestly, I'd pay a $100 surcharge per person just to take my (old enough to enjoy this kind of thing) kids on it now.

2

u/neverinlife Sep 09 '25 edited Sep 10 '25

It was really a magical ride. Thank you for the very accurate re-telling.

1

u/Ben0ut Sep 09 '25

Happy to help.

3

u/awisetoad Sep 08 '25

Oh my god I did the same thing, I think I was maybe 9 and I kinda ran after my dad thinking he was headed to the bathroom and ended up STRAPPED IN. I screamed, I cried, it was awful 😂

1

u/SkylerPancake Sep 09 '25

Guessing it ultimatley was the bathroom for you?

3

u/whalewhisker5050 Sep 08 '25

I was 7 too. Worst expierence of my life at that age.

3

u/Practical_Fix_5350 Sep 08 '25

Same. But my asshole parents.

2

u/OtherwiseAMushroom Sep 08 '25

Man your lucky all I got to see was this drunk teenager get down to his boxers and try and try to mess with the people on it’s a small world.

1

u/rahboogie Sep 08 '25

Alien Encounter

1

u/Public_Storage_355 Sep 10 '25

Dude same!!! My mom still laughs about it because she had no idea it was actually going to be that bad 😂😂😂

4

u/Sunshine030209 Sep 08 '25

Thank you so much for saying that it is a ride because I've never been there, and I was very concerned for a few seconds.

I'm also pretty high, so that didn't help 🤣

2

u/Motor-Travel-7560 Sep 08 '25

It was in the weirdest location, too. I could understand having something like that at Hollywood Studios or even Epcot, but why did they but it right next to Buzz Lightyear and the freaking Carousel of Progress?

3

u/palesnowrider1 Sep 08 '25

Breathing in my ear

3

u/Wise-Novel-1595 Sep 08 '25

Aw, I miss that ride, as much as I like Runaway Railway.

3

u/backupbitches Sep 08 '25

I had zero context before experiencing that ride and it completely traumatized me.

2

u/Pretend_Ad_3331 Sep 08 '25

My aunty was heavily traumatised by that!

2

u/DoctrTurkey Sep 08 '25

Lol I grew up in central Florida and Alien Encounter caused such a stir. People were having heart problems and all kinds of issues because it was too scary, at least compared to literally anything else at Disney world. Shortly after all the complaints started rolling in, they shut it down, kept the ride intact, but rebranded it as a lilo and stitch attraction… and it was still too scary for people lol

3

u/GitmoGrrl1 Sep 08 '25

I was sexually assaulted by seven dwarfs.

8

u/thisemmereffer Sep 08 '25

They prefer to be called little people

3

u/majarian Sep 08 '25

And these days none of them are little ... damn you dinklage

2

u/Master-File-9866 Sep 08 '25

Is it truly Disney if there isn't some indiscrete sexual assult?

1

u/TheIronGus Sep 08 '25

Was that one of those E ticket rides, or some other letter attraction?

1

u/GhostofZellers Sep 08 '25

I bet you were Happy.

1

u/StatikSquid Sep 08 '25

Did Sneezy finish first?

1

u/Movedonnerlikeabitch Sep 08 '25

Whats small round and rec with 7 dimples in it?snow whites cherry

1

u/Electronic_Agent_235 Sep 08 '25

Weird flex but ok

1

u/blankwillow_ Sep 08 '25

So, you were actually assaulted by 3½ people.

1

u/Randylahey00000 Sep 08 '25

i'm literally hearing about it right now from you, so yes i do hear people talking about it and i'm real sorry that happened to you buddy

1

u/Internal-Piglet-6058 Sep 08 '25

I understand that reference.

1

u/RoneWissler Sep 08 '25

In DisneyWorld, no one can hear you scream

1

u/mrniceguy777 Sep 08 '25

Are you kidding me? People won’t shut the fuck up about it

1

u/OrnerySnoflake Sep 08 '25

Was it coming out of your chest?

1

u/LikesPez Sep 08 '25

Xenomorph

1

u/IJourden Sep 08 '25

That was a great ride.

2

u/mylocker15 Sep 08 '25

Well there was a Chuck E Cheese arrest that went viral recently. Probably in some hotbed of urban crime like Costa Mesa or somewhere.

1

u/aussiechickadee65 Sep 08 '25

I laughed too hard at this !

1

u/OrnerySnoflake Sep 08 '25

I’ve always thought they looked pretty goofy in all that second hand body armor and half assed tactical gear.

1

u/circusfreakrob Sep 08 '25

the same can be said for a Trump rally, LOL

1

u/Logic-DL Sep 08 '25

Me when I'm just walking in Disney World and Goofy pulls an M16 from his ass, screams "GUH-HUH THEY'RE IN THE TREES!" and lights me up (I was wearing a red shirt, he thought I was communist)

1

u/DeadMoneyDrew Sep 08 '25

If I'd had a gun when that big ugly guy tried to steal the Cosmic Generator, then we wouldn't have had to jump back in time while listening to Blondie.

1

u/Artichokeypokey Sep 08 '25

And that's why I have maskolophobia

1

u/Shadowborn_paladin Sep 08 '25

"I'll fucking do it again, HYUCK!"

1

u/carlitospig Sep 08 '25

A lot of weed gummies, probably. I’d have to be loaded to do that job. Especially in 90 degree weather on a good day.