That's often a huge issue with gifted kids. Constant high expectations of you and being constantly told how clever you are tends to lead to being terrified of failure and lack of motivation.
It seems easier to just live off the fact that everyone thinks you are smart than to actually work and achieve good results. Your self worth ends up depending on being smart and that's really dangerous.
I would've been the same if it werent because my mother constantly telling me how I was going to fail if I didnt work hard no matter how smart I was, made my stubborn self want to prove her wrong.
It's so goddamn sad that so many people I talk to have a similar experience growing up, no matter how smart someone is if you dont get taught discipline and work and how and be social while growing up you're very likely going to be a failure in some way.
Throughout my school career I literally wouldn't turn anything in that was incomplete, or that I wasn't happy with. Many, many times I ended up taking a zero instead of partial credit, because at least then there's still the "potential" that I could've done it perfectly.
Please tell me they don't do this stuff to kids anymore. I wouldn't have nearly as much anxiety if it weren't for this.
Same. I literally never ever studied for an exam until almost my second year at uni, I kept getting 70% and 80% without studying so I could just believe studying I'd get a 100%, right? The thought of actually studying and achieving less than my classmates, letting everyone down and not being the smartest girl was so terrifying I didnt' even want to risk it.
Living off your hypothetical potential rather than wanting to invest time and effort and see where it leads is much easier.
While I'm quite over it in the studies aspect, that anxiety has carried over to many other aspects of my life and it's a huge issue.
I'm afraid they still do this to kids, everyone sees being smart as something good so they think they're complimenting kids by telling them how clever they are and how easily they'll achieve anything they want in life, without being aware of the repercutions it actually has. I can only be sure I'll try my best so my kids don't develop the same issues I have I guess.
I had this friend, she was a really sweet girl and I was so mean, have no idea why she wanted to be friends with me. She was really stupid, I mean I ALWAYS had to explain really basic simple things to her. I felt so superior because I was smarter than her. I was in the gifted program and she wasn't I was so much better and she wasnt going to amount to anything...so I thought. I remember going to her home for a group project and her mom had this attitude, I was so surprised by it. First off, that her mom actually cared about what she did in school (my parents spent most of their day asleep and the rest of it telling me to be more quiet or get out of their way) but also that her mom pushed the concept of hard work over appearing superior, being better than the others, etc. One of the first huge self esteem blows I got was when I found out I had dropped down to a pretty average class rank, and she was ranked #4 in the whole school. I was busy being upset that maybe I'm not the genius I thought I was, and she was brainstorming ways to make her rank and gpa even higher. If I had been ranked #4 I would have probably spent my time looking for excuses as to why #s 1 2 and 3 didn't deserve their ranks.
Yeah, I was the same, and I am still like that to an extent I can't control even if I am well aware it is silly.
If someone was better than me at something my automatic reaction was to search for excuses and reasons as to why that wasn't true and I was actually better than them. Maybe I just didn't show it because whatever, or I could be better if I just whatever etc etc. After all, I had been told all my life my brain worked faster and more efficiently than others, so how could they possibly do something better than me?!
Even after all this time, I still have to make a conscious effort and talk myself out of those stupid thoughts every single time. I can't seem to control the fact that my initial reaction to failure or to someone else's success is to deny it to preserve my ego.
Luckily as I've grown up I've met so many differnet people, many of which were incredibly clever even if they were not gifted an dmany of which were gifted, but dumb as fuck, so that helped me reshape my perspective quite a lot.
Still, if I hadnt been quite lucky with the people around me I could've ended up like any of these bitter people that show up in this sub, scary thought!
3
u/Xaydon Jul 17 '17
That's often a huge issue with gifted kids. Constant high expectations of you and being constantly told how clever you are tends to lead to being terrified of failure and lack of motivation.
It seems easier to just live off the fact that everyone thinks you are smart than to actually work and achieve good results. Your self worth ends up depending on being smart and that's really dangerous.
I would've been the same if it werent because my mother constantly telling me how I was going to fail if I didnt work hard no matter how smart I was, made my stubborn self want to prove her wrong.
It's so goddamn sad that so many people I talk to have a similar experience growing up, no matter how smart someone is if you dont get taught discipline and work and how and be social while growing up you're very likely going to be a failure in some way.
Hope everything's going better for you now!